The tree out front goes "Adios!"

Since we moved into our house four years ago we've taken special notice of the city-owned tree in front of our house. While much of it seemed healthy (certainly healthy enough to generate piles of leaves and clogged gutters every autumn) one large branch was visibly dead, and as the years wore on more and more of the trunk appeared diseased.

A few calls for removal went unheeded, but a few weeks ago a city worker drove by and just happened to notice the tree. He got out of his truck to talk to me, then put in an order for the tree to be cut down. The crew showed up the day we departed for LuLu's trip to Fort Atkinson.



One guy went up in a cherry picker with a small chain saw. One by one he removed the large limbs of the tree, often lowering them to the ground with rope.





Other crew members carried the debris to a portable chipper.



Given Smiley's huge interest in botany and gardening, this was right up his alley and we sat outside and watched the proceedings until it started to rain. Lu joined us for a spell, but YaYa (claiming to mourn the tree) stayed in her room. The guy in the cherry picker waved to her when he was even with her window.





Much of the tree is still standing. The rest will be removed another day, and the stump ground down. A replacement will be planted in the spring or fall of 2012.

My Favorite Things pt 2

I think that a few people thought an earlier spiel about my cell phone was a paid post, part of some obscure Internet marketing plan. No, sorry. I just love the phone. You'll see a few more posts of my 'favorite things' in the future. For today, I'm going to chose something low-tech, just to finish dispelling that notion.

This is a canvas book cover available at Barnes and Noble. Large enough to accomodate a Robert Jordan tome, but able to adapt to any convential size hardcover, this is truly one of my Favorite Things. I have one to accomodate mass market paperbacks, but it's this one that I adore.



It has a durable, textured canvas cover that resists stains, and a zipper that locks up the book safe and sound.



When I read a hardcover I remove the dust jacket for safe keeping and slide the book into the case. It includes an attached ribbon bookmark, if you like that sort of thing. Myself, I think bookmarks are a sign of mental weakness. ;)



The outside of the case features a zippered pocket. It's deceptively roomy. I keep my datebook, book light, coins, and misc junk in it.



And of course, it also has a handle along the spine.



I got the book cover from my Mom for my birthday in '09, and it certainly ranks as not only one of my Favorite Things, but one of the best gifts ever. I love it.

~ Dan

Our tulips are blooming - Mothers Day 2011

An odd place to store a toothbrush . . .

What is this, you may ask? A few weeks ago the kids got new toothbrushes that had a suction cup bottom, presumably so they'd stay upright on a counter without needing a toothbrush holder. Whatever. Anyhow, the kids began to attach them to the vanity mirror. After a few days of this Lisa laid down the the law - they were never to put the toothbrushes on the mirror again.

So they didn't. They started using the bathroom window instead.

Facebook Feb 21st - 22nd

Feb 21st: I'm on Club Penguin cart surfing to earn coins for Grace's penguin. Ain't nobody can top me in the mines, N-O-B-O-D-Y. If you think different, step on up pardner. I'm the penguin in the purple gown and the long brown hair racking up the points. Bring your A game and prepare to recognize!

* The First World War (2003) This mini-series is showing on the Military Channel this month and I think it's superb. It's British, so it focuses a bit too much on their experience, but that's to be expected. @ least it makes an effort to inc the Eastern front & the Turks. A bit too heavy on the 'evil' Boche cliche early on, but overall it's balanced if rudimentary. Worth a look.

* Proof that advertising seeps into the brain: I took my two oldest to the grocery store to look for plain yogurt. No luck, but there was plenty of Activia. As soon as they saw it on the shelves both girls pointed and sang, in harmony, the Activia jingle.

Feb 22nd: Pediatricians call for a choke-proof hot dog Jeez-us. What's next? Scooping the crap out of their bum to avoid the risk of a hemorroids? Shaving their head so their hair won't get stuck in a whirlpool? Cut the hot dog lengthwise and problem solved. By the time my kids are my age we'll have ditched the eagle and made our national icon the pu**y.

* Koss sues American Express over Sachdeva purchases What crap. Koss hires a thief, is oblivious to how she's gouging them, American Express notifies them and stops the bleeding - and Koss turns around and sues them. Way to further America's decent into litigious Suckassyness.

* First Dick Cheney is hospitalized, now Bob Dole. It's a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy. I wish them both a speedy recovery

Archaeologist sees proof for Bible in ancient wall

* Dems, GOP: Summit will not break logjam on health Quoting the lead paragraph of the article: "Realistically, he's just hoping to win a big enough slice to silence the talk of a failing presidency." That's a far cry from the fawning MSM of '08.

* Archer's been renewed for a 2nd season! Hot Dog



* Chavez of Venezuela, Uribe of Colombia in shouting match - I'm w/ you Uribe. I'd swear at him too, if he was funding guerillas who cross the border and terrorize my citizens. Not that it matters to El Presidente KooKoo, but he's the reason I haven't visited a Citgo in close to four years.

