Bad (car) news

If you have Lisa as a Facebook friend, then you've already heard. Her van, our primary means of transportation and the ONLY car we have big enough to fit everyone,is on the fritz. It ran fine all day ("like buttah" I foolishly jinxed us by saying) and then refused to move when Lisa tried to drive it home.

It starts, it revs, it doesn't move. It does rock forward in park, so it isn't a broken axle. I had someone look at it and the tenative diagnosis is a transmission. Approximate cost: $2100, 'round about $2090 more than we have on hand.

At the same time, my Escort is in dire need of exhaust work, and is barely functional in its current state. Lovely.

I do not know who we wronged in this universe to deserve all the crap that finds its way to our doorstep, but I'm sick of it. If it's you, kindly send us a postcard detailing the misdeed and we'll do our best to correct it.

Meanwhile, I'll have the van towed to a garage in the morning and see if the powertrain warranty is still in place . . .

Uh, when do I find time to watch all these shows?

Dear Reader, before you read this and voice the opinion that I waste away my day as a couch potato, ck thyself. Lisa and I wake up at 6:30 a.m, get the kids off to school, continue on with work/kids/life, and only plop ourselves down in front of the tube after 10 o'clock at night.

It takes a certain panache to stay up until 2 in the morning everyday clearing out the DVR, thus leaving you a maximum of four hours of sleep a day, but as in all things, sometimes a sacrifice is necessary for the greater good :)

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I checked out the series premiere of Flash Forward and found it less than endearing. It's very reminiscent of Lost, almost Xerox-y in tone, but I found some of the acting blah and the holes in the plot pretty large. I'll probably give it another shot, but if in a few weeks it doesn't perk up, sayonara.



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Fringe has returned, and I enjoyed the premiere quite a bit. One thing tho: that 'twist' at the end could be seen a mile away. If you were on the spot, wouldn't you have asked to check for those plug-marks in the palate, just to be sure?



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Glee continues to rock, and has established itself as one of my favorite shows on broadcast TV. Last weeks episode was LOL, and its good to see that the ridiculous pseudo-pregnancy is actually going to tie into a decent plot thread. WATCH THIS SHOW!!!



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Out of the blue I've begun watching reruns of Medium. Yes, the teenager still calls her "Mommy", which is creepy, and the husband annoys me, but those are teeny complaints. Overall I think it's a good show, with solid scripts and decent acting.

I am still having trouble shaking a Mad TV parody that was spot-on, and which continues to make me giggle at the sound of Allison's voice :), but I've added the show to my DVR schedule.



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I won't be adding Ghost Whisperer. I gave it a one week shot, but ewww. The only bright spot is watching Jennifer Love Hewitt, but that's not enough to keep me watching.



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I watched the lame Family Guy premiere, which included a single laugh-out-loud moment. In my humble opinion the show jumped the shark a few years back. And you know what? The constant anti-Christian jokes are pissing me off and makes me wish the Inquisition was still around. I think I'm done with this mess.
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Project Runway is getting stronger as the weeks go by, but I still miss New York terribly. What was up with cutting Ra'mon and leaving one-note Louise in the competition? What an awful decision!

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A&E's Hoarders is a reality show that showcases two compulsive hoarders each week, and offers them assistance in cleaning their house and getting psychological help. These people as sick, in a very literal sense, and watching the show you are both fascinated and repulsed.

It is heartbreaking to see 'normal', everyday folks live in a mouse filled house filled with trash and expired food, know that they had their kids taken away by the state and face city-mandated eviction, and yet be unable to throw away a used napkin because of their illness.

Hoarders can be seen on A&E on Mondays at 10/9 central.

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Argh, I'm sure I'm missing a show or two, believe it or not. But drop me a line, and let me know what you think of the one's I've listed here.

Cops, guns, straw buyers, and cries of racism: Now what's going on on the South Side?

I saw this slogan on a bumper in front of me when I picked up my girls from school last week.

You can take my First Amendment when you pry my cold, dead hands off the Second

Although not a gun owner myself, I agree with the sentiment. So when I was driving near Miller Park I was surprised to see the following sign outside a local gun shop; so surprised I returned home to grab my camera.





Racist Milwaukee Police Dept is pulling over African Americans leaving this store. Sorry for the inconvenience

What the hell was that about?

The answer came in today's paper.

Badger Guns, once known as Badger Outdoors, has long been a high profile source of straw purchases - the practice of buying guns for criminals unable to legally purchase them on their own. From the late '90's on Badger was among the national - NATIONAL! - leaders in this practice, actually topping the charts in 2005.

Between January of 2006 and this month more than 1800 guns tied to the store have been used in the commision of a crime. By its lonesome, Badger Guns accounts for more than 1/3rd of all the weapons used in crimes here in Milwaukee. One third. The nearest competitor? Well, they take up a whole 3% of the citywide total. That's a wee bit fishy, no?

