Aunt Mabel

The picture above is of my Aunt Mabel. She was born two years before my late Grandma, which would place her at 88 years old this year.

88 years old, living on her own near 10th and Oklahoma and fully independent.

A week ago she was in her living room when she heard a noise. When she turned around there was a man behind her, his face covered by a ski mask.

He told her he wouldn't hurt her if she gave him all her money. Considerate of him.

She told him she only had ten dollars on her, which was true. He took it and left by the back door.

A few minutes later she worked up the nerve to head in that direction towards the phone.

The man, inexplicably, was hiding in the kitchen.

He took her into her bedroom and asked where her jewelry was kept. She told him he was welcome to it, but that her best pieces were bought from Kmart.

He began throwing the contents of her dresser on the bed. She told him to take anything he'd like but please, please leave her medicare and social security cards behind.

He began stuffing her empty purse with whatever he could find, including - perhaps as an insult - the medicare card she begged to keep.

In the pile of junk he'd thrown on the bed was a bank envelope with $150 that her granddaughter had dropped off the day before. In plain sight she casually slipped the envelope out of the pile and under the afghan.

He never noticed.

He left again, this time for real, spewing out the usual threats.

Brave man.

The cops were sympathetic but told her she should have kept the lights on, she should have done this, she shouldn't have done that . .

How about he shouldn't have broken into her house and threatened an old woman? How about that officer?

Aunt Mabel spent one night at her granddaughter's house, at their request, before returning home for good.

As of yet, the man has not been found. The description is vague, beyond that he was black and average height, but he will no doubt repeat this somewhere else and be caught or killed.

Not everyone has the constitution of my Aunt. My Grandma would have died from fright; I have no doubt about that.

If you know an elderly person living alone, in that or any other neighborhood, check on them often.

You Know You are From Milwaukee When .

My buddy Dale sent me this in an email. I include it here because I wonder, in the years to come, if any of these will still ring true.

You Know You Are from Milwaukee When. . .
* * * * * *

Its always Miller Time - Amen. Bleep Budweiser.

You call Air Force Ones Dookies - no clue here. Generation gap at work.

You call Lake Michigan "the lake"

You tailgate for more than just football games

You know where the bubbler is AKA the water fountain.

The smell of yeast does not phase you - I hated it growing up but my parents, especially my Mom, loved it and mentioned how it brought back childhood memories.

You've cruised on HWY 100 Ah, the days of CB'ers versus the white hip hoppers. Memories.

You call it Mil-town - No one I've ever met calls it "Mil-Town'.

You know what and where the "village" is Village of What? The Damned? I assume they mean 'Tosa.

You understand the difference between the green and the blue street signs

You use the lake to give you a sense of direction

You have gone to Summerfest for more than just the music

You have had many meals that were just beer, brats & kraut

You know the best brats are cooked in beer before they are grilled

You know what the "beast" is It was the name of my best friends car in college, but I'm pretty sure that didn't make the list. So, no.

You measure distance in time Ha! Very true.

You can drive 65 in 3 inches of snow What? Who doesn't?

You go out to the suburbs to go trick or treating Noooo.

You go to a fish fry every Friday in the summer Summer? Every Friday in Lent, and many many Friday's throughout the year

You know how to polka

You know to get all your alcohol bought before 9 pm

You can eat a whole cream puff and probably even two

You use "up north" and "down south" to describe where you went for vacation

You drink soda, not pop

You go to Brewers games for one reason - The Sausage Races Not quite.

You pronounce it Mawaukee instead of Milwaukee

You know people with the 262 area code aren't really from Milwaukee Dead on.

You know the difference between ice cream & frozen custard

You think humidity is a typical part of summer weather around the country

Brett Favre holds a special place in your heart and always will Gag.

You keep track of the summer months by what festival is happening at the summerfest grounds

The sight of the Jesus Car fills you with enjoyment instead of anxiety

You hear tyme machine and think money instead of time travel

Your heart skips a beat everytime you watch Anchorman and hear Ron Burgundy say "Baxter is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee"

You know why every George Webb's has two clocks

You know that at one time both the Packers & the Brewers played at County Stadium

You remember the great days of "The Box" on channel 8 Oh God yes! Music videos played to order; all you had to do was dial a 900# and make your selection.

