A review of 'Teeth' - Warning: Adult Subject Matter

         

                

Dear Readers: I'm pretty danged sure that the film I'm about to review will appall many of you, so read on only with care. I'll tiptoe around some stuff, but don't let the kids read it.

Yesterday I went to Blockbuster and picked up the movie Teeth. I called home and read Lisa the box cover. "What kind of video store are you at?" she asked, but granted her approval when I told her the manager's opinion, which was that it was an awful film, 'truly terrible but hilariously funny'.

Teeth is the tale of Dawn, a Christian virgin committed to abstinence who has an unusual genetic adaptation. Inside her genitalia is a set of razor sharp teeth; she is the embodiment of the 'vagina dentata' myth, which frankly I've never heard of but seems to have been quite prevalent in the legends of many ancient people.

At a pivotal point in the film Dawn is date-raped and her teeth defend her, severing her attacker's . . well, you know. In the shock of the rape's aftermath she abandons her vows of purity. Eventually, after chopping off a gynecologist's fingers and emasculating another lover, she learns to control her 'gift'. In the background her evil step-brother has always desired her, and . . .

Ok, the reviews on this film are mainly positive. It's called a dark comedy, a witty feminist film, and a 'twisted tale of female empowerment'.

I didn't get it.

No, it's not the castration thing, as most of the victims were up to no good (although the lover who irked her during sex got a raw deal). I just wanted to laugh, or at least be grossed out.

None of it struck me as funny,except the gynecologist scene. "Vagina Dentata! Arggh! Vagina Dentata!" Really though, what male gyno sees ateenager without a female nurse present?

I think much of the perceived 'comedy' must spring from the depiction of Dawn as a Christian role model in her community. She not only practices abstinence but openly preaches it to groups of school kids. I don't think that's funny. I don't agree with their stance and certainly never tried to put it into practice (although the females of Milwaukee did their darndest to make sure I tried). It's their sincere belief and seeing as it does no harm, I say 'whatever'. Having this happen to her is an odd twist of fate, and it beefs up the story, but funny? No.

On the other hand, the movie was much more solid than I expected, and if you take away the goofy teeth and some of the schlock it would be a fine indy film. A great performance by Jess Wiexler, and nice to see Lenny von Dohlen as the step-Dad, who I remember primarily from Electric Dreams back in the '80's.

2.0 stars out of 4;  2.25 stars if you include the film's poster tagline of  'Every Rose has it's Thorns'.