American Idol

What a lousy night of AI. Andrew freakin' Garcia, Didi and Lacey Brown go forward while Lilly Scott is cut? F that. Good for her for not rolling over and mouthing the standard issue PC crap after she was robbed. Alex Lambert was screwed too; forget the mullet and listen to that voice. WTH was America thinking?

American Idol

 I think the men did quite well tonight on AI. Michael Lynche won the night, although not my vote, but I was also quite impressed with Alex Lambert's voice. My picks to go home: the one-note Andrew Garcia and Todrick Hall.

TV Time

The kids accidentally erased this weeks Lost from the DVR, and in retrospect I'm almost grateful. Now that I've watched it on ABC.com I thought it did little to move the plot and next to nothing to develop the characters. C-

Meanwhile, American Idol  (women): an up-and-down night. I liked Bowersox but don't understand the mad love the judges have for her; no way she'll adapt to the weekly themes to come. Lily was good, on par or better than Bsox, but Shiobahn was spectacular. Plus she's a short -haired kooky brunette? Hell yeah. Adios to Haley, Lacey or Didi.

 AI (men): much better than last week, & Ellen finally looked comfortable. Kara: please stop the neck motion and get out of Simon's shot. Ugh. On the hot seat: John Park, Jermaine, and Todrick, *maybe* Garcia (can't ride the 'Straight Up' train 4ever). Casey will stay, but vocals were weak. Alex was much improved.

American Idol, Rupaul's Drag Race, and Match Game!

 AI was dull & unimpressive, and I'm really not liking the dynamic between the judges. Kara remains an awkward fit; too ADD, too much makeup, too unable to define her role on the panel. Although he was bad, they were waaaay too hard on Tim Urban, especially when they let equally sucky performers off the hook. Kudos to Ellen for (gently) calling Kara and Randy out for how they acted during Casey James' performance.

A great surprise on our DVR tonight: On Rupaul's Drag Race they (gasp! applause) did a full-out recreation of The Match Game, cleverly re-titled "The S*atch Game". Sure everyone was in drag and impersonating a celebrity, and they had too many people on each tier for a traditionalist like myself - but Gene Rayburn & Co. would've had a blast. Plus Tatianna won, so it was a great hour of TV all around.

Boo Hoo

I'm sick of all the cliched sob stories on American Idol. Every contestant grew up poor and unloved, had cancer and got pregnant with a Martian baby while working three jobs. At this point I know longer buy any of it at face value. I want proof - birth certificates, payroll records, hospital bills, sworn affidavits. Otherwise, shut up and sing.

And by the way . . . 

"The time has come to lip-sync . . . FOR YOUR LIFE! And remember - don't F**k it up!" How is it that Rupaul's Drag Race doesn't get more press? Watch the show already.

Family Night and American Idol

Family Night went as planned (for once!) and all was well.

My take on AI: Avril was an immature brat and a waste of airtime, Katy Perry was stunning, headstrong, and should be invited back, and this show is doomed once Simon leaves. BTW, "This isn't a Lifetime movie" (Perry) was one of the best lines I've ever heard from an AI judge not named Simon.

Get some Confidence

Vanessa Wolfe's time on American Idol was enough to break your heart. She's very attractive, talented, and down to earth, but was so beaten down and low on confidence I could barely watch. That line about not wanting the judges to 'look down on her' was gut wrenching. I hope she's not eaten alive in Hollywood. I'll be rooting for her.

Jon and Kate (plus - this years final American Idol note!)

I just posted what, for me, was an angry comment on a blog I frequent. By the standards of most blogs it was mild - heck, I've gotten worse here over the years - but I just had my fill of bullsh** lobbed at Jon and Kate.

You may not watch the show. You may not like them. You may not like Kate in particular (I hear ya brother). But to say that they don't love their kids, or are intentionally subjecting their kids to harm, is complete and utter CRAP.

The show is about a family. You see them for all of three days out of every seven they live, and each show does nothing more than document the everyday goings on of the household. You know why I like it? BECAUSE 90% OF THE TIME IT MIRRORS MY OWN LIFE.

Artistic oldest daughter with a flair for selfish tantrums? Check. A cuddly mama's boy quick to cause destruction and mayhem? Yup. Fashion diva daughter with a big heart? I see it every day. Tired, worn out parents? Join the club.

This is nothing more than the fallout from a (sadly) bormal marital woe, [alleged] infidelity. Shitty of Jon if true, and shitty for the family, but hardly unique, and definitely not evidence of Evil Incarnate.

