Sunday, October 19, 2008

Say What?

This morning an average looking, middle aged customer came up to me and mentioned it was her husband's birthday. After some friendly but banal conversation I asked her what she'd bought him for the big day. She replied that she wasn't buying him anything - instead she was 'giving' him a night with another woman.

"Really?" I said, caught a little off guard. I'd never seen the woman before, and I thought it might be a joke.

"Sure," she said. "I just worry about what he'll think. I tried to arrange it once before and he got upset."

I have no idea why she was so forward, but at this point she filled in some more details.

"You're going to be there?" I asked.

"Oh yeah," she said, "I'll be in on the fun."

Crap. On my birthday all I got was a trip to Benihana's, and I had to pick up the check. ;)

One of these days, when I've moved on with my life and a polite statute of limitations has passed for everyone involved, I'd love to document all the weird anecdotes of my work life.

I've worked with a woman who started life as a man, a 500 pound woman who crapped on office chairs, and people who claimed to be paralyzed but miraculously regained the use of their limbs. I've fired an employee for setting up a tent at work and taking a nap, and had another who spent her break each day looking at corpses on the Internet. And those are just past employees/co-workers.

I've also worked for bosses who, well, they were unusual.

As for anecdotes about my customers . . . that's a pair of books right there. I've testified in a murder trial against one, met Jimmy Page and Jessica Simpson, and on and on.

It's a shame my only real hope for retirement is a good and fatal heart attack, because I'd love to spend my golden years putting that all down on paper.


Laura said...

As I was reading the list of some of your co workers, it seems you worked with the cast of characters from Little Britian. What a colorful bunch! A tent...corpses on the internet. freaky!

Jimmy Page asked my best friends' older cousin out when we were kids. She had no idea who he was and she said NO. Our brothers were sooo bummed!
P.S. Almost forgot the bday gift....yikes! Too much info, lady..unless she was shopping you for HER birthday! ;)

Jeanne said...

Interesting, I would like to read the book that you plan on writting...would be fun....I would like more informtion about the birthday gift....I need to discuss my next birthday present with my husband...just kidding lol


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sounds like you never have a dull work day :o)

Beth said...

Hahaha at the birthday gift! Do you have that kind of demeanor that encourages people to give you details such as a ménage à trois?? You need to work on your "stay away" face, my dear!


Dawn said...

Oh my... my hubby better never expect that! LOL

be well...