In which I nearly eat the unthinkable, send YaYa to the eye Dr, see Hannah Montana, and drink Tang

 With my wife at work I made dinner for the kids and afterwards, in exchange for some decent behavior, we made and shared a pan of brownies.

When I put them to bed YaYa asked for another brownie. "Nope," I said. "The last one's for Mommy"

 

So I kissed her goodnight and wandered downstairs, picking up brownie crumbs all along the way. On the kitchen floor I found the mother load, a huge if slightly squashed brownie that the kids must have dropped. With no one watching to scold me, I picked it up and greedily brought it up to my lips.

 

That'd be when I remembered that Smiley had wandered into the room naked a few hours back, his butt covered in poo. I'd quickly found the diaper he'd abandoned and it was clean, minus some racing stripes. Not unusual, considering he's *trying* to make an effort to go in the potty and often ditches his waste in the toilet.

 

'That's funny," I thought at time as I wiped his bum, "I could have sworn I cleaned him up pretty well last time".

 

Yes, dear readers, you guessed it.  

 

I had picked up and was set to consume a large, compacted chunk . . . of Smiley poop.

 

* * * * *

 

 

Earlier in the day, with Lu in tow, I took YaYa for her eye appointment. She was actually kind of psyched, having heard tell of some Hannah Montana glasses. She was a good sport for the doc and didn't flinch with the whole 'air puff to the eyeball' thing that always freaks me out. "Mr. Slap, you have to keep your chin on the bar!"

 

The verdict? Astigmatism, but very slight. "Three steps from nothing" in her right eye, "Two steps away from nothing" in her left eye. The doc wants her to wear glasses when reading and at school, but not in everyday activities.

 

Sounds like a pretty darn agreeable verdict to me. We picked out some glasses but with my wife absent I deferred the decision to another day.

 

For posterity, here is her prescription:

 

Spherical: p1, cylindrical: -.75  Axis 148

Spherical: p1  cylindrical -.5    Axis 032

 

 

 

* * * *

In a controversial decision we decided to keepboth girls home from school Monday so they could attend their beloved Hannah Montana's 3D movie with their Mom and cousins.

 

 

Hannah Montana is a family favorite here and enormously popular among the girls, especially LuLu, who happily sings along with her idol. [sidenote: each and every time I get a dorky giggle by pronouncing her name like Tony from Scarface. The problem is, it's always me giggling)

 

In January I had briefly, oh ever so briefly, considered getting a Hannah Montana tattoo as part of a local radio station contest to win tickets to her (actual) sold out concert.

 

In the end I just couldn't - I really don't dig tattoos - and I felt like I let Lu down.

 

So I shelled out $14 a ticket for her 3D movie and yeah, the only time that was open was during school hours.

 

I can't be the only parent who did it - the movie was sold out by showtime.

 

Anyhow, I had to work but the reports that filtered back to me were overwhelmingly positive. The girls loved Hannah, gave a thumbs down to the Jonas brothers (although YaYa liked Year 3000), LuLu loved when Hannah 'hit me on my nose' with her drumstick, and both thought the opening Disney logo was frightening when it shattered (so did Mom).

 

Even Lisa thought it was a pretty darn good show, although she would have liked more of the backstage stuff. I think Lu would have liked that too, as she was intent on telling me all about how Hannah gets to the stage via a lift of some sort.

 

It made me happy we didn't shell out big moolah for the real concert tho', since Lu got very tired by the end of the movie and had to sit on her Mom's lap.

 

Here's an LOL - Lisa said all the adults in the audience laughed when Hannah's Dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, bragged about performing at every Indian casino in America.

 

* * * *

 

 

To my chagrin, the mysterious 'they' still make Tang, the drink of Astronauts and beloved beverage of my youth. I bought a can of powdered mix, which I was pleasantly surprised to see was loaded with vitamins and contained 1/2 the sugar of pure OJ, and mixed up a batch for supper.

 

Here, with no exaggeration/dramatic license, was my honest and immediate reaction.

 

"Jesus!," I said, "This sh** is good!"

 

I'm telling you, it was like being paroled and getting your first taste of freedom - it was THAT good.

 

Why isn't this stuff still popular? The kids were instant fans of it too and I think it'll be a common purchase in the Slapinions household from now on.

 

One bad thing - Smiley, who is really a pain in the butt lately, decided to dump his entire cup into the casserole I made for dinner. I was furious and sent him up to his room. You know what though? I thought the orange flavor gave a pleasant little kick to the dish.

 

Then again, I eat poo.

 

Tags: Tang, Hannah Montana, Smiley, LuLu, YaYa,