You despise the Cubs, the Bears, the Bulls, and Iliniois in general You read my mind.

Organic Farming and some dang fine Milk

Amy - good to see you online. I hope all is well.

* * * * *

My sister called and asked me for a ride home from work, saying that she had a case of milk her employer gave her and couldn't get it on the bus.

Now normally when someone calls and says they have a case of stuff 'given' to them it fell off the back of a truck. But in this case it was true, as there was a long line of women outside the shop with a case of milk at their feet.

In return for the ride my sister gave me twelve half-gallon containers of Organic Valley skim milk.

Organic Valley is a Wisconsin based cooperative of family farmers that produce organic dairy products.

And you know what? The milk was the best I've ever drank. It had none of that 'tinny' taste of most skim milk and just flowed down your throat. Yummy.

I priced it in the store and now know I'll probably never have it again. Her boss gave each of his employees the equivalent of $120 worth of milk . At ~$5 a half gallon when standard milk is $3/gallon, well, good luck sweetheart. Tell me how your sales turn out.

But for all you better-off folks (and despite your protests, you know who you are) I encourage you to pick up some of their product. Coupons are available on their website, listed above.

* * * * * * *

Jan has a link on her sidebar to Heifer International, a charitable organization that purchases livestock for farmers and educates them in modern agricultural methods- a wonderful program that promotes self-reliance over handouts. [My kids raised money for Heifer while in K3]. While While I applaud efforts to provide funding for small business overseas I think this is of more value, especially in lands were famine not only breeds suffering but increased dependence on foreign aid and all that comes with it.

If you prefer to have your donations spent here at home Heifer also offers programs in the States, some of which teach organic farming methods. I'm all for the concept but I worry that the farmers are being steered in the wrong direction. At the prices quoted above it'll be awhile before it becomes mainstream, and I think they need a quicker financial turnaround. But I could be wrong.

* * * *

I'd like to also point out that a skeptical opposition to Mr. Gore and his global warming hysteria DOES NOT translate into a desire to make a mess of the earth. I'm all for clean air and clean water, and I assure you that I take care to make less of a 'footprint' than most of the preachy lefty's I know. I was carpooling and driving high MPG cars years before it was economically necessary, and we recycle so religiously that the Alderman sent us an additional bin. And we're not talking the rinky-dink blue containers you see in some 'burbs. Here's the size of one of ours:

That's all. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

A rainy Sunday morn

I'm writing this after surrendering my reading chair to Zsa Zsa, my stepmother-in-law's assistance dog. So far, after five days of the in-law staying here, it's going alright. She's gone out a lot more than she normally would have, accompanying us here and there, and that's left her a bit exhausted. I've also seen a lot more TV than I usually would, having been exposed to Oklahoma! and Oliver in the first day alone.* I guess the biggest surprise for anyone is the shining her dog has taken to me, and the fact that I've become her de facto canine caregiver. I don't know why it's such a shock. I grew up with dogs for my first two decades and am very comfortable around them; I just don't like beasts that crap in my yard.

Rain is pelting the windows of the office, and sooner or later I'm going to have to bite the bullet and call YaYa in to Sunday school. I let her sleep over at my sister's last night, forgetting about the time change. I had some wickedly elaborate dreams last night, the kind that a better writer would turn into a classic novel. Instead, I'm left with only fragments of the whole: a bus trip across the city in which a young man began arguing with a stranger he accused of talking through a film they'd seen; the brief [platonic] appearance of Amy, an old co-worker, as she explained some detail of retail work; and a very long sequence in which I guided a very badly injured hospital patient up a long ramp. The ramp was saturated with dried blood that belonged to the patient, his friends, and their enemies. He was a 'Blood Boy', a breed of vampires or vampire-killers who made their home in the building at the top.

I'd like to add a song to the blog's background. Not everyday, because that's annoying, but once in a blue moon. Does anyone know how to accomplish that? Bridgett, your blog frequently does that, doesn't it? Can you help?