* For our anniversary we were granted 2 1/2 hr w/out children, all in the middle of the day. Long enough to stop and buy some needed pet food, wait for a table at Olive Garden, and scarf down some food. I'm grateful 4 the break, but 4 the record: on my bday, if I don't find a babysitter, I'm locking the kids in the shed ...with a water bottle, a loaf of bread, and a harmonica. Ok, 2 bottles of water. Maybe 3. ;)

-all kidding aside, my folks and sister Kwatched the little ones for most of the afternoon, and while we had the older girls they did try to stay out of our way (and my mother-in-law kindly picked them up from school, saving us a trip).

Facebook Feb 19th - 21st

Feb 19th: The man who allegedly accosted Mitt Romney on the plane was Berry Gordy's nephew, a rapper from LMFAO. He claims Mitt started it. Hmmm. I wonder which one to believe.

* re: Tiger Woods' apology: From Tim Cuprisin: Best line tweeted by Channel 6's Ted Perry "Did Tiger just say he's studying "Bootyism"? I thought he was teaching it."

* It'll be 4 years since I quit smoking and Newport still sends me coupons. If you smoke Newports, and would like $1 off/pack on the delicious, relaxing yumminess that is a menthol cigarette enjoyed with a cup of coffee in the dead of winter then [slap!]. Whoa. Maybe that's y they still send them, to tempt you. Anyhow, ur welcome to the coupons.

* Excuses for Obama's Failure to Lead The Dems should've ran Hilary. November '08 might have been iffy-er (but manageable) but at least after a win they'd have had someone who was good at something other than campaigning.

* National Enquirer in the running for Pulitzer I'm fine with this, btw. If they did the work, and got the scoop, then why not acknowledge it? Because of 'standards'? Puleeze. Need we bring up the recent Nobel Prize?

Feb 20th: Former Secretary of State Alexander Haig dies at 85

* Germany plans to allow the sale of Mein Kampf w/in their country: From an American POV it seems barbaric for the state to ban the publication of any book, especially one of historical significance, nor does it seem right to ensure the sale of used copies is 'tightly regulated'. This isn't a textbook on bomb making, its a whacked out political tract/autobiography. If the people of Germany are so prone to hate that a bk can bring back the Reich, then all is lost.

- It's been 70 years, first of all. & I think the idea that Germany was somehow brainwashed by Hitler was a fiction that conveniently (and correctly) allowed Germany to resume life at a time when it was a battleground for the cold war. No knock on Germany - my kids are half German - but go as far back as 1000 years and you'll find a history of Jewish persecution unique to that region. Mix that in w/ all the bitterness of the Great War and anyone, or any philosophy, could have ignited a fire.

* re: a nut who ran his plane into a building to protest the IRS: This is the headline on the article "Attack on IRS part of long line of tax protesters". Yeah, uh, NO. Tax protesters generally don't follow Bin Laden's advice and fly planes into buildings. He was a f*ing nut.

* Milwaukee Forge likely to be sold This is a Bay View landmark. My Mom remembers falling asleep to the rhythm of the drop forge as a child, and you can still hear - scratch that, feel - it running today.

* I'm looking for marbles to replace missing pieces from Smiley's Hungry Hungry Hippo game. None of Milwaukee's grand and varied Dollar stores carries marbles, or at least had them in stock. Any (really cheap) ideas on where I can find some? I don't want to spend $6 to restock a $9 game that's already well worn.

Feb 21st: Safe in the comfort that it is now 1:24 AM, and that this will be buried down the feed by the time any youngin's return to FB in the morning. I present a great memory from my college days (early '90's) I still can't believe they played this, unedited, on AM radio here in Milwaukee. God bless the WARP.



I suppose 102.1 is as close as you'd get to the WARP today, but it lacks the panache. That gorgeous tinny AM sound, the lack of any DJ's, the canned, monotone introduction to each song. It was grand.

Facebook Feb 6th - 9th

Feb 6th: MacMillan books are now back on Amazon. Correct me if I'm wrong, but BN and Borders did little to push that publisher's titles during the drama. It seems to me like waste of a golden opportunity to profit at Amazon's expense.

* Cases of whisky left behind by explorer Ernest Shackleton were found in the Antarctic

* LuLu is cute as can be, asleep on the couch, Ginger is coloring at the dining room table, and I can hear YaYa singing along upstairs to the soundtrack of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. Me? I'm sitting here with a smile on my face because it's the little moments that make the day worthwhile.

* Re: the Super Bowl. I have no dog in this fight, so I'm good with either team getting the W. NO's a better story, no question, but as a Favre basher I recognize that another ring for Manning - one more than Brett - gives him even more ammo in 'best of' discussions. So . . . slight nod towards Indy.

* (re: a tazering at Southridge Mall) Screw the crime and tasering. They lost me when they lost Cinnabon's.

