American Idol

I'm afraid I'll have to skip the photos this week. I didn't finish watching it until 12:30 am and I work all day tomorrow, so this is my only chance to beat the results show to the punch.

Oh, and before anyone complains that it's shallow: yes, appearances do count in the music business. You don't have to be pretty, but you at least better dress and carry yourself well. Therefore it is a legitimate critique of the artists.

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1. Lil' - Simon has a knack for saying exactly what Lisa and I think 98% of the time. Lil's version was uninspired but pleasant, but the white pants were a big mistake: she had a man bulge in front and a trailer in her behind. Not flattering.

2. Scott - everything this guy sings turns into a Bruce Hornsby song. I still liked it, but I think his limitations are becoming apparent.

3. Danny - Milwaukee's own rocked it. I greatly enjoyed his song.

4. Michael - he has no business in the top 13. A fine performance and pleasant to hear, but little to recommend him for success.

5. Jasmine - She sounded fine during much of the song, but was way off whenever her volume increased. The judges erred on choosing her.

6. Kris - it wasn't a guitar song and I wish the instrument hadn't been miked, but the vocals were good. What I like best about this guy is he always, always seems joyous on the stage. Boo to Simon for the wife comment. With only 5 months of marriage under their belt and a thousand woman screaming for her husband she didn't need to hear that.

7. Allison - 16??? The girl ROCKS. She should be fronting a band on the radio right now.

8. Anoop - the song is iconic and should be verbotten. Morevover it cannot reasonably be slowed down and work, so by default any remake sounds karaoke. Yuck.

9. Jorge - bad arrangement and the chorus blended right into the verse. Good vocals tho'.

10. Megan - what a piece of poop. If she wasn't hot she would never have made it past Hollywood. To quote what half the male viewers are thinking: I'd take her to bed, but I wouldn't buy her album.

11. Adam - I've been wrong about AI before, once famously calling Carrie Underwood a no-talent hack on this blog. Oopsie. But I still say this guy is overrated. His spasms onstage irk me, his look is bothersome, and while it honestly matters not to me, I *think* he's masking his sexuality to keep the female fans in his corner. That last bit makes him seem like the ultimate poser to me. Still, he'll stick for awhile if not make the finals outright.

12. Matt - damn good. I liked it a lot.

13. Alexis - Anyone who knows me knows I don't like short women, and I don't like skinny ones either; I'm pretty sure they're not into 300# men so we'll call it even. But Alexis looked scrumptious out there. Even so, I think her vocals were all over the place. She'll stay, but she better improve.

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Kudos for Paula for being sober, and for dishing out some accurate and at times negative critiques of the artists.

And Kara? Now they're not just 'girls' and 'boys' but 'the kids'? Again they are adults and many of them have children and spouses. Is it so wrong to call them 'men and women'?
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Who goes home? If I had the only vote in America: Anoop and Megan.

Seeing as America favors beauty and/or sympathy over talent in these early rounds, I say Anoop and Jasmine. I wouldn't cry over that result.

My bottom four - on the assumption that it's the magic number of contestants they'll torture together in the spotlight before revealing who stays and who goes (after this break, of course): Anoop, Jasmine, Megan, and Michael.

But you know what? Something warns me that you can sub out Matt for Michael in that bottom four. I don't think he'll get cut, but I think he might be (wrongly) dumped in that mess.

The Alamo, Stacey, and American Idol

Happy 8th Birthday to my niece Stacey!


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To the Texans who died 127 years ago at the Alamo - Rest in Peace


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I have a beef with American Idol. We'll forgive the poorly orchestrated elimination round on Wednesday. I mean, really - lining up four obvious losers next to Scott and then stating only one of them moves on is like putting a supermodel alongside the Golden Girls and asking which one you'd like to take to bed. But I have one word for the 'Wildcard Round'.


Fixed. Crappy. Fixed and Crappy.


So it's two words. Sue me. There's no way the judges pondered and analyzed their decision in the ninety seconds of commercials before the announcements. Mind you, the decision to put both Matt and Anoop through took guts. Think of it; on the spur of the moment, swayed only by the talent in front of them, the judges extended the field to thirteen contestants. That means Fox will have to add another week of shows, with all the expenses that come with them, rearrange their network schedule, notify sponsors; all decided right then, in those ninety seconds.


Phooey.


Kristen should have been in the wildcard race. Ju'not should have been in the wildcard race. Even forgiving those errors Megan SUCKED. Relevant? She has twice produced lackluster, awkward performances where her lips barely moved to release sound. While I watched it I joked that she thought she was Edgar Bergen for pete's sake!

