Slapinions

Now I could do the standard shot of my cats or turtle, and I have at times, but that really kind of bores me. Besides, Angelcakes was only recently featured, so I figure we're good on that stuff.

Instead, let me introduce you to her 'pet' Princess and tell you her story.

Last Saturday Lisa and I took the two oldest kids roller skating, the first time we actually managed to skate through an entire 2 hour session. The rink is located right next door to a busy Goodwill Store, and I had a hankering to look around. I asked my wife if she wanted to go check it out.

"What's my budget?" she said.

"I don't know," I said. "I just want to loitter for awhile. . .say . . 10 -12 bucks?"

"Deal!" she said.

The total wound up at $23.00.

Sometime during this excursion YaYa saw the Ty brand cat pictured above, literally from across the room, and asked her Mom if she could have it. The price? A mere 49 cents. Sold!

[Irrelevant detail: She also picked out a huge overstuffed cat for Lu. She's becoming a pretty good shopper, a truly useful skill in this civilization.]

We took the purchases home and the kids were eager to take the animals to bed with them.

This is when my Mom's DNA kicked in. Irrationally worried about lice, chiggers, roaches, termite eggs, ticks, and all manner of germs, I denied the request until I had a chance to throw them in the wash.

"No Daddy!" YaYa begged. "Don't put it in thewash! Please!"

I shrugged her off without hesitation. To be honest, I don't even remember what the dang animals looked like. It was grab 'em from the bag, toss 'em in the washer, fughetaboutit.

So come bedtime, with Lisa at work, I cheerfully took the animals to the girls . . and YaYa screamed.

This is what Princess looked like:

Maybe this one show's it in a better light . .

Oh. Uh, yeah, no, I guess it looks bad no matter what.

"She had long hair!," she said."Now she looks like a lamb!"

"No, she doesn't," I argued, alarmed that I'd somehow managed to screw this up, "She looks like a very pretty little shee- er, cat"

Ugh. Even my unconscious betrayed me.

But the pics don't show the worst of it, because I spent a good half an hour combing and blowdrying and combing it again and again until the curls were loosened to some extent.

After all this work I called YaYa downstairs and proudly presented her the cat. Remember, I didn't remember what the stuffed animal looked like. I thought YaYa was being overly dramatic and that my efforts had more than solved the problem.

She came down and took the cat in her arms. She wiped away her tears with her forearm and smiled at me with a big gap-toothed grin.

"Thanks Daddy," she said. "Now I think I'm going to change her name, from Princess ..",

At this point her eyes filled with rage and her face twisted up and began to shake.

" . . to Looks-horrible-and-is-going-in-the-trash!"

And she threw it down.

Oh man was I ticked. "You don't appreciate anything I do for you! I took you skating, I strapped on roller skates, I bought you the cat and I just wasted half my evening combing that thing, and for what? So you can call me a bad Dad?"

"You're not a bad Dad" she said, not at all impressed by myanger. "But you screwed it up. She was special and you ruined her. I told you not to put her in the wash, I told you! I told you!"

"Excuse me for not taking laundry advice from my six year old!" I replied.

At that point some physical seperation was needed and I sent her upstairs. I calmed down, pretty wracked with guilt, and combed it out some more, to the point it appears above.

I took it upstairs, we both apologized - me willingly, YaYa after being coerced - and she tied a ribbon around its head.

"It's kind of pretty," she said, and contemplated it for a minute. "Yeah, I think she still looks like a princess".

And sure enough, when I recapped the story for Lisa after work and went to show her the cat, it was tucked snuggly into her sleeping arms.

"Told you you shouldn't have washed it," Lisa said.

*&@#&

* * * * * * * *

Here's some pics of YaYa with Princess. The makeup is from a (authorized) raid into her Mom's old stash, not prep for a beauty pageant.

Here are my two oldest with their new 'pets'.

And LuLu alone with hers. Please note that despite appearances she wasn't the least bit angry/annoyed/tired. She's just got this odd 'supermodel sulk' idea stuck in her head.

Tags: JLand Photo Shoot, YaYa, LuLu, pets

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Lauren is 6 months old Today!

It's hard to believe she's already half a year old. To me it's a blink of an eye, whereas Lisa say's it feels like she's been around forever (in a good way).

Here's a few shots I took today as she visited me at work. I didn't remember the camera until it was time to go.

She went to the pediatrician for her 6 months physical and vaccinations today. She measured 44.5 cm around the head, 27 inches in length, and 14 pounds, 13 oz in weight.

Hard to believe . . six months. Just think what we could accomplish if, in the moment, we truly grasped how quickly time passes . . most goals would seem far more reachable if 'six months away' didn't seem like an eternity.