Feb 7th: Worked all day, didn't even know the outcome of the SB until minutes ago. Congrats N.O.! Meanwhile, my Dad took Grace rollerskating. On the bus trip back a drunk woman got on, stumbled, fell, and then began vomitting blood. The bus was evac'd by police and they stood in the cold for an hour until a replacement bus arrived. I guess the woman was only 16 or 17, so just a girl. My Dad and Grace said a 'friend' of the girl literally pushed her aboard. She spoke no English, and within a mile was doing her Ebola impersonation.

Feb 8th: Tonight we watched the Black Eyed Peas concert from Malta. What a crowd!








Feb 9th: The poster above Grace's bed reads: "School prepares you for the real world . . . which also sucks"

Lisa's take on the poster: Is it wrong that when I saw a picture tacked above my daughter's bed that said "school prepares you for the real world....which also bites" I kinda was proud that she's got the gist of life down? LOL....I mean the resignation that things will be hard but you keep going anyway? Or should I be worried that at 8 she's alr...eady showing signs of my "glass is half empty" genetics? hmmmm....

* On our way out the door to go to Ginger's playgroup, snowstorm be damned. But I still can't believe MPS chose to stay open, not with 14 inches expected to fall.

* MPS cxl'd school halfway through the day for @ least the 2nd x this yr. WTH - either have the foresight to close in the AM or the courage to ride it out. Even tho' the girls attend Catholic school, I went & picked them up. I think we're housebound for the rest of Tuesday.

A 3rd Grade Photo from 1983

An old classmate posted this picture, dated June 7th 1983, on Facebook. I'd completely forgotten about this get-together in the intervening years.

I'm in the second row from the top, wearing a lovely red-white-and blue shirt with horizontal stripes. In those days I wore a newsboy hat, or a white leather cap that my Grandpa gave me, so the Brewers hat doesn't jibe with my memory. It's a shame I didn't recognize the value of my fantastic hair at that age. I would never have worn a hat and wasted the God-given gift.

The woman in the picture was Mrs. Kusch (sp?), my 3rd grade teacher, and at the end of the year she invited the entire class to her home. It was certainly a more innocent time, as I can't imagine a teacher risking the liability today. I don't remember much of the day. I have a flash of hurrying through her kitchen, and of actually posing for the picture, but that's about it.

Man, its 27 years later and I have a third grader of my own -yikes!

Facebook Feb 1-2nd.

Feb 1st: I kinda dig the smell of skunk - from a distance. We drove by a skunk spray the other day and I mentioned this to Lisa. She said nothing for a moment and then quietly said "You know, there are a lot of things wrong with you."

regarding an article dealing with home invaders who kidnapped, raped and killed: "'Punishment is the way in which society expresses its denunciation of wrongdoing: and, in order to maintain respect for law, it is essential that the punishment inflicted for grave crimes should adequately reflect the revulsion felt by the great majority of citizens for them.". - Lord Justice Denning. These men deserve nothing less than death.

* Bumped Family Night up a day this wk. L supervised homework & worked on valentines cards w/ the kids while I made mock chicken legs and mashed potatos (ckn breast for me and L). Then, after dishes, L played scrabble w/ YaYa, while Smiley & I played memory & watched Wizards of Waverly Place w/ LuLu. Then Ginger went and... rubbed blue toothpaste all over the bathroom and herself, so we cleaned her up and sent her to bed.

My buddy Tre responded that toothpaste was better than poop. He jinxed us. A few days later she had an accident and smeared the stuff all over her window, door and wall. Thanks Tre!

* **** Tune in to NBC tonight @ 1235am ET to catch NKOTB performing on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! Check local listings for more info.**** It was a good, strong performance.

* Catholic scholar and mystery writer (the Father Dowling mysteries) Ralph McInerny has died. RIP.

I went on a bit of an Andy Kaufman video spree at this point. I'm not even a Kaufman fan, but I was in the right frame of mind.

Feb 2nd (regarding Sen. Harry Reid (D) taking undue credit in a Black History column: If they cared at all, his own people should've told Reid to STFU. Like he needed to look like an ass to the African-American community - again.

* "The future of American space exploration came into question on Monday as President Obama released his 2011 budget. . .The plan leaves many open questions about the future of U.S. space travel, includingIF AND WHEN NASA will EVER build rockets of its own again, when astronauts will return to space and in what kind of s...pacecraft." Shortsighted, and a betrayal of our children's future.

* WTH? Reuters ran an article on 'back door' taxes - allowing current credits to expire, increasing the tax burden w/out press or actually 'raising' taxes. Now, it's pulled, reading only "The story Backdoor taxes to hit middle class has been withdrawn. A replacement story will run later in the week".