Jasmine? Boring and mediocre, as she was before. To hear the judges rave about her performance is a sure sign this was preordained.



And meanwhile Ricky, who gave a superb performance, is dismissed? What????



The decision to cut Tatiana is, again, curious. The judges find her annoying and dislike her personally. So what? She is entertaining and has a great voice. Keeping her in would have made great TV, and you know what? That's the point of the show. Not selling records. They want the records to sell to boost the shows value, not the other way around.


Obviously the judges went in knowing who would be chosen. I disagree on two of the counts, obviously, and venture to say that if it had gone to a vote (as it SHOULD have) America would have chosen Matt, Tatiana, and Ricky or Anoop.


What a horrible week for American Idol.

American Idol - the last of the 36

Rumor has it that the Wildcard round won't be composed of leftovers from the Top 36, but rather from people that didn't make the last cut in Hollywood week. Hmm. In that case it'd be a true 'second chance' but I don't see it happening; maybe a 50/50 mix, but that's it.

Either way, it makes the current cuts all the more important. So let's see what this week had to offer.

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It was a heck of a show, approximately 4000 times better than the appalling mess they put out on Ash Wednesday.

It started with Von Smith

I liked his peformance, even if I don't think it's nearly good enough to make the cut.

Then came Taylor



I dug the leather pants (a sentiment not echoed in the room) but thought she was nowhere near making the grade.

Alex Wagner-Trugman has a sharp wit, a deceptively funny personality



and sadly, not a good enough voice to push into the Top 12. Plus his onstage antics were just . . . painful.

Arianna had such a good chance of moving on



But her song choice was odd and her look, voice, and total package reeked of Ben Gay and AARP cards. She got too hung up on the judges' comments about her beauty and wanted to show them she was more than a pretty face. Arianna, they know that - they've heard you sing - but there's nothing wrong with being talented and attractive too.

Gone.

Ju'Not Joyner was a surprise.



I really liked his version of Hey There Delilah. I even liked the handcuffs he used to adorn his belt, and for most of the show I had him pegged as the man to beat.

Next us was Kristin MacNamara, who has always and apparently will always get a bum rap from the judges



First of all, screw their comments on her look. She's SMOKING HOT. Quite aside from that the vocals just melted out her mouth without the slightest (noticeable) effort. My word what talent, and yet I have my doubts about whether she'll survive this week.

Then there was Nathaniel Marshall



Oh Gawd it was vomit inducing. I can't stand this guy. It's not his sexuality; it's his drama queen persona, his crying, his headbands, his piercings, and his tacky clothing. Ugh.

He was awful, but you know what? It's piss sad that neither of his parents would come to root him on, and awkward and depressing that even his grandma appears to just tolerate the kid. The fact that he hasn't blown his head off - and I'm glad he hasn't - is a testament to his will. He deserves better than the family he received.

Number 7 is our scab of the night, Felecia Barton, who stepped into the Top 36 after a contestant was cut because she had a professional contract. The judges adored her, methinks in part to justify their decision.



She'll get no such kindness from me. Oh, she wasn't bad, not bad at all. I just don't think it was anywhere near as good as the panel made it out to be, and moreover I think many of the items that got her cut in Hollywood were front and center here. As Kara said about her in Hollywood, it is about more than just the technical ability to reach this note or that and produce this run at this moment; there should be some feeling, some depth to it. I wasn't feeling that AT ALL. Technically proficient, emotionally empty. I'll pass.

And then there came Scott Macintyre



I've never thought his voice was as good as advertised, and I will put it in print: if he had the gift of perfect sight, and was not a feel-good story to put in front of the camera, he wouldn't receive 50% of the good will he gets now. That isn't to say he isn't talented, but plenty of talented people get squat for press and are glossed over by the judges.

That said, he impressed me last night. A strong performance, and although there were weak spots it was one of the best male songs of the night.

Kendall Beard is an enigma



She's very talented, performs well, has a viable image that includes a conventionally hot body and face (she doesn't do anything for me), and yet she gets do diddly of props from the judges. Sadly, I do get the aura of 'forever unfulfilled promise' from her (some of my own bleaching out?). I think she'll be cut.

Then came Jorge Nunez. I've never been on his fan wagon



But he rocked it last night. Oh, I still had some trouble understanding a few of the lyrics, but let's not quibble. He brought it and he owned the stage. Well done.

The evening concluded with Lil' Rounds



This woman is a threat. A beautiful married (?) mother of three with a killer voice, confidence and charisma on the stage, and a raw energy that just pours out of her. Yikes.

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Ok, so who's going to move on to the Final 12?

If I had the sole vote it would be Jorge and Lil', with Kristen to complete the trio. I put Ju'Not in there until I heard the recap and realized just how well Jorge aced it.