The final straw -no pun intended -was when two Milwaukee cops were shot and seriously wounded with a weapon tied to the store. Police Chief Ed Flynn, who for all his flaws has a knack for doing the needful regardless of political fallout, said enough was enough.

He authorized an ongoing stakeout of the gun shop, one that continues to snag straw buyers and felons using the establishment. "They know to whom they are selling, they know what is happening with their product, they know citizens in Milwaukee are dying, and they don't care." said Flynn.

"All we are asking is that they [Badger] be professional," [D.A. John] Chisholm said. "Their public service would be to do everything in their professional skill to prevent a sale to someone who will turn around and put that gun on the street to commit violence. They have the skill to do it. I suspect they choose not to do that more than they do."

As for the claims of racism? Noting that the majority of gun violence in Milwaukee involves African-American shooters and victims, Flynn isn't surprised that a majority of those arrested will fit that description. He says the owner of the store " . . . clearly doesn't care a damn about the demographics of dead Milwaukeeans," Flynn said. "To try to wrap himself as a victim of racism is not only absurd, it is obscene."

I'm going to have to side with the MPD here. Frankly, I'm surprised the shop hasn't been shut down by lawmakers, either by strict 'above the board' means or via the twists and turns at their disposal. If the place is flipping off the law and knowingly, or even just carelessly, allowing criminals to purchase guns for use in a crime, then screw 'em.

And Chief? Once again, kudos for doing what needs doing. It's so very odd to actually have a Milwaukee Police Chief worthy of respect.

UPDATE: Badger's owner has removed the sign.

Off Season by Jack Ketchum

In the quiet Maine countryside a group of friends gather to enjoy a cabin in the woods. Unfortunately, a family of insane cannibals also lives in the area, and when they're hungry the local 7-11 just won't do. What follows is a horrendous night of violence and terror as the group fights to survive the attack; or, at least, die with their flesh still on their bones.

Off Season by Jack Ketchum is an "old" book, as paperbacks go, originally published in the early 1980's. That version was heavily redacted to remove violence and tweak the ending, and it's with great pride that Ketchum released the "new", original version of his novel.

If you've followed my writing you know that I don't care for so-called "torture-porn" genre of horror, and dismiss the Saw and Hostel franchises accordingly. So it's odd that I give this gory little book a thumbs-up, but . . .

Ketchum might have one or two screws loose, but the guy has a flair for carrying a story. Sometimes his voice is so smooth your mind blots out the subject matter. I'd read a chapter, put the book down and then say to myself: "Hey, wait a minute! Did I just read a two page recipe for curing and jerking human thigh? How the hell did that slip by me?"

There is a gruesome and slow death near the end that was almost too much to bear [ugh, just shivered remembering it] but all in all, despite the gore it was much better than expected.

2.7 out of 4. Note: I did not read the short story included as an extra in the book.

Grandparents Day 2009

Today was Grandparents Day at school. I'm not sure why this was such a big thrill to LuLu and YaYa, as they see our parents all the time, but this morning you'd have thought it was '64 and the Beatles were coming to pay a call. Seriously.

[I just yelled to Lu in the other room: "How was Grandparents Day?" Her answer "Awesome!!"]

Anyhow, my Dad attended, as did my mother-in-law and my wife's stepfather. (My Mom did not attend due to mobility issues.) There was a Mass, followed by classroom visits that included demonstrations and activities, and snacks.

YaYa demanded that she accompany both Grandpa's, because "they always have to go to the bathroom, and then I get to walk them there." In the end she traded off with Lu, who spent much of the time with her Grandma.







Thanks to everyone who showed up to display their love for my girls! (all photos courtesy of my Mother-in-law; because of this, she doesn't appear in any of them!)





LuLu: "This is my graph for everyone. I'm pointing to me and I am the one in the blue dress and not the one in the purple. And I'm the third one, the third. It was very fun, we did it in social studies in my room with the other class too, cause there were a lot of people cuz we only have 11 people in our class. I like trains but I never been on one so I'd really like to, cuz I like them, cuz I've only been on a fake one with Grandma Jeannie. It was a real train, but now its a fake one for people to ride around in a circle, and I did it with Bella my friend. "

Fido

In the world of Fido, mankind has waged an all-out war against zombies and achieved a questionable victory. Our cities are safe, cordoned off from 'the wild', but zombies roam free over much of America. .

No matter. In the movie's 1950's era suburbia captive zombies are trained to be butlers, maids, and to perform menial jobs. They're the perfect working class, so long as their restraint collars are in place.

Sadly, Fido's collar slips one day and he consumes part of an elderly woman in the park. Young Timmy Robinson sees the carnage but acts to protect his zombie playmate and hides the deed. Soon the woman rises as a zombie herself and begins what becomes a zombie plague on the town.

Thankfully, Timmy's Mom has developed a bit of a crush on Fido and joins in the attempts to save him from harm. Her position is understandable. Her husband is emotionally distant, and has a phobia about zombies ever since he killed his own (zombified) father.

Will the Robinson's save Fido, or will they themselves be exiled to the wild? Tune in and find out.