* It's a huge night for TV. American Idol, Fringe, Dirty Jobs, the start of season 2 of Rupaul's Drag Race, a brand new Duggar episode, and of course my beloved Lost. It's a shame I'm in such a deep, dark depressive funk or this just might rank as one of the greatest nights EVAH.

Facebook'ing the end of January

Jan 30th: Lisa took the girls to their Mardi Gras dance last night, coming home at 10:30 on an adrenaline high. L and I then watched 'This is It'. Commercialization of MJ's death? U betcha. But seeing his obsession to detail and the pure grace of his moves was worth it. And his voice . . . Sh*t. If MJ's voice wasn't a gift from God nothing is.

Obama had another wonderful idea: to meddle with the format of how college football decides its champion: I stand by a belief in never letting the urgent crowd out the important, but this is neither. There's bigger things to worry about in Washington than whether or not Boise State has the opportunity to win a NCAA championship. Seriously, Mr. President - speaking not as a Republican but as a citizen - why is this even on the radar?

* Big news in the book world: MacMillan has asked Amazon to raise the price of ebooks it offers; not only have they refused, Amazon has now dropped all MacMillan books from its site. This also includes Mac. imprints Farrar, Straus & Giroux, St. Martins Press & Henry Holt.

Jan 31st: Came home from work and watched 'Ghost of Girlfriends Past' w/ Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Lacey Chabert and Michael Douglas. MUCH better than I feared. It's a fun romantic comedy and very enjoyable. Well worth the rental.

*(saw) A preview of Oliver Stone's sequel to "Wall Street". I liked the original but is there a story worth repeating here? More likely it's just an excuse for Stone to practice his heavy handed preaching. 1 thing: if Gekko spent 23 years in prison for insider trading, while you can serve much less for murder or rape - what a f'ed up system.

* Just finished polishing a piece I wrote, went to send it and the word processor crashed. Now, no trace of the file remains - no file, no anything. It's like someone took an eraser to it. F**k.

* Lousy day, lousy mood. Among other things our oven now refuses to heat up. Sha-it. the oven works, but temperamentally

* Watchin the season premiere of the Duggars on "19 Kids and Counting" and juggling my DVR schedule to accomodate the return of Lost.

Facebook Jan 28-29th

Jan 28th: J.D. Salinger has passed away. RIP. Still, let me be honest: I'm one of those readers who felt Catcher in the Rye was vastly over-rated, and that Holden Caulfield was a spoiled brat.

* How to be a Bad Parent to an 8 yr old: After school, YaYa was ecstatic. "Dad, I got a hundred on my math test!" she said. To which I immediately responded: "How?? Did you cheat?!"

The Senate voted to increase the debt by $1.9 trillion: From the piece: The measure would put the national debt @ $14.3 trillion — more than $45,000 for every person in the United States. And the debt is increasingly held by foreign nations such as China. The measure passed 60-39 under ground rules insisted upon by Republicans that required 60 votes to pass it.

* My sister just called to say Jay Leno's on Oprah, doing an "aw shucks, I didn't mean to screw over anyone" schtick, perfected circa 1992. Never fear Jay, your AARP audience will stand by you. I thanked her for the info, but I've got no interest in boosting Oprah's ratings.

* That's it folks. MPTV will no longer be featuring daily episodes of Mr. Rogers. By the time of my grandchildren it will known only through second-hand recollections. RIP Neighborhood of Make Believe.

Avatar neared Titanic on the all-time revenue chart: Because someone asked me about this very subject . . . if you account for inflation and the rise in ticket prices, Avatar would have to double its current gross to approach Titanic, and would have to rake in 1.5 BILLION to match Gone with the Wind.

Jan 29th: My five favorite TV Shows are Lost, Project Runway, Match Game, Doctor Who and American Idol. BTW, if you were going to flesh out my list of TV shows: Twilight Zone, Dirty Jobs, MASH, Friends, Barney Miller, Naked Science, Seconds from Disaster, Air Emergency, As the World Turns, Chuck, The Dish, Launch my Line, One Step Beyond, Demons, Life is Worth Living, The Prisoner (original), Unsolved Mysteries, Beyond Belief, Cake Boss, Rupaul's Drag Race, Medium, 19 Kids and Counting, etc.

* Today's random, taken out of context, overheard conversation, this time at a local restaurant: "Just shut up and put your meat in the hole".

* Doctors volunteering in earthquake stricken Haiti were under fire for pictures of them drinking: Poor judgement and indiscrete. Yet their work was 'excellent' - & keep in mind they're not giving breast implants to movie stars, they're helping quake victims in the middle of chaos and carnage. Give them a break, and bury the PC bullsh** that might cost them their careers.

* This being Doppelganger week, I asked Lisa what celebrity I resembled. "Dante from Clerks," she said. Duh - I was even called Dante for a bit when the movie was big, and neither one of us has a chin. "That, or a really, really fat Ben Affleck."