What I find more troublesome is our country's fascination with destroying those we admire. We're a country that values underdogs, sure, but when did that become synonymous with debasing anyone on the top of the heap? We love them in April, we despise them in May. And why? Because Jon may or may not have wet his whistle? It'd be crazy if you answered "Reason enough!" but Americans don't stop there. No, we see the guy cheat, and so we spend weeks demonizing his wife. F*ing insane. Really.

Grow up America.

From Monday's show it seems apparent Jon wants out. He has his reasons, and I'm sure they're valid. If they don't work things out, so be it; I'll keep watching.

* * * * *

I'd be remiss if I failed to close the American Idol season without some commentary. I didn't care who won the finale so I didn't watch the competiition show, but I tuned into the results show just to catch the acts. Wow. Easily the best finale ever. Hell, it was better than the Grammy's.

Queen. Kiss. Cyndi Lauper. A drunk or stoned Rod Stewart. Steve Martin (?). Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas.

Again, wow.

Adam's camp has launched a minor conspiracy about the results, but it's nothing of note. I've read that the result was, if not a landslide, then so onesided it wasn't even a contest. As to Kris' coronation, I'll paraphrase the comments I've left on several blogs. Kris won for two reasons:

a) AI completely oversold Adam. We'd long since reached the saturation point with him. America likes underdogs.

b) Once Danny was gone, where were the fans of your average, church going family man going to go? To Danny Lite (Kris), or the Goth guy with the tongue fetish?

Danny Gokey and the Lost Season Finale

I told you that twenty-year old monstrosity of a Terrance Trent Darby song would help seal the deal.

With Danny Gokey gone I'm relieved - the Slapinions household is now done with American Idol for the year, if not longer.

I've felt for weeks that Adam would win the prize in the end (how could he not, with Simon and the producers pimping him at every opportunity, be it on Oprah, in Entertainment Weekly, etc) so I have no complaint about him moving on to the finals.

But Kris???

I like the guy, but he doesn't have the chops to be in the final; an American Idol should not be chosen on the whim of a bunch of 12 year olds with mad text messaging skills. If Kris wins, its no better than Taylor Hicks Pt II, and so . . .gag . . . I have to root for Adam in the finals.

But I'm not going to watch, because either its a done deal or I'm done with the show. Don't believe me? Once Dautrey (sic) was voted off neither Lisa and I watched another episode until this season.


As for Danny, I don't think he'll stay long in pop music. I imagine he'll do a quick strafing run on the top 40 to earn his pension savings, then carve out a long career in Christian Rock.

* * * *


Lost's season finale blew my mind. It was a solid, well thought out show that managed the neat trick of creating more questions while still moving the story arc forward at a brisk pace. For the record: about ten minutes into the episode, I guessed that John's corpse was in the shipping crate and that 'Locke' was an imposter. But don't feel bad if you didn't figure it out.

I am an Evil Genius after all.

Anyhow, I'm a wee bit tired to craft all my thoughts into a coherent package, so let's go with a list of items from my brain.

a. I think we have to concede that 'Adam and Eve', the two aged corpses in
the caves from the first season, are Rose and Bernard - happily together, even
in death.

b. Rose was right; the Losties spend a whole lot time dredging up
drama and trotting around trying to stop it. Of course, without that there would
be no show.

c. Miles' question about the bomb was apt. What if the Losties create the incident by attempting to stop it in the first place? A few points against his POV. One, the incident seemed pretty wickedly bad sans the nuke, although I'll grant you the gunfire may have affected the drill and magnified its effect. Two, even if he's right, big wup. If they set off the bomb and cause the incident they're no worse off than they were, albeit with a few more corpses laying around to clean up. Essentially, it would be status quo.

d. I repeat my earlier claim: Kate is of no use to the plotline anymore. Kill 'er off.

e. Note the New Kids on the Block lunchbox? Rock on Lost universe, rock on!

f. I know the producers have discounted the purgatory/spiritual aspects of the show, but the finale would sure seem to be a return to the idea. Read on below.

g. Jacob is a benign and supernatural force that encourages free will and yet seems to have foreknowledge of what those freely made choices will be. His opponent - fans have already named him 'Esau' after the biblical rivalry between Jacob and his brother - is a being who restricts free choice by manipulating men to do his bidding.

h. I was wrong about Locke creating his own destiny. Locke/Esau made his own destiny, and doomed poor Locke. It was Esau who instructed Richard to prompt the true Locke into his belief that his death was essential, and tricked Richard into believing the same.

