You Know You are From Milwaukee When .

My buddy Dale sent me this in an email. I include it here because I wonder, in the years to come, if any of these will still ring true.

You Know You Are from Milwaukee When. . .
* * * * * *

Its always Miller Time - Amen. Bleep Budweiser.

You call Air Force Ones Dookies - no clue here. Generation gap at work.

You call Lake Michigan "the lake"

You tailgate for more than just football games

You know where the bubbler is AKA the water fountain.

The smell of yeast does not phase you - I hated it growing up but my parents, especially my Mom, loved it and mentioned how it brought back childhood memories.

You've cruised on HWY 100 Ah, the days of CB'ers versus the white hip hoppers. Memories.

You call it Mil-town - No one I've ever met calls it "Mil-Town'.

You know what and where the "village" is Village of What? The Damned? I assume they mean 'Tosa.

You understand the difference between the green and the blue street signs

You use the lake to give you a sense of direction

You have gone to Summerfest for more than just the music

You have had many meals that were just beer, brats & kraut

You know the best brats are cooked in beer before they are grilled

You know what the "beast" is It was the name of my best friends car in college, but I'm pretty sure that didn't make the list. So, no.

You measure distance in time Ha! Very true.

You can drive 65 in 3 inches of snow What? Who doesn't?

You go out to the suburbs to go trick or treating Noooo.

You go to a fish fry every Friday in the summer Summer? Every Friday in Lent, and many many Friday's throughout the year

You know how to polka

You know to get all your alcohol bought before 9 pm

You can eat a whole cream puff and probably even two

You use "up north" and "down south" to describe where you went for vacation

You drink soda, not pop

You go to Brewers games for one reason - The Sausage Races Not quite.

You pronounce it Mawaukee instead of Milwaukee

You know people with the 262 area code aren't really from Milwaukee Dead on.

You know the difference between ice cream & frozen custard

You think humidity is a typical part of summer weather around the country

Brett Favre holds a special place in your heart and always will Gag.

You keep track of the summer months by what festival is happening at the summerfest grounds

The sight of the Jesus Car fills you with enjoyment instead of anxiety

You hear tyme machine and think money instead of time travel

Your heart skips a beat everytime you watch Anchorman and hear Ron Burgundy say "Baxter is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee"

You know why every George Webb's has two clocks

You know that at one time both the Packers & the Brewers played at County Stadium

You remember the great days of "The Box" on channel 8 Oh God yes! Music videos played to order; all you had to do was dial a 900# and make your selection.

You despise the Cubs, the Bears, the Bulls, and Iliniois in general You read my mind.

Organic Farming and some dang fine Milk

Amy - good to see you online. I hope all is well.

* * * * *

My sister called and asked me for a ride home from work, saying that she had a case of milk her employer gave her and couldn't get it on the bus.

Now normally when someone calls and says they have a case of stuff 'given' to them it fell off the back of a truck. But in this case it was true, as there was a long line of women outside the shop with a case of milk at their feet.

In return for the ride my sister gave me twelve half-gallon containers of Organic Valley skim milk.

Organic Valley is a Wisconsin based cooperative of family farmers that produce organic dairy products.

And you know what? The milk was the best I've ever drank. It had none of that 'tinny' taste of most skim milk and just flowed down your throat. Yummy.

I priced it in the store and now know I'll probably never have it again. Her boss gave each of his employees the equivalent of $120 worth of milk . At ~$5 a half gallon when standard milk is $3/gallon, well, good luck sweetheart. Tell me how your sales turn out.

But for all you better-off folks (and despite your protests, you know who you are) I encourage you to pick up some of their product. Coupons are available on their website, listed above.

* * * * * * *

Jan has a link on her sidebar to Heifer International, a charitable organization that purchases livestock for farmers and educates them in modern agricultural methods- a wonderful program that promotes self-reliance over handouts. [My kids raised money for Heifer while in K3]. While While I applaud efforts to provide funding for small business overseas I think this is of more value, especially in lands were famine not only breeds suffering but increased dependence on foreign aid and all that comes with it.