My Life according to Facebook Jan 25- 27th

Jan 25th: Pissy Dan says - I know some people here have Bluetooth's, but I have to say it. If I'm in line with you, and you're yakking into thin air on that thing all la-di-da, obnoxiously loud and pretentious, know this: if it wasn't for my good looks making jail a liability, I'd put you on the ground.

Later that day I find out actor Pernell Roberts has died: What lousy, lousy news. True (albeit dorky and lol) story: in high school typing class we were instructed to type out a letter to someone of our choosing. I wrote a fan letter to Pernell Roberts.

Jan 26th: Father Gene Jakubek, a beloved Milwaukee figure who left the city in 1989 after admitting to an affair with a woman, has passed away. He was 87. Among other things, Jakubek was the founder of Father Gene's HELP (Happiness for the elderly, lonely and poor). I still remember going with my Dadto donate clothing to that o...rganization. He did a lot of good in this town. RIP Father.

Here's a rule of life as true as any in physics. No matter how long your ride - 10 min, 30, eight hours- you can count on a radio station playing a great 7 or 8 minute opus when - and ONLY WHEN - you are 2 min or less from your destination. I haven't heard the end to Bohemian Rhapsody or LA Woman in years.

I finally (!) found a new tank for the turtle, dang near a month after his old one shattered. It's as big as his old tank/smaller than his temp. digs, but he seems happy. Smiley and I found it at Goodwill for $5, and stopped to get Franklin a 'welcome home' meal of live crickets as a treat.

Plans for Family Night: BBQ chicken with a baked potato bar (salsa, sour cream, bacon bits, etc), followed by either a card game or door-to-door for Girl Scouts. Later, AI. Right now tho' Lisa is volunteering at YaYa's play practice for the 1st time, and I expect some rookie hazing. I give YaYa a 50/50 chance of NOT forcing Lisa to give her up for adoption.

Quoting Lisa's FB: [YaYa]has reached her goal of selling 150 boxes of Girlscout cookies! I feel redeemed for a pitiful showing last year (we didn't sell any!). She told the last house "I only have 3 more to sell and then I can go home!"....and the lady bought it! (it was the truth, but part of me thought, why didn't we... think about that line earlier!)

Jan 27th: Family Night went as planned (for once!) and all was well. My take on AI: Avril was an immature brat and a waste of airtime, Katy Perry was stunning, headstrong, and should be invited back, and this show is doomed once Simon leaves. BTW, "This isn't a Lifetime movie" (Perry) was one of the best lines I've ever heard fr...om an AI judge not named Simon.

"Not ironic?? This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morissette had a baby and named it This Exact Situation!” - from Archer, a great adult cartoon on FX

refering to pop star Ke$ha, who sings TikTok: Clear something up for me Ke$ha. Everybody gettin crunk crunk, boys trying to touch ur junk junk, now the dudes are lining up cuz they heard u got swagger, but u kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger. Have u looked in a mirror girl? Why would YOU waste your time on a Jagger look-a-like?

Then again, I do love a woman who brushes her teeth with Jack. :)

My take on the Nightly News - an unpublished (read: rejected) column

Here's an odd personality quirk of mine – one of many, but who's counting? I'm a news junkie, one who combs the Internet daily for obscure stories from around the globe. Politics, sports, science, crime – you name the story and chances are I've linked to it on my Facebook account.

But at least once a week a friend will try to discuss something they saw on a local newscast and I won't have a clue about what they're talking about. That's my fault. I tend to avoid TV news whenever possible. Madison could gift me a million dollars, and if the announcement was exclusive to TV, I'd march off to work the next day counting my pennies.

I'm not proud of this admission. I'm not a intellectual twit who turns up his nose at the TV (my DVR is a very dear friend), or a Luddite who prefers his news delivered on parchment. No, I'm afraid that in my gut I just agree with the perception that TV news amounts to a blistering montage of the worst of human nature. Murder, rape, abuse, shooting and theft, repeated for half an hour.

Interrupted, of course, by sports, weather, and a series of commercial breaks.

This aversion started when, as a teenager during Operation Desert Shield, the distinctive ABC Nightly News jingle became a harbinger of grim news. I agree, I was a bit on the wimpy side back in the day, but the damage was done. Later, as an adult, I just decided TV news was too focused on the dark for my liking.

It's not that newspapers and their online equivalents favor rainbows and unicorns. There's plenty of murder and mayhem, and the lead stories are usually tales of woe. But there's also space – space to discuss a dozen of mankind's darkest tales, but with room left over for an interview or two, a few inches on the latest scientific discoveries, and the human interest piece about the little old lady with the world's largest porcelain cat collection.

Then again, sometimes I'm reassured that we're all still so fascinated by the ghastly and the bizarre. After all, news is only news because it's something unusual, a break from the routine. You don't call someone each and every day at 6 o'clock and tell them about how you woke up, brushed your teeth, had breakfast, etc – unless, of course, you happen to be my mother-in-law. No, you call them to share the break from the routine, the spice, good or bad, that makes 'this' day different from all the rest that came before.

