American Idol/Fashion Show

Wow. We didn't have a chance to watch the AI elimination show until about 10 p.m tonight, but it was a doozy. Kris was the weakest of the bunch and doesn't have the vocal chops to compete at this point, and yet he coasted through.

That worries me.

If Danny had been eliminated (as I was erroneously told Wednesday) I'd have stopped watching. Not out of hometown loyalty or outrage, but because it meant the last remaining hope to knock off Adam was gone. Now a small part of my head is concerned that Kris might capture the crown in ridiculous Taylor Hicks fashion, leaving better singers - Adam and Danny - out in the cold.

Tomorrow is Danny Gokey day here in Milwaukee, btw. Take a gander at the Journal website for more info and an itinerary.

* * *

Oh, one last thing. Allison's farewell song was THE BEST SUCH PERFORMANCE EVER. Full of emotion, power, confidence, and soul. Well done.

* * *

Tonight was the premiere of Bravo's The Fashion Show with Isaac Mizrahi.



You might have heard that Project Runway left Brazo in a legal huff; the last I heard it'll show up on Lifetime this fall. Bravo's The Fashion Show is, let's be frank, a knockoff of Runway.

Does that mean it's no good? No, not necessarilly. I think it has potential if it can counter a few obvious flaws. Chief among them is the lack of a Tim Gunn to stroll in and critique outfits in progress. Instead, Isaac and annoying co-host Kelly Rowland keep mum and snipe in private. Not good, as some of the designers need direction, and more importantly the audience needs to be clued in on what's what in the sewing room.

Still, there's a lot to like and a lot of personalites in play. We'll definitely give it a shot for a few weeks.

Quote of the Day

It's a beautiful day here in Milwaukee, warm and sunny but not so hot that you break into a sweat (unless you want to). Overall its been very low-key, and I've spent most of it driving my sister around town as payment for babysitting. The only exciting moment so far today (other than The Match Game - natch!)was when the mailman arrived hours early and caught a glimpse of Lisa's boobs as she changed.

"Dude, he was scoping out your t**s!" I told her.

"Was he?"

"Yeah"

"Good," she said. "Nice to know they're still popular."

* * * *


Well then. I had intended this post as a nice, family friendly collection of misc. items that don't warrant a post of their own. Eh, that won't work anyway, as I'm about to have to go chase the baby around the kitchen. Briefly:

1. Ginger is now babbling constantly, has learned the word 'no' and practices it often, can say Smiley and LuLu's names, and constructed a three word sentence the other day in her crib: "Dada baby up!"

2. I replaced YaYa's fish. At 1 am last night she woke me up as she attempted to keep Angelcakes from raiding the fishbowl on her dresser. When she kicked Angel out of her room - robbing her of her prized sleeping position next to YaYa on the bed - the cat was horrified and cried nonstop. In the end both YaYa and Angel had to sleep in our bed, with the fish safely locked alone in her room.

American Zombie

Whatever you may think of the casual tone I write with on Slapinions, rest assured I'm the same guy who regularly cranked out thesis papers galore. That includes one monster that was distributed in graduate classes by a professor who used it as an example of 'ideal post-grad work'.

Point being, I can spin the academic lingo, which can at times include a heavy dose of bullshit. If need be I can wax poetic on how vitally important wax paper has been to the development of the American judicial system in western Maine, or how necessary Scooby Doo was for the establishment of feminist thought in Nebraska.

Eh, it's a gift.

But I can't, I just CANNOT, come up with a deep and symbolic interpretation for any bit of this gawdawful film.

American Zombie is a mockumentary about Zombies trying to 'make it' in the realm of everyday American life. Around the time you wake up from the second or third nap you take watching it, the film crew runs into trouble at an all-Zombie retreat and it morphs into a ho-hum horror movie.

On Amazon you'll find someone in academia who tried, ever so hard, to make this all fit into a neat, tidy, intentional work of 'deep' art.

Bullshit. It was a catchy idea rendered dull and senseless by a bunch of Zombies who are not funny, entertaining, scary, or for that matter even very Zombie-like.

Please, for the love of God, leave this movie on the shelf.

1.0 out of 4

YaYa's Communion - Party Favors/Presents

I wanted to get some 'official' shots of the party favors from YaYa's Communion, as well as some pictures of the gifts we gave her.

