Lost "He's our You"

On the eve of another episode I thought I'd go ahead and post a new Lost theory that popped into my head.

A brief recap of the Sayid-centric episode: In 1977 Sayid remains a captive of the Dharma Initiative, despite Sawyer's best efforts to convince them he's not a Hostile spy. Sayid is taken to the jungle and given drugs to force a confession.


It works; he admits everything, but it sounds so outrageous it's dismissed out of hand. Later the group votes to kill Sayid. Sawyer, unable to halt the group's momentum, makes it a unanimous vote.



So much for Sawyer's wonderful leadership skills.

But young 12 year old Ben Linus seeks to befriend Sayid, who quickly notes the abusive behavior of Ben's Dad. Ben apparently lights a Dharma van on fire and sends it crashing into a building as a diversion to rescue Sayid. As they flee into the jungle Jin intercepts them and Sayid renders him unconscious or worse. Referencing a line Ben told/tells him thirty years in the future, Sayid turns to the young Ben and shoots him in the chest, presumably killing the boy.



* * * *

OK. Sawyer: Just as 'reactive' a leader as Jack was and obviously not as stuck on the whole 'don't be a Judas' thing.

But the main development here is the Ben/Sayid encounter and its impact on history. In 'real' life this would destroy the timeline and eliminate Ben and his actions from the life history of the 815 survivors. Personally, I think someone else might have simply taken his place and recreated 89% of his historical actions, but that's neither here nor there.

Why? Because Lost has gone out of the way to emphasize that in their world time cannot be altered. What has happened has always happened, even if we aren't privy to how history eventually conforms to our understanding.

Thus, we have some options.

One - the kid wasn't 'really' Ben, and the Benjamin Linus we know and loathe is an impostor. This is contradicted by prior episodes and the kid's unfortunate facial similarity to the grown Linus. Not a viable theory.

Two - He isn't dead. Could be, but what are the chances a professional killer fails to finish off a little boy at close range? Not viable.

Three: Ben dies. I vote for this one. But does time change? Again, by Lost's 'rules', no. So Ben dies, but somehow comes back to life.

Cue my theory. Ben dies and is resurrected by the island, thus cementing his obsession with the island, his belief in his 'special' status, and his role with the Hostiles.

If we accept that Ben rises from the dead, just as Locke does in the 'present', then it's a good bet that Christian Shepard's manifestation is physical and as complete as either one. Jack's Dad is alive and well on the island.

Here's where I think I *may* have hit a nerve. Locke, Ben, and Christian are 'special' and rose from the dead. Who else among the Losties seems to hold a special relationship [even unwillingly] with the island, a leadership role and ties to many of the other players in the saga?

Jack, who we first see in the jungle, having been tossed from the wreckage and laying apart from the others, his only wound a (Christ-like) piercing in his side.

Was Jack killed in the crash and unknowingly resurrected, leading him to assume the special role of protagonist throughout the series?

Regardless, Ben will 'rise' again. And he will no doubt bear knowledge of Sayid and many of the others with him into the future and force his hand. Thus, the past creates the future, and the future creates the past.

Deep huh? What do you think?

A link to the column

The column is in print and wouldn't ya know it, I actually like the thing. Here's a link to the beast, which in no way excuses anyone in town from picking up a copy.

I'll post the entire piece here in a few days.

Another column to be published Tuesday in the paper

Tuesday's Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel will feature another column of mine. If you're in Wisconsin or upper Illinois kindly pick up a copy.

I got the news tonight in two different emails. In the first, the editor wrote she'd be publishing my column 'X'. In her follow-up she apologized, but said her editor didn't like the piece for a few reasons and that they'd run another of my columns instead.

Lisa thought the second editors issues would upset me, but I welcomed the advice. The guy's paying me to write, so critique away kind sir. I just wish I could remember what the content of the backup column is before I see it in print.

* * * * *

Recently I ran into my grade school principal Sr. Kathleen and my first grade teacher Sr. Virigina (the latter being the woman who taught me to read. Thanks!)

Sr. Kathleen brought up my last column and said she'd recognized my name right away. She then asked all the usual questions about my parents, sisters, etc.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that Sr. Kathleen looked all of sixty or sixty five years old, with Sr. Virginia maybe five years her senior. Not a big deal - except that as a kid I thought they were sooooo ancient. I'd have laid money down, right up until seeing them last week, that they'd easily be in their eighties now.