i. I don't believe Esau has power outside of the island. He was forced to manipulate events from the island in an effort to bring Locke and the Oceanic Six back to his home turf. Once Locke was dead and the plane on the ground he could assume Locke's form.

j. I believe Esau is, or is connected with, the smoke monster. I think he assumed Christian's form to manipulate Claire and John, and took the shape of Ben's daughter in the temple to force Ben's co-operation. Taken as a whole I think the monster/Esau is incapable of mimicking a living soul, and can only replicate the dead.

k. I buy into the argument that Eko was Esau's first pawn, but that he somehow caught wind of the manipulation and in response was brutally killed by the monster. Note his dying words to John: "You're next."

l. Esau obviously lacked the ability to kill Jacob himself and needed to find a 'loophole' to accomplish the deed. That places Esau as subordinate, if distinct, from Jacob. God/Devil?

m. The breadth of Esau's manipulation, which dates back over a year and suckered in the entire show's cast, is well and truly impressive.

n. With his secret revealed, will Esau be able to talk his way out of danger? Does he need to?

o. Back to the 'core' group - the bomb goes off in the end. Is tragedy averted? The 'no' vote: we wouldn't have much of a show then, correct? The 'yes' vote: Daniel was a pretty sharp tack, and the idea sounds plausible in a goofy Lost-like way. I can't see the point of doing it if its just going to be explained away with a 'huh. We were wrong." in the season opener.

p. Back to Jacob: so was it Esau that was the resident of the cabin? If so, why would Ben take anyone there? Then again, he was surprised when items flew abou,t so maybe he assumed it was just a mock-stage to sucker in the masses. But why bother with the charade?

q. Whoever was in the cabin was a prisoner to some degree, as the ash boundary is a clear line of demarcation. But I assume Esau was free to do his business with the smoke monster, so what gives? At what point in the show was the ash boundary trampled on by a Lostie? That might give us the answer right there.

r. The storyline as a whole: forget what the producers said five years ago, this is reeking of redemption/punishment/spiritual judgement. Call it by whatever name you like, at its heart it appears God and the Devil are battling it out for the possession of a handful of souls.

s. What a great bleepin' series. Man I love Lost!

On Hate Mail, American Idol, and Lost

Yes, I did get hate email about my article yesterday. Only two mind you, but they were doozies. The first called me several names, specifically said I didn't love my family, and labeled my writing "worthless drivel". The second was kinder, but that might be because he doesn't appear to have actually read the column.

* * * *

I'll be glad when American Idol is done for the year. Not that I haven't enjoyed it, but it's such a pain to have another obligation on my schedule. It's not like you can even postpone your viewing, because the media saturation gives it all away the next day.

* * * *

I was late for work last week because of Mr. Gokey. Gokey's hometown return was a big event here, and while a top crowd of 5,000 was expected at the Summerfest Grounds more than 20,000 showed up. That meant traffic was backed up around the city, even on the south side, so I sat on the freeway listening to 'cool' alternative music DJ's blast American Idol as 'Karaoke'.

As**ole.

* * * * *

I'm not a big conspiracy person, but the first song that Danny was forced to sing reeked of an ambush. Terrance Trent Darby? An unknown Terrance Trent Darby song ? An unknown Terrance Trent Darby song that sounds like disco?

Meanwhile, Adam is handed U2's fine if over-rated 'One'. This reminded me, just a hair, of the overtly feminine songs that were chosen for the Kelly/Justin finale in Season One. That move put Justin, already an underdog, at a fatal disadvantage.

I don't think the producers rig the election, but they sure do their best to sway the vote.

I thought Danny bit the bullet and got through the first song and shined by the end of the show. Kris started the show strong but his version of Kanye, to me, sounded like a butchered coffee-shop version of a great song.

Adam . . . ugh. Every song sounds the same, a shrieking knock-off of Mark Wahlberg's imitation of Judas Priest in Rock Star. And what's with the tongue thing?You're not in Kiss, Adam.

I'm kind of hoping Gokey doesn't win it all, as I'd like him to have more than the one moderate hit the winner will produce before returning to obscurity. Still, I think he makes the finals with Adam.


* * * *

I haven't written about Lost because for several weeks, while I was at work, someone *cough* failed to notice that the DVR cancelled the recording in favor of Whatever, Martha.

