Arlo and Janis, the best comic strip out there. Why aren't you reading it?

- by Jimmy Johnson

Gen-u-wine Wisconsin Potato

While prepping for our belated Easter feast today, YaYa was keen to show me this potato she discovered.








Hmmm. It looks strangely familiar . . .

The Library Does GaGa

Sarah Wachter, a UW-Seattle student in library and information science, has created a small internet sensation with this version of Lady GaGa's "Bad Romance".

Enjoy!

You got a question that is causing you some pain
Typin’ keywords into the search engine again.
Look your naïve searching just ain’t gonna get it done
Cause when it comes to search if it’s not tough it isn’t fun (fun)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I’ll blow your mind, show you how to find.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I’ll blow your mind, show you how to find.

Can use my
Can use my
Yeah you can use my catalog
(Don’t forget the databases)
Can use my
Can use my
Yeah you can use my catalog
(Don’t forget the databases)

Ca-ca-ca-catalog ca-ca-catalog
(Mum mum mum mah)
Ca-ca-ca-catalog ca-ca-catalog
(Mum mum mum mah)

This keyword search it gives you way too many hits
Boolean limits pare things down to just what fits
Use the thesaurus to find subject terms that work
Then in just one minute you’ll be through like Captain Kirk (Kirk)

[Chorus]

We love the Big 6, baby!

Step one define your problem
Pick your sources.
Then go huntin’. We’re not puntin’
On the research. We’re engaging and extracting somethin’
Then you can put it back together
Tell your friends about your awesomeness
It’s synthesis synthesis
Evaluate cause we’re into this.

Charles Nelson Reilly ate his own weight in coal and excreted diamonds everyday. True Fact.

My love of The Match Game is well documented; less so is my admiration for the man who entertained America from the top row/stage left for most of the show's run. I speak, of course, of Charles Nelson Reilly.


Well, it turns out that Weird Al Yankovic released a song paying tribute to The Match Game superstar. Here, in a parody of the White Stripes, is 'CNR'.




Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you'd never disrespect
He stood eight feet tall, wore glasses, and had a third nipple on the back of his neck
He ate his own weight in coal, excreted diamonds everyday
He could throw you down a flight of stairs, but you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France with two flat tires and a missing chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry, I'm telling you the man was insane
He could rip out your beating heart, and show it to you before you died
Everyday he' make the host of Match Game give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene

Ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, Oh yeah
Oh yeah
He had his own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion, but he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw, and swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel if you didn't treat him like a star
You could spit at the wind, or tug at Superman's cape
But Lord knows you don't mess around with CNR
No, no, no
Talkin' about CNR

Everything you wanted to know about Canada but were afraid to ask!

While its intent was to get a laugh, this Rick Mercer clip from Feb 3rd (2009) taught me a lot about the convoluted workings of the Canadian government. From an outsiders perspective, I have to comment on what a whacky system they've put in place. It's worked for them so far, of course, but look at it from a distance and just try to justify it by saying "That's the right and proper way to go about it!".

On a less serious note, if you can ignore the canned laugh track, there are some funny lines, such as describing the Queen as "an elderly lady of German descent who lives in a castle across the ocean."



H/T Canadian Perspective

"The Landlord" by Will Ferrell - "You Pay Now . . B**ch!"

Click HERE to watch the sketch on Funny or Die. Adult language is involved. Duh. :)



Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are hanging out at Will Ferrell’s house. Adam McKay is reading an issue of Vogue Magazine and Will Ferrell is rummaging in the refrigerator for something to drink.Adam McKay: So, it says here that Madonna is reinventing herself again. Hey, did you get that letter from the doctor yet?Will Ferrell: I did.Adam McKay: What did it say?Will Ferrell: My dad’s gay.Adam McKay: I knew it. Those blood tests don’t lie man.Will Ferrell shakes his head in agreement. There is a knock at the door.Adam McKay: Who’s that?The screen goes black and white text reading “the LANDLORD” is displayed. Will Ferrell can be heard speaking.Will Ferrell: It’s my landlord, Pearl.The image returns to Adam McKay. There is another knock on the doorWill Ferrell: I’m late on my rent.Adam McKay: Oh, I’m getting out of here, man. She’s nasty.Will Ferrell: No, no, no, please, I need you to stay.Will Ferrell goes to answer the door.Adam McKay: This is going to be ugly.Will Ferrell opens the door to reveal a very small girl that is only a few years old. She yells at Will Ferrell.Pearl McKay: Where’s the rent?Will Ferrell: You don’t have to raise your voice.Pearl McKay: You pay now!Will Ferrell: I can give you half.Pearl McKay: You pay…now, bitch!Will Ferrell: Hey, don’t talk to me like that, okay.Pearl McKay: I’m tired of this crap.Will Ferrell: Look, I…I thought I was clear in my email, I need a couple weeks.Pearl McKay: I work too hard…Will Ferrell: Can I just get two more weeks?Pearl McKay: I want my money!Will Ferrell: You need to relax.Pearl McKay: You’re an asshole.Will Ferrell: Uh-uh! (Shakes his head in the negative.)Pearl McKay: I want my money, bitch.Will Ferrell: Hey don’t call me bitch! I’m a grown man!Pearl McKay: Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.Will Ferrell: God, you’re mean.Will Ferrell starts crying and Pearl McKay begins laughing at him.Will Ferrell: Hey, don’t make fun of me crying.Pearl McKay: You’ll be evicted.Will Ferrell: I’m not doing so good, Pearl.Pearl McKay: I put you on the streets.Will Ferrell: Pearl, I’m gonna pay you. I’m working three jobs right now. I’m working nights. I’m driving a cab. I’m inside with my buddy right now, just going over my resume.Pearl McKay: I’m gonna smack you.Will Ferrell: Okay, you know what? You need to relax.Pearl McKay: I want my money!!!Will Ferrell: Look, why do you need your money so fast? Come on.Pearl McKay: I need to get my drink on.Will Ferrell: You scare me. You’re an alcoholic.Pearl McKay: Can I have 4 beers?Will Ferrell: Seriously, you are an alcoholic.Pearl McKay falls down on the front step.Will Ferrell: Yeah you’re drunk. I knew it. You’re already drunk.Pearl McKay: I’m just buzzed.Will Ferrell: You know, you’re in…you’re in no condition to deal with this right now.Pearl McKay starts to walk away and a bottle of beer is in her hand.Pearl McKay: I’m taking my beer.Will Ferrell: Just take your beer and get out of here, okay. Yeah, we’ll talk tomorrow. This isn’t over.Pearl McKay: (Looks back at Will Ferrell) Come, mommy.Will Ferrell: Jesus.Will Ferrell closes his door fearfully and the screen cuts to black.

Kanye on Capitol Hill

H/T BadgerBlogger

Susan Boyle and Body Deodorant

Oh Dear God. I was mistakenly directed to the Huffington Post. where I had the joy of reading about lesbian vampire sex. Ugh. Why do liberals feel compelled to to spoil everything by adding vampires to the mix?

Anywho, I am embroiled in a teeny-tiny Facebook dispute. I was the first commenter on a Redbox post. (As I have some measure of class, I did not write "First!!!!").

The post for the national DVD rental company linked to a People.com poll asking readers whether or not Robin Williams, in drag as his Mrs. Doubtfire persona, should be hired to play Susan Boyle in a movie bio-pic.




My opinion? The poll is insulting and inappropriate for a nationwide, publicly traded company. It'd be one thing if they were The Onion or National Lampoon, but they're not. Satire and comic insults aren't their business, and they come off looking like a childish ass. As for People.com, well, I reckon they've been a lost cause for years.

I posted my opinion and was greeted with labels like "sensitive" (snort), thin-skinned, etc. Whatever. Anyone who knows me I have a potty mouth and a brain as filthy as a stadium men's room. But there is a time and place for everything, and the time for joking about a woman's appearance, well, it sure ain't in print on a corporate post.

Idiots.

* * * *

I had meant to post the following, but I'll give credit where it's due: Bucko beat me to the punch. With that said, may I introduce you (again) to Aspray, the all-over body deodorant.



I'm not even buying this as 100% legitimate yet, as I smell a rat (no pun intended). But some sites are calling the commerical the "most offensive" they've ever seen. Really?

More than the women's razor commercial advertising a trim bush (literally)? More than the myriad commercials for herpes medicine, tampons, irregular bowel yogurt, foot fungus cream, and just about anything involving a political candidate? Really????

Hey look. If this is real, I'm all for it. In theory it's no different than feminine deodorant spray, right? Heck, I've always wondered why we only put deodorant on our pits, when there's a few other choice spots that need attention. On the male spectrum I'm on the low-stench side, at least according to my lady, but I could still use some help at times.

No shame in my game, honey.

Cash for Clunkers, Minnesota style

Joe Heller's work, as seen in the Green Bay Press Gazette.

A piece of slightly Kloss eyed genius

Growing up, a lot of kids look up to sports stars and musicians. While I certainly had my favorites (Paul Molitor, James Lofton) I also had a more peculiar idol: Milwaukee Journal writer Gerald Kloss.

Kloss wrote a column called Slightly Kloss Eyed for the Green Sheet, the afternoon paper's weekday comics and humor section. I had the pleasure of seeing him in person (although we weren't introduced) during a tour of the company in the mid '80's.

Anyhow, I came across this today and thought it was worth a repeat here. In January 1974 a city of Milwaukee standpipe, a vertical pipe meant to guide water to the upper floor of a building, leaked during a fire.

"The great standpipe scandal was upon us. The city desk couldn't have been happier.

So many standpipe stories ran in the next weeks that a couple of office wags put together a list assigning fake standpipe stories to everyone in the newsroom, from the sob sister to the music critic. . .

