The Graveyard Book

Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book is a young adult novel set, as the title indicates, in a cemetery.

A young family is viciously murdered in their home by a mysterious figure known as Jack. During the attack the family's toddler wanders out of the house and down the road to a cemetery, where it quickly draws the attention and affection of a long deceased couple. They mask the boy's presence from the killer and adopt him as their own.

The boy, renamed Nobody Owens, grows up in the graveyard under the watchful eye of the numerous souls buried there. As he matures he longs for the world outside the gates, a world of flesh and blood, of living human beings - and a world where a murderer is still searching for the boy that escaped his wrath.

This is written as a young adult novel, and by most accounts fits the bill, but there is a good deal of violence for something aimed at 9-12 year olds. In particular the murder of the family, and the eventual confrontation between Nobody and his nemesis, come on a little strong in my opinion.

Even so, Gaiman is a wonderful, imaginative writer, and if you are comfortable with your child handling a few pages of blood, by all means pick up a copy.

2.90 out of 4

Smiley and his Cousin

Smiley and his cousin

Street Work

The city is marking up the street in front of my house - literally, directly in front of my house - and I went and asked what was going on. Turns out they're building a gas line from the landfill in Franklin, all the way down to Jones Island. (!) Based on soil samples from in front of my house, they may have to dig the street up to lay the pipe. Yikes!

On Empire, Hoth, and Horrorween

I just finished watching the last 45 minutes of The Empire Strikes Back, and it brought back a lot of memories. I was a huge Star Wars nut as a kid, and at six years old my Dad took me to see Empire. We got there early, and I peaked through a window on the theater door and saw R2D2 fix the hyperdrive on the 'Falcon.

After the movie, I was pretty shaken. Seeing Han, my favorite character, frozen in carbonite scared the beejeezus out of me, and I couldn't sleep under my normal SW blanket that night. I just couldn't stand looking at Han, and I remember looking up 'carbon' in the encyclopedia in the next few days to try to find out if he was in pain or not.

Add in the whole "I am your father" thing, which confused me (I asked my Dad if he thought Vader was lying) and it was a chaotic mess of a movie visit, but one I'll remember forever.

You know, I've long since ditched SW fandom. It's cool, but it's not the cat's meow it once was for me. Even so, Empire stands as a great movie in its own right, independent of the series as a whole. It is dark and full of pain, emotional and physical, and the good guys don't win - but there is hope, and friendship, and love. It's truly great.

[Plus Leia never looked better - yes, even in the golden bikini of Jedi - and the battle for Hoth ROCKED]

* * * *

In another bit of useless trivia, I have discarded a copy of Horrorween by Al Sarrantonio. Sarrantonio's got talent and a way with words, but when you're midway through a book and a character says (parprhrasing here) "Remember the genius robotic engineer who went insane after his son was murdered by the clown? He escaped from the hospital and is on the loose!" well, there's no going back.

'Twas a time I'd finish any book I'd started, but screw that. Life's too short to waste it wading through crud.

Update: Town Hall Meeting

Did any reader actually attend the town hall meeting? I couldn't, but I just caught a synopsis of the event on the news. Apparently Moore answered only "five or six" questions during the entire two hour session, and the crowd was described as largely pro-Moore. I expected that, given the restrictions on speech she imposed, but I was suprised at the large number of opposing viewpoints that managed to be heard. Things got heated, but not violent, and if you think it was some grand GOP plan that got emotions running, think again.

Quoting Moore, verbatim, from the telecast of the meeting:

"One of the things we['re] gonna do is we're gonna repeal THOSE TAX BREAKS for the wealthiest Americans [applause, cks notes] . . . Number TWO, we're gonna end the war in Iraq! [applause, cks notes again, then yells the following] Number THREE, we're gonna MAKE THOSE INSURANCE COMPANIES BRING SOMETHIN' TO THE TABLE BESIDES THEIR APPETITE [loud applause]."

Really?? This was not a campaign rally, and all that crap did was satisfy the faithful who were already in her corner and harden the opposition's belief that she's all slogans and nothing more. I think that instead, she might have spent a little more than the half-hour that she devoted to *actually* interacting with the people of the district.