If you prefer to have your donations spent here at home Heifer also offers programs in the States, some of which teach organic farming methods. I'm all for the concept but I worry that the farmers are being steered in the wrong direction. At the prices quoted above it'll be awhile before it becomes mainstream, and I think they need a quicker financial turnaround. But I could be wrong.

* * * *

I'd like to also point out that a skeptical opposition to Mr. Gore and his global warming hysteria DOES NOT translate into a desire to make a mess of the earth. I'm all for clean air and clean water, and I assure you that I take care to make less of a 'footprint' than most of the preachy lefty's I know. I was carpooling and driving high MPG cars years before it was economically necessary, and we recycle so religiously that the Alderman sent us an additional bin. And we're not talking the rinky-dink blue containers you see in some 'burbs. Here's the size of one of ours:

That's all. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

A rainy Sunday morn

I'm writing this after surrendering my reading chair to Zsa Zsa, my stepmother-in-law's assistance dog. So far, after five days of the in-law staying here, it's going alright. She's gone out a lot more than she normally would have, accompanying us here and there, and that's left her a bit exhausted. I've also seen a lot more TV than I usually would, having been exposed to Oklahoma! and Oliver in the first day alone.* I guess the biggest surprise for anyone is the shining her dog has taken to me, and the fact that I've become her de facto canine caregiver. I don't know why it's such a shock. I grew up with dogs for my first two decades and am very comfortable around them; I just don't like beasts that crap in my yard.

Rain is pelting the windows of the office, and sooner or later I'm going to have to bite the bullet and call YaYa in to Sunday school. I let her sleep over at my sister's last night, forgetting about the time change. I had some wickedly elaborate dreams last night, the kind that a better writer would turn into a classic novel. Instead, I'm left with only fragments of the whole: a bus trip across the city in which a young man began arguing with a stranger he accused of talking through a film they'd seen; the brief [platonic] appearance of Amy, an old co-worker, as she explained some detail of retail work; and a very long sequence in which I guided a very badly injured hospital patient up a long ramp. The ramp was saturated with dried blood that belonged to the patient, his friends, and their enemies. He was a 'Blood Boy', a breed of vampires or vampire-killers who made their home in the building at the top.

I'd like to add a song to the blog's background. Not everyday, because that's annoying, but once in a blue moon. Does anyone know how to accomplish that? Bridgett, your blog frequently does that, doesn't it? Can you help?

Ok, time to leave the comfort of the office and resume fatherhood. Later.


* yeah, yeah. "He sure watches a lot of TV to begin with, doesn't he?" you're saying to your significant other. Not true. Well, sorta. I watch a lot of TV, but not during the day. I'll record whatever I want to watch and then, around 11pm or so, begin sacrificing hours better spent on sleep.

Smiley's Birthday

Today is my Smiley's 4th birthday, and we celebrated with a bowling party with the kids in his speech class. I intend to blog about it soon. Man, it seems like a blink of an eye since I came home to post the news of his birth on Slapinions.

We're all a little tired here, so I think I'll sign off. But I couldn't let the day go by without wishing my little man a happy birthday. May a 100 more await you Smiley!

The Alamo, Stacey, and American Idol

Happy 8th Birthday to my niece Stacey!


* * * *

To the Texans who died 127 years ago at the Alamo - Rest in Peace


* * * * * *


I have a beef with American Idol. We'll forgive the poorly orchestrated elimination round on Wednesday. I mean, really - lining up four obvious losers next to Scott and then stating only one of them moves on is like putting a supermodel alongside the Golden Girls and asking which one you'd like to take to bed. But I have one word for the 'Wildcard Round'.


Fixed. Crappy. Fixed and Crappy.