Here are the chocolate covered Oreos we made:







Here are custom M&M's imprinted with individual pictures of YaYa and her cousin:







Here she is opening a gift from my Mom and Dad, opened the night before the event.







Here's a shot of our presents, which we gave her before the Mass.





















Here are our gifts in close-up. A tin of Bella Sara cards:



and a bunch of books that included a Junie B Jones Journal and several Titanic Books, including a choose-your-own Adventure book she insisted on taking with her to Mass (but we left in the car), and a set of First Lady flash cards.

American Idol - May 5th, 2009

Slash rocks, and he's the genuine article, but what exactly did he do for those guys tonight? Not much, if you trust the clips of him in action.

* * * * *

Four solo performances, two duets. Let's get to it.

1. Adam - Nearly by default it was the best of the night, but I'm sorry I just can't share the voluminous love. I watched it twice, once listening to without watching the screen. It was good, but was it Evian in the desert? Not quite. Even so, the best of the night.

2. Allison - You would think she would have slam-dunked this week, but I found it pedestrian. It was a 'safe' version that barely showed her vocal skill.

3. Kris - well . . . not awful, but as he finished I turned to Lisa and said "He's gone."

4. Danny - This was soooo not his cup of tea, but oh well. I thought his vocals were choppy and the famous high note at the end was all over the place. If it wasn't for Kris' performance I'd be sweating the result show.

Duets: What's the point, except to fill time? Adam/Allison had the better duet, although I liked Renegade (one of Lisa's all-time favorite songs. I once bought her a 45 record of it back in the day).


* * * *

The results? Adam's safe. The bottom three is further reduced by Danny, who largely coasts this week on an established reputation and fan base. I have to think that America agrees with me and that Kris will go home.

Anyway, who cares? Paula Abdul performs live tomorrow! Whoo-hoo!*



* Lisa saw her 'live' once, and after the lip-synced concert, Abdul tried to do a live song for an encore and failed. She apologized to the audience and no one seemed upset. That was pre-Milli Vanilli if I have my chronology right.

Pictures of Stacey's Communion

Here are some pictures of my niece's First Communion Mass.

My sister, Stacey's Mom:



LuLu and Ginger in the pew.



My niece and her friend



Great Aunt Mabel



My sister K:



Some random hottie, with YaYa in the foreground.



My nephew. Let's not even begin to talk about the hair.



My Mom





People's Sexiest Man Alive 2029:



My Pop



Yeah, I looked like poop. I needed a haircut. And eight hours of sleep. And to learn how to smile on camera. But otherwise, A-OK.



The crowd before the event



My niece (the little blonde)



Despite appearances, she did actively participate in a surprise dance the kids put on.



Man I needed a haircut. Stacey with her Godparent's





Two funny moments at the Mass: the priest was splashed in the eye by the Holy Water, eliciting a laugh, and the following exchange during the introductory dialogue of the Eucharistic Prayer. At Easter/Christmas/formal events there's a noticeable hesitation in the actions of the crowd. It's not just an influx of people who are casual church-goers and may be stumped; it's also a bunch of family and friends from around town who know each church runs things a little different. During the following you should rise to your feet.

Priest: The Lord be with you.

All: And also with you.

Priest: Lift up your hearts

All: We lift them up to the Lord

Priest (smiling): I don't know what you're lifting, since you'll all still on your knees.

And one touching moment: when we went up for Communion YaYa went with us, and as usual received a blessing from the Priest. As we walked back to the pew I told her "That's the last time that'll happen. After tomorrow, you'll be with the grown-ups." Oh man, you should have seen the pride on her face.

Lastly, here's Ginger on the way home. Oh, she might look peaceful here, but in the pew she was wild and carefree. She once whipped a sippy cut three rows back, nearly smacking a guy in the face.

Some very well dressed kids (for a change)

Saturday May 2nd was our niece/Godchild's First Communion. Here are some photos of my kids in the lead-up to the event (LuLu had already joined her cousin en route to the church). In the hour before the Mass, YaYa took it upon herself to walk Ginger up and down are block to keep her busy. A rare volunteer moment for our oldest, but one that was greatly appreciated as we struggled to get out the door.

Man they're cute!

How did they get on the show?

