Donnie Osmond has destroyed my three-year olds faith in the judicial system.
More specifically, he has shattered her belief that the police serve the common good.
I speak, of course, of Osmond's insidious portrayal of the biblical Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical whose DVD version is in constant rotation at my house.
In the 'harmless' morality tale "Joseph Dreamcoat" (as my daughter calls him) is betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery in Egypt.
That part doesn't even furrow her brow. After all, she'd trade in her baby sister for a Care Bear in a heartbeat.
A used Care Bear at that.
No, what gets her is the reenactment of Genesis 39, in which Joseph is framed and thrown into prison. Now I admit it's not the Wiggles, but I really didn't think it'd be too much for her to handle. It's a musical comedy - minutes later they all start go-go dancing for Pete's sake.
I didn't notice the harm in it until a few weeks ago when we passed a squad car that had pulled over a car on the side of the road.
"I don't like cops," my pig-tailed Catholic school kindergarten-attending daughter said. "They bad people. They put people in jail."
I was shocked - after all, it's not like we live the gansta life.
"No, they're good people. They only put bad people in jail," I said.
She shook her head. "No, they mean. They put Joseph in jail. I not go to jail Daddy, right?"
Now I'm under no illusions here. I know that the police aren't always friendly servants of the people devoted to truth and justice. I've received one too many parking tickets in my life to believe that, thank you. But I felt it unlikely that my daughter would ever have to worry about being framed by the wife of her slave owning Egyptian master and cast into the Pharoh's dungeon.
Plus my father-in-law was a cop, and two of my friends are on the force. Her strongly held opinion might make a summer BBQ a tad awkward.
And it would certainly end that moratorium on receiving parking tickets . .
I assumed the opinion would pass as quickly as it was formed. Nope. Apparently those Head & Shoulders commercials about the importance of a first impression are more philosophical than I imagined.
And for me, there's something eerie about having your three-year-old duck and stick out her tongue whenever you pass a police station.
So I've tried to alter her opinion. I explained to her that Joseph was a very long time ago, and besides, he triumphed in the end.
Not good enough. It was the act that bothered her, not the long-term results of it.
I tried explaining that I knew some police officers, and therefore so did she.
That just ruined her opinion of my friends.
I tried saying Joseph was just a story, and pointed out Mr. "Osmond" on an episode of $25,000 Pyramid.
She didn't buy it. Donnie Osmond without long hair wasn't, couldn't be Joseph.
So I'm at a loss. I'm confident she'll get over it and adopt a more socially responsible view in time. Meanwhile she's adopted a policy of civil disobedience at school, at home, and in any store where she doesn't get her way.
It's like the girl can't enjoy a good nights sleep without running us ragged.
I've never visited Utah, but if I ever get the chance . . Donnie Osmond, you and I are going to have a little talk.