Gerald Kloss, the Green Sheet poet, strolled in that morning and stopped at the bulletin board where, mildly amused, he read the list of assignments. Then he came to his own: "Eighteen lines of iambic pentameter couplets on standpipes beginning `Ah, Chloe.' "

He turned on his heels and strode to his typewriter. In less than an hour, 18 lines of perfectly scanned, iambic pentameter couplets were on the bulletin board. They began:

Ah, Chloe, erst I saw you standing there

Upon that naked shore, pristine and bare,

I fondly mused, "There is, indeed, a verity

In this, your very perpendicularity!

Standpipe-straight, not veering from the vertical,

Nor leaning left nor right en mode absurdical!"

The rest of the staff, some of whom had difficulty writing prose, to say nothing of poetry, gathered at the bulletin board in humbled silence, much like the awe with which the crowd must have greeted events at Lourdes. One suspects that if Kloss talked in his sleep, it came mumbling out as rhymed couplets. He couldn't help it.

He was a genius."

Kinky Boots and Pong

I first laid eyes on this LOL British news piece courtesy of Matt on Facebook. In it a professional engineer designs and builds new uses for outdated technology, including the doo-dad in the title.

Enjoy!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8175612.stm

James Larsson likes to play '70s video game Pong with a fetish boot as a
controller and a whip to punish the loser.
It is just one of his novel ways
he makes use of old technology.
He has shown Ellie Gibson around his
workshop where he incorporates high voltage electricity, old video games and
even cats, into inventions reviving defunct technology.
These experiments
have been conducted by a professional engineer and should not be recreated.

William Tell visits Russia's Got Talent

What a sad testament it is to human nature that I LMAO when I saw this. I have to think this is fake, although the judges of "Russia's Got Talent" certainly don't seem to be in on it. Again, I "think" it's fake, but I have no proof to dispute the folks online who are calling it 100% real.




UPDATE: I can't stop giggling each time I see it. I am a bad, bad person.

Journey's 'Separate Ways' - the literal video

From dascottjr, the Youtube master of literal music videos, here's Journey at their best.

"count my close-ups, here's #2 . . . 3 . . .4 . . turn head left, watch the chords in my neck protrude, dude"

Literal Music Videos

Over at And Rightly So they posted a sample of "literal music videos" - YouTube clips that seek to reconcile the lyrics of the song with the actual, crazy activity you see on the screen.

When done right it's a blast. When done poorly it's just cra*. The best of them seem to be the product of DustoMcNeato. Let's see if you agree.

Let's introduce the idea with an oldie - The Monkees Daydream Believer.
"And then I dance like Axel Rose/In my fruity sixties clothes". Priceless!




Here's one that's just made for the format: Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Titanic 2: Jack's Back

I thought this clip was very imaginative, funny and well done. Ladies and Gentlemen - Titanic: Two the Surface.

                         

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Some say a waste of time . . others say an incredible waste of time

The last time I wrote a glowing report on the Brewers they tanked a series versus the Cubs. I will not repeat that mistake, nor express my man love for CC Sabathia, as we face a two game series against St. Louis that *could* put the Wild Card firmly in our pocket.

So instead of putting a curse on my Brew Crew, please enjoy this segment from Conan O'Brien's show in which he visits a group of 1864 Base Ball re-enactors.

You don't have to love baseball to get a laugh or two from this one.

Conan O'Brien 1864 Baseball
Uploaded by Youpinadi

Earl Weaver's rant - WARNING: Foul Language!!!

Oh man if you have sensitive ears kindly skip over this post, as I would prefer not to have AOL overreact if you're offended. And even if you swear like a sailor, for pete's sake watch the volume if you're at work!

This is an actual radio show interview from back in the day featuring Hall of Fame manager Earl Weaver, who turned 78 yesterday.

On the second listen I think I wet my pants from laughing, but again, this isn't a clip for sissies.

Happy Birthday Earl!

 

Tags: Earl Weaver

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A Scam at Home Depot??

Sweet niblets could my computer get any slower tonight? While waiting for this page to load I read Bradbury's Night Call, Collect (from his story collection I Sing the Body Electric) start to finish. Dangnabbit.

And for what? A lousy email joke. Still, here it is, with thanks to acompany employee.

* * * * *

SCAM @ HOME DEPOT


Be Careful - A 'heads up' for those men who
may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam
while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be
quite traumatic.

Don't be naove enough to think it couldn't happen to
you or your f! riends. Here's how the scam works:

Two very hot 20-21 year-old girls come over to your
car as you are packing your stuff into the trunk. They
both start wiping your windshield with a rag and
Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their
skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When
you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and
instead they ask you for a ride to Lowes. You agree
and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the
front seat and starts crawling all over you, while
the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on
the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also April 1st,
4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th,
three times last Saturday and very likely again this
upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale, $2.99 each.

 

Don't Mess with Old Ladies

I read this on Make 'Em Laugh and had to repost it here. Please be so kind as to visit that journal and say hello.

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Olde r Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that y ou have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!


Don't Mess With Old Ladies

When the ideal just doesn't *quite* cover all the bases . . .