Again, as expressly pointed out by the reporters, this is the one and only time Moore will meet with her constituents.

Sigh.

Town Hall Meeting Tonight

Egads, it galls me to promote anything connected to my Congresswoman, but she is hosting a town hall meeting about Obamacare tonight, in uh, four minutes actually. It runs until six, so you can still attend, but don't bother going with a question in mind: Moore, never the sharpest pencil in the pouch, is responding only to questions that were submitted in advance and pre-approved by her staff. Why, that sounds like a joyous, give and take expression of democracy to me!

Oh, and please, if you go: remember to bring a spare tire. Ok, ok - cheap shot. Deserved, but cheap.

On a serious note: this is the first and only town hall meeting she'll be holding. The local Republican Congressmen have scheduled multiple sessions; off the top of my head, Paul Ryan has more than a dozen on the table.



WHO: Rep. Gwen Moore, D-Wisc.
WHAT: Informational session on health care reform
WHEN: Tuesday, August 11, 2009, 4-6 p.m.., CST
WHERE: North Division High School, Milwaukee, WI

Congresswoman Gwen Moore (D-Wisc.) will Tuesday hold an informational session to hear from her constituents on the proposed health care reform legislation that the House of Representatives will likely consider in September.

A representative from the University of Wisconsin is expected to be on hand to give a non-partisan, informational presentation on the bill’s specifics.

Congresswoman Moore will also answer questions that constituents have submitted online on health care reform. Those who plan to attend need to submit their questions online prior to the event.

EDIT: Formatting and text changes were rejected by Blogger at the time of publication, citing code errors that were over my head. I posted as-is given the time sensitive issue. Coming back now, a few hours later, I went with the original (intended) post.

Freaky

Every few minutes I've heard this guttural sound coming from the other room. Kind of freaky in a quiet house, actually. Then I got it: it's Smiley's crickets. They aren't quite chirping so much as . . . well, making unique disgusting noises.

Watchmen - the movie

The night before he left for Cape Cod, my nephew and I sat down to watch a movie. After a few minutes Lisa called out from the other room.

"That music is cool," she said. "What are you watching?"

"Watchmen," I said.

"What's it about?"

"Basically, superheroes are illegal, but when one of them is murdered a group of retired heroes gets back together to solve the crime."

There was silence for a moment.

"So, it's a violent The Incredibles?"

And that, Dear Reader, is the problem. Watchmen was innovative in the '80's, and a thousand stories owe a debt to the monumental graphic novel. But the market is so saturated with knock-offs that the original seems almost mundane. It's something I first wrote about in my review of the comic itself.

The movie itself is a visual treat, and for the most part follows the novel blow-for-blow. Aside from the stilted acting of Malin Akerman, I thought it was very enjoyable, and Rorschach's scene in the prison cafeteria was worth the price of the rental all by its lonesome.

The bad? The graphic novel is a long read, as such things go, and the movie seems to drag as it sticks close to the source material. Then they inexplicably change the nature of the threat in the closing minutes, altering the logic (and effectiveness) of the whole exercise.*

Still, if you can push past the feeling that you've seen it all before, it's worth a look.

2.8 out of 4.


* SPOILER: if it isn't an 'outside' threat that destroys the cities, what's the point? I mean, Dr. Manhattan is still a (rogue) U.S. employee right? If he blows up Tehran, I'm thinking the Iranians still have a legitimate grievance against America, no? So what did it all accomplish? Nada, not in the 'real' world.

Midnight Birthday Wishes

These pics were taken at the stroke of midnight on the 7th, as I stepped into Ginger's room to wish her a Happy Birthday.

Best. Movie. Line. Ever

From the movie Ghost Breakers, here's a dandy of a quip from Bob Hope. And yes, it's Snopes verified.



h/t to Opinionated Lady

Hope: "You live here?"

Man: "Yes."

Hope: "Then maybe you know what a zombie is."

Man: "When a person dies and is buried, it seems there are certain voodoo priests who . . .who have the power to bring him back to life."

Woman: "How horrible!"