I've finally caught up online. Here are some brief thoughts:

1. The actress that plays 40 year old Eloise Hawking (Alice Evans) is SUPER SUPER HOT. What a Danny girl.

2. The shooting of Ben ended in a cop-out worthy of Dallas. His memory was erased? C'mon!

3. Locke is creating his own 'destiny'. He sends Richard to recruit the adolescent Locke, he send Ricard to pass on the message that he must die, etc. So how much of it is BS? Is he destined for greatness, or just a false prophet?

4. Kate has become a boring, superfluous character, both in terms of the show itself and her interactions within the Lost universe. She could bite the big one and I wouldn't shed a tear.

5. I still say time can be altered. Maybe they have a shot at erasing everything that's happened. I just don't think detonating a hydrogen bomb is a smart way to go about it.

American Idol/Fashion Show

Wow. We didn't have a chance to watch the AI elimination show until about 10 p.m tonight, but it was a doozy. Kris was the weakest of the bunch and doesn't have the vocal chops to compete at this point, and yet he coasted through.

That worries me.

If Danny had been eliminated (as I was erroneously told Wednesday) I'd have stopped watching. Not out of hometown loyalty or outrage, but because it meant the last remaining hope to knock off Adam was gone. Now a small part of my head is concerned that Kris might capture the crown in ridiculous Taylor Hicks fashion, leaving better singers - Adam and Danny - out in the cold.

Tomorrow is Danny Gokey day here in Milwaukee, btw. Take a gander at the Journal website for more info and an itinerary.

* * *

Oh, one last thing. Allison's farewell song was THE BEST SUCH PERFORMANCE EVER. Full of emotion, power, confidence, and soul. Well done.

* * *

Tonight was the premiere of Bravo's The Fashion Show with Isaac Mizrahi.



You might have heard that Project Runway left Brazo in a legal huff; the last I heard it'll show up on Lifetime this fall. Bravo's The Fashion Show is, let's be frank, a knockoff of Runway.

Does that mean it's no good? No, not necessarilly. I think it has potential if it can counter a few obvious flaws. Chief among them is the lack of a Tim Gunn to stroll in and critique outfits in progress. Instead, Isaac and annoying co-host Kelly Rowland keep mum and snipe in private. Not good, as some of the designers need direction, and more importantly the audience needs to be clued in on what's what in the sewing room.

Still, there's a lot to like and a lot of personalites in play. We'll definitely give it a shot for a few weeks.

American Idol - May 5th, 2009

Slash rocks, and he's the genuine article, but what exactly did he do for those guys tonight? Not much, if you trust the clips of him in action.

* * * * *

Four solo performances, two duets. Let's get to it.

1. Adam - Nearly by default it was the best of the night, but I'm sorry I just can't share the voluminous love. I watched it twice, once listening to without watching the screen. It was good, but was it Evian in the desert? Not quite. Even so, the best of the night.

2. Allison - You would think she would have slam-dunked this week, but I found it pedestrian. It was a 'safe' version that barely showed her vocal skill.

3. Kris - well . . . not awful, but as he finished I turned to Lisa and said "He's gone."

4. Danny - This was soooo not his cup of tea, but oh well. I thought his vocals were choppy and the famous high note at the end was all over the place. If it wasn't for Kris' performance I'd be sweating the result show.

Duets: What's the point, except to fill time? Adam/Allison had the better duet, although I liked Renegade (one of Lisa's all-time favorite songs. I once bought her a 45 record of it back in the day).


* * * *

The results? Adam's safe. The bottom three is further reduced by Danny, who largely coasts this week on an established reputation and fan base. I have to think that America agrees with me and that Kris will go home.

Anyway, who cares? Paula Abdul performs live tomorrow! Whoo-hoo!*



* Lisa saw her 'live' once, and after the lip-synced concert, Abdul tried to do a live song for an encore and failed. She apologized to the audience and no one seemed upset. That was pre-Milli Vanilli if I have my chronology right.

April's Last American Idol

I'm trying to figure out the math here. Ryan said it's three weeks until the finale but there are five contestants left. One goes home this week, one the next, so doesn't that leave three left to duke it out? I must have misheard him, because I can't imagine they're going to change the format at this point in the show's run.

Moving on, it was Rat Pack week and overall the quality of the show was high. With only five "boys and girls" left, this review won't take long.

* * * *

1. Kris - He's definitely moving up into striking range of the finals. I enjoyed the song, but it wasn't mind blowing. I imagine him with one or two moderately successful pop hits in the future, just not with 'Season Eight Winner' on the album cover.

