Complete Text of my May 11th column in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

When you argue against enacting a statewide smoking ban, you're asking for trouble. Sure, the discussion might remain polite, but in some eyes, you become a tool of tobacco companies, a lout who doesn't care about the welfare of our children or a fool oblivious to the rising cost of health care in this country.

None of those labels apply to me - or to 98% of the people opposed to the idea. I know smoking is bad, I know it's addictive and I know it is deadly. In 1987, I watched my paternal grandfather, a lifelong smoker, die a horrible, lingering death from lung cancer. In response, my parents became very anti-smoking, and just as predictably, I then took up the habit. I quit smoking in 2006, and three years on, I'm still not cocky enough to promise that it's a lifelong achievement.

No, I agree with the ban's medical premise. I have two different objections:

I don't think the state has the right to regulate personal choices in the first place. But if you disagree with me and think the ban is important for the public good, then you must be left puzzled by Madison's logic. Smoking is bad, so bad that the state feels compelled to act against it. So do we ban it outright? Do we prohibit the sale of cigarettes inside the state line? Do we at the very least tax it out of existence, instead of keeping smokers on the hook and looking at the vice tax as plain ol' revenue?

No. Instead, Madison puts forth a plan to ban smoking in public, at places like restaurants and taverns. Their good health thus protected, Wisconsinites will be free to consume their nightly beers and buffalo wings in comfort.

To me, it seems like more of a media stunt than honest lawmaking.

More practically, I object to the timing of the bill. Twenty years ago, this would have had a drastic impact on Wisconsin. Now, why bother? In 2005, as a pack-a-day smoker, I took over as general manager of a hotel. One of the first things I did was to eliminate smoking in public areas and the majority of guest rooms. Why? Because it's the 21st century, and the age of the smoker is at an end. It made no financial sense to cater to a market that had been pushed out of existence.

The majority of Wisconsin businesses already have adapted to the times, law or no law. Those proprietors who still allow smoking aren't being stubborn; they know their clientèle, and they know that banning smoking means running the risk of closing their doors for good.

While I'm certain the legislation will pass on Wednesday, I see no point in a law that the market, on its own, has made largely redundant. And in these economic times, I can't fathom a reason to toy with small business owners struggling to weather the storm.

To me, it makes as much sense as lighting up a cigarette in the first place.

Another (?) cat, and a link to a column

Make that three cats, a turtle, a frog, and two fish. My wife's Aunt is in a nursing home recovering from an illness, and so we've agreed to watch her cat (our old cat Gizmo) for a few weeks.

* * * *

Anyway, here's a link to a column I wrote for the Journal-Sentinel last week. It's on gay marriage, and so will no doubt pi** someone off. So be it. I have no hate in my heart - but the same doesn't appear to be the case for some folks on the other side of the issue.

I'd kept it on the hush-hush rather than risk an argument at work, as I try not to sh*t where I eat. But tonight the cat was let out of the bag and a (civil) debate occurred with a transgender co-worker, so I guess there's no longer a reason to keep mum.

"Circumventing the Electorate"

As always, columns read better in the format they were designed for, the printed page (they really do, it's odd). In this case my picture and column were plop in the center of the page, next to a large graphic, so it was kind of hard to miss.

In response I got a few letters of agreement, some that were against my view but civil, and some absolute crap. I received two pieces I'd describe as hate mail: one today that called me names and wished me ill, and another last week that called me names and then oddly, given that it was in opposition to my views, ended with links to gay porn. I suppose that last bit was sent to scare my "phobic" self. What an as*hole.

Anyhow, I hope you at least find it readable.

Just a bunch of praise for me . . you know, the usual

Over on Facebook I bit*ed and moaned about accepting a writing assignment from the Journal, one I think is going to land me more hate mail than a low paying freelance gig is worth. I did it anyway, partly because I said I would , but also because the editor sent out a mass email saying I was tackling the subject, making the hemming and hawing a moot point:) I have to admit it spawned a whole batch of emotions in me.