Huh. Next thing you know I'll discover my childhood crush Chrissy G. wasn't a dead ringer for Farrah Fawcett.

Match Game

A happy but long buried memory: coming home from grade school a little after three each day and catching The Match Game in progress.

One of the great things about our newly updated cable is the inclusion of the Game Show Network. That enabled me to eagerly seek out reruns of The Match Game, just to see if that memory lived up to the hype. I wasn't dissapointed.




The Match Game was more like a cocktail party at your house than a true game show. Irreverant guest stars, risque but not dirty questions, a boisterous and vocal crowd, a host willing to tell the stars to stifle it or call a contestant's answer "dumb", and of course Gene Rayburn's signature Sony ECM-51 telescoping microphone.





'My' era of Match Game featured McLean Stevenson of M*A*S*H as a staple, but thanks to GSN I'm now able to craft a much better lineup. I'd take Richard Dawson in seat five, an able and quick witted star with a knack for entertaining the crowd. Charles Nelson Reilly would be in seat three, with Fannie Flagg in seat six. (forget Patti Desucht (sp?)).

You HAVE to keep Brett Sommers, wife of Jack Klugman, front and center in seat two. That leaves two slots open. One I'd like to see filled with Bill Dailey from The Bob Newhart Show, who just excudes humor on TMG. The last one I'd grudgingly rotate between whatever star wanted to come on the show and plug their movie, but my eyes certainly wouldn't mind seeing Gina Hecht of Mork and Mindy sitting up there as often as possible.

I'd love to see another revival of TMG, but it probably isn't going to happen. Once they crossed into the late '80's all bets were off and the answers slipped from naughty but proper into straight raunch. That's fine in context, but half the fun of the show was thinking dirty and then being forced to come up with a clean reply.

And besides, I have to admit its fun playing along and trying to figure out the social context. Answers that are glaringly obvious in 2009 (or 1979) aren't in existence in '73 and '75, and personalities and news items from '76 are now lost to the ages. And I dig the contestants who say they moved west to be an actor or a singer, full of confidence and certain success. In a way it's sad of course, to know that Rita Mae McDonald never did win that Emmy she desired, but it's also fun to speculate on whether she at least carved out a living in the field.

It's a bleepin' time machine is what it is.

Check it out, twice a day, on the Game Show Network.

The Circus in Winter

It is nearly impossible to explain how deeply I enjoyed Cathy Day's The Circus in Winter, a collection of eleven interconnected stories tracing the history of the fictional circus town of Lima, Indiana.

I read it, cover to cover, in a single sitting on New Years Day.

In the late 1800's, as his beloved wife passes away, Wallace Porter abandons a safe and respectable existence to purchase a failing circus. For the next half century the circus calls Lima home, and in the half century after its collapse the town still echoes with the blessings and ghosts the circus has left upon the memory of the land.

There is pride and pain, loss and triumph for the characters we visit. There is the young family stranded in the attic of their home as flood water rises, an elephant drowning helplessly beneath their window. A century later their granddaughter chafes under the oppressive weight of her mother's judgement, and the accidental death of an elephant trainer at the turn of the century echoes across the decades.

Through it all we are kept spellbound.

It's fascinating to trace how the tiniest incident can magnify over time to change the course of someones life, someone who's grandparents had yet to be born when it occured.

The Circus in Winter is a powerful book by a writer with true talent. I obtained my copy in a local Dollar Tree, read it, loaned out my copy, and ran back to get a pristine version to place in my collection.

I encourage you to hit BN.com and pick up a copy. You won't be disappointed.

Quote of the Day and American Idol

Yet another reason I love my wife.

On the way to work I was moaning about how boring my birthday seemed in print. While I loved my gifts (and in fact asked for each item) slippers, book covers, a book light, and a Mass book tend to scream 'Geritol'. Lisa quickly put me at ease.

"Seriously, what other option would you have on a family blog? You couldn't write 'I went on a coke binge and [slept with] a flight attendant' and keep your audience, right? So quit worrying about it."


* * * * *

I am so bleeping tired. I got home from work at 11pm and fired up the recording of tonight's American Idol. Before I collapse from exhaustion, here's my take on the week:

1. Matt - a fine performance, but I think he did better behind the piano at the start of the song than he did standing on stage. He obviously took Paula's critique of Scott to heart, without realizing it was simply Paula code for 'Scott you suck'. I think he's safe to stay behind the keyboard and razzle/dazzle us from there.

