Happy Birthday Jonah!

Before the day ends let me send a Happy 14th Birthday to my nephew/Godson Jonah, featured here on his graduation earlier this summer.

Lump's 1st birthday is right around the corner, and so I am reminded that I am often embarrassed when I see video of Jonah's 1st. birthday party. I was quite enamored by the boy and addressed him in a constant, distrubingly high baby-voice, often referring to him by a series of goofy nicknames.

 In hindsight, given that (in theory) his great-grandchildren will see it someday, it's not the ideal way to be recorded for posterity.

But one good thing (among dozens) about having a baby around back then: it was good schoolin' for having one of my own. Oh, don't get me wrong. Being a Dad is much more hellish than being an Uncle ever was, even when I lived with the lad. But it was a nice appetizer to the meal, and a good way to practice.

And it did pay dividends. A couple of years later I headed up north with Lisa to visit some of her relatives prior to our wedding. I wound up holding a nine or ten month old boy, and to the amazement of the crowded room I easily navigated a coat on and off the kid. I mean that in the true, unadulterated sense of the word 'amazement'. You'd have thought I negotiated peace in Dafur or cleaned up Jesse Jackson's mouth.

Major props for me for with their family, so kudos to Jonah for that.

Anyhow, I'm rambling. Happy Birthday and many many more.

 

A warning, courtesy of Alphawoman

I read a post on Alphawoman's Blog this morning that got me worried. I'd noticed in recent days that the 'sitemeter' graphic was no longer displaying on my sidebar, but I wrote it off to a typical glitch. Not so.

According to her post AOL has removed this great site - provider of DEPENDABLE, free stat counters for journals - from its list of 'acceptable' sites.

You can check out her write-up here and she posted additional info in the comments on my last post.

The issue here is the ol' slippery slope. If Sitemeter is disallowed today, maybe Photobucket (and all the pictures I've posted here via the site) will be gone tomorrow.

Two other complaints I have about AOL Journals:

1. Magic Smoke lists a handful of journals in its 'other journals' sidebar. This isn't about them (they are fine sites and worth visiting) but what is the rationale to single those out above all others?

2. Still waiting for the print/save option after most of a year.

LOL. Man,  AOL is great at ticking off their clientele, eh?

Night Parking in Milwaukee

In this great city of mine you have to pay for the privilege of parking on the street in front of your own house, high property taxes be damned. I'm sure it's worse elsewhere - most things seem to be - but I think it's a crock.

Anyway, neither here nor there.

Since we picked up the Freestar our old van has been parked in one of the two spots behind my house, waiting for a friend of ours to get off her behind and get together the money to buy it from us (no pressure, no pressure). This leaves us with the task of temporarily rotating one of our two working vehicles to the street each night.

I have so far refused, on philisophical grounds, to reward the city's policy by spending $12 for a permit. In return the city has slapped me with a single parking ticket for $15. Eh, close enough to count as a draw.

But I didn't feel like another ticket last night so I went online to apply for night parking permission . I entered the address where it was parked and the plate number and was rewarded with a message that said (closely paraphrased)

Night parking permission refused. Permission is restricted to three (3) nights in a thirty day period.

If you have reached the three night limit but still require night parking permission, please call  555-5555 for assistance.

Fair enough. I called the number and gave the same information I'd typed in online.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. You've reached the three night maximum."

"Yes, I know. That's why I called."

"I see. Well, there's nothing I can do for you."

"Excuse me?"

"You've reached the limit. I can't do anything for you."

"Then why bother with this number?"

"You've received permission three times in thirty days sir. That is the limit."

"Yeah, but I know I haven't called in for permission in July. At worst I'm a few days away from the 30 day mark."

"26 days actually. It's been 26 days since you last received permission."

What a p**k.

"Ok, so I'm four days away. Can you please waive the limit tonight?"

"Hmm. Yeah, no sir. The rules are firm."

I was nearly laughing. "Why have your website direct people to call you at all if you there's no chance of getting permission? Is it just for giggles? I mean I don't care, it's not going to break my wallet, but doesn't that strike you as a little bit strange?"