One, a tinge of regret at being rather mercenary. Not that I would ever write in complete opposition to my beliefs for the sake of a few bucks. I stayed 'true' and all that. But I didn't relish the idea of dealing with the crap upon publication, and I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't so broke. Plus, I'll be honest. I live and die by the immortal words of Tom McIntyre, Joey Mac's Dad: "Make sure they always know your name boy!" I wasn't about to turn down another byline.

I was also rather proud of myself. I took a gig no one else wanted, did it well, and had a final draft in with about 18 hours to spare before deadline. Plus, doing it while expecting flack - I don't know, I felt professional, you know?

* * * *

Well, wasn't that a fine three paragraphs? My arm hurts from patting myself on the back so hard. I much prefer when others offer the praise, and so I'll bring this up:

In the wake of my piece on kids and the choices we've taken away from them, a local high school summer class was told to read the column and compose an individual email to me. Along with some intelligent questions and opinions, here's what they had to say.

* For one, your writing style is not only fresh and clean, but sarcastic and sassy.

* I agree with you on "injury-proofing" kids these days . . . Also, you look similar to Mr. Wilson, the sixth grade English teacher.

* I agree with you [about] the fact kids should be able to make their own decisions, because otherwise they will never end up learning. I like your to-the point style of writing which involves a sassy tone. It shows that something needs to be done about this ever growing problem.

I wrote each of them a letter addressing their concerns and thanking them - and their teacher - for the letters.

Drafted

The Journal is asking me to write a column that I'm sure would lead to (more) hate mail and serious flack. Hell, I got hate mail when I wrote about SNOW. They asked for volunteers, and when no one raised their hand she wrote me and asked if I'd please di it .    .

Nevermind.

Well, the Journal settled matters. The editor sent out a mass email announcing I'd been assigned the column before I even said yes. yee-haw. Great.Nevermore.

Update: For all my b*tching and moaning, the column poured out onto the page easy-peezy, and it's already in the editor's mailbox. So what to do with the rest of the night . . .

Thursday Night Mutterings

If you didn't go out and buy a copy - and shame on you if you didn't - here's a link to my column in the Journal-Sentinel.

* * * * * * *


Bravo TV's The Fashion Show cut Reco just before the finale. What the heck was that? I had the feeling that's where they were heading when they took pains to highlight every flaw on the runway. Apparently his work is inferior to dark, gloomy, "fashion" based on "aborginal people wearing Western Clothing". Again, how the heck did James-Paul advance over Reco?????

Here's hoping he gets his own label and buries the yahoo's that were chosen over him (although I liked Anna's [admittingly disjointed] collection).


* * * * * * * * *

Some misc. local news.

First, the Patrick Cudahy fire appears to have been accidentally set by two brothers, one a Purple Heart recipient in Iraq, who fired off a military grade flare during a holiday BBQ. According to their Mom, they were "just being idiots". The flare landed on the plant's roof, setting off the $50 million fire and idling 1800 jobs.

Way to party responsibly guys.

* * * *

We got a letter today from Milwaukee Public Schools urging precautions, but not panic, in light of the continuing strength of the Swine Flu here. Just a few days ago the virus claimed its fourth victim here, a 13 year old girl.

Milwaukee has recorded 3,268 confirmed cases, 700 more than the entire state of California. That's a disturbing fact, one that has brought attention from The Harvard University School of Public Health, which hopes to isolate the cause of the outbreak here.

What's worse is that health officials are acknowledging that the number of cases will "ramp up" again in the fall.


* * * * *

I saw WI Senator Russ Feingold (D) question Supreme Court nominee Santomayor on the question of the 2nd amendment and the right to bear arms. Her response, which was replayed in full on a local newscast, went round and round in circles and told us nothing at all about her legal or personal opinions. I have no doubt she'll be confirmed and replace Souter in the left-wing of the Court, but how sad is this process? It's all just a sham, where the person who can keep their mouth shut the longest gets the prize in the end. Ugh.