Ok, time to leave the comfort of the office and resume fatherhood. Later.


* yeah, yeah. "He sure watches a lot of TV to begin with, doesn't he?" you're saying to your significant other. Not true. Well, sorta. I watch a lot of TV, but not during the day. I'll record whatever I want to watch and then, around 11pm or so, begin sacrificing hours better spent on sleep.

Smiley's Birthday

Today is my Smiley's 4th birthday, and we celebrated with a bowling party with the kids in his speech class. I intend to blog about it soon. Man, it seems like a blink of an eye since I came home to post the news of his birth on Slapinions.

We're all a little tired here, so I think I'll sign off. But I couldn't let the day go by without wishing my little man a happy birthday. May a 100 more await you Smiley!

The Alamo, Stacey, and American Idol

Happy 8th Birthday to my niece Stacey!


* * * *

To the Texans who died 127 years ago at the Alamo - Rest in Peace


* * * * * *


I have a beef with American Idol. We'll forgive the poorly orchestrated elimination round on Wednesday. I mean, really - lining up four obvious losers next to Scott and then stating only one of them moves on is like putting a supermodel alongside the Golden Girls and asking which one you'd like to take to bed. But I have one word for the 'Wildcard Round'.


Fixed. Crappy. Fixed and Crappy.


So it's two words. Sue me. There's no way the judges pondered and analyzed their decision in the ninety seconds of commercials before the announcements. Mind you, the decision to put both Matt and Anoop through took guts. Think of it; on the spur of the moment, swayed only by the talent in front of them, the judges extended the field to thirteen contestants. That means Fox will have to add another week of shows, with all the expenses that come with them, rearrange their network schedule, notify sponsors; all decided right then, in those ninety seconds.


Phooey.


Kristen should have been in the wildcard race. Ju'not should have been in the wildcard race. Even forgiving those errors Megan SUCKED. Relevant? She has twice produced lackluster, awkward performances where her lips barely moved to release sound. While I watched it I joked that she thought she was Edgar Bergen for pete's sake!

Jasmine? Boring and mediocre, as she was before. To hear the judges rave about her performance is a sure sign this was preordained.



And meanwhile Ricky, who gave a superb performance, is dismissed? What????



The decision to cut Tatiana is, again, curious. The judges find her annoying and dislike her personally. So what? She is entertaining and has a great voice. Keeping her in would have made great TV, and you know what? That's the point of the show. Not selling records. They want the records to sell to boost the shows value, not the other way around.


Obviously the judges went in knowing who would be chosen. I disagree on two of the counts, obviously, and venture to say that if it had gone to a vote (as it SHOULD have) America would have chosen Matt, Tatiana, and Ricky or Anoop.


What a horrible week for American Idol.

American Idol - the last of the 36

Rumor has it that the Wildcard round won't be composed of leftovers from the Top 36, but rather from people that didn't make the last cut in Hollywood week. Hmm. In that case it'd be a true 'second chance' but I don't see it happening; maybe a 50/50 mix, but that's it.

Either way, it makes the current cuts all the more important. So let's see what this week had to offer.

* * * * * *

It was a heck of a show, approximately 4000 times better than the appalling mess they put out on Ash Wednesday.

It started with Von Smith

I liked his peformance, even if I don't think it's nearly good enough to make the cut.

Then came Taylor



I dug the leather pants (a sentiment not echoed in the room) but thought she was nowhere near making the grade.

Alex Wagner-Trugman has a sharp wit, a deceptively funny personality



and sadly, not a good enough voice to push into the Top 12. Plus his onstage antics were just . . . painful.

Arianna had such a good chance of moving on



But her song choice was odd and her look, voice, and total package reeked of Ben Gay and AARP cards. She got too hung up on the judges' comments about her beauty and wanted to show them she was more than a pretty face. Arianna, they know that - they've heard you sing - but there's nothing wrong with being talented and attractive too.

Gone.

Ju'Not Joyner was a surprise.



I really liked his version of Hey There Delilah. I even liked the handcuffs he used to adorn his belt, and for most of the show I had him pegged as the man to beat.