2. Kris - I don't understand where Simon's allegation of 'lack of confidence' comes from this week. Kris has a charming, boyish cockiness when he sings, much like Jordan Knight. Easily a plus performance.

3. Scott - Wow, he sucked, and what's entertaining is that he's so oblivious to the fact. "I'm a singer/songwriter Paula, so I'll stay behind the piano to let my talent show, allrighty?". Well, I hope you ARE a songwriter Scott because you sure ain't a singer. Lisa asked me to fast forward the last half of the song, but we stuck it out. The best part? When he said he was going to 'bring something' new to the song. Yeah, he sure did. Imprinting Bruce Hornsby on a Motown tune was original, you have to give him that.

4. Megan - Egads, you know an artist will be bad when Smokey couldn't cough up a decent compliment about her version of the song. Methinks the Megan smokescreen might be letting up on AI; she's hot, but she's very limited as a singer.

5. Anoop - a technically strong performance (no complaints there) but it's all so robotic. I'd listen to him on the radio I guess, but I sure wouldn't pay to see him in person. And I'm honestly curious about your opinion: are Lisa and I the only people in America who think Anoop looks like he's thinking "F.U." whenever the judges speak?

6. Michael Sarver - the world knows he should have gone home last week instead of Alexis Grace (!) but I rationalize it by saying at least now he's secured an income for his family through the summer (due to the guaranteed spot on the tour). Simon's spot on of course; the guy isn't going to win, there's not a chance in hell. He's dead weight at this point, useful only for a convenient pick to go home each week.

7. Lil' - I'm losing faith in her chances. She didn't sing the song, she screamed it, and I thought it was less than impressive. She'd better pull it together next week.

8. Adam - All right, never say I can't judge impartially. The song rocked and he looked great. I'd listen to the song on the radio NOW. He won the night.

9. Danny - good vocals, dorky and dumb routine. Not his best work at all. And is it just me, or did he completely dump Smokey's advice during his song? He ignored SMOKEY ROBINSON'S advice. My lord, if I'm right that's just plain dumb.

10. Allison - powerful, polished and sixteen. As Kara said, that is God given talent. She's a little too Janis-y for American Idol but an impressive talent who should make some $ over the years.

* * * *

My picks for the bottom three: Scott, Sarver, and Megan. However, I think Anoop might be a 'out of left field' choice to join the trio.

I say Sarver goes, but I think he'll skate. So I have no idea who gets the axe.

* * * *

You'll note that women only make up 30% of the final ten, and one of the three is on thin ice this week. I'd say the men stand an excellent chance to take the crown this year.

* * * *

If Randy and Kara refer to them as 'boys' and 'girls' one more time I'll throw a shoe at the TV. What is this, 1954?

* * * *

On the Match Game, circa 1977: 'Blank' Robinson. One of the answers was 'Smokey' and Brett Somers and the gang said "Who the hell is Smokey Robinson?"

Who the hell is Smokey Robinson? Brett, no wonder Jack Klugman left you honey. Get with the program! It's almost 1980!

My 35th Birthday

Wow, it's been more than a week since my last post and the absence seemed . . soothing.

My birthday was very nice and relaxing. As usual my Mom called me at midnight to welcome the day. In the morning I went to work where I was greeted by a lot of sincere good cheer. Afterwards Lisa treated me and the two oldest girls to dinner at Bucca Di Beppo's downtown, where we enjoyed a great Italian meal.











[sidenote: Here's Smiley on the 18th, on his way to a class trip to the zoo.]



My parents bought me two canvas, zippered book covers (one for hardcovers and another for paperbacks), a wonderful blue Mighty Bright telescoping LED book light with AC adapter, and some cash to pick up a book on shorthand (which I've always wanted to learn). My wife's stepmother, before she moved back home, bought me two pair of slippers.

In addition to the dinner Lisa got me a black leather missal for Mass. And from the kids: a hug and kiss from each.

* * * *

The day ended poorly, however, when at ten at night we were forced to have one of our cats put to sleep. Not 'our' cat, actually, but the one my sister has had us watch for months. It came downstairs shaking and in bad shape. No surprise, as I'd advised my sister for weeks that the end was near. The final diagnosis: cancer.

