Say What?

This morning an average looking, middle aged customer came up to me and mentioned it was her husband's birthday. After some friendly but banal conversation I asked her what she'd bought him for the big day. She replied that she wasn't buying him anything - instead she was 'giving' him a night with another woman.

"Really?" I said, caught a little off guard. I'd never seen the woman before, and I thought it might be a joke.

"Sure," she said. "I just worry about what he'll think. I tried to arrange it once before and he got upset."

I have no idea why she was so forward, but at this point she filled in some more details.

"You're going to be there?" I asked.

"Oh yeah," she said, "I'll be in on the fun."

Crap. On my birthday all I got was a trip to Benihana's, and I had to pick up the check. ;)

One of these days, when I've moved on with my life and a polite statute of limitations has passed for everyone involved, I'd love to document all the weird anecdotes of my work life.

I've worked with a woman who started life as a man, a 500 pound woman who crapped on office chairs, and people who claimed to be paralyzed but miraculously regained the use of their limbs. I've fired an employee for setting up a tent at work and taking a nap, and had another who spent her break each day looking at corpses on the Internet. And those are just past employees/co-workers.

I've also worked for bosses who, well, they were unusual.

As for anecdotes about my customers . . . that's a pair of books right there. I've testified in a murder trial against one, met Jimmy Page and Jessica Simpson, and on and on.

It's a shame my only real hope for retirement is a good and fatal heart attack, because I'd love to spend my golden years putting that all down on paper.