Next us was Kristin MacNamara, who has always and apparently will always get a bum rap from the judges



First of all, screw their comments on her look. She's SMOKING HOT. Quite aside from that the vocals just melted out her mouth without the slightest (noticeable) effort. My word what talent, and yet I have my doubts about whether she'll survive this week.

Then there was Nathaniel Marshall



Oh Gawd it was vomit inducing. I can't stand this guy. It's not his sexuality; it's his drama queen persona, his crying, his headbands, his piercings, and his tacky clothing. Ugh.

He was awful, but you know what? It's piss sad that neither of his parents would come to root him on, and awkward and depressing that even his grandma appears to just tolerate the kid. The fact that he hasn't blown his head off - and I'm glad he hasn't - is a testament to his will. He deserves better than the family he received.

Number 7 is our scab of the night, Felecia Barton, who stepped into the Top 36 after a contestant was cut because she had a professional contract. The judges adored her, methinks in part to justify their decision.



She'll get no such kindness from me. Oh, she wasn't bad, not bad at all. I just don't think it was anywhere near as good as the panel made it out to be, and moreover I think many of the items that got her cut in Hollywood were front and center here. As Kara said about her in Hollywood, it is about more than just the technical ability to reach this note or that and produce this run at this moment; there should be some feeling, some depth to it. I wasn't feeling that AT ALL. Technically proficient, emotionally empty. I'll pass.

And then there came Scott Macintyre



I've never thought his voice was as good as advertised, and I will put it in print: if he had the gift of perfect sight, and was not a feel-good story to put in front of the camera, he wouldn't receive 50% of the good will he gets now. That isn't to say he isn't talented, but plenty of talented people get squat for press and are glossed over by the judges.

That said, he impressed me last night. A strong performance, and although there were weak spots it was one of the best male songs of the night.

Kendall Beard is an enigma



She's very talented, performs well, has a viable image that includes a conventionally hot body and face (she doesn't do anything for me), and yet she gets do diddly of props from the judges. Sadly, I do get the aura of 'forever unfulfilled promise' from her (some of my own bleaching out?). I think she'll be cut.

Then came Jorge Nunez. I've never been on his fan wagon



But he rocked it last night. Oh, I still had some trouble understanding a few of the lyrics, but let's not quibble. He brought it and he owned the stage. Well done.

The evening concluded with Lil' Rounds



This woman is a threat. A beautiful married (?) mother of three with a killer voice, confidence and charisma on the stage, and a raw energy that just pours out of her. Yikes.

* * * * *

Ok, so who's going to move on to the Final 12?

If I had the sole vote it would be Jorge and Lil', with Kristen to complete the trio. I put Ju'Not in there until I heard the recap and realized just how well Jorge aced it.

Realistically, it will be Jorge, Lil', and Scott.

* * * * * *

Last week, when Kris made it through? Easily one of my ten happiest, most shocking AI moments. Well played America, well played.

This and That

I finished out February with a bad case of bronchitis coupled with a wicked sore throat. It made work (and home) a tad agonizing, but that seemed to have passed - until this morning, when I woke up with Version 2.0. Lucky me :)

Naw, I think it's just a sniffle . . I hope.

* * * * *

Lisa's Dad is in the VA hospital for a knee replacement. That left Lisa's step-mother, who has MS and is prone to falling, without a caregiver. She moved on to her daughter's house but after a wicked fall it became apparent that her daughter's schedule, which left her alone most of the day, wasn't going to work. Lisa then volunteered to host her and her assistance dog.

Last night was her first night here. She's a good conversationalist and the kids adore having a dog here, so all is well so far. With Lisa and the kids at dance we watched Golden Girls (which we DVR here, as I have a long standing and disturbing crush on Betty White) and Oklahoma!. [The latter was a mistake, as I've annoyed everyone by frequently yelling "O O O Oh klahoma" around the house.]

* * * * * *

Happy 34th Birthday to my sister Katie yesterday!

* * * * *

Last week I wrote about how a predicted snowstorm resulted in no snow at all. The other night the reverse was true. The weather forecast was for occasional flurries. I woke up 13 inches of snow blanketing my world. It took hours to shovel it all out (which is probably where the sniffle is from).

