'Salem's Lot

      

World Traveler, who has sadly moved on from our company, once looked at a Stephen King book I was reading and proclaimed it my 'guilty pleasure'.

I don't take offense to that statement but I do think it's a bunch of malarkey.

I don't know what books will be remembered two or three hundred years down the road. Perhaps To Kill a Mockingbird will fall out of favor as race ceases to be an issue or the world will wise up and dismiss Catcher in the Rye. Hey, for all I know a Danielle Steel novel will reign as the next Oliver Twist in 2187.

But I do think some of Stephen King's work has a chance of being remembered. He's created some great novels (and some clunkers) and I'm not in the least embarrassed by calling myself a fan of his work.

Even if he is a [redacted] Red Sox fan.

'Salem's Lot was his second published novel, put out just after the success of Carrie.  The idea behind the plot is simple. Ben Mears returns to his hometown after many years only to find himself on the front lines of a vampire invasion.

It's a great novel with a strong plot and a large cast of characters. At times King's prose genuinely sings in Lot. His descriptions of the town itself as it wakes, darting from one character to another and showing us the very human heart of its people, jumped out at me and stayed with me long after the book was done.

3.75 starts out of 4 for me personally, 90 out of 100. Your take on horror may influence your vote.

          

The 1979 miniseries based on the book stars David Seoul as prodigal son Ben Mears. It's considered a horror classic and is lauded left and right on every site I've been to, but you know what? I thought it was boring. Slow and boring. The only good part was watching a young Bonnie Bedelia on screen.  2.0 out of 4, 50 out of 100.

                                

On the other hand the recent Rob Lowe version is skewered just as often by fans. I agree liberties were taken with the characters. I just don't see how that alone makes it a 'bad' movie. A bad adaptation of a book perhaps, but not a bad movie.

I happen to think most of the changes moved the story along at a cinematic pace. Certainly the rewriting of Ben Mears strengthened his motives for returning to the town and bolstered the emotional impact of his emergence as a hero.

It's not King's book, but it's a fine movie. 3.0 stars out of 4, 70 out of 100.

Spoiler:

I'd have given it a mathematically proper 75 out of 100, save for the fact that I thought the portrayal of the priest was disgusting. To not only willingly join the forces of evil but question the existence of God when face to face with an agent of the devil was sacrilegious and ludicrous.

The Great Highlighting Experiment

I wanted to start out by thanking Jan at Gryphondear's Word of the Day for mentioning Slapinions on her journal, and for Bucko doing the same. In fact he labeled his post "This one is for Dan @ Slapinions". The content of the post was horrific ;) but thanks for the PR none-the-less.

* * * * *

Last week Lisa bought LuLu a Hannah Montana hair highlighting doo-dad and naturally the $5 gizmo didn't work. So the next night, after sending me out for groceries, she had me pick up some hair dye.

Back before digital cameras, when photographs were still recorded on paper that would actually survive the Great Alien Invasion of 2011, Lisa put blonde highlights in my hair. In this ancient world of film cameras there exists a great and noble picture of me with foil and gunk in my once mighty mane. It's a shame I don't have it here.

I have no idea what was up with YaYa in this next picture, as the process went smoothly with her hair.

The results?

Ack! I have a picture of YaYa too but I can't get the file to work. I'm sure her highlights will show up in future posts.

Jessica Alba, headbutts, gang signs, the Red Sox and Favre. What????

I watched the James Toney-Hasim Rahman bout tonight. It was stopped after the 3rd round and ruled a TKO in favor of Toney, handing him the heavyweight belt.

I was pulling for Toney, but this one reeks. Stuff like this, to paraphrase the announcers, doesn't happen in professional bowling.

During a 3rd round that Toney won hands down he accidentally headbutted Rahman and opened a cut above his right eye. This is not in dispute. At the end of the round when questioned by the ring doctor Rahman was quick to say he couldn't see  and the doctor called the fight.