So it's two words. Sue me. There's no way the judges pondered and analyzed their decision in the ninety seconds of commercials before the announcements. Mind you, the decision to put both Matt and Anoop through took guts. Think of it; on the spur of the moment, swayed only by the talent in front of them, the judges extended the field to thirteen contestants. That means Fox will have to add another week of shows, with all the expenses that come with them, rearrange their network schedule, notify sponsors; all decided right then, in those ninety seconds.


Phooey.


Kristen should have been in the wildcard race. Ju'not should have been in the wildcard race. Even forgiving those errors Megan SUCKED. Relevant? She has twice produced lackluster, awkward performances where her lips barely moved to release sound. While I watched it I joked that she thought she was Edgar Bergen for pete's sake!

Jasmine? Boring and mediocre, as she was before. To hear the judges rave about her performance is a sure sign this was preordained.



And meanwhile Ricky, who gave a superb performance, is dismissed? What????



The decision to cut Tatiana is, again, curious. The judges find her annoying and dislike her personally. So what? She is entertaining and has a great voice. Keeping her in would have made great TV, and you know what? That's the point of the show. Not selling records. They want the records to sell to boost the shows value, not the other way around.


Obviously the judges went in knowing who would be chosen. I disagree on two of the counts, obviously, and venture to say that if it had gone to a vote (as it SHOULD have) America would have chosen Matt, Tatiana, and Ricky or Anoop.


What a horrible week for American Idol.

American Idol - the last of the 36

Rumor has it that the Wildcard round won't be composed of leftovers from the Top 36, but rather from people that didn't make the last cut in Hollywood week. Hmm. In that case it'd be a true 'second chance' but I don't see it happening; maybe a 50/50 mix, but that's it.

Either way, it makes the current cuts all the more important. So let's see what this week had to offer.

* * * * * *

It was a heck of a show, approximately 4000 times better than the appalling mess they put out on Ash Wednesday.

It started with Von Smith

I liked his peformance, even if I don't think it's nearly good enough to make the cut.

Then came Taylor



I dug the leather pants (a sentiment not echoed in the room) but thought she was nowhere near making the grade.

Alex Wagner-Trugman has a sharp wit, a deceptively funny personality



and sadly, not a good enough voice to push into the Top 12. Plus his onstage antics were just . . . painful.

Arianna had such a good chance of moving on



But her song choice was odd and her look, voice, and total package reeked of Ben Gay and AARP cards. She got too hung up on the judges' comments about her beauty and wanted to show them she was more than a pretty face. Arianna, they know that - they've heard you sing - but there's nothing wrong with being talented and attractive too.

Gone.

Ju'Not Joyner was a surprise.



I really liked his version of Hey There Delilah. I even liked the handcuffs he used to adorn his belt, and for most of the show I had him pegged as the man to beat.

Next us was Kristin MacNamara, who has always and apparently will always get a bum rap from the judges



First of all, screw their comments on her look. She's SMOKING HOT. Quite aside from that the vocals just melted out her mouth without the slightest (noticeable) effort. My word what talent, and yet I have my doubts about whether she'll survive this week.

Then there was Nathaniel Marshall



Oh Gawd it was vomit inducing. I can't stand this guy. It's not his sexuality; it's his drama queen persona, his crying, his headbands, his piercings, and his tacky clothing. Ugh.

He was awful, but you know what? It's piss sad that neither of his parents would come to root him on, and awkward and depressing that even his grandma appears to just tolerate the kid. The fact that he hasn't blown his head off - and I'm glad he hasn't - is a testament to his will. He deserves better than the family he received.

Number 7 is our scab of the night, Felecia Barton, who stepped into the Top 36 after a contestant was cut because she had a professional contract. The judges adored her, methinks in part to justify their decision.