When an experience saturates our existence, we grow oblivious to it. It's human nature. Drunk driving arrests are so numerous here in Wisconsin that individual cases rarely deserve headlines. Childhood obesity is a major concern now, but it managed to stay under the radar until it was epidemic. No telecast or newspaper will ever trumpet news of an everyday citizen cited for pot possession, any more than they'd report on the sun rising in the east.

Bad things are always going to happen in this world, but when they become so commonplace as to go unnoticed and unreported, then we've truly got a problem. I guess, when you look at it that way, I should be grateful that the nightly news iss so morbid. It's a sign that our everyday life isn't as dark as it sometimes appears.

The Baby Einstein Debacle

When my nephew was born fifteen years ago I wasted no time in trying to secure his future. I didn't run out and buy stocks or bonds in his name, none of which I could afford as a college student. Instead I drove to the bookstore and scooped up anything with titles like "Your Baby Can Read!" and "Teach Math to your Infant!".

I remember knowing, with a faith bordering on the religious, that these tomes would give my nephew the head start he'd need to succeed in life.

Did it work? Well, no actually. He didn't read a book or do long division until elementary school (gasp!). While he's a bright kid, I'm afraid the only way he'll qualify as the next Edison is if the definition of 'genius' expands to include World of Warcraft skill.

I thought of those books when I read that the Disney corporation was offering rebates to customers who purchased their popular Little Einstein videos between 2004 and 2009. The videos feature simple images of toys, colors and shapes accompanied by music, and Disney shrewdly chose to market the product as educational for infants. That led to a a group called the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood filling a complaint with the FCC in 2006. As a result, Disney complied with their demand and dropped the claim about its educational value.

According to the CCFC's own website, it wasn't enough. “We thought parents deserved better, “ the website said. And so, under pressure Disney agreed to a rebate for customers who bought the films “mistakenly believing the videos would make their baby smarter.”

Let's gloss over the fact that the 'rebate' only seems to encourage an investment in the product line, seeing as it primarily comes in the form of coupons or exchanges. What bothers me is the fact that this argument got any traction at all.

By the era of Little Einstein I was a parent myself, and yes, I bought a few of the tapes. I no longer had any illusions about tweaking IQ's, but my daughters found it fascinating and , if nothing else, it exposed them to classical music at an early age. Or so I said at the time. If I'm honest, it also kept them out of my hair for a few minutes, which made the videoes worth every penny. If most parents were as blunt, I'd think they'd concede the same thing.

As for the 'rebates', argue an objection to “screen time” for infants, and I might concede your point. But to base the objection on a failure to make a baby “smarter” strikes me as ridiculous. More so than even my thoughts that day at the bookstore. My goal wasn't to raise his intelligence, it was to jumpstart his education. Tomatoes/tomatoes? I disagree.

How do you define “smarter” in an infant? What standards constitute success or failure? And smarter than whom? Mom? Dad? The neighbor's cat? Remember, these are babies we're talking about. If you express disappointment that they 'only' possess their native intelligence – to the extent you ask a corporation for a refund based on that fact -what kind of message are you establishing for the next eighteen years?

There will always be products that cash in on our desire to help our children. Some will be sincere, some will be nothing more than patent medicine. Shut them down when they encourage harm, but I'd be careful about being smug when you do. Remember: in the end, they do nothing more than fill the need our own egos demand.

Surgery postponed - an update

As many of you know from Lisa's Facebook update, my Mom's surgery was postponed after a series of delays that knocked the surgery from noon, to three, to . . . possibly Monday.

So in the meantime, let's pretend all is normal.

* * * *

After we visited my Mom this morning I went to work. In the evening Lisa packed up all the kids and took them to Chuck E Cheese for an 8th birthday party for Meadow, a family friend that had slept over this weekend.

The party was fine, but that Chuck E Cheese has gone downhill. Metal detectors, security guards - and yet twice, TWICE in ninety minutes kids stole tickets and token cards from YaYa. They were recovered both times, but c'mon! As Lisa said "I held my purse close the whole time. Real close."

Here's a picture of LuLu and Ginger at the party:



Did I mention that Lu had those two bottom teeth pulled? She was terrified and asked to call me (I was at work), but she bounced back just fine.

* * *

A frightening development in my household Sunday: Ginger got out of the crib on her own. God help us all.

* * *

Report cards last week. LuLu did very well, and I have no complaints; YaYa did very well in some areas and awful in math. The math grade is unacceptable, and from now on she and I will sit down and re-do any problem she gets wrong on homework and tests.

* * *

For a week or two Ginger abandoned me and would cuddle and play only with Lisa; she seems incapable of showing affection for more than one person at a time. Saturday things swung back in my direction, and she ignored the Mrs. and doted on me. It's crazy how hurt I was by her rejection, and how happy I was when I was back in her favor.