Or did he? If he did and it was stopped because of a head butt it's a no-decision and the belt stays put. If it's called because the fighter resigned it's a TKO and the belt changes hands.

Rahman did say he couldn't see, which is all but yelling "Stop the fight!", but it was the doctor's decision. Therefore I say it's a no-decision. The California board saw it differently but appeals are no doubt in the works.

One thing tho' - no decision or not, Rahman just didn't have the heart. Hey, Lord knows four seconds after entering the ring with either guy my head separates from my neck, but I'm not a heavyweight champion. The cut, while deep, was located above the brow and did not appear to be significantly dripping into the eye. He could've/should've brushed off the cut's impact, at least and especially when talking to the doctor if it was his true intention to carry on.

And afterwards, to say that he had no intention of fighting Toney with one eye? Well, uh, doesn't that mean that you did indeed resign from the fight?

Argh. Make it a no-decision and call a 'do-over' gentlemen.

* * *

You don't like boxing. It's full of gangsters and hoodlums you say. Violent, you say. Uh-huh. Check out this charming exerpt fromCNN/SI.com:

NFL crackdown on gang signs Posted: Wednesday July 16, 2008 06:56AM ET

Hand signals captured on videotape are once again being scrutinized around the NFL. Only this time, it's not the New England Patriots studying them for a competitive advantage, but league officials in search of a more sinister message. The NFL, concerned that some players might celebrate by flashing the hand signals of street gangs, has hired experts to examine game tapes and identify the gestures. "There have been some suspected things we've seen," said Milt Ahlerich, the league's vice president of security. "When we see it, we quietly jump on it immediately, directly with the team and the player or employee involved to cease and desist. Period." Ahlerich says the league has long warned its players about the influence of gangs and other forms of organized crime, but that those admonishments have intensified since the 2007 killing of Denver Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams, who was gunned down after an altercation involving known gang members. NFL game officials will not be responsible for identifying gang signals but will alert league headquarters of anything unusual or suspicious they see. League executives declined to outline what action might be taken against offenders, but Pereira said, "it will be dealt with harshly. The commissioner is not going to stand for gang signals on the field."

Yeah. 'Cuz boxing is full of dangerous thugs.

* * *

The Packers are officially alleging that the Minnesota Vikings have tampered in the Favre situation, citing multiple calls from a Minnesota assistant to Favre.

* * *

Jonathon Papellbon, closer for the Red Sox, was treated like crap at Yankee stadium during the All-Star game and serenaded by chants of 'overrated' that echoed through the park.

Oh, the cries of 'classless' and 'typical New Yorkers' from Boston fans!

Red Sox fans hate Yankees, Yankees fans hate Red Sox. Simple. Easy peezy. Sure it was a little much for my taste, but as far as the classless comment goes, I seem to remember 'Jeter sucks and A-Rod swallows', and crap about Jeter giving herpes to Jessica Alba.

But, uh, yeah, Boston fans would never stoop so low as to yell 'over-rated'.

The Black Dove

                

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Pub. Date: February 2008

ISBN-13: 9780312347826

The Black Dove in Steve Hockensmith's novel refers to a missing Chinese prostitute who was the last person to see a murder victim alive.

If nothing else I can assure you that the sentence you just read is far and away more somber than anything in the book itself.

The Black Dove is a follow up of Holmes on the Range, an Edgar award nominee. Gus and Otto Amlingmeyer are brothers. Gus, an illiterate cowhand, has developed a fondness for the 'real-life' adventures of Sherlock Holmes and has a knack for 'deducifying' himself. Otto, the narrator of the book,  is big and quick with his fists and the puns. Together they find themselves in Chinatown in the latter stages of the 19th century, investigating the murder of a mutual aquaintance.

The book is more concerned with making you laugh than think, with the actual mystery occupying 10% of the work at best. The rest of the space is devoted to comedic adventures that  sometimes slip into a dull Perils of Pauline mode out of sheer redundancy.