Anyhow, Happy 1/2 birthday Lauren, and here's hoping for 200 more!

ps. for her 'birthday' her parents got the best gift - a night with the baby spending the night at Grandma Jeanne's! :)

Tags: Baby

Lost: Confirmed Dead

Whoo-hoo! Lost is back!

Sure, Season 4 premiered last week, but like one co-worker/reader said, that episode was fine - for mid-season filler. Tonight, tonight was the Lost I love.

The big revelation was hinted at in the title. Back in the 'world', the undersea wreckage of Oceanic Flight 815 was located in the Indian Ocean. The plane was relatively intact - no great big missing tail or nose section hint hint- and corpses were visible.

So what's going on? Is it really 815, and are the Losties spirits in purgatory, as I once theorized? That would certainly jive with the inclusion of Miles, professional and legitimate ghostbuster, on the mission to the island.

Or is it an elaborate and apparently successful hoax?

Assuming the folks who discovered the wreckage actually found the thing, and it isn't just an expensive special effects film, how is the hoax possible?

Big budget films don't have the moola to take an entire commercial airliner and drop it on the ocean floor, create a debris field, and load in some corpses (real or not) just to stage a scene. How could, well, whoever would do such a thing, finance/prepare/execute such a ruse? And how could they guarantee a legitimate accidental discovery?

Of course the writers threw us a bone by having the pilot object to the incorrect ID of the corpse and plant doubt in our heads . but really folks, what news channel would release those images in the first place? They kind of lost me on that, no pun intended.

Either way, how do the 'Oceanic Six' fit into the mix? Logically their existence is impossible in either scenario.

Next development: the insertion team. You have a cute, female Indiana Jones type archeologist with a thing for Dharma, the before mentioned ghostbuster, a quirky physicist who rather resembles a nervous Orlando Bloom, a drunk pilot who claims to have originally been scheduled to fly 815, and a professional soldier for hire.

They're all on the island to go after Ben. Why?

And some more questions: What did the physicist mean when he said light diffused oddly on the island? Why did the pilot not make the flight? Has the island now called him to meet his fate?

And back to the Losties themselves and the quote of the night.

Jack, after turning the tables on Miles, right after he says "how stupid do you think I am?"

"I don't know Miles how stupid are you?"

Not a whole lot else to say about Jack's group. But as for Locke's . .

LOVED the Apocalypse Now reference aka Colonel Kurtz. I was thinking the exact same thing just before Sawyer said it; as we seem to know from future-Hurley, Locke is leading the group down a frightening path.

Note that he said Walt looked 'taller', a simple and amusing way to explain away a child actor's growth over three years time. For those who haven't seen the Lost webisodes, which are short little scenes available only online, Walt has violent and destructive abilities . . it may not be a good thing Locke is listening to him.

So Locke survived his shooting at Ben's hand in part because he had no kidney there . . so his father's 'theft' of his kidney, in the end, saved his life. Every little thing ties into another in the Lost universe.

As for predictions, eh, why bother? I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride.

* * * *

One thing: before the episode I got to thinking. How do we know last weeks flash-forwards are after the events of the Season 3 finale? Is there something I'm missing, because otherwise it's perfectly reasonable that the events with Hurley preceded Jack's breakdown.

Just a thought.

Tags: Lost, ABC

My opinions of Super Tuesday 2008

Warning: political post ahead. Skip it if politics bore you :)

Sadly, Super Tuesday proceeded as predicted, and by day’s end the death knell was sounded on Mitt Romney’s campaign. McCain is now the true frontrunner and barring a miracle will be the candidate in the fall. If Romney doesn’t give up the ghost officially this week I’d be surprised.

But . . if I were a McCain fan – and if I was, please shoot me – I still wouldn’t do my happy dance quite yet. McCain aced a few states – California, New York, etc – that will certainly fall to the Democrats in November while losing or struggling in the core ‘Red’ states.

That’s not a great omen for the man.

Plus, I’m just plain shocked at Mike Huckabee’s performance, especially in the south. I can see his home state giving him a futile pat on the back, but how do you explain his showing in other states?

Look, I’m a moderate on some positions, conservative on others, and overall I probably drift to the middle of the road in the GOP, but let me just come right out and say this:

The support for Huckabee is downright embarrassing.

It isn’t about the man himself, if my opinion hurts your feelings, it’s about the fact that America isn’t going to elect the guy.

Period.

And I know he’s no longer aiming for the Oval Office, instead hoping for VP, but the pundits are right: put him on the ticket and folks are going to point to the old man from Arizona and say “if he dies that Huckabee is in; do you really want a President Huckabee?”