Grandma Tepher

The baby in the picture is my YaYa. She's in the arms of Mildred "Grandma" Tepher (Tepfer?), a resident of Lisa's hometown of Sturgis, MI. She doubled as a surrogate grandmother to my wife while Lisa's family lived there in the 1970's.

Lisa took me to meet her prior to our wedding, and I found her a friendly soul who still kept momentos from Lisa's early childhood. Before Mildred's death in the middle part of this decade, Lisa and her Mom took YaYa to meet her too. Whereas on my trip we dined at the local Big Boy's, YaYa got the special treatment: they journed across the border to Indiana to eat at a restaurant she liked.

Mildred, RIP - you're still missed.

Pulling teeth, wiping up poo, and gas

For all of you too weak to walk to the corner paper box, or too cheap to shell out three bits, here's a link to my column "Blessings amid Recession".

* * *

Yesterday was a pip. Immediately after dropping the girls off at school I headed off to the dentist for an extraction.

Once I was in the chair, the dentist took a look and said the tooth was badly infected. He launched into a long explanation as to why this meant pulling the tooth was a no-go, something about acid and base and the anesthetic being rendered weak. Blah-blah. I asked him what he wanted me to do.

"You should go home, take antibiotics for a week to ten days, and then come back for an extraction," he said.

"But?" I said.

"But . . . you have a good tolerance for tooth pain. I would forgo ten days of constant pain, deal with pulling the tooth now, and take a few minutes of bad pain in exchange for feeling nothing at all in a half hour. But you will feel some of the extraction."

So we went for it.

The extraction was one-two-three, but the tooth did break, costing us a few minutes.
"It boke?" I said, after he quietly cursed.

"Of course it did. Why should my day be easy?" the dentist said, lacking a wee bit of perspective.

Yeah, the extraction hurt more than normal, but it wasn't anything compared to living with the thing. I'm A-OK now, and was fine within minutes of the pull.

Afterwards, I filled a prescription at Walgreens, where I sat and talked to an old man named Zimmerman visiting from Whitewater. He was named after his uncle, the former sports editor of the L.A. Times, and had volunteered to sit with his ill son-in-law while his daughter was at work. The in-law in question was a Vietnam vet, but he also mentioned having a son-in-law who fought in Korea.

"Korea?" I said. "That's almost sixty years ago. Was he much older than your daughter?"

He had to be; a Korean vet, even one that caught the tail end in '53, would be at least seventy-six. Mr. Zimmerman was in his mid to late eighties, but not much older.

"Oh yes, he was. But he's passed away now."

Huh. There are great stories to be found everywhere, if you just keep one ear open.

When I got home, a (bad) surprise. The gas company, which has been tearing the hell out of my lawn for weeks laying pipe, needed access to the house. They were turning the gas off, and once it was back on they wanted to verify all the pilots were re-lit. That meant they needed to go on all three levels of the house (we have two furnaces), which meant . . well, it meant I had a couple hours to get three floors of a house whipped into passable shape. That . . . wasn't fun.

Worse yet, just before the guy showed up Ginger shat her pants, then scooped it out and rubbed it into her hands, face, blanket, and bedroom furniture. I'm talking 'mud bath'/Al Jolson coverage here.

Disgusting little kid.

Then, a complete reversal of the days weather. The sun came out, temperatures were in the sixties, and it was a pleasant reminder of summer. I took the opportunity to cut the grass, which might have been overdoing it for the day, as it wiped me out. The rest of the day was grocery shopping, dinner, baths for the kids, a bit of the Phillies clinching the NLCS, and of course, Glee.

And after that: the first uninterrupted nights sleep in weeks. Heaven!

Because I've heard it every single day of my working life . . .

If there's a cashier that's having trouble finding the barcode on an item. . .

If there's a salesman who needs to step away and ask a manager what discount he can authorize . . .

If there's a sales clerk who isn't sure of a price because the tag is ripped off or you grabbed it out of the wrong bin . .

If there's a cashier whose scanner isn't working quickly enough, or who stops to correct an obvious error . . .

If any of these things are going on, and your brain tells your mouth to spit out some variation of:

"Huh chortle chortle. I guess it must be free then eh?"

Then . . .

.

.

.

.

.

YOU ARE A DICK.

Just a routine 3 a.m. update

Howdy. I wouldn't be up at all at this late hour if it wasn't for a toothache that seems to come roaring to life only when my head hits the pillow. I'm groggy as heck, but as I wait for the Advil to kick in, let's type.

* * * *

The van is still down, although estimates have dropped the bill to $1550. Whoo-hoo. Since we won't have that money for a long time, we've been walking quite a bit, juggling rides, and leaning heavily on the (fingers crossed/knock on wood) Escort.