I'm not sure I believe the vet, as in my experience they're the equal to meteorologists in accuracy, but it was time for the cat to be put down.

* * * *

On Saturday, with my paycheck burning a microscopic hole in my pocket, I FINALLY took YaYa to see Coraline 3D. Afterwards we went shopping and then, with Lump, the three of us hit the observation park of the airport before jotting over to Nite Owl for dinner.





I then took them to the park before heading home. Later that night YaYa and I hunkered down to watch The Mummy together on pay-per-view, staying up late to finish the movie.

YaYa quote of the night, as one character in The Mummy ran blindly into a brick wall. "Ouch. He's off the team."

American Idol 3/17

Pigs are flying, hell has frozen - pick your cliche. Paula is sober and making solid, intelligent analysis. Meanwhile I've turned against Kara, who seems far too in love with herself, a definite no-no unless your last name is Cowell or Slapinions. Plus she seems completely hung up on screaming your way through every song. She has no subtlety, or at least fails to appreciate it in others.

If one judge has to go next year, Kara should sashay away.

Ok, on to the artists. It's an important week. As Ryan said, the loser doesn't qualify for the summer tour.

1. Michael - It has to be some comfort and provide some sense of personal freedom to know you don't have a chance to win the big prize. I thought his vocals were fine, but the song lacked the energy that seems written right into the song. Blah

2. Allison - some complaint from the Mrs. that she sang it too hard, too Joplinesque. I'll argee, but argue that it works for her. I give her a plus.

3. Kris - the darkhorse keeps creeping up on the pack. He should sail through.

4. Lil - "I just wanted to prove I could sing more than R&B". Well, ya didn't honey. I agree with Simon, she seemed like a wedding singer stuck singing a song she hates. And her little - er, excuse me, "Lil'" - attitude during the critique was both whiny and desperate. She'll get through, but she's been knocked down a peg or two.

5. Adam - I know people love this guy, and Beth is a big fan, but I can't STAND him. The very sight of him makes my skin crawl; it is completely irrational. Even so, give credit where it's due. I agree with Randy for the first half of the song. It was funky, unique, and controlled. Well done. And I agree with Simon for the last half, as it turned into a self-indulgent performance right out of a cabaret.

6. Scott - Enough already with the sympathy votes. I don't get it; he's supposed to be blind, not deaf. And yet every song sounds the same, like a one-note Bruce Hornsby. AI could do 'Rap Week' and it would come out sounding like 'The Way it Is'. He does use the piano as a crutch, as Paula said, but far more importantly he just doesn't sound great. He deserves top 10 given who's left, but no more than that.

7. Alexis - I didn't dig it, but I thought it was better than the judges thought. 'Dirty' is a Kara staple, and I think Alexis would be wise to question her advice.

8. Danny - Not as good as in previous weeks, but I'll tell you one thing. Unlike a lot of artists, you know he felt the power in the Christian lyrics. Once again Kara wants people to scream all the way through the song. He'll make it through.

9. Anoop - Vocally it was fine, but I think he's rather robotic. Lisa liked it a lot. He should have been gone last week instead of Jorge, but he deserved the praise today.

10. Megan - What the hell are the judges hearing that we're not? Who's [redacted] is she sucking to get that praise? Her motions on stage look like a Marilyn knock-off and I dare you, I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to close your eyes then swear on a bible that you'd buy her record if you heard it on the radio.

11. Matt - damn he's good, and Scott take note: that's the difference between an artist who also happens to play piano (Billy Joel, Elton) and yourself. Energy, a connection with the audience, and mighty fine vocals. Well done.

Hmm. A hard one to pick this week. My ears say Megan should go home, but that 'flu' thing and the pendulous chest probably bought her some time. I'd say that Michael, Scott, and Megan are voted in the bottom three, with Scott instantly told to return to his seat. In the end, Michael goes home.

This and That as I wait for Lisa

A slight change of plans. Lisa and my sister have decided to go late-night shopping again, leaving my American Idol plans on hold. How will I fill the time? Why, the way I mentioned under 'ways you relax' on that application earlier: by blogging.

My wife's step-mother was able to move back home yesterday, thirteen days after her arrival with us. By the end Lisa was exhausted, but I was pretty comfortable. Unlike Lisa I wasn't a child when I met her step-mom. I'm largely the same Danny she was introduced to in 1995, and so I bear no burden of trying to shake off a quarter century old first impression made in childhood. Nor did I have to aid her in any personal grooming, which Lisa did each day. Lord knows that can wear a person down.