The answer is no, and undecided voters are going to vote in droves for the other candidate.

On the other side of the table it sure looks messier for the Democrats, with Obama and Clinton still neck and neck and Super Tuesday deciding not much of anything at all.

Well, maybe it decided more than it first appears. They both essentially tied in delegates and the popular vote, but Obama carried more states and seemed to disprove some worries that his appeal was limited by his race.

{One site, pro-Dem, argues that race is a non-issue because Obama’s father is Kenyan. Thus he isn’t a descendent of slaves and doesn’t carry the stigma and contempt inherent with that title.

I’m thinking that’s a wee bit of a stretch, as even a decent newshound like me didn’t realize his heritage, (so how prevalent could the notion be?). Besides, the idea, right or wrong, sounds a wee bit Birth of a Nation-esque.

If a Republican had said the same thing . . . look out.}

Right now I think it’s legitimately anyone’s game, but Obama certainly looks to be on the upswing. Clinton is short on cash, physically tired, facing a youth movement from within her own party, winning tiny battles at far too high of a cost in effort, and she’s not the person who can pull off outstanding if meaningless rhetoric like Obama’s “the people we’ve been waiting for are us”.

On the other hand Obama failed to win the big prizes like New Yorkand California, and believe me, that nifty ten-point Clinton win in CA still paints her as the one to beat. Plus Obama did a McCain and scored big in states that are probably going to stay Red in ’08.

I still think it will be Clinton and McCain in November. As far as who would have the edge in that contest . . well, I’ll debate that another day.

UPDATE:

Since I wrote that piece last night, Romney has indeed bowed out; the story is breaking across the web as I write this . . . 'tis a shame.

WASHINGTON (AP) - John McCain effectively sealed the Republican presidential nomination on Thursday as chief rival Mitt Romney suspended his faltering presidential campaign.

"If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention, I would forestall the launch of a national campaign and make it more likely that Senator Clinton or Obama would win. And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign, be a part of aiding a surrender to terror," Romney will say at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington.

"This is not an easy decision for me. I hate to lose. My family, my friends and our supporters... many of you right here in this room... have given a great deal to get me where I have a shot at becoming President. If this were only about me, I would go on. But I entered this race because I love America, and because I love America, I feel I must now stand aside, for our party and for our country," Romney said.

Tags: Mitt Romney, John McCain, Obama, primaries, Clinton

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

One heck of a photo from Alaska

The National Weather Service is saying we might get up to 20 inches of snow by morning, while conservative estimates land around 13-14".

Sweet. Just what we need on top of the 52 odd inches we've already seen this winter.

But, as in all things, it's all relative. My friend Fred Bryan of Oftencold.com lives in Alaska, and when I mentioned the 20" he didn't even think it worthy of acknowledgment.

There are advantages to living in the boonies though - check out the visitors on Fred's back porch:

Tags: Fred Bryan, eagles

In which I nearly eat the unthinkable, send YaYa to the eye Dr, see Hannah Montana, and drink Tang

With my wife at work I made dinner for the kids and afterwards, in exchange for some decent behavior, we made and shared a pan of brownies.

When I put them to bed YaYa asked for another brownie. "Nope," I said. "The last one's for Mommy"

So I kissed her goodnight and wandered downstairs, picking up brownie crumbs all along the way. On the kitchen floor I found the mother load, a huge if slightly squashed brownie that the kids must have dropped. With no one watching to scold me, I picked it up and greedily brought it up to my lips.

That'd be when I remembered that Smiley had wandered into the room naked a few hours back, his butt covered in poo. I'd quickly found the diaper he'd abandoned and it was clean, minus some racing stripes. Not unusual, considering he's *trying* to make an effort to go in the potty and often ditches his waste in the toilet.

'That's funny," I thought at time as I wiped his bum, "I could have sworn I cleaned him up pretty well last time".

Yes, dear readers, you guessed it.

I had picked up and was set to consume a large, compacted chunk . . . of Smiley poop.

* * * * *

Earlier in the day, with Lu in tow, I took YaYa for her eye appointment. She was actually kind of psyched, having heard tell of some Hannah Montana glasses. She was a good sport for the doc and didn't flinch with the whole 'air puff to the eyeball' thing that always freaks me out. "Mr. Slap, you have to keep your chin on the bar!"

The verdict? Astigmatism, but very slight. "Three steps from nothing" in her right eye, "Two steps away from nothing" in her left eye. The doc wants her to wear glasses when reading and at school, but not in everyday activities.