"The law is the law sir."

I felt like yelling "My taxes pay your salary!", but then again his taxes pay his salary too (which is kind of lousy, no?), so f* it.

I doubt I'll continue my one man stand much longer. The last time I did that, by refusing to pay a ticket issued at the airport (for parking in an employee lot while I was an employee with the proper ID in the window) my $20 ticket went up to triple digits and my plates were suspended. If nothing else my wife will demand I get the permit.

But I'm hoping our friend will take the van off our hands and solve the problem before it comes to that.

Lightning Bug Lane

Sure, everyone's concerned about a new name for Lump. But in the meantime we've come up with a new title to refer to our street: Lightning Bug Lane.

I have never seen so many fireflies in such a small area. If you go out at twilight you'd swear a small patch of the night sky has fallen to the earth. There's soft twinkling lights everywhere you look.

This past week I took the kids out - one kid at a time, one kid a day - to capture some fireflies. First up was YaYa, intrepid bug hunter and collector for years now. She and I caught perhaps a dozen and a half without even trying, and one of our neighbors even joined in, proclaiming with delight that it was the first time in her 50-odd years she'd ever captured one!

Next up was Lu, accompanied by her cousin. Not quite as experienced or aggressive a bug gal, Lu still caputred a good dozen or so for herself.

On the third day came Smiley, who joined the hunt after a day of fun with Grandma.

Smiley has a well known aversion to insects, stemming from the time a colony of ants swarmed him at a picnic a year or two ago (it's mentioned here on the site somewhere). Therefore I wasn't expecting a very long hunt, but boy was I mistaken! He seemed to have discovered his calling and caught them with an ease that was remarkable.

(his hunt was earlier in the evening then the girls and so the pictures turned out better)

That's a lighting bug clenched between his fingers in both (above and below) shots.

Unlike the girls, who were fond of releasing the bugs, Smiley fought it tooth and nail. But in the end he gave in and they were set free.

A very fun way to spend a few minutes each night, and it was great that each kid got their alone time with me.

In closing, here's a shot of my niece wearing the 'suit of armor' I bought Smiley.

and one of our now empty bird's nest in the shed. I guess/hope the birds grew up and flew off on their own.

A Scam at Home Depot??

Sweet niblets could my computer get any slower tonight? While waiting for this page to load I read Bradbury's Night Call, Collect (from his story collection I Sing the Body Electric) start to finish. Dangnabbit.

And for what? A lousy email joke. Still, here it is, with thanks to acompany employee.

* * * * *

SCAM @ HOME DEPOT


Be Careful - A 'heads up' for those men who
may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam
while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be
quite traumatic.

Don't be naove enough to think it couldn't happen to
you or your f! riends. Here's how the scam works:

Two very hot 20-21 year-old girls come over to your
car as you are packing your stuff into the trunk. They
both start wiping your windshield with a rag and
Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their
skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When
you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and
instead they ask you for a ride to Lowes. You agree
and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the
front seat and starts crawling all over you, while
the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on
the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also April 1st,
4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th,
three times last Saturday and very likely again this
upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale, $2.99 each.

 

'Salem's Lot

      

World Traveler, who has sadly moved on from our company, once looked at a Stephen King book I was reading and proclaimed it my 'guilty pleasure'.

I don't take offense to that statement but I do think it's a bunch of malarkey.

I don't know what books will be remembered two or three hundred years down the road. Perhaps To Kill a Mockingbird will fall out of favor as race ceases to be an issue or the world will wise up and dismiss Catcher in the Rye. Hey, for all I know a Danielle Steel novel will reign as the next Oliver Twist in 2187.

But I do think some of Stephen King's work has a chance of being remembered. He's created some great novels (and some clunkers) and I'm not in the least embarrassed by calling myself a fan of his work.

Even if he is a [redacted] Red Sox fan.

'Salem's Lot was his second published novel, put out just after the success of Carrie.  The idea behind the plot is simple. Ben Mears returns to his hometown after many years only to find himself on the front lines of a vampire invasion.