* * * * * *

The economy is improving, is it? All is on the upswing? Huh. I've heard differently.

Harley Davidson just announced they're cutting 1000 jobs, at least half of which will come from Wisconsin.

Marine Outboard Motors has warned that they're thinking of yanking 2000 jobs from Fon du Lac.

The father of one of YaYa's classmates just lost his job, as did the mother of another.

People continue to apply at my current employer, many quite vocal about their need for a job, "any job".

Nationally, TIME says the expected bancruptcy of CIT, a large small-business lender that has been refused bailout assistance, threatens to restart the financial crisis.

Mostly anecdotal evidence or conjecture, certainly. But as much as I'm hoping for an economic rebound (and this family needs it just as much - MORE - than most) I don't see it yet, at least not here.

You know when I think things are well and truly on the way back to 'normal'? Think back over the last 15 years. What did Subway push, push, push in all their advertising? What did they stress in the restaurants themselves? What did they use to differentiate themselves from the pack?

Nutrition. Health-conscious food. They were the 'smart' choice. And it worked extremely well.



And yet what do you here from them for the last year? Five dollar footlongs, five dollar meal deals, price, price, price, even if what they're selling is a cheese covered mess that eschows all the principles they worked so hard to establish in the public mind.

They're desperate, and they know consumers in this economy value their pocketbooks over a heart attack twenty years down the road.

When that changes, and they go back to their nutrition based advertising, then, THEN this thing might well and truly be over and done.

Or my theory might be full of sh*t. :) We'll see.

FYI

I have a column in today's Journal-Sentinel. If you're in the state, please pick up a copy.

The column I wrote earlier this week will appear in tomorrow's (Thurs) Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. If you're in the state, please pick up a copy.

Just finished a column and sent it in. Now I'm going to bed. 'Nite

Reminder

Just a reminder - a column of mine will appear in today's Journal-Sentinel. If you're in WI, kindly pick up a copy.

Reminder

Just a quick note to remind everyone that a column of mine will be running in today's (Thursday 7/2) Journal-Sentinel. Look for it on the editorial page.

While we're on the subject, don't be a cheapskate. Spend the 75 cents instead of just browsing the online version, then write the editor and tell him how great I am.

Or at least stop writing and telling them I suck. I'll settle for that.

Whew

Just emailed my column to the Journal, with a little time to spare. Not the easiest one to write, but I think it turned out ok. Oh, and LSU took the College World Series w/ a lopsided win today, so congrats to them. Woulda preferred Texas to win the crown

Update: Just emailed my column to the Journal, with a little time to spare. Not the easiest one to write, but I think it turned out ok. Oh, and LSU took the College World Series w/ a lopsided win today, so congrats to them. Woulda preferred Texas to win the crown

On newsprint, North Korea, and LSU

So far two people online and one in the 'real' world have told me Brett Favre's officially a Viking, but I've seen butkus on any legit news site. So for the time being, I withhold judgement.

* * * *

Congrats to LSU on your College World Series victory. That's aways from being heartfelt, since I was hoping for a Texas win, but I'll say this: LSU's Jared Mitchell, the White Sox first round draft pick, looks like the real deal. He is a bit rough around the edges tho'.

* * * * *

I just got done writing a column for the Journal. About a month ago they asked if the 'regular' contributors could back off a bit to allow some of the other writers a chance. Okey-dokey.

Then a week ago a new email went out from the editor. That idea hadn't gone so well and there was now a shortage of material. They were also asking for someone to pick up a column for the 4th of July. I pitched an idea, but the request had come in while I was at work and I was late in answering. Here was the editor's response:

Hi Dan, I’ve picked another column to run on July 3, but I like this angle you suggest (tying in Iran demonstrations) and would like to publish yours on the same week (probably Thurs. July 2).

Could you write this up and get it to me by that same deadline so that I could have it edited and ready to go . . . If that’s a problem, please let me know. Thanks.