2. Allison - I disagree with the judges. I had trouble understanding any of her lyrics, and I watched it twice AND had the closed captioning on. To me, it reinforced her as a one-trick pony. I think she's in trouble.

3. Matt - Love the guy, enjoyed the song, still think it was on the weaker end of tonight's performances.

4. Danny - surprisingly good version, surprisingly good posture, surprisingly snappy apparel. Well done. A nice return to form.

5. Adam - way too theatrical, indulgent, and dramatic for the needs and intent of the song. I suppose, like Simon said, that it's like complaining that a cow moos. Vegas drama is what Adam is about. The vocals were good but I think Danny trumped him tonight.

* * * *

So who goes home? My bottom two are Allison and Matt. I think America will toss Allison in there, but will debate putting Matt or Kris in that second chair.

At the end of the show, Allison goes home. I hope.

American Idol and other Schtuff

Allright, first off I'm having a lousy coupla days here folks. I'm fighting off a mean stomach flu, I'm broke, and my mortgage just went up 16.5%. Oh, I don't have an ARM, in fact I have a nice, very low fixed mortgage. But the city bumped up my taxes last year and apparently looks to again, and so the adjustment of my escrow will all but bury me.

Congrats, you dunderheads in City Hall. As with all the good neighborhoods in Milwaukee, you will soon tax families out of home ownership and drive them to the 'burbs. Within a few years Ritchie Riches from Pewaukee and Whiteman's Bay (er, I mean Whitefish Bay) will own all the houses here and use them as rentals. After a few more years of ignoring their upkeep the area will go to hell, leading to a fallow period before good people step in to 'renew' the block and we'll start the dance all over again.

But at least the taxes go for something good, like . . . yeah. I don't even have a good punchline.

* * * *

On to happier news, a review of last nights American Idol.

I don't know if it was because they unexpectedly had to find time for a 7th contestant or because of format complaints, but I appreciate hearing from all the judges. All we lost in return were the hokey video introductions before each song.

1. Lil - enough America. Send her home. And please, no more excuses on stage and no low-brow opinions yelled out from the audience.

2. Kris - an excellent peformance and an innovative approach. One notch against him in my book is that he and Adam seem to skirt the spirit, if not the letter of the rules. Make Disco or Country or Metallica night all your own, natch, but shouldn't the end result sound something vaguely like the genre it purports to represent? As good as it was, it wasn't disco. It was Kris sampling the lyrics of a disco song.

3. Danny - very solid vocals. He did well, but I do wonder why he must perform hunched over so often. On stage Danny looks like he's trying to mime the letter 'C'. Mayhaps he and I should get an 'All Danny' discount on scoliosis treatment together.

4. Allison - that outfit was too old for a 16 year old, but her vocals were fine. I thought the arrangement was off and as always it all sounded Joplin-y, but whattayagonna do?

5. Adam - Much better than last week, although I think he was indulgent for a second in the middle of the song. Did anyone else think it appeared to end abruptly? Anyhow, well done, but see my Kris comments regarding the arrangement.

6. Matt - I love the guy and his performance was good, but it was the polar opposite of the Kris/Adam sytle. While faithful to the original, it just didn't work.

7. Anoop - Vocally he was pretty good, but the arrangement was off (for me). I also think he dresses a whole lot like the 5th Doctor (Who) Peter Davidson. That's great on the cricket field, but not so wonderful for an American singing competition.


Ok, two go home tonight. My picks: Lil and (sob) Matt. America's picks: Lil for sure, and either Anoop or Matt, with Allison a dark horse.

I say Lil and Matt go home.

American Idol: broadcast on the anniversary of the Titanic's fatal contact with an iceberg and Booth's mortal wounding of Lincoln

Memo to AI producers: I don't give a flying fig about time constraints, I want to hear Simon's critique on each and every performer. If you need to trim the fat start with Paula and her wooden, pre-scripted comments; Kara 'Wrong Song Choice' DiGuardo (sic), or Randy 'Pitch Problems' Jackson.

Keep Simon yakking or lose your audience. Seriously.

* * * *

Quentin Tarratino? Instructing a singing competition? Jeez, who's next in line to tutor these guys, Dean Koontz?

* * * *

1. Allison - Ah, a great voice but a narrow comfort zone. Everything sounds the same. Great, but the same. Wait a few years and put a bottle of bourbon in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and package her as the next Janis Joplin. But she's not gonna win this thing.