Man: "It's worse than horrible because a zombie has no will of their own. You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring."

Hope: "You mean like Democrats?"

Make that three cats (2 permanent), a turtle, a Beta, a goldfish, two minnows, a frog, and a dozen crickets

LuLu's fish died, a mere 12 hours after its 'warranty' expired. Shoddy workmanship Darwin, shoddy workmanship. God woulda done better.

[note: she'd named it "Cheetah" after the dark pattern on its back. She didn't pronounce it 'cheetah' however. It was more like "Cheetahhhhh!" in kind of a "jazz hands" voice.

Anyhow, as I did with YaYa's goldfish, I fed him to our turtle (although unlike with YaYa, I fudged and said I gave him a noble burial). This morning I took the kids to the pet store and wasted another $15.

We picked up a goldfish and a cheap plastic plant for Lu, and twelve feeder minnows and two dozen crickets for the turtle (twelve large roach-like monsters, and twelve little ones). In the end I wound up adding two of the minnows to LuLu's goldfish bowl, and to satisfy a suddenly insect-happy Smiley, gifted him the twelve little crickets.

As for the turtle, these are rare treats for he-who-normally-survives-on-turtle-pellets. He also was treated to a sunbath in the great outdoors. In a moment I'll take him in, as it's a bloomin' oven outside today.

I did want to mention an unrelated but odd thing that happened this past week. While driving home from work Thursday a woman cut in front of me. I hit the brakes and almost, but not quite, came to a stop. When I resumed driving I felt around for the gas pedal and couldn't find it. I actually had to glide to a stop on the side of the road, get out, and take a look.

The pedal had actually disconnected and was laying flat on the floor.

In such situations a mechanic friend is a Godsend, and I am blessed to have one who will ride to the rescue at any time of day. Roy came out w/in a half hour. "What the F did you do? I've never seen this before," he said. "If I were you, I'd start praying."

"Dude, you fix it and I'll drop and say a rosary right here."

Five minutes later, I was on the road. Apparently the throttle cable (?) attached to the gas pedal became entangled with the brake and disconnected after the abrupt stop. ???

"Is it going to happen again?" I asked after I damn near kissed the guy.

"I've never seen it before," he said. "So I'm thinking it's a once in a lifetime thing."

Let's hope so.

I mean this with 100% sincerity: if you want to put a smile on my face and make me instantly happier, no matter the situation, just show me an Alex Rodriguez home run.

Busy day today. My daughter's 2nd birthday party, followed by a family BBQ and then a bit of a mess after that. All in all, a great day.

Family Movie Night . . . in 3D!

Wow. A busy, busy day today, one almost solely devoted to family. I hope to post about it soon, but in the meantime . .

A couple weeks back Lisa surprised the kids by buying a copy of Coraline on DVD; the 2D version on one side of the disc, 3D on the other. If you remember I took YaYa to see it on the 21st of March. Based on a book by Neil Gaiman, it's a good movie, if a trifle slow. It's certainly impressive to the eye, especially in the 3D version.

We made a movie night of it, complete with popcorn, pizza, salad and the mandatory 3D glasses. Note the Ronald McDonald teeny-Beanie Baby near Smiley. The kids are going nuts for those Happy Meal toys right now.

Match Game: No Blonde Jokes Please (even if warranted)

In honor of Ginger's birthday, here's a Match Game contestant whose real name is Ginger - and her answers are so bad she dang near stops the show in its tracks. What's scary is that the second half of the clip is her in the bonus round, meaning she won her game. Who the heck was her opponent?

Happy 2nd Birthday Ginger!

Today is the 2nd, joyous birthday of the one and only Feral Child, aka Lump aka Baby, better known online as Ginger Slap.



May she enjoy this day, and another hundred birthdays in the years to come!

Another (?) cat, and a link to a column

Make that three cats, a turtle, a frog, and two fish. My wife's Aunt is in a nursing home recovering from an illness, and so we've agreed to watch her cat (our old cat Gizmo) for a few weeks.