Again, screw meteorologists. Charlatans, one and all.

* * * * *

I think I may change Lump's name to Ginger. Out of nowhere in the known gene pool she's developed beautiful red hair. Oddly enough my facial hair turns the same color if I let it grow out, so I'm thinking this is short lived. Still, it's neat to see with her pale skin and bright blue eyes.

* * * *

Smiley the other day, in protest: 'No I big boy ma-ma' A five word sentence! Hot Dog!

* * * *

For Lent I gave up the following:

1. Any and all food items from a gas station or dollar store - man, this one hurts. But I've been 100% sucessful so far.

2. No eating anything at all after 10 pm - harder than it sounds. I sometimes don't return from work until well after ten, and I'm always up until midnight or later. I've failed twice in seven days.

I've also tried to change two eating habits of mine. The first: my tendency when I'm hungry to have a food, say fettuccine Alfredo, pop into my head. I'll then go and seek that out like a bloodhound on a trail. Now I'm trying to recognize that it's hunger talking and that just about anything, from a healthy salad to a somewhat less awful burger, will fill the need.

Second, if I went to a place like, oh, Ned's Pizza, I'd go hog wild. Not because it was so great (even if it was) or I was hungry (even if I was) but because I always had this weird notion in my head that this might be the last opportunity I'd have to enjoy this food/restaurant/whatever.

I'd say that ties into my anxiety problem, but I could be wrong. At any rate I'm now resigning myself to the idea that a) I will have that food again and b) even if I don't, it won't be 'the' regret I'll fret about in the afterlife. The result? I've been able to scale back on the eating without feeling the pinch.

Rupaul's Drag Race

The Slapinions household is unusually fond of reality TV competitions, but with the exception of American Idol we've never bought into the big ones like Survivor, The Amazing Race, etc. Instead we seem to wind up with more unusual fare like Project Runway, Design Star and HGTV Showdown.

Add another one to the list: Rupaul's Drag Race.

Granted, it's an embarrassing admission for a straight guy. Lisa and I are both enthralled by it but shake our heads with each DVR'd (!) episode. "I can't believe we watch this stuff," she said.

But we do.

The premise is simple. Rupaul, her Majesty of Drag Queens, presents her contestants with a small challenge to start each show. "Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win!"

The winner gets a time or material advantage in each episodes main competition, be it choreographing a group dance or interviewing Tori Spelling on a talk show.

And along the way the draaaammmmma, ladies and gentlemen.

Each show concludes with the two lowest scoring Queens being forced to "Lip sync for your life!", with the best performer sticking around for another week. The winner is told to 'shante, you stay"; the loser "sa-shay away" [sic]

Rupaul's a kick, both in drag and as a nattily clad man. His catchprashes are just great. In addtiion to the ones above, I love his clear cut send-off before each contest: "Don't F*** it Up"

Here's a rundown on the contestants:

Ongina is a very petite Filipino man who recently revealed himself as HIV positive on the show. His chief asset seems to be a talent for dance and choreography, while his stature limits his adaptability on the runway. Easily the most flamboyantly gay man on the show, which is saying something.

Rebecca Glasscock is a drama queen (no pun intended) who is generally disliked among the queen's but is an attractive and capable performer on stage. Oddly, in recent weeks the judges have dismissed her stage presence, but I think that has much more to do with her off-stage antics than anything concrete

Bebe Zahara Benet is my least favorite contestant, in part because she's dull, but largely due to the fact that she is so blatantly a guy in drag.

Nina Flowers is just odd. As a person he seems ok, but while Puerto Rican he speaks with what sounds like a heavy Russian accent. He's also so muscular and tattooed that he comes across as a character from Mad Max.

Finally there's Shannel, the favorite to win this season. A Vegas showgirl?/guy? Shannel is over the top on costuming but has a woman's body and a face to match. She's very confident (too confident?) and found herself in the bottom two a week ago.



Rupaul's Drag Race can be seen on Monday's at 9PM on Logo, and (I think) on Wednesday's on Bravo or VHI - check your local listings.