2. Anoop - the best performance of the night, just smoooth like buttah. Well done.

3. Adam - Some weeks he's as good as he imagines he is, sometimes he's not, not by a long shot. I promised to judge him against his own standards and not those of the group, but by any criteria I thought tonight was pretentious poop. It was one step away from drag queen camp, Vegas style, and about as rugged and 'wild' as a crocheted scarf. Ah, I know there are ladies who are now eager to blast away at me for daring to cross the man, but with all due respect: stop thinking with your Vajayjay. It's as unbecoming as men voting for Megan just because she was hot.

4. Matt - I thought it was very good until about twenty-five seconds from the end. Then it fell apart, but I think he did well enough to stick around.

5. Danny - ho hum. It was like dinner with your Grandmother: pleasant enough, but more than a little on the dull side.

6. Kris - wow, who paid the guy to take a dive? I thought it was gut wrenching, and not in the sense of 'captured my empathy and emotions'. He might be in trouble.

7. Lil' - better than in prior weeks, for sure, but she's put the bar so low it's not difficult to best her par. She's adrift artistically, and her weekly reactions to the judging makes me question her maturity and temperament. But again, better than her past performances.


My bottom three? Lil, Kris, and Adam.

America's bottom three? Lil, Kris and Matt.

Who goes home? Probably Lil, just because of the cumulative effect of lousy performances, but on a 'this week only' basis it would have to be Kris.

American Idol 4/7

Once again I'm up too late because of this dang show. I'll try to keep it short.

* * * *

1. Danny - Ah, I wasn't bowled over. It was good but not great.

2. Kris - I like the guy a lot, but this did sound like souped up, jazzified elevator rock. Not good.

3. Lil' - Wow, she's really fallen off a cliff. So much talent gone to waste. I noticed her Tina-esque steps and knew it was over. Every week she promises to improve, and every week she sucks.

4. Anoop - It was fine, but a little bland. He'll stick around.

5. Scott - I thought it was OK, especially for a Scott performance, but the guitar was a joke. I also think he's a bit of a prick for how he reacts to the slightest criticism from the judges. But again, an OK night for him.


POLITICALLY INCORRECT STATEMENT OF THE WEEK - I'm not the only one who's mentioned this, as I've heard it frequently out and about, but I'm guessing I'm the only yahoo brave enough to do it in print. Scott's eyes, for obvious reasons, fail to track like normal, and the Polar Express like phenomenon is highly unnerving.

Did I miss something? Has it become somehow insulting or demeaning for a blind or severely impaired person to wear sunglasses? Seriously, is this viewed as an insult now? And if so, someone better go out and tell Stevie Wonder. He was still wearing them when he was on the show, and I don't think there's a human being alive who doesn't respect the man.


6. Allyson - She rocked it. I don't think she'll win this competition, but she could have in at least two of AI's seasons, if not more.

7. Matt - Wow. Wow. Wow. I was blown away. This was a million times better than last week and the only, the ONLY song from tonight I'd enjoy listening to on the radio right now.

8. Adam - My DVR failed to record his performance, but thankfully it was present on the subsequent recording of Fringe from the next hour. It was good. Not standing ovation good, as Simon claimed, but very good. A little theatrical for my taste, but I'm starting to think the guy i going to wind up like David Bowie, with a specific if odd persona, style, and arrangements. Therefore I'm going to start judging him against his own standard, rather than as how he stacks up against the other performers. I'm not sure how he'd fly in the pop world, with the exception of an AI driven first album, but there's a niche he'll fill somewhere in the recording world.

* * * *

My bottom three: Lil, Kris, and Scott.

The real world bottom three is hard to pick, as mediocrity was the norm, bringing favorites down a peg: Lil, Kris, Anoop.

My guess is Lil goes home, and it'll be no loss.

This Week's American Idol

Curse my DVR. I have to stop staying up so late to watch this show, especially since it was mediocre at best last night. I feel miserable this morning.

So should 1. Anoop, who was fine vocally but looked awkward on stage. Usher? Are you serious? Lisa said it's a shame that people don't take him seriously because he's Indian, but I don't think that's it. There are a 1000 Bollywood stars who'd do fine in the role. Anoop however, just looks like the uptight computer guy in a college road trip movie, the guy who 'breaks loose' on stage once he's accidentally fed some pot brownies and hilarity ensues. Usher just doesn't work with his image. What's next, a Pussycat Dolls tune?

2. Megan - gag. The allure is gone, is it not? Go home.

3. Danny - I thought he did ok, but nowhere near as good as the judges thought. Could be just me, but I wasn't blown away.