It's a great novel with a strong plot and a large cast of characters. At times King's prose genuinely sings in Lot. His descriptions of the town itself as it wakes, darting from one character to another and showing us the very human heart of its people, jumped out at me and stayed with me long after the book was done.

3.75 starts out of 4 for me personally, 90 out of 100. Your take on horror may influence your vote.

          

The 1979 miniseries based on the book stars David Seoul as prodigal son Ben Mears. It's considered a horror classic and is lauded left and right on every site I've been to, but you know what? I thought it was boring. Slow and boring. The only good part was watching a young Bonnie Bedelia on screen.  2.0 out of 4, 50 out of 100.

                                

On the other hand the recent Rob Lowe version is skewered just as often by fans. I agree liberties were taken with the characters. I just don't see how that alone makes it a 'bad' movie. A bad adaptation of a book perhaps, but not a bad movie.

I happen to think most of the changes moved the story along at a cinematic pace. Certainly the rewriting of Ben Mears strengthened his motives for returning to the town and bolstered the emotional impact of his emergence as a hero.

It's not King's book, but it's a fine movie. 3.0 stars out of 4, 70 out of 100.

Spoiler:

I'd have given it a mathematically proper 75 out of 100, save for the fact that I thought the portrayal of the priest was disgusting. To not only willingly join the forces of evil but question the existence of God when face to face with an agent of the devil was sacrilegious and ludicrous.

The Great Highlighting Experiment

I wanted to start out by thanking Jan at Gryphondear's Word of the Day for mentioning Slapinions on her journal, and for Bucko doing the same. In fact he labeled his post "This one is for Dan @ Slapinions". The content of the post was horrific ;) but thanks for the PR none-the-less.

* * * * *

Last week Lisa bought LuLu a Hannah Montana hair highlighting doo-dad and naturally the $5 gizmo didn't work. So the next night, after sending me out for groceries, she had me pick up some hair dye.

Back before digital cameras, when photographs were still recorded on paper that would actually survive the Great Alien Invasion of 2011, Lisa put blonde highlights in my hair. In this ancient world of film cameras there exists a great and noble picture of me with foil and gunk in my once mighty mane. It's a shame I don't have it here.

I have no idea what was up with YaYa in this next picture, as the process went smoothly with her hair.

The results?

Ack! I have a picture of YaYa too but I can't get the file to work. I'm sure her highlights will show up in future posts.

Jessica Alba, headbutts, gang signs, the Red Sox and Favre. What????

I watched the James Toney-Hasim Rahman bout tonight. It was stopped after the 3rd round and ruled a TKO in favor of Toney, handing him the heavyweight belt.

I was pulling for Toney, but this one reeks. Stuff like this, to paraphrase the announcers, doesn't happen in professional bowling.

During a 3rd round that Toney won hands down he accidentally headbutted Rahman and opened a cut above his right eye. This is not in dispute. At the end of the round when questioned by the ring doctor Rahman was quick to say he couldn't see  and the doctor called the fight.

Or did he? If he did and it was stopped because of a head butt it's a no-decision and the belt stays put. If it's called because the fighter resigned it's a TKO and the belt changes hands.

Rahman did say he couldn't see, which is all but yelling "Stop the fight!", but it was the doctor's decision. Therefore I say it's a no-decision. The California board saw it differently but appeals are no doubt in the works.

One thing tho' - no decision or not, Rahman just didn't have the heart. Hey, Lord knows four seconds after entering the ring with either guy my head separates from my neck, but I'm not a heavyweight champion. The cut, while deep, was located above the brow and did not appear to be significantly dripping into the eye. He could've/should've brushed off the cut's impact, at least and especially when talking to the doctor if it was his true intention to carry on.

And afterwards, to say that he had no intention of fighting Toney with one eye? Well, uh, doesn't that mean that you did indeed resign from the fight?

Argh. Make it a no-decision and call a 'do-over' gentlemen.