I'm glad to have my couch back, but she was good company. I certainly think it was a good thing for her relationship with the kids, and vice versa.

* * * * *

As my upcoming 35th birthday approached, I decided to go in for a physical. I don't consciously avoid them, but when I thought about it it had been five years or more since my last one (note: that's code for ten years) Time to bite the bullet.

So: Kidney, thyroid and liver functions are good. My cholesterol is 106, but my 'good' version is a bit low. Blood pressure surprisingly good. I'm obese (really? Hadn't noticed doc) but lost three pounds between the day of the blood draw and the follow-up a few weeks later.

I have flat feet - my Dad was always grateful, saying it'd keep me out of the draft -and possible bone spurs in my constantly aching left foot. X-Rays await, but I have to find the time first.

About that blood pressure reading. Every time I go to the doctor they take a second look at my weight and shake off the blood pressure results as improbable. This time they felt compelled to take it three times before raising their eyebrows and jotting it down. Never fear medical professionals: the blood pressure might be good, but the ol' brain is still screwed up enough to put $ in your pockets for years to come.

* * *

Last Tuesday LuLu read a petition during Mass and aced it. Good job girl!

* * * *

Both LuLu and Smiley won't go to bed unless I read to them now, which is a great sign of future readers. Meanwhile YaYa has begun a list of every book she's ever read, just like her old man.

* * * * * *

My wife's step-mom yesterday: "I can see why you call her Lump. The girl can't stay on her feet for more than a minute without cracking her head."

At which point, I kid you not, the Lump took her cue and fell to the floor. She bumped her head on the ottoman, rubbed it briefly, then got up and walked away.

Lump's trouble by the way, a true YaYa Jr. She'll dance half the day away, especially if you say "Do the [Lump], Do the [Lump]" but the rest of the time she's busy destroying. She stuck a paintbrush in the glue bottle, upended a box of cereal, tried to play in the toilet, tossed toys down the stairs, spilled soda, hit Smiley, threw a sippy cup 1000 times, spit food at people and giggled, and upended a plate of food.

All that, my readers, in one afternoon.

Just to Clear Up a Facebook BooBoo

Today birthday wishes kept coming in. Here's the problem: it's not my birthday.

True, it is right around the corner [on Thursday the 19th] but the messages all specified tomorrow as the big day.

The source of the error falls on my shoulders. Apparently my little-used Facebook account lists the 18th as my birthday. Maybe it was an honest mistake, or else I might have fudged it in a paranoid 'Big Brother' moment.

[When I corrected one person they asked "Are you sure?". To give them the benefit of the doubt: I've forgotten much of those pesky womb days, so no. No, I'm not 100% sure. But I'm most of the way there :)]

Either way, a big and heartfelt thank you to Slapinions readers Joann and Jeanne!

* * * *
I spent the better part of the night completing essays required for a job I'm pursuing. Two bleepin' hours - closer to three really. If I don't get it I should at least win a merit badge for sticking out the application process.

* * * * *

A small thing that bothered me like a grain of sand in the eye:

Recently I wasted an hour of my life fascinated by a special about a 1969 Vietnam war battle at a Special Forces camp. The Military Channel went all out to sell this as a 'must see'. They gathered the survivors of the battle together. They had archival footage from both the American and NVA sides. They had splashy computer graphics. I agree with showing all of that. I'm thankful for their comprehensive and professional presentation.

The problem: they said, a dozen times, that this was one of the most vital and costly battles of that era. Then at the very end of the show they revealed the death toll: two Americans and seven NVA.

Please, for the duration of this post, put aside the reflexive 'All lives count.'. Of course. But from a historical point of view, nine dead isn't a battle. It's barely a decent Vietnam era skirmish considering the NVA attacked a fortified and armouored position head-on.

I didn't need a huge death toll to find the show interesting. I would have been fine with the truth, or even if miraculously everyone went home unscathed. I just don't like being misled to think this was Midway revisted, in both casualties and importance. Some kid probably walked away from the TV thinking that skirmish ranks up there with Tet as a turning point of the war. That bothers me.

Anway, enough of that. I'm off to watch AI and post about it later.