I actually got pulled over in the Escort last week while running to the store to buy Smiley an apple for school. The exhaust system is ghetto-rifficly loud until it's warmed up, but the officer let me off with a warning. Unfortunately, I don't really have the money to replace that system right now either. Later that same day I took Smiley for a "man day", spending time at the DMV, getting the van towed home, and grabbing a quick bite to eat.

Oh, speaking of that exhaust the girls are horribly embarrassed and so, when I drop them off/pick them up from school, I park a half block away and walk them to the door. Fun.

All that is reinforcing an inferiority complex Lisa and I have. We never had the money of the other parents, but quite apart from that I don't have the time or energy to devote to all the petty little things that seem to consume a "quality" parent there. It doesn't help when on a day like today, when I was running late, I brought Smiley along wearing a mismatched outfit with chocolate smeared across his brow.

Screw it. As I told Lisa tonight "We're good parents. Not Cosby Show good, but right up there with Roseanne."

* * *

I took the girls to the eye doctor for checkups. I warned YaYa, in the Dr.'s presence, that she better not think of tanking the test just to earn a new set of glasses. Lo and behold she did fake the results, and the doc called her on it. No matter. On the redo her eyes did come up as worse than before, and her prescription was strengthened. LuLu on the other hand, came out A-1. She recited the letters machine-gun style. :)

* * *

I watched the Twins and Tigers battle for the AL Central crown in the do-or-die one game playoff today. It wasn't a flawless game, but when it comes to drama it was damn near perfection. For me it ranks right up there with the '91 and '01 Series, the Rockies-Padres playoff a few years ago, and the 2003 ALCS.

Congrats to the Twins - and I hope you're swept by my Yanks.

* * *

Speaking of Minnesota: what a crappy football game Monday, at least for Packer fans. You can't give up 8 sacks and win, you just can't. You can point fingers every which way, and bow down to Favre if you like, but again - you don't give up 8 sacks and walk away with a W.

Oh, btw I notched my third consecutive loss in fantasy football. I adjusted my roster for bye weeks and racked up a respectable point total, but my opponents defence went nuts for something like 35 fantasy points, and I lost by ten. Sigh.

* * *

Congrats to the Badgers for their 5-0 start!

* * *

Back to baseball. A St. Louis blogger made a boast last week. He bragged about how his Cardinals would beat down the Brewers for their "arrogance" when they went to Missouri to finish the season. Hmm. I'm all for partisanship, no problem there, but since his team was going to the postseason and mine sucked I reckoned his commentary was pretty assholish and unnecessary.

Naturally, in the first game of the series Milwaukee came back from a 6-1 deficit to win, and then swept the rest of the set. Ha-ha.

* * * *

Team victories are what matters, not individual numbers, but I have to congratulate both Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder.

Braun finished at .320/32/114 with 20 SB, 39 doubles and 203 hits - only the seventh time in Brewers history a player has cracked the two-century mark.

Prince finished at a staggering .299, with a .412 OBP, 35 doubles, 3(!) triples, 46 home runs. While starting every game of the season he also set a new Brewers single season mark with a whopping 141 RBI's, tying him for first in the NL.

Well done. I'm truly proud of you both.

* * *

I'm also damn happy with Alex Rodriguez, my favorite player in the game. He entered the final game of the season needing two home runs to reach 30 on the year, and seven RBI's to reach 100.A long shot of course, but he reached both goals IN A SINGLE INNNING, setting a new record in the process.

That marks the 12th year in a row he's gone 30/100, tying him all-time with Jimmie Foxx. Keep in mind, he sat out an entire month this year and still reached those goals.

Arod, you are the man.

* * *

My MLB predictions

AL: Yanks over Twins, Angels over Red Sox. Yanks over Angels.

The National League is much more complicated. I'd like to see the Dodgers move on to face New York, but I'm not feeling it. Hmmm.

NL: Phillies over Colorado, Dodgers over the Cardinals (but my gut says St. Louis). Dodgers/Cards over Phillies.

WS: Yanks over Dodgers/Cards

Bad (car) news

If you have Lisa as a Facebook friend, then you've already heard. Her van, our primary means of transportation and the ONLY car we have big enough to fit everyone,is on the fritz. It ran fine all day ("like buttah" I foolishly jinxed us by saying) and then refused to move when Lisa tried to drive it home.

It starts, it revs, it doesn't move. It does rock forward in park, so it isn't a broken axle. I had someone look at it and the tenative diagnosis is a transmission. Approximate cost: $2100, 'round about $2090 more than we have on hand.

At the same time, my Escort is in dire need of exhaust work, and is barely functional in its current state. Lovely.

I do not know who we wronged in this universe to deserve all the crap that finds its way to our doorstep, but I'm sick of it. If it's you, kindly send us a postcard detailing the misdeed and we'll do our best to correct it.

Meanwhile, I'll have the van towed to a garage in the morning and see if the powertrain warranty is still in place . . .