* * * *

Anyway, here's a link to a column I wrote for the Journal-Sentinel last week. It's on gay marriage, and so will no doubt pi** someone off. So be it. I have no hate in my heart - but the same doesn't appear to be the case for some folks on the other side of the issue.

I'd kept it on the hush-hush rather than risk an argument at work, as I try not to sh*t where I eat. But tonight the cat was let out of the bag and a (civil) debate occurred with a transgender co-worker, so I guess there's no longer a reason to keep mum.

"Circumventing the Electorate"

As always, columns read better in the format they were designed for, the printed page (they really do, it's odd). In this case my picture and column were plop in the center of the page, next to a large graphic, so it was kind of hard to miss.

In response I got a few letters of agreement, some that were against my view but civil, and some absolute crap. I received two pieces I'd describe as hate mail: one today that called me names and wished me ill, and another last week that called me names and then oddly, given that it was in opposition to my views, ended with links to gay porn. I suppose that last bit was sent to scare my "phobic" self. What an as*hole.

Anyhow, I hope you at least find it readable.

Just got a charming piece of hate mail on my gmail account. For all their talk about peace and love and brotherhood, I notice the whackjob left - note I said whackjob left, not "everyone on the left" - are prone to calling you names and wishing you dead at the drop of a hat. 

A frog, a turtle, two cats, four kids . . .

Today was a productive day off, and a productive day usually means a good day for me. This one certainly fit the bill.

For starters, Lisa and I got to sleep in an hour. It was at the cost of the kitchen being trashed by the kids, but it was well worth it. Then, with my nephew watching the baby (he returned home from Cape Cod in the evening and crashed on my couch) the rest of us piled in the van and went birthday shopping for Ginger. All of us except YaYa I mean, as she stayed at my parent's place overnight.

Toys R Us was a little depressing. The kids were just overwhelmed by the store.. It wasn't "Ooooh, I want this!" it was "Ooooh, I didn't know they made dolls named Barbie. Are they new to the market?"

I guess I should take them out more often.

At Wal-Mart we replaced YaYa's dear departed fish with a Beta. She had requested a "Blue one with a shredded tail" i.e. a blue male crowntail, and we picked it up for her.

After a few more stops I dropped the family off at home and took LuLu to the doctor. She's been waking up at night with horrible coughing fits and wheezing, and since a co-worker of mine was officially a victim of the swine-flu, I just wanted to play hypochondriac parent.

The verdict? No swine flu, but she may have asthma. They prescribed an inhaler and mask and want to see her again to (hopefully) elminate it as a true cause of the persistent cough. It seems to have helped tonight, as she appears to be resting comfortably. She's been having such a rough time sleeping that the bags under her eyes could double as canvas totes.

Immediately afterwards I took her to the DMV, where I renewed Lisa's plates and got a new license, the old one having been lost when Ginger dumped out my wallet once upon a time. While we were waiting a little girl approached Lu.

"How old are you?"

"Six"

"I'm five. I think your dress is very pretty. Where did you buy it?"

"My grandma [Scor] made it for me."

and a new, if temporary friendship was born. I did notice that the girl later said something in glorious recognition of the President's birthday. Yikes. Indoctrination begins young I guess.

So I got my picture taken and immediately complained. A mere three DL photos ago I took the Best. Picture. Ever. and this time around I look like I posed nude. Their lights washed out my tan tshirt leaving me to appear as if I'm nude from at least the belt up. Lu started giggling the first time she saw it. Ugh.

Then we picked up YaYa and my sister, ran a few errands on their behalf, and dropped back off before returning home for a full chicken and stuffing dinner.

When that was done LuLu and Smiley joined me in a run to pick up a Preston/Child book I'd saw at a thrift store (one that didn't accept credit, and I had no cash), and then we went back to Wal-Mart.

I bought LuLu a goldfish to fill a spare bowl we had at home, and I bought Smiley a dwarf African frog. At Christmas last we'd bought him a Diego! frog habitat, but he ripped it open and lost the order form for the frog. We figured this was about the only way to make good on the gift, so a frog - excuse me, his name is "oggy" - was brought home.

