One of those forwarded email gimmicks

My Mom, of all people, sent me a cool 'FWD:' email today. 

Nothing all that grand about it, but if you enter your birthdate in the pop up window that appears when you follow the link you'll get an interesting little summary of who's older and younger than you in the world.

http://www.frontiernet.net/~cdm/age1.html

Disgustingly, Alanis Morissette is two months younger than I am. Aside from her millions, she has what - five albums? - under her belt. 

I should have fudged my birthdate.

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It might not be possible . . .

One of my favorite 'fridge art' comics. This edition of Hagar the Horrible says a lot about how the world really works.

BTW, the 'blank' entries aren't a mistake - I'm planning a big sidestep of an AOL limitation. If it works, you'll know in about a month. Otherwise they will quietly disappear with no one the wiser.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became an Evil Overlord

My buddy Tre sent me a link to this in an email:

"Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord "

While the author gives folks the right to reprint it, it's a mite too long for me. Check it out here instead.

My favorites?

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

And from a secondary list:

I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

A much needed LOL Break

Two serious posts about the Terri Schiavo case appear below, and I encourage you to read them . . .

 . . . but to break up the gloomy karma, I present this little ditty:

While researching my son's circumcision several links popped up on the search engine, among them the sponsored link below:

Circumcision Sale  - New & used Circumcision. Check out the deals now!
www.eBay.com

Personally, if I was in the market for a circumcision I'd avoid the used model, but to each his own.

 

Civil War Shorthand

 I came across this on a websearch for 'shorthand' and thought it funny enough to share - although it may come across as an inside joke for history buffs.

 

 E-MAIL SHORTHAND THAT CIVIL WAR SOLDIERS WOULD LIKELY HAVE USED IN LETTERS HOME HAD THE TECHNOLOGY BEEN AVAILABLE TO THEM.

By Rob Eccles

- - - -

w/o:roht
Without reward or hope thereof

ryahud;)
Remaining your affectionate husband until death

iop/loc
(With/by) Impulse of patriotism and love of country

iawap:)
I am well at present

s't
Shan't

iaotl:)
I am among the living

y:(
The Yanks

i-r
I reckon

frot:)
(In) fond remembrance of thee

s!
Shelling

iaptiy:(
I am pained to inform you

iwot
In want of tobacco

=|:(#
Old Abe

s-r
Snug as a bug in a rug

lisnbatwtya
Lest I should not be able to write to you again

bfo
(The) bitter fruit of orphanage

Gc&t
(In honor of/for love of) God, country, and thee

lt
Lieutenant; lead thither (situational)

bt2m
Been through the mill

sa2ht
Scarce as a hen's teeth

$;)
Greenbacks

~
Body lice

B!
Bully (to you)!

t't
T'weren't

i3ntisfotbfmc:(
If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country

Why you shouldn't put your password on a public computer

This is funny, and having worked at a public library, I can see it happening. Enjoy.

Hat tip to Tre

Session Start (Yahoo! -
While reading this, keep in mind that I'm not Josh.
But it sure was fun to pretend to be Josh...
whoever he was, he's fucked now.

dys4iK:sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 18:38:11 2002
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey hey hey
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: sup josh
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey did u ever call tracy?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: our grad. practice is thur right?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey u there?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh???
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u called tracy right
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y u ignoring me???????
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm ur girlfriend!!!!!!!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: talk to me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: look
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know what ur deal has been lately
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i mean come on josh
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we were prom queen adn king and this is how u act!!!!!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: fine whatever
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ignore me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: fine
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: see if i care
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok what the fuck!!!!!!!!!
dys4iK: bot.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u gonna talk to me or not
Session Close (sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 18:40:27 2002