This film is a hoot.

It's a comedy, start to finish, and at times it's laugh out loud. When it's not, you still have a smile on your face. It's kitchy and intelligent, anachronistic but well-drawn.

You really have to see it.

3.4 out of 4

What Dreams May Come

What Dreams May Come is billed as a 'novel', one adapted into an award winning Robin Williams movie in the '90's, and there is indeed a whiff of a storyline. But let's cut to the chase: in reality this is as much a novel as I am a Samoan hockey player.

The book is told in the first person by Chris Nielsen, a recently deceased father and husband who channels his words via a medium. He dies, is lost in a fog for a minute, then moves on to 'Summerland', a here-after created by thought. In Summerland humans still hold jobs and deal with the issues of their lives - a sort of non-denominational Purgatory if you will.

Lo and behold his wife Anne cannot live without him, as they are, naturally, just the most romantic and in-tune couple in history dontcha know, and she commits suicide. For this act she is sent to the equivalent of hell, and Chris sets out to find her and bring her back into Summerland.

I don't feel right reviewing this book because it isn't a novel, it's a thinly disguised religious tract for whatever combination of beliefs Matheson holds dear.

True, I think the beliefs pushed by the book are by and large bunk, but that's me; I don't care what others believe and it wouldn't necessarily ruin the book for me. Even if this book were detailing Catholic dogma blow for blow I'd have been irritated and bored.

It reads like one of those little Evangelical comic books you find left behind in public places. As with those tracts, the goal isn't to entertain, it's to dryly hit you over the head with someone else's beliefs.

"How is it made?"

"By the imposition of mental imagery on the
ideoplastic medium of your aura."
-pg 92

According to the afterward, people have been known to weep after reading this book. I'd imagine so. After all, it is quite a chore to plow through.

An awful waste of time; avoid this drivel.

Alice in Chains - Sept 20th

This past Sunday I saw the resurgent Alice in Chains at the Eagles Ballroom here in Milwaukee.



I know some fans view the William Duvall era an affront to the memory of Layne Staley and classic AIC, but I disagree. I first saw this lineup at an acoustic show here in '07, and while Layne will always be the king, Will is a legit talent. Staley was then. Duvall is now. I wish Staley was still walking the earth, but life goes on for the rest of us.



Their set opened with Rain When I Die. The moment that dark, unrepentant dirge thundered out from the stage . . . man, it was the '90's all over again, and F any lead singer controversy. Alice in Chains was present and accounted for, and every bit as hard as ever.



The venue was packed with a predominantly male crowd between 21-40 years old.



By the second song a mosh pit had formed and some folks were crowd surfing. I tapped my buddy, nodded to the frenzy at the foot of the stage, and said "C'mon, let's go!". He laughed and we stayed put.



The highlights of the evening, for me, were Angry Chair and Would? . Check my Brain, their new single, didn't make an impression on me one way or another in concert. Driving home today, however, I heard it on the radio, instantly recognized it as AIC, and proclaimed it damn good.









A great concert. I've seen AIC twice now; I look forward to the hat trick.

Reminder!

Remember to watch Glee tonight on Fox 9/8 central.

Smiley's Homework

Last week I told you about the latest fad in the Slapinions household, a crazy obsession with inch-long animals made out of hard foam. You can find them at the dollar store, and when you immerse them in water overnight they grow like a Gremlin.



I thought the gimmick would pass, but as I type this I have a kettle of water on my dining room floor (turtle and starfish) and a pair of mixing bowls and two large kettles in the living room (chock full of various foam animals).

I haven't been able to cook spaghetti in weeks.

Smiley begged me for a foam starfish for days, in his peculiar Smiley talk that in this case would be indecipherable to anyone but us. I finally relented. Here's a picture of it after a couple hours in the water.



And a few hours after that.



Anyhow, Little Man had a homework assignment. Each month it's assigned to the family, and you're supposed to complete it with him. For September he was supposed to fill in the outline of a gingerbread man with pictures of things that were important in defining who he is or what he likes right now.

This afternoon Smiley went outside on his own, rummaged through our van, and came back with the packaging from one of the animals. Ok, whatever. I continued with a fine episode of Match Game '77. A few minutes later he brought me the homework sheet and his handiwork. On his own, he'd decided to cut out each of the animals advertised on the package and use them on the sheet. I was bowled over that he thought of it and praised him to no end. Here was the end result.




Here's what defines him in September of 2009: those foam animals, mac 'n cheese, Spongebob Squarepants, football, hot dogs, his sisters, pizza, Elmo, Spiderman, Chuck E Cheese, and Caillou.

Caillou is currently both his favorite TV show and web site. He can navigate the games on the Caillou page with ease, and never fails to get excited and say "me fouw two" when Caillou states his age in the show's theme song.




The bald kid's nothing new to us, as YaYa was a HUGE Caillou fan. I used to joke that we should have named her Caillou Andromeda (inside joke) but it seemed to skip Lu. Glad to see Smiley's resurrected the tradition.