Total cost for these three animals and appropriate food was under $20, and most of that went towards the Beta I felt obliged to replace (after all, YaYa had bought her fish out of her own pocket, and it was killed on our watch).

So now our home features two cats, four kids, a turtle, a frog, and two fish. And a lot of fruit flies in the kitchen, but they don't count.

One we returned home, got the animals set up, gave LuLu her medicine, and put them to bed I took my nephew to the local Budget show to see a movie "Drag Me to Hell". $3.75 for two tickets. Not bad.

So there you have it. A long day, no doubt boring to you, but productive.

To me, it felt like a great day indeed.

A milestone for Ginger

This morning, a little after 10:30, Ginger peed in the toilet for the first time. Celebrations throughout the Slapinions household have begun, tempered by the fact that there will be 80 more accidents before she's adequately trained.

*And she still threw her diaper overnight, which means we'll have to start putting them on backwards at night so she can't reach the tabs.

X Files: I want to Believe

I jumped off the X-Files bandwagon long before it ground to a halt, convinced that the story lines were never going to be resolved to my satisfaction. I still don't know if they were, and I don't care. Even so I knew I wanted to see this film.

It's a good film, well written and well acted, as you'd expect. I don't think the subject or the action required a movie screen's possibilities, nor did it live up to them, but it was great to see Mulder and Scully together again.

The film concerns the disappearance of women in West Virginia. A convicted pedophile priest is allegedly having 'visions' that can help the case. Knowing his track history with the X-Files, the FBI recruits Scully (now a private doctor) to help bring the maverick Mulder back into the fold and recover the victims.

The movie, start to finish, is about redemption. For the priest, for Mulder, for Scully, and for a TV show that seemed to forget about its fans and limp away into oblivion.

Much has been written about the Mulder-Scully romance in the film, and here's my two cents: I thought it was very warm, loving, sincere, and natural. This is no one-night stand or Romeo and Juliet. They are two adults who have been friends for decades, who know each other's every thought, who stand isolated from the mainstream of human life, and who care very deeply for each other. I applaud their love, and the casual way the filmmakers carry it off. Good for them.

For fans 3.0 out of 4. For non-fans, maybe a 2.5 out of 4

Ginger is a (fish) killer

Sad news to report: on my way to bed I checked on YaYa's fish and found him belly up. Either the experience earlier tonight was too much for Duke, or the tap water in the emergency dish we used (while I was cleaning the bowl) did the trick. He was such a sturdy, proud little thing too.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

Rest in peace little guy.

My wish list and an unusual Craiglist ad

Aside from my adventures with the Ginger yesterday, I spent a good part of the day trying to track down some misc. items we need around the house. Chief among these would be a good paying job, but I digress.

My wish list for the house:

1. a new dehumidifier for the basement. The motor runs fine on the old one, but it no longer draws water, even after I cleaned the coils and filter.

2. a portable dishwasher to replace the one that went kaput early this year (we almost had one free today via Craigslist, but it was scooped up before we got there). Our intention remains to hold off on buying one until we can have the kitchen remodelled and a built-in installed, but I'm being realistic here - washing dishes by hand SUCKS, and it'll be awhile before we have that kind of money again.

3. a new power drill. My current model doesn't have enough muscle, and it doesn't hold a charge long enough.

4. Intercoms - Hey, you try yelling for the kids when you're washing clothes in the basement and they're up on the second floor.

5. Patio chairs and umbrella

6. A new twin bed for Smiley. Lisa's hinting she'd like a race car bed for him, but I'm more traditional.

For myself, I'm also looking for any Douglas Preston/Lincoln Child novels on the cheap.

Things that exist and are in our possesion, but are MIA in the house:

1. Lisa's mother necklace

2. YaYa's professional 1st Communion Shots and CD

3. a copy of the interviews I did w/ Uncle Leo and Grandpa K.

4. My degree and transcript from UWM

5. Probably 10,000 other items I can't think of right now.

* * * *

If you have any of the items on the wish list for sale, or gathering mold in your basement, drop me a line. Otherwise I'll peruse rummage sales and Craigslist until we hit gold.