Sounds like a pretty darn agreeable verdict to me. We picked out some glasses but with my wife absent I deferred the decision to another day.

For posterity, here is her prescription:

Spherical: p1, cylindrical: -.75 Axis 148

Spherical: p1 cylindrical -.5 Axis 032

* * * *

In a controversial decision we decided to keepboth girls home from school Monday so they could attend their beloved Hannah Montana's 3D movie with their Mom and cousins.

Hannah Montana is a family favorite here and enormously popular among the girls, especially LuLu, who happily sings along with her idol. [sidenote: each and every time I get a dorky giggle by pronouncing her name like Tony from Scarface. The problem is, it's always me giggling)

In January I had briefly, oh ever so briefly, considered getting a Hannah Montana tattoo as part of a local radio station contest to win tickets to her (actual) sold out concert.

In the end I just couldn't - I really don't dig tattoos - and I felt like I let Lu down.

So I shelled out $14 a ticket for her 3D movie and yeah, the only time that was open was during school hours.

I can't be the only parent who did it - the movie was sold out by showtime.

Anyhow, I had to work but the reports that filtered back to me were overwhelmingly positive. The girls loved Hannah, gave a thumbs down to the Jonas brothers (although YaYa liked Year 3000), LuLu loved when Hannah 'hit me on my nose' with her drumstick, and both thought the opening Disney logo was frightening when it shattered (so did Mom).

Even Lisa thought it was a pretty darn good show, although she would have liked more of the backstage stuff. I think Lu would have liked that too, as she was intent on telling me all about how Hannah gets to the stage via a lift of some sort.

It made me happy we didn't shell out big moolah for the real concert tho', since Lu got very tired by the end of the movie and had to sit on her Mom's lap.

Here's an LOL - Lisa said all the adults in the audience laughed when Hannah's Dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, bragged about performing at every Indian casino in America.

* * * *

To my chagrin, the mysterious 'they' still make Tang, the drink of Astronauts and beloved beverage of my youth. I bought a can of powdered mix, which I was pleasantly surprised to see was loaded with vitamins and contained 1/2 the sugar of pure OJ, and mixed up a batch for supper.

Here, with no exaggeration/dramatic license, was my honest and immediate reaction.

"Jesus!," I said, "This sh** is good!"

I'm telling you, it was like being paroled and getting your first taste of freedom - it was THAT good.

Why isn't this stuff still popular? The kids were instant fans of it too and I think it'll be a common purchase in the Slapinions household from now on.

One bad thing - Smiley, who is really a pain in the butt lately, decided to dump his entire cup into the casserole I made for dinner. I was furious and sent him up to his room. You know what though? I thought the orange flavor gave a pleasant little kick to the dish.

Then again, I eat poo.

Tags: Tang, Hannah Montana, Smiley, LuLu, YaYa,

A request

The father of longtime reader and friend Mary of AlphawomansBlog passed away last night. She's written a touching post about him on her blog. If you can, stop by and give her your condolences.

Super Tuesday on the Horizon

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday, when a full 24 states will get their say in choosing the candidates for President. Not Wisconsin mind you, so I still haven't had my say, and when I do it will probably all be decided and in the bag.

Such is life.

The Democratic field is a mess, with Clinton and Obama neck to neck, but with the senator from Illinois gaining steam. Here's hoping the empty suit fails to sway the masses and Hilary wins (did I honestly just say that I wanted a Clinton to win anything? What a world!) but I think Obama will carry the day. I don't think it will be a decisive win, and as many people are predicting I think the Democratic convention will be contentious and home to a wee bit of drama.

On the Republican side it's hard to argue against the McCain momentum coming off of wins in Florida and South Carolina. If you ask me 90% of that 'momentum' is the pure invention of the media, but like I've always said, perception is nearly as good as reality.

Florida was a close race, but the reaction in the press was that it all but decided the nomination. I disagree, but from what I've read McCain has a built in advantage tomorrow:

Not all state primaries are winner-take-all for the GOP, but in the states that are McCain has the lead. So he can scrape by in some states but reap the whole benefit, while finishing second in others and still grab delegates. Meanwhile Romney has an uphill fight in many of the all-or-nothing states. Iin a worst-case scenario Super Tuesday might spell the end of Romney's campaign. It'll be a shame if that happens.

This is shaping up to be an odd election. Voters will *probably* have to choose between a Democrat Lite in McCain, who's almost as liberal as the opposition (tho' granted, he is hawkish on defense) and either a very left-leaning Obama (does anyone actually listen to the man's ideas, or is everyone sold on his charm?) or a suprisingly hawkish and middle of the road Clinton.