She'll get no such kindness from me. Oh, she wasn't bad, not bad at all. I just don't think it was anywhere near as good as the panel made it out to be, and moreover I think many of the items that got her cut in Hollywood were front and center here. As Kara said about her in Hollywood, it is about more than just the technical ability to reach this note or that and produce this run at this moment; there should be some feeling, some depth to it. I wasn't feeling that AT ALL. Technically proficient, emotionally empty. I'll pass.

And then there came Scott Macintyre



I've never thought his voice was as good as advertised, and I will put it in print: if he had the gift of perfect sight, and was not a feel-good story to put in front of the camera, he wouldn't receive 50% of the good will he gets now. That isn't to say he isn't talented, but plenty of talented people get squat for press and are glossed over by the judges.

That said, he impressed me last night. A strong performance, and although there were weak spots it was one of the best male songs of the night.

Kendall Beard is an enigma



She's very talented, performs well, has a viable image that includes a conventionally hot body and face (she doesn't do anything for me), and yet she gets do diddly of props from the judges. Sadly, I do get the aura of 'forever unfulfilled promise' from her (some of my own bleaching out?). I think she'll be cut.

Then came Jorge Nunez. I've never been on his fan wagon



But he rocked it last night. Oh, I still had some trouble understanding a few of the lyrics, but let's not quibble. He brought it and he owned the stage. Well done.

The evening concluded with Lil' Rounds



This woman is a threat. A beautiful married (?) mother of three with a killer voice, confidence and charisma on the stage, and a raw energy that just pours out of her. Yikes.

* * * * *

Ok, so who's going to move on to the Final 12?

If I had the sole vote it would be Jorge and Lil', with Kristen to complete the trio. I put Ju'Not in there until I heard the recap and realized just how well Jorge aced it.

Realistically, it will be Jorge, Lil', and Scott.

* * * * * *

Last week, when Kris made it through? Easily one of my ten happiest, most shocking AI moments. Well played America, well played.

This and That

I finished out February with a bad case of bronchitis coupled with a wicked sore throat. It made work (and home) a tad agonizing, but that seemed to have passed - until this morning, when I woke up with Version 2.0. Lucky me :)

Naw, I think it's just a sniffle . . I hope.

* * * * *

Lisa's Dad is in the VA hospital for a knee replacement. That left Lisa's step-mother, who has MS and is prone to falling, without a caregiver. She moved on to her daughter's house but after a wicked fall it became apparent that her daughter's schedule, which left her alone most of the day, wasn't going to work. Lisa then volunteered to host her and her assistance dog.

Last night was her first night here. She's a good conversationalist and the kids adore having a dog here, so all is well so far. With Lisa and the kids at dance we watched Golden Girls (which we DVR here, as I have a long standing and disturbing crush on Betty White) and Oklahoma!. [The latter was a mistake, as I've annoyed everyone by frequently yelling "O O O Oh klahoma" around the house.]

* * * * * *

Happy 34th Birthday to my sister Katie yesterday!

* * * * *

Last week I wrote about how a predicted snowstorm resulted in no snow at all. The other night the reverse was true. The weather forecast was for occasional flurries. I woke up 13 inches of snow blanketing my world. It took hours to shovel it all out (which is probably where the sniffle is from).

Again, screw meteorologists. Charlatans, one and all.

* * * * *

I think I may change Lump's name to Ginger. Out of nowhere in the known gene pool she's developed beautiful red hair. Oddly enough my facial hair turns the same color if I let it grow out, so I'm thinking this is short lived. Still, it's neat to see with her pale skin and bright blue eyes.

* * * *

Smiley the other day, in protest: 'No I big boy ma-ma' A five word sentence! Hot Dog!

* * * *

For Lent I gave up the following:

1. Any and all food items from a gas station or dollar store - man, this one hurts. But I've been 100% sucessful so far.

2. No eating anything at all after 10 pm - harder than it sounds. I sometimes don't return from work until well after ten, and I'm always up until midnight or later. I've failed twice in seven days.