Session Start (Yahoo! - dys4iK:sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 18:40:28 2002
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: bot???
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh?
dys4iK: I have no clue who the hell you are,
dys4iK: but this sure is interesting,.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh!!!
dys4iK: you're josh?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is wrong with u
dys4iK: I thought I was supposed to be josh.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u drunk
dys4iK: I think you should go find the right Josh.
dys4iK: I wish I was drunk...
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know its u
dys4iK: haha.
dys4iK: ok.
dys4iK: how'd you find me?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u r goin to grad. tomorrow right
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur on my list
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!
dys4iK: I'm not going anywhere tommorow night.
dys4iK: I spend my days sitting at my computer,
dys4iK: jerking off to weird porn.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y r u adcting like this
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsoh what is wrong with u??
dys4iK: 'cause i'm in hard drugs.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u told me u never did drugs
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u said u quit
dys4iK: I lied.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so u were lying?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what??????????
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg
dys4iK: in fact,
dys4iK: I could be on drugs,
dys4iK: _right now)_
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: !!!!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y do u always pull this shit
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur goin off to osu next year
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and ur doin drugs
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal
dys4iK: yep.
dys4iK: drugs and college.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg
dys4iK: hoo-rah.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive that
dys4iK: yep
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: did u ever call tracy
dys4iK: I've gotta go fuck my sister now.
dys4iK: back in a bit.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and explaoin to her ur stayin with me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!!!!!!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur sister is only 8
dys4iK: oh, hey, right.
dys4iK: ok.
dys4iK: my cousin, then.
dys4iK: how old are my cousins?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh u know how old ur cousins are
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dont be stupid
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u high?
dys4iK: I can' help it,
dys4iK: it's the drugs.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal josh
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok
dys4iK: my deal?
dys4iK: ten bucks an hour.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we can get through this
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsut call me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: did u call tracy
dys4iK: who's tracy?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: tracy randlof
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: remember
dys4iK: sure.
dys4iK: she was a nice lay.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u were gonna tell her u wer datin me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!!!!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u slept with here
dys4iK: of course.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u told me u didnt
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh i'm crying b/c of u
dys4iK: her and some other girl.
dys4iK: it was fun!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: JOSH
dys4iK: and some guy.
dys4iK: I think.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: WHAT IS WROGN WITH U
dys4iK: I can't really remember.
dys4iK: the world was funny colours at the time.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: OH SO NOW UR GAY
dys4iK: no, not gay.
dys4iK: not yet.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: WHEN DID ALL THIS HAPPEN
dys4iK: but if you keep this up, maybe.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: DONT EVEN SAY PROM NIGHT
dys4iK: it happened tommorow!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: TOMORROW???
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what?
dys4iK: yeah.
dys4iK: tommorow.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmm
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh
dys4iK: yeah?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm gonna come over ok
dys4iK: over to canada?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: canada??
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what are u talin about
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: talkin*
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u dont seem to good
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: im comin over
dys4iK: I already told you I'm not josh.
dys4iK: but you seem to believe I am,
dys4iK: so I'm playing the part.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever
dys4iK: but, I can't play it in person.
dys4iK: sorry.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm gonna break up with u
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we are over
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: 9 months of nothing
dys4iK: yep.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know its u cuz of the name
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm not stupid
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god
dys4iK: yeah.
dys4iK: such a stupid name.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well i'm on my way over
dys4iK: ok.
dys4iK: see you in a few days.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we can have break up sex
dys4iK: hoo-rah.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: tehn i'm leaving
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: for good
dys4iK: yay.
dys4iK: you promise to neve rphone?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive u slept with tracy
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur supposed to be mad
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and begging me to stay
dys4iK: why would I be mad?
dys4iK: oh, sorry.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: b/c i'm leaving u
dys4iK: please don't leave me!
dys4iK: please stay!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ugh
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever
dys4iK: wahhhh!
dys4iK: *cries*
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: uknow what
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: forget
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: it
dys4iK: ok!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm not comin over
dys4iK: gladly!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: screw u
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dont talk to me ever again
dys4iK: you don't want to get into the threesome?
dys4iK: hey, speaking of which,
dys4iK: I should get back to sex.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ugh
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: who is there
dys4iK: tracy.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: .............
dys4iK: .................!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (
dys4iK: come on.
dys4iK: you enjoyed it too.
dys4iK: I know about you two.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmm
dys4iK: when you got drunk?
dys4iK: at some party.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know what ur talkin about
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: .................
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: that was a long time ago
dys4iK: there you go.
dys4iK: see?
dys4iK: it was fun.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i was drunk josh
dys4iK: deal with it.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so what if it was
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: that was a ont time thing
dys4iK: I can't fix all your female, hyper-inflated ego disorders.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what has gotten itno u
dys4iK: I told you!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dys4iK: drugs.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm tellin ur parents
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u need help
dys4iK: when I figure out who you are...
dys4iK: haha.
dys4iK: ok.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: who I am!!!!
dys4iK: except, my mom is shooting up in the bathroom,
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wat do u mean by that
dys4iK: and dad is drunk with some other woman.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummm, she is at my house
dys4iK: she is?
dys4iK: since when?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and ur dad and my dad are out of town on a business trip
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so what are u talkin about
dys4iK: hey, whoa.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: she has been here all da
dys4iK: our dads are fucking?
dys4iK: when did that start?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever
dys4iK: that's pretty crazy.
dys4iK: think they'd let us join in?
dys4iK: with tracy, too?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ???????????
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u sick bastard
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god
dys4iK: haha.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u r soooooooooooooo immature
dys4iK: I'm immature?
dys4iK: yes, I suppose I am.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive i wasted 9 months with u
dys4iK: neither can I.
dys4iK: you fell for me like a brick in water.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dys4iK: that was funny.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: X-(
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no u fell for me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u begged me to get with u
dys4iK: haha.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i turned u down 3 times
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: remember
dys4iK: yeah. tracy told me to keep asking, though.
dys4iK: she thought if I got you to go out with me,
dys4iK: we could have a threesome.
dys4iK: or something.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u wisj
dys4iK: pretty clever, eh?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u know now that i think about it
dys4iK: wasn't my idea.
dys4iK: she was the one who wanted you.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i only liked u b/c of ur car
dys4iK: I have a car?
dys4iK: cool!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmm yeah
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur spider eclipse
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: thas y i dated u
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: not cuz of the looks
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: although u do look godd
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: good
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur nothin w/o me
dys4iK: hey, yeah?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and u know it
dys4iK: what are you, then?
dys4iK: cheesecake!
dys4iK: haha!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: cheescake?
dys4iK: yeah.
dys4iK: you're a cheesecake.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: how?
dys4iK: now that everyone's seen pictures of you naked.
dys4iK: heh heh.
dys4iK: but hey, you made some lonely geeks happy for a night.,
dys4iK: =)
dys4iK: it was kind of you.
Session Close (sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 18:57:45 2002