4. Allison - I agree about the outfit. Awwwwfuuuullll. But her voice was strong and showed maturity in the quieter opening of the song. She should stay.

5. Scott - Enough America. To quote President Bush, there is such a thing as discrimination via 'the soft bigotry of low expectations'. If this guy had 20/20 vision he'd of hit the road long ago. His decision to bring out yet another piano ballad reinforces his limited range as an artist, and no, I don't think his vocals are that strong. Was it better than last week? You betcha. That . . doesn't say much. And for gosh sakes, why compliment his 'look'? His family should be all over the AI crew that works on him. He had John Parr (St. Elmo's Fire) hair - and it's not 1985 anymore people!



6. Matt - I love him, but I thought it was weak. The guy is searching for an artistic 'center', and sadly must do so in the public eye. He should stay, but I'm worried.

7. Lil - Her 'edge' wore smooth quickly, didn't it? Old fashioned in appearance and sound, Lil' is quickly slipping into the abyss. Pull it together or risk losing it all.

8. Adam - I dropped out of the Adam fan club after a brief 7 day membership. Wild Cherry is irrelevant and gimmicky today, and no matter how much you may have loved that ho-hum performance it would not fly on a record released in 2009. It just wouldn't. That's a fact. At least the Johnny Cash was edgy. He'll survive, but he's dropped a few pegs.

9. Kris - he rescued the night with a song so damn good it could make the airwaves right now. Excellent job! By far the best of the night.

* * *

Kara is, as the audience shouted out, a 'broken record'. Come up with something other than 'wrong song choice', ok?

* * * *

Who goes? Wow. It was so lackluster a week that many, many people could be on the edge. If it was up to me Megan, Scott, and Lil are on the hot seat (Lil just as a 'warning') with Megan going home.

America will probably put Megan, Matt, and Allison in the bottom three, with Megan getting the ax - but I'm worried about Matt.

Yikes.

Quote of the Day and American Idol

Yet another reason I love my wife.

On the way to work I was moaning about how boring my birthday seemed in print. While I loved my gifts (and in fact asked for each item) slippers, book covers, a book light, and a Mass book tend to scream 'Geritol'. Lisa quickly put me at ease.

"Seriously, what other option would you have on a family blog? You couldn't write 'I went on a coke binge and [slept with] a flight attendant' and keep your audience, right? So quit worrying about it."


* * * * *

I am so bleeping tired. I got home from work at 11pm and fired up the recording of tonight's American Idol. Before I collapse from exhaustion, here's my take on the week:

1. Matt - a fine performance, but I think he did better behind the piano at the start of the song than he did standing on stage. He obviously took Paula's critique of Scott to heart, without realizing it was simply Paula code for 'Scott you suck'. I think he's safe to stay behind the keyboard and razzle/dazzle us from there.

2. Kris - I don't understand where Simon's allegation of 'lack of confidence' comes from this week. Kris has a charming, boyish cockiness when he sings, much like Jordan Knight. Easily a plus performance.

3. Scott - Wow, he sucked, and what's entertaining is that he's so oblivious to the fact. "I'm a singer/songwriter Paula, so I'll stay behind the piano to let my talent show, allrighty?". Well, I hope you ARE a songwriter Scott because you sure ain't a singer. Lisa asked me to fast forward the last half of the song, but we stuck it out. The best part? When he said he was going to 'bring something' new to the song. Yeah, he sure did. Imprinting Bruce Hornsby on a Motown tune was original, you have to give him that.

4. Megan - Egads, you know an artist will be bad when Smokey couldn't cough up a decent compliment about her version of the song. Methinks the Megan smokescreen might be letting up on AI; she's hot, but she's very limited as a singer.

5. Anoop - a technically strong performance (no complaints there) but it's all so robotic. I'd listen to him on the radio I guess, but I sure wouldn't pay to see him in person. And I'm honestly curious about your opinion: are Lisa and I the only people in America who think Anoop looks like he's thinking "F.U." whenever the judges speak?

6. Michael Sarver - the world knows he should have gone home last week instead of Alexis Grace (!) but I rationalize it by saying at least now he's secured an income for his family through the summer (due to the guaranteed spot on the tour). Simon's spot on of course; the guy isn't going to win, there's not a chance in hell. He's dead weight at this point, useful only for a convenient pick to go home each week.

7. Lil' - I'm losing faith in her chances. She didn't sing the song, she screamed it, and I thought it was less than impressive. She'd better pull it together next week.