Oh, speaking of Craigslist, I thought this was a peach of an ad in the 'Free' section today (WARNING: MILD ADULT CONTENT)


Sybian Device (Milwaukee)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-08-02, 9:52AM CDT
Reply to: ______@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My ex-wife left behind this Sybian device and I have no need for it. I guess she spent over $1,000 on it so I hate to just throw it away. I put it out by the garbage in the alley in the 3400 block of N Dousman.

Please dont email me. I don't want people to know who I am. It's still out there.

* * * *



Now quite aside from the general ickiness of picking up and reusing toys from someone else's garbage, I thought this reeked of either a rude joke against the residents, or some kind of sick con. But the ad went unaltered by Craigslist all day, so no one flagged it as fraud.

My big question: if you care enough to spend a grand on the thing, why wouldn't you have taken it when you left?

Toddlers, well, sometimes they just plain suck

It is disturbing how acclimated I am to digging my hands in poo.

Ginger is in the beginning stages of potty-training and is justifiably fascinated by the toilet. When you are watching that means she will sit on it and *try* to go, and/or flush it and wave bye-bye.

If you take your eyes off her, she will dump everything in reach into the water. I have reached in and recovered necklaces, aquarium rocks, plain ol' rocks, toys, socks, toilet paper rolls, hair bands, and much, much more from the toilet. And yes, once or twice she did this, no one caught her, and then a kid 'did their business' and yelled for me to remove the items when the water was already . . . used.

Whatever. It's still got to be more sanitary than the grunge apparel I wore in college.

And - for those without kids or a meager one or two to worry about - I'm not about to 'lock' the toilet, or child-proof it, or any such thing. I'd rather auger out a toilet anyday than deal with one of the older kids wetting the floor because they couldn't get the lock off. And who are we kidding? At 3 a.m I'd be the one pi**ing on the floor.

What's worse is that she now removes her diaper at will. An hour ago, with YaYa and Smily out of the house visiting Grandma, I went up to clean Ginger's room and recover the latest round of 'missing' diapers. I found them alright, tucked behind the crib, alongside the dress-up box, etc. Nasty.

Anyhow, while I'm cleaning her room she waddles out and down the hall. Five minutes pass. That's it. Five minutes. I get set to go downstairs and just happen to see Ginger in YaYa's room.

Then I saw the fish bowl. Or what's was left of it.

She had dumped pencils, two NEW bottles of fish food, a necklace, a coloring book, and a bunch of junk into the bowl. It was so full of debris most of the water had been forced out onto the desk and floor, and there was no room for the fish to live -absolutely no chance it had survived.

And yet, in a tiny pocket of water in the corner, it calmly treaded water.

I yelled for LuLu, pretty dang sure she wouldn't answer. She'd been a pain in the keister in the half-hour before, and I was certain she'd interpret my cries as a continuation of my lectures. I was wrong. "What's wrong Daddy!?" she said, and quickly ran off to grab a temporary bowl.

Here I sit, ten minutes later, the bowl clean and the fish restored, hoping the trauma wasn't enough to kill off YaYa's pet.

"If it dies," LuLu said, matter-of-factly, "YaYa's gonna kill us both."

"Yes, honey," I said. "I'm aware of that."


* * * *

One more compliment to LuLu. Yesterday she dutifully reported that the stand-up freezer in the basement had been left open and that it didn't seem to be working.

Before I'd left for work that morning I'd sent one of our friend Chris' kids down there to put something away, so it had been ajar for ten hours or so. The light *was* burnt out, some items were defrosted, and the unit (which was my Grandma's, and conservatively 30 years old) had been working overtime so long it wasn't running very well.

It's fine now, but if LuLu had kept quiet . . .oh man.

Later, she also came up to me and told me I'd left the van lights on. Score two saves for LuLu.

And today she recovered a pair of new sunglasses of mine that Ginger had walked away with yesterday.

She is, without question, our resident "Finder".

A Fire Sale at the MJS

What's up with the fire sale at the Journal Sentinel? First Tim Cuprisin said goodbye, then I hear the theater critic is gone, and now the book editor wrote her farewell address. What's the rationale behind all this - more than pure $ I mean?