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Published writer, compulsive reader, Old School Whovian, Match Game enthusiast, NKOTB fan, data hoarder, and - surprisingly, given that list - married with four kids. Welcome to my take on life, fatherhood, entertainment, and whatever strikes my fancy. Enjoy!
Sunday, April 10, 2005
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Welcome to Slapinions!
I started Slapinions just after the '04 Presidential election, when I was still in full-throttle campaign mode.
In fact the first post wasn't even original, just a copy of an email I'd sent out to some very bored family members about the election results.
So it's understandable that the first few months of the site featured a strong political bent - I did articles on Colin Powell, Yasser Arafat, Time's selection of Dubya as Person of the Year, the Kerrik fiasco, and more.
It didn't take long for the focus of the site to shift more towards family based humor, but to tell you the truth I felt a little guilty when I didn't write about politics. Pompous as it may sound, I thought I was betraying my readers.
Thankfully neither one seemed to care.
So I settled into a comfortable routine of writing about whatever popped into my head.
There were articles on sports (the NBA brawl,the 2005 MLB season).
There were a few about books (my favorite authors)
There was a four-part summary of my trip to D.C. for the Inauguration (1,2,3,4)
There were posts on current events (the reserves, Chai Soua Vang, scandals in the Milwaukee Police Department)
There were children's stories (the coffin tale, Why Snow hates Cars)
There were posts that comically explored my philosophy of life (my ideology pt 1, pt 2, New Years resolutions, my birthday)
There were posts about my terrifying fear of mice (my neighbors have mice)
There were posts that confirmed my knack for writing tributes/eulogies (The Pope, my paternal grandfather, Artie Shaw, Kurt Cobain)
There were attempts at photoblogging (billboards, snowstorm, lights, storm)
And then my son was born.
Part of me is ashamed to say that his birth turned Slapinions into an occasional daddy blog.
The other part of me just thinks my kids are cute.
Whereas I'd always written about the family and/or kids, after March you could find posts about prepping for the newborn (nursery, bunk beds), my son's birth and intro to his sisters,family outings (zoo, Domes), events (baptism, dance recital) and plain boring details about our daily life.
Of them all I'd rank the following as my favorites:
The One about GOP - yes, my children's initials spell out GOP. A humorous post about the paranoid reactions to my 'conspiracy' to brainwash my children . . .
The One about the Mouse - 6'3" tall, 300 pounds - and I'm cry like a ninny when I see a mouse.
The Tsunami - reproduced in full on another site, I think this post on the disaster is worth reading
Fr. Yaniak - the passing of an old family friend
The Swingset - the dangers of having me and a screwdriver in the same zip code
Jason Giambi - my favorite sport, and a post that for whatever reason generated the first real reaction from readers
The One about the evil work of Donnie Osmond - the title says it all
I'm glad I started this blog. It's been an occasional pain in the keister, but by and large it's been a blast.
I hope you enjoy it too.
Dan
ps. Some of these posts were written before I added comments to the site; if you wish to comment on any of them, click here.
Blogroll
What follows is a list of web sites that have bookmarked me on Blog Explosion and/or blogrolled me on their site the old fashioned way.
Two things about this list are interesting: one, it isn't your typical tit-for-tat, because until today I didn't have a blogroll. There was no reason for them to feel obliged to do what they did. (ditto for most of the blogmarks)
Second, it's an awfully diverse group - conservatives and liberals, writers and mom's, musicians and paranormal investigators.
I'm happy my work's appealed to that many people, and I want to offer a belated thank you to all of them.
However, Blog Clicker can kiss my pimply behind, as not one BC member has blogmarked me through their service.
Not that I'm bitter.
Anyhow, take a look at the links below, and tell 'em Slapinions sent you.
Random - a fine AOL Journal, long since listed on my favorite places.
GJ Willis' Art Notes - The Adventures and Misadventures of a Neer Do Well Artist Living in Baltimore.