:ost: The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham Season 5/Ep 7

Thanks for your comment Sarah. I hope all is well with you.

*******

In that comment Sarah called this episode one of the most boring and a waste of an hour of her life. I have to disagree, for one reason: I've come to the conclusion that we have to change our expectations about Lost. Not lower them certainly, but change them all the same.

For four seasons we were treated to a standard format (current storyline supported by flashbacks that elaborate on life pre-island) and a consistent purpose (character development with tiny nudges forward in plot, often creating more questions as it went).

Now we are jumping left and right in time and place, or camped out in a strictly chronological time line.

I'll admit, I don't like it nearly as much. But, we are in the end game. We have a limited amount of time to discover as many answers as possible. As long as I'm still entertained - and I am - I'm sticking around.

Now as for the episode itself, the net is strangely abuzz with theories on every bit of this week's story. I don't get it. To me it seemed straightforward. Locke leaves the island and is found by Charles Widmore.



He is given Matthew Abaddon as a driver and sets out to recruit the Oceanic Six, with a side trip to see Walt. Not a whole lot happens, unless you count the Six saying 'No', and eventually Locke wants to see his ex-fiance Helen. Abaddon - who says he guided Locke onto the walkabout (and hence the island) because it's what he does - brings him to Helen's grave site.

While at the cemetery Abaddon is shot and killed by an unseen assailant



Eventually, after facing the fact that he's failed in his task, John decides to hang himself in his hotel room. Ben forces his way in, cops to killing Abaddon, spins yet another yarn about how 'special' John is, and talks him out of the act.

He gets the name of John's contact from him and then, in a wee bit of a shock, strangles Locke and stages a suicide.



On the island, in our current time (?) John is resurrected, with full memory of his death. He joins the survivors of Flight 316 and discovers Ben among the injured survivors.

* * *

So why all this over the top net frenzy? Ack, don't bring up Locke's return from the dead. If you hadn't guessed the whole 'Wrath of Khan' death bit weeks ago you're a fool.

I wasn't happy to see that flight #316 crashed.

a) because it means more innocents have died in the name of the Losties

b) it means it can't be the plane masquerading as Oceanic 815

c) it really annoys me that we're treating the island like a rest stop. What, anyone can get stranded there now?

I suppose one could question if Helen is alive or not, and if the gravestone was a scam; but either way, what would it matter to the viewer?

You could wonder if Matthew was indeed murdered, but he works for Widmore and Widmore's enemy Ben admits to the deed. That's a pretty compelling argument for closure.

And as for the murder scene. Hmm. You can argue convincingly that Ben solicits the unknown contact from Locke and then kills him to resume his place as leader of the Others. Or that he knew of Hawking but was alarmed to hear that Locke did and needed to prevent his use of her.

My take? I don't know which of the two scenarios is closer to the mark, but I know this: Ben knows that Locke will do the Lazarus bit, and so the murder is really more of a . . kidnapping I guess.

As for Walt, yeah, he'll figure into the endgame eventually. It doesn't interest me much, but it's inevitable.

The Dark Knight

I've always been a fan of the Caped Crusader, listing him just behind Spiderman as my superhero of choice. But I've never really enjoyed the movies, even the good ones, because they were so dark.

Batman is of course a creature of the night, forged in the shadow of his parents murder and very much at home in the seedy underbelly of his hometown. I get that. And I know the movies are 'seen' through the worldview of Bruce Wayne. You're not going to see rainbows and butterflies in his world.

But, watching the films I've always felt Gotham was hopeless, a corrupt and violent town without a future and not much of a present. Like I said as the DVD was loading "Who'd ever want to live there?"

I finished the movie wonderfully surprised. This wasn't a movie about death and mayhem, it was a movie about Redemption, of a city and its people rising from decay and reaching for the sun. Yes, yes, there are dozens of scenes of violence and horror, and Gotham isn't quite ready for a 'Best of . . ' list.

But throughout the film the city is filmed in daylight, with color, with pride. A police commissioner is murdered, threats are made, and yet the city turns out to honor their dead and look evil in the eye. Setbacks are made and but the city moves forward, slowly but forcibly, towards their goal of peace and integrity. Batman senses this change and vocalizes it at times, but even if he didn't it's readily apparent in his actions. He is not the Savior of his city, he is its band-aid. It is not him who saves hundreds in the end - no, it is the citizens of Gotham themselves.

You can almost - almost - picture wanting to visit the city.

As for Heath Ledger, my word what a performance. I felt he came into his own during his interrogation by Batman, and from that point on the role was his. His hospital scenes . . wow.

Long live Batman, and long live Gotham.

American Idol Top 36, Week 2

It's storming hard here, with rain pelting the windows. Here's hoping the basement doesn't flood.

On to silly things: Wasn't that just an awful AI last night? Geesh, you'd think with an extra day to prepare because of the President's speech, this week would have been one of the best. Instead I found myself fast forwarding through the latter half of many songs.

(Note how even in his scheduling Obama's considerate to others. To be in a position of power like that and still think of what's best for the AI contestants . . . why, it's enough to make Chris Matthews' leg tingle. :)

On to the contestants.



I liked Jasmine in earlier rounds, but she was off tonight. It was a sign of things to come.



Wow, Matt G. sucked. I had such high hopes for him and he remains a sentimental favorite in the Slapinions household, but it was painful, just painful. On the radio this morning a DJ and some callers picked him to move on, but they're on crack. Based on this performance, he goes home.



I thought her much bally-hooed legs were allright, but they seemed a little hairy didn't they? Personally, her lips were hotter . . but I digress. The judges were vicious, and good for them. She sucked. Bye bye.

Then came Nick Mitchell aka Norman Gentle



I laughed my ass off the whole way through and hands down he's the most entertaining artist of the evening. Is he the next American Idol? No. But enough from the judges about 'better showcases' for his talent - he can sing (certainly equal to the lame oil rigger chosen last week) and he keeps the audience happy. That alone might warrant a spot in the top 12.

Allison Iraheta rocked the house.



She's under 18 and so I would usually spare her the following, but I think her talent gives her a solid shot at the gold and so the gloves are off: great great voice, solid perfromance, but no personality to speak of and not terribly attractive (in a profession where looks matter a lot.) I hope voters overlook that and vote her through. Easily the best female of the night.

Kris Allen took a Michael Jackson song and held his own and then some.



I think he had the best male performance of the night - bring on the hate mail - but he'll lose out in large part because the cameras avoided him until this week. As I've said before, it's not an even playing field; some contenstants have to overcome the show's format from day one. He's got a good voice, he's good looking . . and unortunately he's gone.



Ah, Megan. The judges loved her. I found her voice inconsistent and no great shakes, her onstage actions awkward, and the wardrobe odd. On the other hand I found her strangely attractive - a pretty, innocent face coupled with a full sleeve of tats - and while it didn't entice me to dial the phone I'm sure she has a fan club of young males salivating and callling non-stop.



Matt was boring. I like the guy, blah blah, but he looked like me dancing up there and that alone should be a reason to pack his bags. A dull performance.



Jesse did allright, but was so calm and confident afterwards with the judges that it slipped from 'refreshing' to 'egotistical'. I guess she's the younger sister of a Grammy Award winner, which would explain it. It was good, but not great. She's going home.



Kai did fine but looked haggard and just seemed far too old for his years. A nice moment to tell the grandkids about, but he won't be moving on.



Mishavonna Henson did much better, in my opinion, than anyone is giving her credit for. But I've also heard her looks dismissed, which to me seems odd as she resembles the Mom from Gilmore girls. Given other people's reacion to her and her song, I say she's a goner.

And then there was Adam Lambert.



I am not a fan of this kid. I know, that makes me the odd man out in America, but I think he is too theatrical, I don't think his voice is stellar (although quite good) and his appearance just IRKS ME. Skinny '80's jeans, a lame Twilight haircut, and visible acne scars covered by makeup just don't scream 'sex god'. Maybe I'm getting too old to know or care, but I'm hoping his momentum eventually runs dry.

* * * *

So who do I think moves on? Adam for the 'boys', Allison for the 'girls'. The third slot should go to someone like Kris, Mishavonna, or Jesse, but I wouldn't cut out Nick Mitchell from the mix.