* * *

You don't like boxing. It's full of gangsters and hoodlums you say. Violent, you say. Uh-huh. Check out this charming exerpt fromCNN/SI.com:

NFL crackdown on gang signs Posted: Wednesday July 16, 2008 06:56AM ET

Hand signals captured on videotape are once again being scrutinized around the NFL. Only this time, it's not the New England Patriots studying them for a competitive advantage, but league officials in search of a more sinister message. The NFL, concerned that some players might celebrate by flashing the hand signals of street gangs, has hired experts to examine game tapes and identify the gestures. "There have been some suspected things we've seen," said Milt Ahlerich, the league's vice president of security. "When we see it, we quietly jump on it immediately, directly with the team and the player or employee involved to cease and desist. Period." Ahlerich says the league has long warned its players about the influence of gangs and other forms of organized crime, but that those admonishments have intensified since the 2007 killing of Denver Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams, who was gunned down after an altercation involving known gang members. NFL game officials will not be responsible for identifying gang signals but will alert league headquarters of anything unusual or suspicious they see. League executives declined to outline what action might be taken against offenders, but Pereira said, "it will be dealt with harshly. The commissioner is not going to stand for gang signals on the field."

Yeah. 'Cuz boxing is full of dangerous thugs.

* * *

The Packers are officially alleging that the Minnesota Vikings have tampered in the Favre situation, citing multiple calls from a Minnesota assistant to Favre.

* * *

Jonathon Papellbon, closer for the Red Sox, was treated like crap at Yankee stadium during the All-Star game and serenaded by chants of 'overrated' that echoed through the park.

Oh, the cries of 'classless' and 'typical New Yorkers' from Boston fans!

Red Sox fans hate Yankees, Yankees fans hate Red Sox. Simple. Easy peezy. Sure it was a little much for my taste, but as far as the classless comment goes, I seem to remember 'Jeter sucks and A-Rod swallows', and crap about Jeter giving herpes to Jessica Alba.

But, uh, yeah, Boston fans would never stoop so low as to yell 'over-rated'.

The Black Dove

                

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Pub. Date: February 2008

ISBN-13: 9780312347826

The Black Dove in Steve Hockensmith's novel refers to a missing Chinese prostitute who was the last person to see a murder victim alive.

If nothing else I can assure you that the sentence you just read is far and away more somber than anything in the book itself.

The Black Dove is a follow up of Holmes on the Range, an Edgar award nominee. Gus and Otto Amlingmeyer are brothers. Gus, an illiterate cowhand, has developed a fondness for the 'real-life' adventures of Sherlock Holmes and has a knack for 'deducifying' himself. Otto, the narrator of the book,  is big and quick with his fists and the puns. Together they find themselves in Chinatown in the latter stages of the 19th century, investigating the murder of a mutual aquaintance.

The book is more concerned with making you laugh than think, with the actual mystery occupying 10% of the work at best. The rest of the space is devoted to comedic adventures that  sometimes slip into a dull Perils of Pauline mode out of sheer redundancy.

Really, how many times a day can someone find themselves surrounded by hatchet weilding Chinamen?

The book accomplishes its task with aplomb and I have to admit the ending, which was tidy if unexpectedly bleak, wrapped things up quite nicely.

The only negative I see? Hockensmith's book, in tone and structure, eerily mirrors a mystery (well, 4 chapters of one) I wrote back in '96. That annoyed me.

I hate people who finish what they start.

3.0 out of 4, 75 out of 100.

More pics

Hey folks, I didn't 'name' Lump, her Mommy did. I'm sure her name will morph with time. After all, Smiley is no longer referred to on this site as "The Maker of Trouble and Mayhem" :)

But for moment, Lump it is.

Here are some more pics, again just camera phone spur of the moment shots. Oh, one thing: at the party yesterday my buddy asked if I ever crawled back to Blackbird to exchange my phone.

Truth be told my 'unfixable' phone was cured of its ailments by whatever those yahoos did to determine it was 'un repairable'. It hasn't acted up since (knock on wood). HaHa!

And one of Smiley for good measure: