Saturday, January 8, 2005

The Coffin Tale - Something Completely Different

I based this short little tale I wrote on a joke I heard once. It's become disproportionately popular among the kids in my life so I thought I'd finally commit it to paper/the web.

I'll be back to my usual 600 word masterpieces in a few days ;)


One night a boy named Timmy was walking down a long, dark hallway when he heard a noise behind him.


Imagine his shock when he saw a coffin running down the hall!

(Now as we all know, coffins can't run, they don't have legs. What the coffin was really doing was weeble-wobbling down the hall as it stood upright. But run is a much easier word to say than weeble-wobble)

Timmy was a very polite boy who prided himself on his manners, even if he had a habit of walking down long, dark hallways to advance an author's narrative. His first thought was to introduce himself to the coffin and say 'pleased to meet you'.

While this would have been very kind of Timmy, it didn't happen because Timmy's second thought was that the coffin looked very hungry and very mean and was headed straight for him. His third thought - and he was right - was that the coffin wanted to eat him!

The coffin, you see, was not very polite at all.

So Timmy ran.

But the coffin only ran faster.


So Timmy ran some more.

But the coffin ran even faster!


So Timmy ran . . . well, you get the picture.

Finally Timmy weeble-wobbled, er, ran out of breath. With the coffin coming closer by the second he searched his pockets for something, anything, to stop the dreaded coffin.

He had some gum.

That was no good.

He had some yarn.

That was no good.

He had some baseball cards.

(They might have worked, but as everyone knows coffins like the Red Sox, and as a good boy Timmy only had Derek Jeter cards.)

So, in the end they were no good either.

Then as the coffin was ready to gobble him up, he found some cough drops he'd forgotten about.

(It's a good thing he was wearing cargo pants, or he may not have had room for all this stuff)

Just when it looked like our story was going to have a horrible, icky, Timmy-free ending, he threw the cough drops as hard as he could. They hit the coffin and bounced inside.

And do you know whathappened?

It stopped coffin.


slapinions said...

Was trying to post a comment to your "coffin joke" on you place for
those not only aol.  It appeared to be a guestbook link, but was just
an empty page.  Thought I would let you know.  .

That joke was SAD....:)

Linda    TheCave

slapinions said...

1. The guestbook works, but the site that's hosting it appears to be down. Sorry about that.

2. Like I said, there's no reason the story, with its awful punchline, has become popular. Even so every time I visit my nieces and nephews they request it, as do their friends. And my three-year old is so gaga for it I have to tell her 'I"m only telling it once today" .

Wait 'til I publish the pumpkin story . . .