American Idol

I'm afraid I'll have to skip the photos this week. I didn't finish watching it until 12:30 am and I work all day tomorrow, so this is my only chance to beat the results show to the punch.

Oh, and before anyone complains that it's shallow: yes, appearances do count in the music business. You don't have to be pretty, but you at least better dress and carry yourself well. Therefore it is a legitimate critique of the artists.

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1. Lil' - Simon has a knack for saying exactly what Lisa and I think 98% of the time. Lil's version was uninspired but pleasant, but the white pants were a big mistake: she had a man bulge in front and a trailer in her behind. Not flattering.

2. Scott - everything this guy sings turns into a Bruce Hornsby song. I still liked it, but I think his limitations are becoming apparent.

3. Danny - Milwaukee's own rocked it. I greatly enjoyed his song.

4. Michael - he has no business in the top 13. A fine performance and pleasant to hear, but little to recommend him for success.

5. Jasmine - She sounded fine during much of the song, but was way off whenever her volume increased. The judges erred on choosing her.

6. Kris - it wasn't a guitar song and I wish the instrument hadn't been miked, but the vocals were good. What I like best about this guy is he always, always seems joyous on the stage. Boo to Simon for the wife comment. With only 5 months of marriage under their belt and a thousand woman screaming for her husband she didn't need to hear that.

7. Allison - 16??? The girl ROCKS. She should be fronting a band on the radio right now.

8. Anoop - the song is iconic and should be verbotten. Morevover it cannot reasonably be slowed down and work, so by default any remake sounds karaoke. Yuck.

9. Jorge - bad arrangement and the chorus blended right into the verse. Good vocals tho'.

10. Megan - what a piece of poop. If she wasn't hot she would never have made it past Hollywood. To quote what half the male viewers are thinking: I'd take her to bed, but I wouldn't buy her album.

11. Adam - I've been wrong about AI before, once famously calling Carrie Underwood a no-talent hack on this blog. Oopsie. But I still say this guy is overrated. His spasms onstage irk me, his look is bothersome, and while it honestly matters not to me, I *think* he's masking his sexuality to keep the female fans in his corner. That last bit makes him seem like the ultimate poser to me. Still, he'll stick for awhile if not make the finals outright.

12. Matt - damn good. I liked it a lot.

13. Alexis - Anyone who knows me knows I don't like short women, and I don't like skinny ones either; I'm pretty sure they're not into 300# men so we'll call it even. But Alexis looked scrumptious out there. Even so, I think her vocals were all over the place. She'll stay, but she better improve.

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Kudos for Paula for being sober, and for dishing out some accurate and at times negative critiques of the artists.

And Kara? Now they're not just 'girls' and 'boys' but 'the kids'? Again they are adults and many of them have children and spouses. Is it so wrong to call them 'men and women'?
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Who goes home? If I had the only vote in America: Anoop and Megan.

Seeing as America favors beauty and/or sympathy over talent in these early rounds, I say Anoop and Jasmine. I wouldn't cry over that result.

My bottom four - on the assumption that it's the magic number of contestants they'll torture together in the spotlight before revealing who stays and who goes (after this break, of course): Anoop, Jasmine, Megan, and Michael.

But you know what? Something warns me that you can sub out Matt for Michael in that bottom four. I don't think he'll get cut, but I think he might be (wrongly) dumped in that mess.