Whymrhymer 101 - The honest comments and observations of an opinionated, free-thinking, well-seasoned student of the world. Or so he says. :)
The Roth Report - a Drudge-Report type site that includes blogs as sources
NIF - this one holds a special place in my blogging heart, as it's linked to my articles on at least three occasions
The people all watching, enjoying a good laugh - I'm a live music lover, who just recently married the love of my life. Am returning to full time work after a 2 year hiatus due to health problems
Strong Coffee - Struggling to Stay Awake Long Enough to Raise Kidsand Evolve as a Writer
Quotes and Other Words - Quite a few years ago I started collecting quotes from books I read. I wanted to share my favorites with you all, hence this blog. Enjoy
I didn't buy more yarn, Honey - Living life hanging by a thread...from rapidly unravelling skeins of yarn. ~Marriage, motherhood, music, Multiple Sclerosis, and above all the thing that keeps me sane, crochet.
The Apologist - Writer CW Fisher explains the inexplicable: love, hate, sex, death and the purpose of other people.
<AHREF="HTTP: ? weblog www.frozenmojo.com>Frozen Mojo -
INDUSTRIAL WASTE - Hi, my name's Penn. I'm a 16 year-old Libertarian and a proud American living in Singapore, who enjoys politics and has a (slightly unhealthy) passion for the Internet.
OftenCold - he moved from Florida to Alaska, yet he still argues that he's sane
Blog Cruiser - A blog to write opinions and ratings on blogs, bloggers and blogging. Add your comments or become a member of the team at this corner of the blog world. Scouting the blogosphere for its own stars and news!
About a Boy - My name is Matthew and I live in Hertfordshire, UK. I was born on 12th January 2005 at 21:32. I weighed 8lb 7oz. I am now considerably bigger than that.
You can hear the Grass Grow - Reflections From a Christian Aspie
I hate Pat Robertson - I guess the title speaks for itself
Conservative thoughts - I have been doing a lot of reading during this election period of other people's thoughts. I have also done a lot of defending of my own conservative ideas. So I thought that I would create a place where I could write those ideas down.
Lintefiniel Musing (formerly Jen Speaks!)
I See Dead People - life as a professional psychic and paranormal investigator
One Child Left Behind - Yes, Jesus loves me, but it's not what you think.
Ed Adkins Dot Com - funny, funny blog
God's Last Twilight - novel written on a blog
Musings of a Thoughtful Conservative - Southeastern Wisconsin based blogger
The Daily Grind - liberal blogger
Cao's Blog - blodom famous site
AlphaWoman's Blog - very nice, well done AOL Journal
LS Blogs - Blog search engine
God Dem - liberal site that seems to mix religion with the Democratic Party
The Cave - reposted my article on the tsunami
Friday, April 8, 2005
The Second Post about my Ideology April 8th
Several months ago I wrote a senseless little ditty about my personal ideology.
Now, if you 're inclined to believe my sarcastic and occasionally shifty writing, I published it because it was important to know what an author "truly believed about the things that mattered."
Yeah.
In other words, I was stumped and discovered a neat way to fill space.
Déjà vu, baby.
In my defense, however, you can glean bits and pieces of a man's character from the tidbits I covered: Do I prefer The Godfather or Scarface? DC or Marvel? Conan or Leno?
By my choice of the Godfather you can tell I have a love of epic drama and family loyalty.
By my preference for DC you can assume I'm a traditionalist.
And by choosing Conan you can safely say I have a fetish for tall slim men with red hair. . .
Okay, maybe my theory has a few holes.
But it still fills up a page.
So, may I present to you
My Rambling List of Personal Ideology, Ranging from the Divine to the Absurd, with Little Order and Even Less Sense, vol. Two.I do not believe in fortune-telling or the zodiac.
Even so, I am a Pisces who often has big, creative dreams with little to show for it. And shortly before our introduction a psychic dismissed my wife's hopes for her current beau. Instead, she said my wife would soon meet and marry a very large dark haired man with a strong ethnic background.
Said psychic did not, however, mention my near constant plumbers crack.
I believe raising a child is by far the hardest job in the world.
I think that somewhere in this vast universe there exists other intelligent life, but I refuse to believe they confine their visits to people named Dwayne and Elmira.
Toilet paper rolls should be loaded overhand.
This is not up for debate.
I would take a beat-up Ford over a new Chevy any day.
Fifty years ago a Disney movie featured a wicked queen who demanded the heart of her stepdaughter in a box, a bunch of armed dwarves that chased the queen to her death, and a morbid funeral vigil.
Now kids grow up watching cartoons where no one is hurt, not even if Cobra Commander shoots down their plane in the middle of a battle.