Really, how many times a day can someone find themselves surrounded by hatchet weilding Chinamen?

The book accomplishes its task with aplomb and I have to admit the ending, which was tidy if unexpectedly bleak, wrapped things up quite nicely.

The only negative I see? Hockensmith's book, in tone and structure, eerily mirrors a mystery (well, 4 chapters of one) I wrote back in '96. That annoyed me.

I hate people who finish what they start.

3.0 out of 4, 75 out of 100.

More pics

Hey folks, I didn't 'name' Lump, her Mommy did. I'm sure her name will morph with time. After all, Smiley is no longer referred to on this site as "The Maker of Trouble and Mayhem" :)

But for moment, Lump it is.

Here are some more pics, again just camera phone spur of the moment shots. Oh, one thing: at the party yesterday my buddy asked if I ever crawled back to Blackbird to exchange my phone.

Truth be told my 'unfixable' phone was cured of its ailments by whatever those yahoos did to determine it was 'un repairable'. It hasn't acted up since (knock on wood). HaHa!

And one of Smiley for good measure:

Two Pics of the Lump

Two pics of the Lump, just because her outfit was so adorable.

She's standing on her own now, but stubbornly refuses to do it for any longer than it takes her to realize she's standing un-anchored. I'll try to snap a pic of the accomplishment in the near future.

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_3

The 5th (or 6th, I forget) Annual All-Star Game Party

             

You want to know how much I love the game of baseball? Monday night while I was watching Josh Hamilton pound out 28 dingers during the Home Run Derby I turned to my wife and said:

"Do you see how beautiful this is? Do you see the backspin on that ball? You know there are honestly  times when I think I'd rather watch a home run than a naked woman in the street."

Mind you, those would be the times when I wear the t-shirt with 'Dork' written across the chest, but the sentiment holds true.

Tuesday was my annual All-Star game party, and this year even the no-shows dropped off gifts (a nice bottle of brandy from my neighbor). It was a blast.

[Kudos to my wife on preparing a grand spread for the event. Taco dip, pasta salad, sloppy joe's, deviled eggs, two cakes, cheesecake, chips,  and don't forget beverages. God, I must have gained 15 pounds tonight alone]

Along with tying 1967 for the longest game in All-Star history, it was just plain a hell of a game.It helped that for the first time in years I had a rooting interest. With the Yanks apparently out of the running I could invest my energy into rooting for a hometown National League win. Some highlights:

In the bottom of the tenth inning of the tie ballgame, Florida 2nd baseman Dan Uggla - referred to as 'The Cutie' by my wife - committed two errors in a row to put a pair of runners on base. (Uggla would commit a record 3 errors in the game).

Pitcher Aaron Cook intentionally walked the next batter to load the bases and create a force out situation at home. No outs mind you, no outs and the bases loaded with the game on the line and they got out of it unscathed.

Wow!

Then in the bottom of the 11th inning  Dionner Navarro stood on second base with the winning run when a single was rapped into the outfield. By rights the game should have been over but I blurted out "Dionner can't run for s**t. There's a chance."

And booyah, the throw beat him to the plate by a hair. I could've scored on the play, but I've saturated myself enough in this year's games to know Dionner's legs are made out of concrete. 

I was rather proud of myself for that bit of insight, and a few others throughout the night.

The game dragged on into the wee hours and yes, I too was willing to settle for a tie by the time the AL disgustingly won the contest. Eh, such is life. But great defense (minus the Marlins) which I adore, and overwhelming pitching.

A great game, and a great time.

The Ruins - Book and Movie Review

Stephen King called 'The Ruins' (and I'm going by memory here) "the best horror novel of the new century". High praise indeed, even if I think he overshot the mark a bit (Stephen - your son Joe called. Heart Shaped Box says hello).

It is a swell horror novel. Not an extraneous word in sight and not a page that doesn't drip with doom and gloom. From the first word on the first page of the first chapter you know it's all going to end poorly, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

Having read the book when it came out I was excited to rent the movie, although knowing it didn't do great in the theaters my hopes weren't high. My verdict?