Session Start (Yahoo! - dys4iK:sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:03:41 2002
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: keep what going
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: our relationship
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: yeah right
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dream on
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we're over
dys4iK: hey, you're back.
dys4iK: hi again!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y r u makin a joke out of this???????
dys4iK: because i have no idea who you are!
dys4iK: but this sure is fun.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: prove it to me that ur not josh
dys4iK: how about you prove that I _am_ josh!
dys4iK: =)
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what was our prom theme
dys4iK: uh.
dys4iK: underwater?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg
dys4iK: or that may have been the drugs. =D
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i told u ur josh
dys4iK: oh, right.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what do i look like
dys4iK: yeah.
dys4iK: uh.
dys4iK: fat, ugly.
dys4iK: lot of acne down your back.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummm wrong
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wrong
dys4iK: blue hair.
dys4iK: purple eyes!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ????
dys4iK: you have this weird bump on your back,
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: am i a cheerelader
dys4iK: but noone will tell you.
dys4iK: a cheerleader? hey, coo..
dys4iK: cool.
dys4iK: i dated a cheerleader!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: cuz u dated me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dys4iK: duhh!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: there's teh old josh
dys4iK: whatever!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: aw
dys4iK: you're so funny.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i knew it was u baby
dys4iK: whatever! duhhhh!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwww
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh lets not break up
dys4iK: you're pretty thick, aren't you?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh u r the best i've ever had if u know what i eman
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont wanna loose u
dys4iK: you should smoke some crack with me tonight.
dys4iK: come over right now.
dys4iK: let's smoke some crack.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: the way u touch me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont want to loose u
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lets not break up
dys4iK: yeah. your skin is sort of clammy, though.
dys4iK: what, with being a vampire, and all.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ??????????
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm not clammhy
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i use pure silk lotion from batha and body
dys4iK: Sammy the Clam!
dys4iK: pure silk lotion?
dys4iK: doesn't silk come out of the ass of worms?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ???????????????
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsoh
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i want u so bad right now
dys4iK: so finger yourself, or something.
dys4iK: I'm not sticking myself back in there.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i alreadly am
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wahtever
Session Close (sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:10:20 2002