I'm not complaining, because Lord knows I feel blessed each and every time they put my name in the paper, but this one was hard to write. The deadline was today, the 25th, which meant a seven day lag between the day it was written and publication. That's fine, except I was supposed to be writing about the protests in Iran. I assume by the 2nd the government will do a fine and bloody job on suppressing the protesters there - but what if I was wrong?

In the end I decided I was over thinking it and plunged ahead. Ergh, we'll see how it reads in newsprint.

* * * *

Today marks the 59th anniversary of the North Korean invasion of the South. It strikes me as an ominous thing to remember as the North again ratchets up the "my d*ck is bigger than yours" rhetoric by threatening war, but that's a matter for another day.

Today, I wish to extend a sincere thank you to any and all veterans of that conflict.

On Hate Mail, American Idol, and Lost

Yes, I did get hate email about my article yesterday. Only two mind you, but they were doozies. The first called me several names, specifically said I didn't love my family, and labeled my writing "worthless drivel". The second was kinder, but that might be because he doesn't appear to have actually read the column.

* * * *

I'll be glad when American Idol is done for the year. Not that I haven't enjoyed it, but it's such a pain to have another obligation on my schedule. It's not like you can even postpone your viewing, because the media saturation gives it all away the next day.

* * * *

I was late for work last week because of Mr. Gokey. Gokey's hometown return was a big event here, and while a top crowd of 5,000 was expected at the Summerfest Grounds more than 20,000 showed up. That meant traffic was backed up around the city, even on the south side, so I sat on the freeway listening to 'cool' alternative music DJ's blast American Idol as 'Karaoke'.

As**ole.

* * * * *

I'm not a big conspiracy person, but the first song that Danny was forced to sing reeked of an ambush. Terrance Trent Darby? An unknown Terrance Trent Darby song ? An unknown Terrance Trent Darby song that sounds like disco?

Meanwhile, Adam is handed U2's fine if over-rated 'One'. This reminded me, just a hair, of the overtly feminine songs that were chosen for the Kelly/Justin finale in Season One. That move put Justin, already an underdog, at a fatal disadvantage.

I don't think the producers rig the election, but they sure do their best to sway the vote.

I thought Danny bit the bullet and got through the first song and shined by the end of the show. Kris started the show strong but his version of Kanye, to me, sounded like a butchered coffee-shop version of a great song.

Adam . . . ugh. Every song sounds the same, a shrieking knock-off of Mark Wahlberg's imitation of Judas Priest in Rock Star. And what's with the tongue thing?You're not in Kiss, Adam.

I'm kind of hoping Gokey doesn't win it all, as I'd like him to have more than the one moderate hit the winner will produce before returning to obscurity. Still, I think he makes the finals with Adam.


* * * *

I haven't written about Lost because for several weeks, while I was at work, someone *cough* failed to notice that the DVR cancelled the recording in favor of Whatever, Martha.

I've finally caught up online. Here are some brief thoughts:

1. The actress that plays 40 year old Eloise Hawking (Alice Evans) is SUPER SUPER HOT. What a Danny girl.

2. The shooting of Ben ended in a cop-out worthy of Dallas. His memory was erased? C'mon!

3. Locke is creating his own 'destiny'. He sends Richard to recruit the adolescent Locke, he send Ricard to pass on the message that he must die, etc. So how much of it is BS? Is he destined for greatness, or just a false prophet?

4. Kate has become a boring, superfluous character, both in terms of the show itself and her interactions within the Lost universe. She could bite the big one and I wouldn't shed a tear.

5. I still say time can be altered. Maybe they have a shot at erasing everything that's happened. I just don't think detonating a hydrogen bomb is a smart way to go about it.

My newest column

Here's a link to my column in today's Journal.

Local readers: let me remind you that a visit to JSOnline does *not* excuse you from purchasing a copy of the paper. If nothing else, think of it this way - you're not buying the same text you can get online. You're buying the same text and my picture (which is never displayed on their site).