Yet which group seemsmore violent to you?
I prefer Star Trek to Star Wars, but admit that Lucas' epics were cool - when I was eight.
I have no problem eating cows, fish, or pigs, but chicken bones freak me out.
The income tax didn't kick in until around WWI. How did the government make money before that, and why can't we ask for a do-over?
I can't remember the last time I had sex with the lights off.
At one time, I was bitter that Elmo so completely took over as Sesame Street's king.
I love Tony Randall, but I never bought the idea that Felix Unger was straight.
I prefer plastic to paper, and look down upon those indecisive peons who answer 'paper and plastic'.
If eliminating carbs is truly the key to weight loss, I'm screwed.
Given the chance, I know Jo Frost, aka Supernanny, would choose to stay in my 'naughty corner' all night long.
I think the character of Jack on Lost is the epitome of who I'd like my son to be.
I believe 'smooth jazz' is to jazz what show tunes are to death metal.
And, finally, and most importantly:
Forget asteroids. Worry about the super volcano under Yellowstone.
Wednesday, April 6, 2005
How to Improve AOL Journals, if anyone is listening
To my fellow AOL Journal users, and to any and all AOL staff members who may be screening this on behalf of Homeland Security:
My General Beefs with AOL Journals, and some Ideas on How to Improve Them
1. Clean up the url's. Is leading off the url with journals.aol.com really necessary? Shouldn't the emphasis be on the author of the page, and the ideas they want to get across?
Slapinions.journals.aol.com is still long-winded, but would be a vast upgrade.
And I see no reason, in this security conscious world, that an authors screename (and therefore his/her email address) be force-fed into the url.
2. Compromise between ease of use and creative control. I like how simple it is to add a blogroll, and once you get the hang of it adding pics is pretty easy on the gray matter too. I very much like being able to IM or phone in a post.
But short of sidestepping (cheating) the rules by various methods, there is no way to add the harmless collection of personal banners, countdown charts, etc. that bloggers on other services love. And why a measly character limit on the about me section?
3 Make the comments user-friendly Right now, only AOL or AIM users can register a comment. (and frankly, when I check the site from other locations, I have trouble accessing the comments from AIM).
Sure, it's wonderful to hear from other AOL members. But after 10000 hits and very few comments I figured a way to sidestep the issue by adding my own comments service (sort-of). My first post after that brought 4 comments from 50 hits, none of them AOL users.
Dontcha think it's advertising the breadth and ease of AOL when a Journal attracts an audience outside of the service? Wouldn't it be in AOL's best interest to help that along? And if you feel the need, throw down an AOL banner on the journal to make sure visitors know who's king of the net.
4. Where's the help? Outside of some very basic official help available when starting out, I've relied on innovative Journals like Pam, Random, and Patrick's Place to help me over the rough patches. There should be a comprehensive, universally known and accepted help options for the Journals.
5. Look, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings .. . but the folks who designed the color schemes for the Journals need to put down their crayons. I mean, who comes up with this: [item removed temp.]
Even if you go with 'advanced' controls and tweak it yourself, you are left with that ugly white sash across the top of my page. Why not let users add graphics or a title bar to that area?
BTW - I know that's possible, because some personal journals run by admitted AOL staffers do the impossible and pimp out that space. Poor form to allow that to happen while paying customers are left behind.
This is just my personal wish list. Let me know if anyone has something to add. Dan/Slapinions
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
The Post about Kurt Cobain April 5th - 11 years later
Eleven years ago today - as best the medical examiner could determine - Kurt Donald Cobain died.
His death was officially recorded as a suicide, and despite great efforts to prove otherwise, it probably was.
[Yet questions remain. Not the least of them how a man injects a dose of heroin large enough to kill instantaneously, yet still finds the time and strength to roll down and button his sleeve, store his paraphernalia, and pick up and use a shotgun]
Whatever the method, his death was a tragedy.
A tragedy for his infant daughter, who has spent her life spinning memories of her father from what she sees and reads about his career.
A tragedy for his fans, who were denied the gift of his talent -and the dozens who mourned his death by following in his footsteps.
And a tragedy for Kurt himself, whose memory and music are now horribly intertwined with a macabre death.
That quite frankly, is obscene.