I've also tried to change two eating habits of mine. The first: my tendency when I'm hungry to have a food, say fettuccine Alfredo, pop into my head. I'll then go and seek that out like a bloodhound on a trail. Now I'm trying to recognize that it's hunger talking and that just about anything, from a healthy salad to a somewhat less awful burger, will fill the need.

Second, if I went to a place like, oh, Ned's Pizza, I'd go hog wild. Not because it was so great (even if it was) or I was hungry (even if I was) but because I always had this weird notion in my head that this might be the last opportunity I'd have to enjoy this food/restaurant/whatever.

I'd say that ties into my anxiety problem, but I could be wrong. At any rate I'm now resigning myself to the idea that a) I will have that food again and b) even if I don't, it won't be 'the' regret I'll fret about in the afterlife. The result? I've been able to scale back on the eating without feeling the pinch.

Rupaul's Drag Race

The Slapinions household is unusually fond of reality TV competitions, but with the exception of American Idol we've never bought into the big ones like Survivor, The Amazing Race, etc. Instead we seem to wind up with more unusual fare like Project Runway, Design Star and HGTV Showdown.

Add another one to the list: Rupaul's Drag Race.

Granted, it's an embarrassing admission for a straight guy. Lisa and I are both enthralled by it but shake our heads with each DVR'd (!) episode. "I can't believe we watch this stuff," she said.

But we do.

The premise is simple. Rupaul, her Majesty of Drag Queens, presents her contestants with a small challenge to start each show. "Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win!"

The winner gets a time or material advantage in each episodes main competition, be it choreographing a group dance or interviewing Tori Spelling on a talk show.

And along the way the draaaammmmma, ladies and gentlemen.

Each show concludes with the two lowest scoring Queens being forced to "Lip sync for your life!", with the best performer sticking around for another week. The winner is told to 'shante, you stay"; the loser "sa-shay away" [sic]

Rupaul's a kick, both in drag and as a nattily clad man. His catchprashes are just great. In addtiion to the ones above, I love his clear cut send-off before each contest: "Don't F*** it Up"

Here's a rundown on the contestants:

Ongina is a very petite Filipino man who recently revealed himself as HIV positive on the show. His chief asset seems to be a talent for dance and choreography, while his stature limits his adaptability on the runway. Easily the most flamboyantly gay man on the show, which is saying something.

Rebecca Glasscock is a drama queen (no pun intended) who is generally disliked among the queen's but is an attractive and capable performer on stage. Oddly, in recent weeks the judges have dismissed her stage presence, but I think that has much more to do with her off-stage antics than anything concrete

Bebe Zahara Benet is my least favorite contestant, in part because she's dull, but largely due to the fact that she is so blatantly a guy in drag.

Nina Flowers is just odd. As a person he seems ok, but while Puerto Rican he speaks with what sounds like a heavy Russian accent. He's also so muscular and tattooed that he comes across as a character from Mad Max.

Finally there's Shannel, the favorite to win this season. A Vegas showgirl?/guy? Shannel is over the top on costuming but has a woman's body and a face to match. She's very confident (too confident?) and found herself in the bottom two a week ago.



Rupaul's Drag Race can be seen on Monday's at 9PM on Logo, and (I think) on Wednesday's on Bravo or VHI - check your local listings.

:ost: The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham Season 5/Ep 7

Thanks for your comment Sarah. I hope all is well with you.

*******

In that comment Sarah called this episode one of the most boring and a waste of an hour of her life. I have to disagree, for one reason: I've come to the conclusion that we have to change our expectations about Lost. Not lower them certainly, but change them all the same.

For four seasons we were treated to a standard format (current storyline supported by flashbacks that elaborate on life pre-island) and a consistent purpose (character development with tiny nudges forward in plot, often creating more questions as it went).

Now we are jumping left and right in time and place, or camped out in a strictly chronological time line.

I'll admit, I don't like it nearly as much. But, we are in the end game. We have a limited amount of time to discover as many answers as possible. As long as I'm still entertained - and I am - I'm sticking around.