* * * * *

I got two letters from the Journal editors today. The first was the standard "got your submission" letter. The second one surprised me and made me smile.

Dan, I like the approach you took in your column – especially given your
personal history with smoking. It turned out nicely, and not just the usual
knee-jerk type of opposition. Thanks.

Mabel W
Perspectives
Editor

It may not seem like much, but a letter like this isn't her normal M.O. Usually she just prints your stuff or rejects it, without much commentary either way, so I am unduly proud of the compliment.

* * * *
Mild off on a tangent comment:

I've never been happy with the number of commas I use in my writing. I think I use them too often for my own good. But after looking at five published columns of mine, and comparing each to the draft that was submitted, I guess I'm wrong. The editors seem to add a comma after every other word; honestly, it's like they get paid per comma.

I know, I know. It looks different online than it does in cold hard print - it does. Really, it looks and reads much better in ink - but jeesh.

Another column will be published Tuesday

Last week the newspaper sent out an email to the columnists, asking for a volunteer to argue against the creation of a smoking ban in Wisconsin. On the theory that I will never, ever refuse a writing job I clicked 'reply' without much thought. I didn't hear back by the stated time, but it was no real loss.

Then on Friday I took a call at work. To my suprise it was the editor ("Hi Dan, it's Mabel from The Journal . . .") who handed me the assignment. What was neat, other than an editor calling me, was that I was chosen over a number of people who asked for the assignment. Cool.

So, Milwaukee folk, get out your 75 cents; the column will run Tuesday morning.

* * * * *

Quick memory: Sunday marked the 18th anniversary of a May snowstorm that dumped six inches in the area. It was my junior year of high school, and I'll never forget standing in front of Pius, just stunned by the freak snowfall.

* * * *

Overheard: Two skinny women discussing the People magazine with Kristie Alley on the cover, 'coming clean' about her 80 pound weight gain.

Woman 1: Ugh, hellllloooo! Don't you think after twenty pounds you'd look in the mirror and realize you were fat?

Woman 2: I know! What a pig!

A . Burn in hell bit**es.

B. Kirstie was a contestant on The Match Game in 1979, well before Cheers or even her stint in the Star Trek movies.

C. I speak from experience when I say: No, you really don't notice until you're so far gone it's too late. Case in point, uh, now, when I tip the scales at the heaviest I've been in 15 years.

Milwaukee was lucky to have Dolan - text of my column in Good Friday's Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

If you were born in Milwaukee in the '70s and grew up Catholic, as I did, then the Mass had more than the usual amount of consistency during your lifetime. I was nearing 30 before the intercession to help "John Paul our Pope, (and) Rembert our Archbishop" - a routine I learned in kindergarten - no longer applied.

Logically, I should follow that line of thought with a few lines talking about how awkward it was in 2002 to accept Timothy Dolan as Milwaukee's new archbishop and about how the process of acceptance took time and patience.

I could write that, but it would turn this from a column into a work of fiction.

With no disrespect to those who have held, or will hold that position, Dolan was born for the role. Here was a guy of Midwestern stock, who seemed to embody all the positive attributes of the stereotype: He's a hard-working, down-to-earth man with a respect for tradition and a great sense of humor.

In a lot of ways, Dolan seems less like the imposing, powerful man of the cloth he is than a friendly and gregarious neighbor. If there was ever an archbishop you could imagine playing with on a tavern league softball team, Dolan is your man.

That's not to say his tenure didn't have its share of problems, many of which he inherited. He arrived in Milwaukee to a Catholic community besieged by allegations of sexual abuse, lawsuits and a growing distrust of the clergy. Questions about the role and integrity of the church were rampant, and a financial crisis loomed.

Seven years later, have all those problems been solved? No, but Dolan tackled them head-on, meeting with abuse victims, effectively closing a $3 million budget deficit in 2008 and restoring a sense of purpose and respect to the local Catholic landscape.