Take Obama out of the picture and it'd be hard to figure out what candidate is from what party - they've all switched philosophies.

My prediction: I think McCain aces the nomination, Obama slips by Hilary but not with enough to knock her out, and we all dance the dance another day.

If any of this stuff appeals to you, check out the two Electoral sites on the sidebar. Both are a wealth of information.

Tags: Super Tuesday, Romney, McCain, Clinton, Obama

Monday, February 4, 2008

My first professional submission of 2008

Well, I did it. I submitted my first, well, anything to a publication in a long time. Nothing fancy mind you, just a book review. It spawned from winning an online contest on a popular book site, with the prize being a free copy of an upcoming release delivered straight to your door from the publisher.

So I figured what the heck, write a review and send it in.

It was hard to plow through the book at first. For a moment or two I got tangled in long, twisting passages that seemed to go nowhere. When I complained about this my wife said, and I quote: "That's just because it's different than your writing. Your writing is simple."

Cue my jaw dropping open. She scrambled to recover: "Not . . not.bad or anything, per se. . .. Just simple. You know. Like . . like, uh, like Hemingway!"

Ok, so I exaggerate; it's always fun to paint a spouse as a villian. Once my jaw dropped she actually said "I like your writing, but it's simpler, more down to earth. His style is different."

To quote Hawthorne: Easy Reading is Hard Writing.

Anyhow the book picked up steam and wound up being a pretty good read. Here's a copy of the review (and I hope its presence here doesn't void any potential publishing opportunities):

* * *

Now You See Him

By Eli Gottlieb

ISBN: 9780061284649

262 pages

William Morrow, $22.95

By the time Now You See Him begins Rob Castor is dead and buried, reduced to nothing more than a lingering and tawdry story in the tabloids.

But make no mistake: Nick Framingham may be the narrator of the novel, but the story is Rob Castor's at every turn.

Now You See Him is the sophomore effort by award winning author Eli Gottlieb, who returns after a decade's absence with a novel of friendship, obsession, secrets, and the ever present clash between the nostalgic memories of the past and the harsh reality of the present.

Nick Framingham and Rob Castor were childhood friends and neighbors, but from the start Rob seemed destined for something more than their small, upstate New York town could provide him. While Nick would marry and settle down, Rob would become a minor celebrity as a writer - and a national obsession when he murdered his girlfriend and then committed suicide.

In the wake of his friend's death Nick is unable to resume his normal life. His marriage to his college sweetheart continues to deteriorate, with his wife unable to empathize with his loss as she is increasingly drawn to another man. His sons grow distant and his job performance puts his career in jeopardy.

It will only get worse.

Like a siren call Rob's family begins to draw Nick further into the chaos that envelopes anyone who grew close to the writer. Rob's mother, a bitter and alcoholic widow, is quick to wound with harsh words and hint at something sinister as yet unspoken. His sister, Nick's old flame, returns to town and seems eager to resume their relationship, further putting his marriage in jeopardy.

And somewhere beneath the surface lies a pair of secrets that will consume two families and haunt Nick for the rest of his life.

The publisher calls Gottlieb's prose 'extraordinarily luxuriant and evocative' and it is - but at some cost. Gottlieb has a knack for spinning a memorable and breathtaking phrase, but at times he tries too hard.

For every " . . .we found the quiet itself a fraught, richly communicating thing. If we listened carefully enough, we were certain that the distances had a hiss; that trees sighed, even on windless days; that clouds breathed their way backwards across the sky," there are four passages that seem strained and cumbersome, filler created not to fulfill a page count but that of a silent, self-assured quota of talent on display.

If at times, and only at times, the prose inhibits the reader's enjoyment, the framework of the story itself never fails to keep your interest. What seems at first like a pedestrian story about loss amid a midlife crisis soon morphs into a blistering attack on every facet of Nick's life, with a final plot revelation that changes the entire foundation of Nick's existence and how you relate to him.

All of these plot twists, each change in Nick's life, big and small, flow from his relationship with Rob. It is as if his death has broken a dam of long suppressed pain and secrecy and allowed the water to wash away every iota of what Nick thought was safe and secure.

Not bad for a character who only appears in flashbacks, and then usually at the lowest ebb of his life.

Now You See Him is an impressive and deceptively complicated novel about friendship, love, and the steep cost of living a lie, even one deferred. It's an impressive sophomore effort by Eli Gottlieb and no doubt a precursor of things to come.

-00-

Tags: Eli Gottlieb, book review, Now You See Him

Search This Blog

Friday, February 8, 2008

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Monday, February 4, 2008