Not bad.

It didn't make me scream, squirm, or bite my nails, as predicted on the box cover, but it did indeed make me cringe at parts. Scott Smith wrote both the book and the screenplay, so I'm a little unsure of why there were so many alterations to the characters (although the Eric - Stacy switcheroo worked much better for the screen).

The story remains the same. While on vacation in Mexico two young college couples wander off the beaten path to explore an ancient Mayan Ruin. While there they come in contact with a vine growing on the temple and in a panic the local villagers refuse to let them leave. Trapped and running out of water, it soon becomes apparent that they are not alone in the ruins.

The major drawback of the movie, as opposed to the book, is the age of the characters. The college age protagonists 'work' in print. On the page they are young enough to gleefully set off for parts unknown but old enough to improvise their way through obstacles. They are old enough to be prisoners to the personality traits they've developed (Jeff, in particular, is defined by his role of 'thinker/fixer') but young enough to rebel against them in their fight for survival.

Yet on screen, all you notice is that it's another horror movie about college kids.

And the 'bad guy' - much scarier in your imagination than in Technicolor.

Book 3.25 out of 4, 80 out of 100.

Movie 2.75 out of 4, 65 out of 100

The Unwanted/Uncomfortable Comeback Attempt of Brett Favre

Here we go again.

You might remember that in March I wasted a few minutes of my day composing a tribute to Brett Favre on his retirement*.

I couldn't believe that after year after year of dragging his feet each summer and making a media circus out of the  "will he or won't he play next year' question, he reached a mature and final decision so quickly.

Well, ha-ha on me.

A few days ago rumors began circulating that Favre wanted back in. Scratch that, make that a few weeks ago; they just got more frequent in recent days. Now the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports that Brett's agent has requested that his retirement be nixed and that he be granted an unconditional release by the Packers so that he can pursue employment elsewhere.

Apparently he's upset that the Packer didn't greet the news of his 'return' with open arms.

Ah, and on cue some folks in Wisconsin are rushing to his defense. How dare we not take him back? Don't we remember all he did for us? Sign him up and bump Aaron Rodgers back to backup. Or, you know what, sign him and make it an open competition for starting job. Yeah! Or, how about we just trade away Rodgers and 'worry about it in '09'. 'C'mon Pack, don't break our hearts" one moron wrote.

There are people who repeat the lines above with ease. Good for them. Some of the mainstream media shovels that pile of manure too. Fine for them.

But many Wisconsinites have had enough of the prima donna.

As one insightful sportscaster mentioned, people outside of Green and Gold country might not know that this has been a constant and silly pattern of Brett's. I mentioned the circus that popped up every summer. It would start with some sad, resigned statement by Favre. It would be fueled, in his absence, by rumor and innuendo (read: his family and his agent) and only, only when local news reporters flew out to camp outside his doorstep in Mississippi would he be happy.

"Yes, gosh, I will come back. Whyd'ya'll ever wonder?"

Year. After year. After year.

Enough is enough. No matter how much you love your wife, if she spends every summer threatening to leave you and drags the gut-wrenching decision out for months each time, LET HER GO.

And you know what? It isn't disrespectful. Not on the Packers part, not on Brett's. Letting him move on doesn't mean we don't appreciate all he's done (and all we paid him for, btw, with heaps of both love and money).

Nor does his leaving for another team sully his name. Ruth finished with the Boston Braves, Molitor with the Twins, Emmitt Smith with Arizona, Joe Montana with Kansas City. Do you think any less of them, or see them wearing any of those jerseys in their respective Halls?

The Packers have already deemed Aaron Rodgers as their starter, and ixnaying that will in all likelihood ruin the guy for us. Not the end of the world. With word of Favre's 'retirement' we spent two draft picks on quarterbacks. Not the end of the world if they are wasted.