Session Start (Yahoo! - dys4iK:sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:10:24 2002
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u know u want this
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'll wear my cheerleading outfit for you
dys4iK: ew.
dys4iK: I hate cheerleaders.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no u dont silly
dys4iK: will you wear a strapon?
dys4iK: and fuck me in the ass?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: the way i can straddle u
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u luv it
dys4iK: hey, will you let my dog fuck you?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmmmmm
dys4iK: do it!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: when did u get a dog
dys4iK: you can smoke crack first.
dys4iK: I'll get a dog!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no
dys4iK: so it can fuck you.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: NO
dys4iK: and I'll videotape it.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i wanna video tape u and me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i want u
dys4iK: I want me, too.
dys4iK: but I'm with tracy now!
dys4iK: sorry!
Session Close (sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:12:29 2002


Session Start (Yahoo! -dys4iK:sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:12:32 2002
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u mean u want me
dys4iK: I'm madly in love with you.
dys4iK: the drugs are fucking with my head.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwwwwwww
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh
dys4iK: I don't know what i'm doing anymore.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i love you too
dys4iK: marry me?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwww
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: its ok baby
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u want to marry me
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh
dys4iK: I was lying about tracy!
dys4iK: I just wanted to make you feel jealous!
dys4iK: seriously!~
Session Close (sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:13:28 2002


Session Start (Yahoo! - dys4iK:sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:13:33 2002
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we just grad
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwww
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: really
dys4iK: no.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwwww
dys4iK: i was lying again.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ?????
dys4iK: 'cause it's funny to watch you awwwww at me.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh
dys4iK: yeah?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: do u really luv me
dys4iK: I need more drugs.
dys4iK: I love drugs.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no jsoh no
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u luv me
dys4iK: I love drugs!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no josh
dys4iK: I need a dimebag of hash to go with this.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: quit sayin that
dys4iK: and I'm running low on needles.
dys4iK: gotta start reusing needles.
dys4iK: damnit!
dys4iK: fucking hell.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh
dys4iK: oh well.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: stop
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: quit
dys4iK: I'll microwave them.
dys4iK: stop what?
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur actin weird
dys4iK: I'm jonesing.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh
dys4iK: I gotta go fix myself up.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what does that mean
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh
dys4iK: coming down.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i got my nipples pierced today
dys4iK: hey, me too!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: really!!!!!!!!!
dys4iK: no.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i did i t jes for u
dys4iK: why? you're supposed to hate me, bitch.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so u can play with them
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont hate u
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i luve u
dys4iK: you keep telling me you do!
dys4iK: stop the lying!
dys4iK: oh god, I can't take it anymore!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well i an forgive u
dys4iK: fucking hell!
dys4iK: I should just oD.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: nooooooooo
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh wait
dys4iK: it'd be fun.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm coming over right now
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok
dys4iK: go for it.
dys4iK: you know where I live.
dys4iK: (I don't.)
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok i'll be over in 20 min
dys4iK: ok!
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok baby
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i
dys4iK: I'll be waiting.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm coming
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i love u
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ...............
dys4iK: .........................
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: say it to me josh
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: please
dys4iK: I'll go get the strapon.
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i'm on my way over now
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: bye babe
sweet_thang_for_u_2002: c u soon
dys4iK: bye!
Session Close (sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:17:53 2002