Obscene because everything you see and hear about Kurt and Nirvana is viewed through the lens of his death. People refuse to think of him as anything but a character in an art house movie, where every scene and every line of dialog has to foreshadow the end:
- MTV turned Unplugged in New York into a funeral dirge when the station played it endlessly after his death.
Never mind that it was one of the most innovative and enjoyable concerts of the series.
- Biographies of the band read like psychology texts, probing and engorging any event for a clue to the suicide.
- The lyrics are dissected and robbed of context. Why? to find a line that has no literal connection to what occurred, but which proves too tasty a quote for some authors to ignore.
Enough.
Go fire up your stereo and listen to Nevermind, their breakthrough album that knocked Michael Jackson from the #1 slot and ended the reign of Michael Bolton and New Kids on the Block.*
Tell me On a Plain, Lithium, or God forbid Smells Like Teen Spirit are anything but joyous anthems of Generation X.
Or their follow up album In Utero: darker, with less concession to commercial demands, but rife with memorable hooks. From the opening notes of Heart Shaped Box to the relentless attack of Scentless Apprentice, this was not the work of a man who had given up hope and abandoned what was important to him.
Of course Nirvana wasn't the The Judds, and not every song was suitable for a child's birthday party.
But I often wonder how much of that was Kurt just living up to his billing. For a man who allegedly hated the limelight, he certainly sought it out enough. He seemed to recognize this contradiction in himself:
Teenage angst has paid off well
but now I'm bored and old . . .
It may be hypocritical, given that I'm choosing to honor him on the annniversary of his death, but I prefer to forget how it ended and concentrate on the things that made me love his music in the first place.
Ear shattering drums that made your speakers quake. Bass lines that refused to quietly submit to a subordinate role, and in fact led the charge on most songs. Guitar that could be manic one second and controlled and subtle the next, with solos that were truly part of a song, not an excuse to write one. Vocals that were raw emotion, with lyrics that gained their strength and context as they wrapped themselves around the music.
That was Nirvana.
And that was Kurt Cobain.
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*long time readers will know what a bittersweet,double-edged sword it is to say that
Happy Birthday to my Mom
Today is my Mother's birthday.
Let's see. If I carry the one and add the remainder - well, for politeness sake we'll leave out her actual age.
But a happy birthday to her, a big thank you for thirty-one years of Everything under the Sun, and a hope for many, many more.
Sunday, April 3, 2005
The Post about the 2005 MLB Season April 3rd
Baseball season starts today, and I just don’t seem to care.
I should explain how much of a fan I am so you grasp the depth of this revelation, but let’s leave it at this:
I came to love baseball late, at eighteen, and approach the game with the zeal normally reserved for a convert to the Lord.
Except this year.
Some of it is related to the Brewers disgusting collapse last season.
After more than a decade of losing seasons the hometown boys played solid, occasionally impressive ball for most of the year. For the first time in memory I thought they’d finish with a winning record, .500 at worst.
Instead, they tanked.
Spectacularly.
They not only couldn’t win, they lost in ways that made a grown man cry.
If they‘d began the season playing like bums - which had become sort of a local tradition, like Bratwurst and beer - it’d all be gravy, baby. But last year ruined it for me.
Forget the expanded payroll, the new owner, and the addition of Carlos Lee. They could be twelve games above .500 with eleven games to play and I’d wager on another losing season.
Damn them.
Then there’s the Red Sox.
I’m sure most of America is still gaga over their win. How anyone can be in love with a team that lost and lost . . . and lost for more than eighty years boggles my mind.
It’s like rooting for France, for cripes sake.
And the manner of their win: not only did they come back from a 3-0 deficit to beat my beloved Yanks, they also swept a juggernaut of a team in the Series. All on the back of a guy who shouldn‘t have been able to walk, much less pitch.
Ugh.
Then of course, there’s the whole steroids scandal.
I’ve written about that subject before, so I’ll spare you the details of my angst.
But this year there’s an added bonus: the king of ‘roids, Barry Bonds, is poised to pass Babe Ruth on the career home run list.
I know,nothing’s been proved.
Sure he admitted ‘accidentally’ using a steroid (betcha wish you’d used it on your knees, eh Barry?), and yeah, his mistress and others have pegged him as a user going all the way back to ‘99, but that doesn’t prove anything.
Two things bother me: one, he was already a great player before he decided to become a freak. He just wasn’t a power hitter.