But none of that should happen. If the Pack is destined to lose 12 games it's going to happen anyway. I think the Packers over-performed in '07 myself. They're probably due for a drop down to reality. We're always going to wonder if the next QB is going to be a flop or the next Steve Young.

 I say we get going and find out.

[BTW as for Brett: with no sarcasm or wise-ass intended, go get some anti-depressants. A healthy person does not look or act as you have for the last few off-seasons, and he does not go around retiring out of depression only to regret it and make everyone's life difficult months later.

I don't know if it's because of your Dad's death, your wife's cancer, or whatever, but get some help. I know what I'm talking about - please, ask for help. ]

*granted, not a very good tribute. But unlike the majority of Wisconsin men, I am not in man-love with Brett.

Stranger in Paradise

                       

I was at a used bookstore with LuLu and the Lump when a woman in line noticed a Robert B Parker book in my hands. We had a short but pleasant conversation about the author even though she was a Jesse Stone fan but could not stand Spenser, the kook.

She recommended this book (Stranger in Paradise), which in fact I had just finished, and had some spot-on observations about it. More on her later.

I always feel like a hypocrite when I review a Robert B Parker novel. I've been rightfully criticized for devoting too much space to the author at the expense of  his work, but I don't think you can review only the text in front of you, not with him. More than any author I can think of his work is a product of the man himself and the events of his life.

His nontraditional (they live/lived in separate houses) and bumpy marriage to his wife has created a steady diet of dysfunctional relationships in his books, and the outing of both his sons unleashed a torrent of gay characters for awhile. Likewise his obsession with psychotherapy sometimes rises to the point where it becomes a cheap way to tell the reader what was going on, rather than show them.

But . . . I love the guy. His writing is smooth and crisp, and so sparse that your mind has only a second to dwell on the beauty of it before moving on to the next chapter.

He is my favorite author, the man who wrote one of my ten favorite books, and I named my only son in honor of him.

Stranger in Paradise is the latest installment of the Jesse Stone series. Set in fictional Paradise, Mass., Jesse Stone is an ex-LA cop turned small town sheriff. Ten years ago a violent and lucrative robbery took place in the town. Now one of the men behind the robbery, Wilson 'Crow' Comartie, has returned. Not to return for another crack at the local P.D., but to find the daughter of a Miami crime lord who may be in the area. Soon enough the unlikely team of Comartie and Stone unite to fend off street gangs, hit men, and the mafia.

I enjoyed the book. It was fun and quick and laden with action that makes a Parker book tick. There's the usual witty back and forth, the unchangeable moral code of the main character, the contradictory but understandable respect Stone has for Crow, a man who on the surface seems his direct opposite, and a bevy of reoccurring minor characters that really flesh out the novel.

[I loved the character of Crow but c'mon. A sexy minority hitman of unquestionable violence but with a moral code? Where have I seen that before? Oh, yes. In about 30 Spenser novels, a black guy by the name of Hawk.

Hawk. Crow. What's next? An Asian hitman named Dove?]

The 'good' comprises 97.8% of the book.

The 2.2% of 'bad'? An over the top P.C. storyline involving school bussing. (gasp! A private island of millionaires doesn't want  busses full of the siblings of inner-city gang members sent to their neighborhood, citing a fear of increased crime and reduced property value?! Republicans! They must have voted for Bush! Legitimate gripe be damned, they're racists! What's that? Don't worry about the subsequent gang homicide. That was just one of their older brothers making a 'statement'. Nothing to see, nothing to see)

There's a minor character who acts . . inappropriately and out of character, and I'm sure many folks will no longer view him/her in a favorable light. (I have my issues with the action myself). However, this could also count as a positive for the book and series, as it doesn't open up a can of worms about the character now and for the future.

Finally, the lady at the store couldn't believe that ten years into the series the main character is still hung up on his sex-addicted loser of an ex-wife.

I smiled and agreed. But secretly I was thinking . .

What's a Parker novel without a dysfunctional romance?