8. Adam - All right, never say I can't judge impartially. The song rocked and he looked great. I'd listen to the song on the radio NOW. He won the night.

9. Danny - good vocals, dorky and dumb routine. Not his best work at all. And is it just me, or did he completely dump Smokey's advice during his song? He ignored SMOKEY ROBINSON'S advice. My lord, if I'm right that's just plain dumb.

10. Allison - powerful, polished and sixteen. As Kara said, that is God given talent. She's a little too Janis-y for American Idol but an impressive talent who should make some $ over the years.

* * * *

My picks for the bottom three: Scott, Sarver, and Megan. However, I think Anoop might be a 'out of left field' choice to join the trio.

I say Sarver goes, but I think he'll skate. So I have no idea who gets the axe.

* * * *

You'll note that women only make up 30% of the final ten, and one of the three is on thin ice this week. I'd say the men stand an excellent chance to take the crown this year.

* * * *

If Randy and Kara refer to them as 'boys' and 'girls' one more time I'll throw a shoe at the TV. What is this, 1954?

* * * *

On the Match Game, circa 1977: 'Blank' Robinson. One of the answers was 'Smokey' and Brett Somers and the gang said "Who the hell is Smokey Robinson?"

Who the hell is Smokey Robinson? Brett, no wonder Jack Klugman left you honey. Get with the program! It's almost 1980!

American Idol 3/17

Pigs are flying, hell has frozen - pick your cliche. Paula is sober and making solid, intelligent analysis. Meanwhile I've turned against Kara, who seems far too in love with herself, a definite no-no unless your last name is Cowell or Slapinions. Plus she seems completely hung up on screaming your way through every song. She has no subtlety, or at least fails to appreciate it in others.

If one judge has to go next year, Kara should sashay away.

Ok, on to the artists. It's an important week. As Ryan said, the loser doesn't qualify for the summer tour.

1. Michael - It has to be some comfort and provide some sense of personal freedom to know you don't have a chance to win the big prize. I thought his vocals were fine, but the song lacked the energy that seems written right into the song. Blah

2. Allison - some complaint from the Mrs. that she sang it too hard, too Joplinesque. I'll argee, but argue that it works for her. I give her a plus.

3. Kris - the darkhorse keeps creeping up on the pack. He should sail through.

4. Lil - "I just wanted to prove I could sing more than R&B". Well, ya didn't honey. I agree with Simon, she seemed like a wedding singer stuck singing a song she hates. And her little - er, excuse me, "Lil'" - attitude during the critique was both whiny and desperate. She'll get through, but she's been knocked down a peg or two.

5. Adam - I know people love this guy, and Beth is a big fan, but I can't STAND him. The very sight of him makes my skin crawl; it is completely irrational. Even so, give credit where it's due. I agree with Randy for the first half of the song. It was funky, unique, and controlled. Well done. And I agree with Simon for the last half, as it turned into a self-indulgent performance right out of a cabaret.

6. Scott - Enough already with the sympathy votes. I don't get it; he's supposed to be blind, not deaf. And yet every song sounds the same, like a one-note Bruce Hornsby. AI could do 'Rap Week' and it would come out sounding like 'The Way it Is'. He does use the piano as a crutch, as Paula said, but far more importantly he just doesn't sound great. He deserves top 10 given who's left, but no more than that.

7. Alexis - I didn't dig it, but I thought it was better than the judges thought. 'Dirty' is a Kara staple, and I think Alexis would be wise to question her advice.

8. Danny - Not as good as in previous weeks, but I'll tell you one thing. Unlike a lot of artists, you know he felt the power in the Christian lyrics. Once again Kara wants people to scream all the way through the song. He'll make it through.

9. Anoop - Vocally it was fine, but I think he's rather robotic. Lisa liked it a lot. He should have been gone last week instead of Jorge, but he deserved the praise today.

10. Megan - What the hell are the judges hearing that we're not? Who's [redacted] is she sucking to get that praise? Her motions on stage look like a Marilyn knock-off and I dare you, I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to close your eyes then swear on a bible that you'd buy her record if you heard it on the radio.

11. Matt - damn he's good, and Scott take note: that's the difference between an artist who also happens to play piano (Billy Joel, Elton) and yourself. Energy, a connection with the audience, and mighty fine vocals. Well done.

Hmm. A hard one to pick this week. My ears say Megan should go home, but that 'flu' thing and the pendulous chest probably bought her some time. I'd say that Michael, Scott, and Megan are voted in the bottom three, with Scott instantly told to return to his seat. In the end, Michael goes home.