Now as for the episode itself, the net is strangely abuzz with theories on every bit of this week's story. I don't get it. To me it seemed straightforward. Locke leaves the island and is found by Charles Widmore.



He is given Matthew Abaddon as a driver and sets out to recruit the Oceanic Six, with a side trip to see Walt. Not a whole lot happens, unless you count the Six saying 'No', and eventually Locke wants to see his ex-fiance Helen. Abaddon - who says he guided Locke onto the walkabout (and hence the island) because it's what he does - brings him to Helen's grave site.

While at the cemetery Abaddon is shot and killed by an unseen assailant



Eventually, after facing the fact that he's failed in his task, John decides to hang himself in his hotel room. Ben forces his way in, cops to killing Abaddon, spins yet another yarn about how 'special' John is, and talks him out of the act.

He gets the name of John's contact from him and then, in a wee bit of a shock, strangles Locke and stages a suicide.



On the island, in our current time (?) John is resurrected, with full memory of his death. He joins the survivors of Flight 316 and discovers Ben among the injured survivors.

* * *

So why all this over the top net frenzy? Ack, don't bring up Locke's return from the dead. If you hadn't guessed the whole 'Wrath of Khan' death bit weeks ago you're a fool.

I wasn't happy to see that flight #316 crashed.

a) because it means more innocents have died in the name of the Losties

b) it means it can't be the plane masquerading as Oceanic 815

c) it really annoys me that we're treating the island like a rest stop. What, anyone can get stranded there now?

I suppose one could question if Helen is alive or not, and if the gravestone was a scam; but either way, what would it matter to the viewer?

You could wonder if Matthew was indeed murdered, but he works for Widmore and Widmore's enemy Ben admits to the deed. That's a pretty compelling argument for closure.

And as for the murder scene. Hmm. You can argue convincingly that Ben solicits the unknown contact from Locke and then kills him to resume his place as leader of the Others. Or that he knew of Hawking but was alarmed to hear that Locke did and needed to prevent his use of her.

My take? I don't know which of the two scenarios is closer to the mark, but I know this: Ben knows that Locke will do the Lazarus bit, and so the murder is really more of a . . kidnapping I guess.

As for Walt, yeah, he'll figure into the endgame eventually. It doesn't interest me much, but it's inevitable.

The Dark Knight

I've always been a fan of the Caped Crusader, listing him just behind Spiderman as my superhero of choice. But I've never really enjoyed the movies, even the good ones, because they were so dark.

Batman is of course a creature of the night, forged in the shadow of his parents murder and very much at home in the seedy underbelly of his hometown. I get that. And I know the movies are 'seen' through the worldview of Bruce Wayne. You're not going to see rainbows and butterflies in his world.

But, watching the films I've always felt Gotham was hopeless, a corrupt and violent town without a future and not much of a present. Like I said as the DVD was loading "Who'd ever want to live there?"

I finished the movie wonderfully surprised. This wasn't a movie about death and mayhem, it was a movie about Redemption, of a city and its people rising from decay and reaching for the sun. Yes, yes, there are dozens of scenes of violence and horror, and Gotham isn't quite ready for a 'Best of . . ' list.

But throughout the film the city is filmed in daylight, with color, with pride. A police commissioner is murdered, threats are made, and yet the city turns out to honor their dead and look evil in the eye. Setbacks are made and but the city moves forward, slowly but forcibly, towards their goal of peace and integrity. Batman senses this change and vocalizes it at times, but even if he didn't it's readily apparent in his actions. He is not the Savior of his city, he is its band-aid. It is not him who saves hundreds in the end - no, it is the citizens of Gotham themselves.

You can almost - almost - picture wanting to visit the city.

As for Heath Ledger, my word what a performance. I felt he came into his own during his interrogation by Batman, and from that point on the role was his. His hospital scenes . . wow.

Long live Batman, and long live Gotham.