Realistically, it will be Jorge, Lil', and Scott.

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Last week, when Kris made it through? Easily one of my ten happiest, most shocking AI moments. Well played America, well played.

American Idol Top 36, Week 2

It's storming hard here, with rain pelting the windows. Here's hoping the basement doesn't flood.

On to silly things: Wasn't that just an awful AI last night? Geesh, you'd think with an extra day to prepare because of the President's speech, this week would have been one of the best. Instead I found myself fast forwarding through the latter half of many songs.

(Note how even in his scheduling Obama's considerate to others. To be in a position of power like that and still think of what's best for the AI contestants . . . why, it's enough to make Chris Matthews' leg tingle. :)

On to the contestants.



I liked Jasmine in earlier rounds, but she was off tonight. It was a sign of things to come.



Wow, Matt G. sucked. I had such high hopes for him and he remains a sentimental favorite in the Slapinions household, but it was painful, just painful. On the radio this morning a DJ and some callers picked him to move on, but they're on crack. Based on this performance, he goes home.



I thought her much bally-hooed legs were allright, but they seemed a little hairy didn't they? Personally, her lips were hotter . . but I digress. The judges were vicious, and good for them. She sucked. Bye bye.

Then came Nick Mitchell aka Norman Gentle



I laughed my ass off the whole way through and hands down he's the most entertaining artist of the evening. Is he the next American Idol? No. But enough from the judges about 'better showcases' for his talent - he can sing (certainly equal to the lame oil rigger chosen last week) and he keeps the audience happy. That alone might warrant a spot in the top 12.

Allison Iraheta rocked the house.



She's under 18 and so I would usually spare her the following, but I think her talent gives her a solid shot at the gold and so the gloves are off: great great voice, solid perfromance, but no personality to speak of and not terribly attractive (in a profession where looks matter a lot.) I hope voters overlook that and vote her through. Easily the best female of the night.

Kris Allen took a Michael Jackson song and held his own and then some.



I think he had the best male performance of the night - bring on the hate mail - but he'll lose out in large part because the cameras avoided him until this week. As I've said before, it's not an even playing field; some contenstants have to overcome the show's format from day one. He's got a good voice, he's good looking . . and unortunately he's gone.



Ah, Megan. The judges loved her. I found her voice inconsistent and no great shakes, her onstage actions awkward, and the wardrobe odd. On the other hand I found her strangely attractive - a pretty, innocent face coupled with a full sleeve of tats - and while it didn't entice me to dial the phone I'm sure she has a fan club of young males salivating and callling non-stop.



Matt was boring. I like the guy, blah blah, but he looked like me dancing up there and that alone should be a reason to pack his bags. A dull performance.



Jesse did allright, but was so calm and confident afterwards with the judges that it slipped from 'refreshing' to 'egotistical'. I guess she's the younger sister of a Grammy Award winner, which would explain it. It was good, but not great. She's going home.



Kai did fine but looked haggard and just seemed far too old for his years. A nice moment to tell the grandkids about, but he won't be moving on.



Mishavonna Henson did much better, in my opinion, than anyone is giving her credit for. But I've also heard her looks dismissed, which to me seems odd as she resembles the Mom from Gilmore girls. Given other people's reacion to her and her song, I say she's a goner.

And then there was Adam Lambert.



I am not a fan of this kid. I know, that makes me the odd man out in America, but I think he is too theatrical, I don't think his voice is stellar (although quite good) and his appearance just IRKS ME. Skinny '80's jeans, a lame Twilight haircut, and visible acne scars covered by makeup just don't scream 'sex god'. Maybe I'm getting too old to know or care, but I'm hoping his momentum eventually runs dry.

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So who do I think moves on? Adam for the 'boys', Allison for the 'girls'. The third slot should go to someone like Kris, Mishavonna, or Jesse, but I wouldn't cut out Nick Mitchell from the mix.

Who'd I vote for? Kris and Nick, knowing they were probably wasted votes.

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Some AI snark:

1. Notice the dark vertical line beneath Simon's right eye? Poor makeup and poor lighting - again.

2. What's with all this 'you're a good singer' commentary from the judges? As Lisa said to the screen "No shi*, really? I'm in the top 36 out of the 100,000 you had to chose from and you're telling me I can sing? Shouldn't that have been determined, uh, a long time ago?"

3. Paula is high. This is not an insult. It is a fact. It is either painkillers or pure booze, but she is not right.

4. Did you catch the harsh anti-Kara words from Paula in OK magazine? Oh, they weren't directed at her as a person, but rather in the form of a complaint that four judges 'slowed' down the show. Note to Paula: Your rambling diaglouges slow the show down, not the lucid lady sitting next to you.