Bonds was a player that single-handedly changed the outcome of games when he was clean. Add steroids to the mix and you have one man determining the winner in maybe a dozen games a year.
The Giants made it to the World Series in 2002 by the hair on their chin.
Without steroids, would the Giants have made it that far? Who really deserved to play that October? What great stories never came to pass because the heroes of the day were left to watch the Series on TV?
Second, the home run records are the Holy Grail of baseball. Folks will know that Bonds records are illusionary - now.
But a hundred years from now kids will look at the record and see Bonds name without knowing its context.
It’s not up there with God and Country, but it matters to me.
Part of me just wants to ignore the whole season, but that’s impossible.
I’ll be drawn into the drama, the pennant races, and the inevitable collapse of the Brewers.
And I’ll enjoy the whole dang thing.
I just won’t admit it.
Btw, former Brewer Alex Sanchez was just named the first player to be hit by MLB's new steroid policy ... as predicted, to show its teeth someone would go down - just not a star.
Saturday, April 2, 2005
The Post about John Paul II April 2nd
I have two very clear, very early memories about Pope John Paul II.
The first didn't directly involve him, but it changed the world.
I was four years old when my father took my sisters and I for a walk in the park. A half-block from home I could see my Mother crying on the porch.
From there she yelled the news to my father: Pope John Paul was dead.
The second memory is from when I was in first grade, and the principal of my Catholic school made a PA announcement.
In a short statement interrupted by her sobs, she told us Pope John Paul II had been shot in an assassination attempt. She asked us to pray for him, and for the man who shot him.
I remember no such reaction when Reagan was shot that year.
Today, the man who has been Pontiff for twenty-seven of my thirty-one years lies dying.
To a non-Catholic - and to many in the faith - the impact of his impending death must seem mystifying.
After all, he is just a man. A good man, and an influential one, but in the end just a man.
I agree.
I don't hold him to any special standard of humanity. I admire him, I respect his office and what it stands for, and I acknowledge him as my spiritual leader.
I don't think he's secured special favor with God simply by holding office.
I think his life guaranteed it.
He was born Karol Wojtyla in Poland in 1920. He secretly studied for the priesthood under the weight of WWII's Nazi occupation and rose to Cardinal under the equally repugnant rule of Communism.
He was the first non-Italian Pope in over four centuries, a learned scholar who spoke eight languages fluently, and a traveler who had seen more of the world and its people than any of his predecessors had.
He established diplomatic ties with Israel, met with the same Communist leaders who once denied his God, exchanged ambassadors with the US, and led the Church into its third millennium.
All of that is fodder for historians to ponder. What made him so appealing to me was something he had no control over: his nationality.
Even now - and I'm a hundred years removed from the old country - I'm proud that a strong, passionate Pope shared my heritage.
To have the honor of growing up in a time when Poles were leading the fight against communism behind the Iron Curtain while a strong and vigorous Polish Pope sat in the Vatican - well, it was almost enough towrite off all those lame Polish jokes as mere jealousy.
To be sure, not everyone is a fan. I once read a scathing attack in which the author thought a natural but painful death for the pontiff would be just 'retribution' for his policy on euthanasia.
In a similar vein, I've heard him called anti-woman, because apparently a sincere moral opposition to abortion can be nothing less.
I don't agree with everything the Pope's believed and preached, most recently his stance against US military actions.
Yet I can recognize a sincere and consistent philosophy: that life, in all its forms, is too precious to waste; too strong to be trampled by a mad dictator or suffocated by communism.
It was a philosophy he held dear. To the end he lived by that creed, handling his slow decline with grace and resoluteness.
I doubt I'll ever see a Pope of his caliber again.
I will pray for him, and I'll mourn the news of his passing.
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Friday, April 1, 2005
Two pieces of News
Two very diverse topics here.
First, The Smoking Gun reports that American Idol contestant Scott Savol has a history of domestic violence, something that may render him ineligible to continue in the competition.
Eventually, I'll have to post about the only TV show that I take care never to miss.
Secondly, my Mother called to tell me that the Pope's heart stopped and that he was revived but is currently in a coma. Some online news agencies are hesitating on this as there are conflicting reports.
I know to many people, including Catholics, this is no big deal.
I'm not one of them.
My prayers go out to him.