The One about GOP - Nov 21st

A few weeks ago my wife and I found out we were finally having a baby boy. After a night- long search through online baby name sites, we decided to call him Parker and emailed an announcement. The good news prompted a phone call from my sister-in-law in Texas.

“Congratulations!” she told my wife. “How long ago did Danny come up with that?”

“With what, the name?” my wife replied. “We came up with it together.”

“No, the initials. You know, G-O-P. I figured that had to be his idea.”

For the record, yes, my children’s initials – Grace, Olivia, and Parker – will replicate the honored nickname of the Republican Party.

Also for the record: what kind of a right-wing nut job do you think I am? Of course it wasn’t intentional.

It might have been, had I thought of it, but I didn’t. It’s just a happy accident of fate.

I must say, after examining the evidence, that I’m flattered that people think I could have pulled it off. There’s no way my wife would have bought into it, so I’d have to successfully lobby – three times – for the name of my choice. If successful, I’d still have to hope and pray for the right gender each time. The “O” alone would have stopped me if I’d had a boy back in the day. Oliver? Orlando? Octavian? Ain’t happening.

And what happens if you have a fourth child? What then? Do you just call it quits on the initials, or do you become truly creative? You can’t pluralize ‘GOP’, so by necessity birth control would go out the window. Perhaps a ‘GOP KID’, or ‘GOP STAR’. Maybe you start a new set. For the bi-party couple, might I suggest ‘DEM’ or the ever popular ‘JFK’?

Of course, if you’re planning that far ahead (and can afford that many mouths to feed) you might as well go all out. Why not scrap ‘GOP’ and shoot for ‘REPUBLICAN’?

(Although I admit the ‘U’ would be a stumper. Perhaps a fan of Last of the Mohicans could use ‘Uncas’? Granted, he would be beat up daily on the playground. But, as a Republican, at least he’d be beat up daily at a good private school.)

Not to be outdone, my Mother proved she’s just as good at the ABC’s by questioning my motives on the whole subject. As a lifelong Democrat that still has a crush on Kennedy (John, not Ted. The woman has standards) she took it pretty well. Still, she was relieved to know it wasn’t intentional – which, as the difficult black sheep of the family that I am, made me wish it had been.

Frankly, no one in their right mind strings together sibling’s initials. That someone – much less two people – determined a pattern where it doesn’t exist is just plain loco. That both are related to my children makes me question our gene pool.

Now, not to spoil anyone’s fun, but I’ve had second thoughts about using the name Parker. We chose it for nothing but it’s own sake, but cloaked our decision in references to Robert B. Parker (the author), and of course the one and only Spiderman, Mr. Peter Parker. These references make me question my own contribution to my gene pool.

Besides I like the name and all, but to attach a WASP-ish name like Parker to an eleven letter Polish surname might be over the top. Sort of on the order of someone in Connecticut calling their son ‘Ivanovich Smith’. It fails to ‘roll off the tongue’.

But then again, with my name, what would?

Just a little change of pace . . .

Just in case this loads odd for you - because on this end, it either comes up the size of a thumbnail or as super large (like I said, I know zilch about this stuff) here's the link: http://www.uclick.com/client/mij/prc/. You may have to enter the date of this post (11/18/04) if viewing the link after today.