American Idol - Top 36 - Group 1

Ladies and gentelmen, we have our first confirmed Blogger screw-up! Last night I began an elaborate and beautiful American Idol post, complete with pictures every which way, stunning commentary, etc; you know, the typical Slapinions panache.

At 12:53 AM I hit 'publish post' and it did not. Instead it saved the post, but in doing so ignored all the 'autosaves' and reverted back to a version from 12:09.

Now in a way that's cool, because it's the title of a Joe Mac album (NKOTB holla!)** but I lost an hour of work, gave up, and went to bed.

Hmm. I guess Blogger learned a thing or two from AOL.


** actually, the album might be 11:09, the memory is fuzzy now. We'll stick with 12:09 or else lose the line, ya know?

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First up on the show was Jackie Little.

I know Jackie's built up a nice little fan base, but I don't get it. Her voice is fine but hardly earth shattering and what her fans generously describe as 'originality' is in truth mere flakiness. Her performance was captivating. It's a shame her vocals weren't.



Next up was Ricky Braddy, and here I must launch a strong objection to the show's format. Of course it's impossible for AI to showcase each and every one of the 36 contestants. But the lack of media exposure is a clear and substantial barrier to success. No matter how good someone is - and I'm not necessarily putting Braddy in that category - they will have to overcome the well established voting base the singers with 'face time' have already built.



Braddy did great and was one of only four performers I placed a '+' next to in my notes from the show. Sadly, I don't think he'll move on.

Then came Alexis Grace.



I underestimated this woman.

[note: I'm sorry, I can't STAND AI's insistence on calling the contestants 'boys and girls'. Some of them are near thirty years old, and many have children. They are most definitely not 'girls and boys'.]

I think I genuinely mistook her for the dreadlocked orphan that was dropped during Hollywood week, and for that I'm sorry. Her voice ROCKED. Powerful, controlled, mature, and vibrant. Were talent alone the indicator of sucess, she should easily advance.

Fourth up was the good looking and talented Brent Keith.



Most of the time when the judges use the term 'wrong song choice' it's simply a euphemism for 'your voice sucked', as we'll see later in the show. But this time it was spot on. What an awful and limiting song and it cost him dearly. Judging by the tears he was fighting back, I think he agrees.

Then it was time for Stevie Wright.



Stevie is 17 and the nerves got the better of her. I'll spare her any serious critique because of her age, but . . it was not good.

Anoop Desai is a puzzle.



You could easily picture listening to his voice on the radio, but he lacks the sex appeal and demeanor of a star. For Pete's sake, the guys got bigger eyebrows than me. On talent alone he should be a threat to move on, but I don't know if he'll get the votes to pull it off.

Casey Carlson was up next.



Let's be blunt: quite possibly the WORST non-audition performance in AI history. From the winks, the dorky dancing, the revolting vocals, to the song choice, it was BAD. If anyone other than friends and family voted for her I'd be shocked.

Michael Sarver is someone I was wishing well. He's got a great story and seems genuine.



With that said, I don't think he did all that well. I'd say he's cut now, but will be brought back for the wildcard show.

Ann Marie Boskovich is a beautiful and sexy woman with not a lot of confidence.



I think her vocals were good enough to have let her survive a standard 'final twelve' show, but with the restrictions imposed on this portion of AI she won't make the grade. In many ways it's a shame.

Stephen Fowler ticks me off.



So much talent, so many opportunities, and time and again he finds a way to fail. Ugh.

Now, a word about AI: bullsh** the singing order is random. You mean to tell me the two most popular singers just *happened* to close out the show?

Tatiana Del Toro looked sexy if subdued, and going into it I verbally denounced her attempt to tackle an iconic song.



I was wrong. I think the judges were a tad immature in their commentary and overlooked a grand vocal performance for this stage in the game. If I have any say, Tatiana stays.

Milwaukee's own Danny Gokey finished the show last night.



As is par 95% of the time, I second Simon. I thought it was a great performance but not a masterpiece and feel three of the judges oversold the vocals. I'm not buying the whole package . . .yet.

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In the end we voted for Danny, Tatiana, Alexis, and Ricky Braddy. I expect Danny and Alexis to take the top two slots and Tatiana to take the third.

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I bet heads were rolling after the show. Ricky Braddy's microphone wasn't working during Ryan's interview, the wrong video was cued for Brent, after Stephen's song the TV cut to shots of a floor, and on no less than three occasions Simon outed the band's arrangements and even their (keyboard) playing.

Yikes.

The wonders of live TV, eh?