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Sunday, November 5, 2006

Random Musings

Yeah, so I spent all day Saturday either having a panic attack or dealing with the after effects of one.

Don't worry, this won't become one of those 'let me drone daily about my illness' blogs. I don't have the stomach to read them, and if you have half a life you don't either.

But yes, occasionally I do get panic attacks, ala Tony Soprano, although I had mine before the show made it macho, and I have yet (knock on wood) to pass out like a ninny.

They never seem to hit during an event. Not ever, not once, during scary/stressful/emotional times. In the thick of the moment I'm calm, more or less even-headed, and capable of action, even if it's just running away :)

That goes for the horrendous fatal accident I witnessed at work, and the time - the first and hopefully only time - I was 100 ft from walking straight into the crossfire of a gunfight. You name it, I think I could handle it.

But after the fact, when all is calm and there is nothing to stress me out in the least . . ..well, then I'm a basket case.

This has been a very stressful week at work, and topping it off I've felt myself pull away from my diet (I've lost 37 pounds since May 17th).

So Saturday I'm standing in line at McDonalds buying the kids a Happy Meal (with Apple Dippers and milk, thank you) when I look over and see a guy who sorta/kinda looks like me in the face, but is a good 200 pounds heavier than my current 309.

And I almost passed out.

My heart started racing so fast I could hear it in my ears, my jaw clenched unconsciously, my head began to spin, I broke out in a cold sweat, my breath became ragged (and after a few minutes of that, my chest began to ache too).

Somehow I drove home, announced to my wife what was happening, and laid down.

Once I managed to 'break' the attack, I fell asleep.

For four hours in the middle of the day.

I was pretty much an a** for the rest of the day, as these things drive my anxiety through the roof, and I have no time or patience for even the smallest of annoyances.

Now I have to think that the sight of this guy was kind of a warning bell for me, telling me to stick out the diet, er, lifestyle change, and my body reacted to make me aware of the notion.

But there's gotta be a better way . . .

* * * * *
Busy month. The Great Slapinions vacation is coming up in four days, I have a book review due tommorow and have yet to read the final 500 pages, and I'm desperately trying to shut down the stress at work.

Yum.

* * * * *
Was I the only person in the world who cared that Travelocity's Roaming Gnome was replaced by a human being? I'm so happy - and embarrased at my dorkiness - that it's all part of an advertising gimmick cooked up by Travelocity.

* * * * *

Tune in to Bravo's Law & Order Criminal Intent marathon, which runs weekly each Sunday begining at 6 central. It's the only L&O I actually enjoy, and it ranks right up there with my favorite shows. The lead character (Broken Neck, as he was once called) is part Sherlock Holmes, part Columbo.

Did I ever mention I love Columbo too?

* * * *
AOL is still feeling the effects of the Great Exodus following the installation of banner ads across the journals.

I never gave a rat's a** about the ads, but I'm sad to see so many AOL journals fold up shop. Check out my sidebar for AlpahWoman's new address.

* * * *
Speaking of AOL, how about making a comment function on the journals that isn't tied to having an AIM or AOL screename, ala Blogger's 'other' comment function? Would that hurt the bottom line in VA? I don't think so.

* * * *

Coming up on an election and I'll try to slam out a piece giving my opinion on the WI races. Shame the wrong party might just take the House this year.

* * * * *

Til Later

 

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear you are having panic attacks...no fun! Well, that is good they don't happen at the stressful moment because that means your brain is still working ok when you need to. Yes, it is when you calm down it say "Holy Sh*t, did you see what  happened?" I think that seeing that guy was a panic button on what you could look like or the health issues & yes to keep on the diet. I saw some like that this weekend & it made me feel instead a bit better, not to be mean at all to the others but I said, see you are not as bad as that so just keep working on it & you never will be. My weight has been going up & down since I injured my foot depending on how it is doing. Now, questions is what are you doing to cope during the week with the stress so you don't get to the panic part. Are you doing any deep breathing, tai chi, qui gong, progressive relaxation, sports etc. Find something in your community. Yes, I'm listening to my own words as I didn't go this past Tues! Try just putting a little in each week & build. It might be just go for a walk by yourself and look at the fall colors. Bring some leaves home for the kids to press in wax paper for bookmarks etc. Hmm...I think I will do that myself this week! :-)

Anonymous said...

My niece's husband gets some nasty panic attacks.  Sorry to hear you get them.  But, congrats on the weight loss.  Good work.

Aside from that, Law & Order: Criminal Intent is pretty much the only show in that entire franchise I watch.  And, I like that they show the marathons on Bravo, but, the unfortunate thing is that I think I've seen probably every single episode at least twice (and some a helluva lot more than that).  

Anyway, good luck with the book review, and enjoy the vacation.

-Dan
http://journals.aol.com/dpoem/TheWisdomofaDistractedMind/

Anonymous said...

yeah, there has got to be a better way~but, stay on the diet, damn it.

columbo the guy or the yogurt ?

~Mary of FrankandMary

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your kind words! I read this the other day via bloglines and now I have time to comment...Tony Soprano, thank God yu don't have those kind of problems. Congrats on the weight loss. Weight watchers? Life changes vrs. a diet. (I know, I'm doing it too...I have 25 to loose). Where are you going on vaca? Its not cold enough to wish you somewhere warm! And yes, I turned to Joe after seeing the new commercial of Travelocity and saying....where is the gnome!!!...only to find out that it was a huge marketing ploy. Much like New Coke. Only more dispicable!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, you were probably a baby for the New Coke thing.