I'm still a huge Match Game nut (and a growing fan of Charles Nelson Reilly) but I also have fond memories of The Joker's Wild, another after school game show treat from my childhood.

I watched some clips of it today on Youtube, and it holds up well. It's not as good as The Match Game, but then nothing is.

If you have a few minutes take a look at this clip, in which two players battle it out for the title of "Least Effective/Most Ignornant Contestant in Game Show History." Check out Jack Barry's frustration at the pair of them. At least (contestant) Daphne Palmer was hot, so she had something going for her.

Enjoy!




BTW - late condolences for the loss of the great Bea Arthur, an actress with great comedic timing and a biting wit. It was a big enough event in my world for my sister to text me the news at work. As a fan of The Golden Girls (one of the best written, best acted sitcoms of the era), I'll miss her.

Bobs, Fishies, and Funerals on the Front Porch

What a weird day. After I returned from work Lisa immediately left for her own job, and I took a whack at cutting the lawn for the first time in 2009. Let me tell you, that ol' push reel mower gave me a workout. My legs burn a lot more than they would after a half hour bike ride. I don't know if that means I'm that much (more) out of shape, or if I need the blades sharpened. Probably both.

YaYa, who went to play with her cousin after school, then called and started pleading with me to take her for a haircut. She's wanted a bob for over a year, but we refused to do it before the Commmunion. Now she called in her markers, and I agreed if a) I called her Mom and she gave the ok b) she got my sister to babysit and c) if she got home at a reasonable time.

With all three criteria met, we went for the haircut. The stylist had a great personality and YaYa kept up a steady stream of chatter, mainly about the communion. The cut turned out longer than she wanted, but YaYa was so ecstatic afterwards it was nuts. She was grinning, jumping, skipping, you name it. "Are you happy?" I asked. "What does it look like?" she said.

The whole way home all she could talk about was her hair and the two goldfish she'd bought with her First Communion money. Nicknamed Betsy "Bess" (the big one) and Anne (the small one), she was instantly fascinated with them. She even wrote a note to herself on her dresser, identifying each one by size and warning herself to "feed them only when I go to bed."









We were home maybe thirty seconds before YaYa screamed and chaos broke loose, with one kid after another flying down the stairs. "He killed him!" YaYa yelled, "Smiley got into my room and killed Betsy!"

"Smiley is that true?!" I said.

He gave me a panicked deer-in-the-headlights look and shook his head no. I went up to her room and found Betsy upside down in the bowl, surrounded by a heapin' helpin' of fish food.

"SMILEY!!!" I yelled.

We'll skip ahead a few minutes to keep this civil. YaYa was in tears, LuLu was putting her arms around her and trying to comfort her, Smiley was in his room crying, the baby had no clue what was going on and was wailing, and my sister hurried to put on her coat.

"See ya," she said and walked out the door. Lucky devil.

I scooped the fish out and told YaYa we'd have a funeral for her in our backyard, right there in the moonlight. We went outside and picked a spot and were all set to bury the fish when YaYa decided she wanted to write a farewell letter to her. So she went back to her room and I was left holding a dead fish.

The text, which was followed by a drawing of Betsy, read:

Dear Betsy. I loved you. I loved you more than Anne, even thow [sic] I had you for a day. [Smiley] got into my room and killed you. We love you and I love you. [YaYa} + the [Slapinions]

Change of plan: instead of the backyard I'd bury her in the planter on the front porch, then plant our normal summer flowers in it as a 'memorial' to Betsy. Imagine the scene: YaYa, bawling, falling to her knees on the porch in prayer. LuLu, trying to comfort her, asking me if we could "maybe, like, buy one of those round stones with her name on it" to put over the grave; Smiley, no longer crying but staying inside watching through the door; and an endless parade of items to be donated to the grave, from the letter to a cloth tulip to a tiny rabbit statue and a piece of a Mr. Clean Eraser.

"Enough already," I said. "It's a goldfish. Let's keep this in perspective." And with that, surrounded only by the letter and the paper tulip, Betsy was laid to rest.



It turns out Smiley was at fault. Earlier in the day, while I was at work, a visitor (Faith) happened to walk by the bowl and notice Betsy on the floor. Smiley had taken her out to pet her, and then left her on the floor. She survived, but apparently was greatly weakened by the ordeal.

What a day.