Wednesday, April 15, 2009

American Idol: broadcast on the anniversary of the Titanic's fatal contact with an iceberg and Booth's mortal wounding of Lincoln

Memo to AI producers: I don't give a flying fig about time constraints, I want to hear Simon's critique on each and every performer. If you need to trim the fat start with Paula and her wooden, pre-scripted comments; Kara 'Wrong Song Choice' DiGuardo (sic), or Randy 'Pitch Problems' Jackson.

Keep Simon yakking or lose your audience. Seriously.

* * * *

Quentin Tarratino? Instructing a singing competition? Jeez, who's next in line to tutor these guys, Dean Koontz?

* * * *

1. Allison - Ah, a great voice but a narrow comfort zone. Everything sounds the same. Great, but the same. Wait a few years and put a bottle of bourbon in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and package her as the next Janis Joplin. But she's not gonna win this thing.

2. Anoop - the best performance of the night, just smoooth like buttah. Well done.

3. Adam - Some weeks he's as good as he imagines he is, sometimes he's not, not by a long shot. I promised to judge him against his own standards and not those of the group, but by any criteria I thought tonight was pretentious poop. It was one step away from drag queen camp, Vegas style, and about as rugged and 'wild' as a crocheted scarf. Ah, I know there are ladies who are now eager to blast away at me for daring to cross the man, but with all due respect: stop thinking with your Vajayjay. It's as unbecoming as men voting for Megan just because she was hot.

4. Matt - I thought it was very good until about twenty-five seconds from the end. Then it fell apart, but I think he did well enough to stick around.

5. Danny - ho hum. It was like dinner with your Grandmother: pleasant enough, but more than a little on the dull side.

6. Kris - wow, who paid the guy to take a dive? I thought it was gut wrenching, and not in the sense of 'captured my empathy and emotions'. He might be in trouble.

7. Lil' - better than in prior weeks, for sure, but she's put the bar so low it's not difficult to best her par. She's adrift artistically, and her weekly reactions to the judging makes me question her maturity and temperament. But again, better than her past performances.

My bottom three? Lil, Kris, and Adam.

America's bottom three? Lil, Kris and Matt.

Who goes home? Probably Lil, just because of the cumulative effect of lousy performances, but on a 'this week only' basis it would have to be Kris.


Jeanne said...

I have to agree with you, I heard that Simon wants out of his contract he doesn't have enough time for the show...But without Simon, the show wouldn't mean as much, the other judges are afraid to hurt feelings. I agree with your opinion on Danny which is sad.

Bridgett said...

I like Adam...but trust me, I don't find him attractive. At all. My vajayjay definitely isn't overworked when he's on the screen. LMAO

I'm kind of hoping Lil will go home tonight. I'm sick of her. Really, really sick of her.

I hope they boot Kara next season. Do we REALLY need more talking heads? God knows Paula is already a huge blabber mouth.

But yea...where would AI be without Simon?

I have a feeling you got it right again with the bottom three.


Beth said...

Dan, I can assure you that my like for Adam has nothing to do with "my vajayjay." The guy's got a killer voice, in my book, and that's all there is to it.

Slapinions said...

Beth - I was refering more to the legions of teeny boppers than yourself. As for the 'killer voice' bit, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Quite honestly he does blur the line between rock and camp, and he sure seems to lean towards the latter. Which is fine - if as Simon joked, you're watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He's a good bet to win the show, but I'd say Anoop (of all people) is stronger vocally. Now if Anoop would only ditch the boarding school jackets and ties, this would be interesting.

Estela said...

Hating the verification word, but I understand the reasoning. :) I'm finding that I just don't care for any of the contestants on IDOL this time around.