He has his share of detractors; no one with that much authority can avoid that burden. In his native Missouri, he was criticized as being too lenient on abusive priests, while others accused him of acting too harshly. In Milwaukee, he's correctly seen as theologically conservative. Those who view that as a negative are quick to point out his opposition to efforts to change the church's position on celibacy in the priesthood or his polite but public objection to the University of Notre Dame's decision to give President Barack Obama an honorary degree.

None of his critics have dented his popularity. My wife, a lifelong Lutheran, counts herself as a fan of the archbishop. So do most people I know, both in and out of the Catholic faith. The announcement of his impending installation as archbishop of New York was no surprise for me; I knew Milwaukee was too small to retain a rising star like Dolan for very long.

Our loss is New York's gain, and I wish him well. If the past seven years are any indication, Dolan will win New York's heart in no time.

He-Haw

Man, I'm tickled pink!

Today the mailman delivered two envelopes from the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. Inside of each was a 'fan' letter to me that was mailed to the newspaper and then forwarded to my home. Unfortunately, I'd ripped open the first envelope thinking it was my check, then got so excited after reading the letter that I greedily tore open the second. That's a pity, because I would have liked to have preserved it for my future musuem. Ah well. :)

* * *

Bridgett - I read your comment on Scott's departure before having a chance to watch the recorded show. No matter - it was actually a better viewing experience, as I didn't have to sweat out the Anoop-Scott drama. As for his early departure, I think the top five *has* to be Adam, Danny, Allison, and Matt, with Kris or Anoop battling it out for the numero cinco. Long story short, whether he went home this week or next, the exit was coming soon.

* * *

Another reason I'm excited: for the first time in a few weeks the whole Slapinions family will have the opportunity to sit down and enjoy a real dinner together. That's odd that it's odd, as from the time of YaYa's birth on we ALWAYS shared dinner together, and 99% of the time, no matter the entree, fruits and vegetables were on the plate.

I don't think I've seen a vegetable that wasn't sliced and on top of a meat patty in a week. Some parts of working evenings SUCK.

My criteria tonight is firm: meat, starch, veggies, and a fruit. Oh man, I can't wait.

Another Column of Mine will be in the Paper this week

After the publication of that snow column last week I wrote the editors and told them I'd gladly take any assignment they wanted to parcel out.

To my genuine suprise, they had me write a column on the departure of Milwaukee Archbishop Timothy Dolan, who'll be assuming the same office in New York on the 15h.

Barring an outright rejection by the editor, it should be in The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel this (Good)Friday.

Eight weeks between the first publication of mine and the second, five weeks between the second and the third . . and ten days between the third and fourth. Booyah!

I'm gonna miss this gig when it's over.

A link to the column

The column is in print and wouldn't ya know it, I actually like the thing. Here's a link to the beast, which in no way excuses anyone in town from picking up a copy.

I'll post the entire piece here in a few days.

Another column to be published Tuesday in the paper

Tuesday's Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel will feature another column of mine. If you're in Wisconsin or upper Illinois kindly pick up a copy.

I got the news tonight in two different emails. In the first, the editor wrote she'd be publishing my column 'X'. In her follow-up she apologized, but said her editor didn't like the piece for a few reasons and that they'd run another of my columns instead.

Lisa thought the second editors issues would upset me, but I welcomed the advice. The guy's paying me to write, so critique away kind sir. I just wish I could remember what the content of the backup column is before I see it in print.

* * * * *

Recently I ran into my grade school principal Sr. Kathleen and my first grade teacher Sr. Virigina (the latter being the woman who taught me to read. Thanks!)

Sr. Kathleen brought up my last column and said she'd recognized my name right away. She then asked all the usual questions about my parents, sisters, etc.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that Sr. Kathleen looked all of sixty or sixty five years old, with Sr. Virginia maybe five years her senior. Not a big deal - except that as a kid I thought they were sooooo ancient. I'd have laid money down, right up until seeing them last week, that they'd easily be in their eighties now.

Huh. Next thing you know I'll discover my childhood crush Chrissy G. wasn't a dead ringer for Farrah Fawcett.