Who'd I vote for? Kris and Nick, knowing they were probably wasted votes.

* * * *

Some AI snark:

1. Notice the dark vertical line beneath Simon's right eye? Poor makeup and poor lighting - again.

2. What's with all this 'you're a good singer' commentary from the judges? As Lisa said to the screen "No shi*, really? I'm in the top 36 out of the 100,000 you had to chose from and you're telling me I can sing? Shouldn't that have been determined, uh, a long time ago?"

3. Paula is high. This is not an insult. It is a fact. It is either painkillers or pure booze, but she is not right.

4. Did you catch the harsh anti-Kara words from Paula in OK magazine? Oh, they weren't directed at her as a person, but rather in the form of a complaint that four judges 'slowed' down the show. Note to Paula: Your rambling diaglouges slow the show down, not the lucid lady sitting next to you.

Ash Wednesday

Happy (?) Ash Wednesday to you all. On this holy day, I give you the act of a Good Samaritan:

After dance class last night Lisa went out shopping with my sister.

Around midnight (they'd set out at 10PM) Lisa phoned to say she had a flat tire and was stuck in the parking lot of a 24 hour grocery store. Luckily this was in a good neighborhood and relatively close to home.

Unfortunately, the Escort is still on ice and I was stuck at the house. Even if it was not, there was no safe means of waking up the kids and loading them all into the two-door Ford. Not with only me at the wheel, and certainly not with Lisa and my sister added in. She was on her own, and what's worse our jack had broke back on Inauguration Day.

Leave the van, I said, and I'll go and pick it up in the morning.

Now as it happens there was a fire truck in the lot, dealing with a drunk. My sister approached them and asked for help. They scoffed and literally shut the engine door in her face.

I know they're not required to help, and in fact probably prohibited from doing so, but a little tact would have been nice.

So it looked like they were going to have to hike it home. And then a stock boy approached and asked if they needed help. He went to his car and got his jack and tire iron and took off the tire, ruining his khaki's in the process. Then the jack slipped, crashing down on his jack and ruining it. Luckily no one was hurt.

This should have been the end of it. Most people, including possibly myself, would have said 'that's enough', apologized, and moved on.

Instead he got a jack from a friends car and finished the job. When they thanked him, he said it was no problem and joked that it was his good deed for Lent.

Once again, there are good people in this world. Sometimes you don't even need to seek them out - they find you.

Enjoy the Lenten season and all the fish fry's that come with it.

Drood - by Dan Simmons

I think I finally have validation (a rationale?) for my practice of recording every book I read.

When a list like mine is put on the printed page its easy to trace the thought processes of the reader. In the last month I read Matthew Pearl's The Dante Club. That led, inevitably, to explorations of both The Inferno and mid 19th century American poetry. From there I moved on to a brief survey of Poe (he is very briefly mentioned in The Dante Club) which led me back to Pearl and his The Poe Shadow. Likewise, my reading of Drood led directly to picking up a copy of Wilikie Collins' The Moonstone.

I like being able to look back and deduce what led me to move from one work to another. Knocking them out of order, as I've done this year (my reviews are scheduled to run willy-nilly throughout the year) robs me - and the many future historians who will study me - of the opportunity to see that organic thought process in action.

I'm not going to go back and reschedule many of the reviews I have set to run throughout 2009, but from now on I think I'm going to stick to a general 'print them as I read them' plan. :)

* * * *

I was very gung-ho for Dan Simmons' Drood, even going so far as to seek out, in vain, an advance reader's copy.

Drood tells the story of the last five years of Charles Dickens life, as told by his friend, the best-selling novelist Wilkie Collins. In June of 1865 Dickens was involved in a horrendous railroad accident when his train failed to stop for a bridge that was under construction. Of the passenger cars, only Dicken's failed to crash to the riverbed below, and even his literally balanced on the edge of the precipice.

In many ways he was never the same man. To historians, the shock and trauma of the event are easy sources of blame.

To Dan Simmons, it would have more to do with the sudden appearance of Drood, a ghastly apparition that contacts Dickens at the crash site and forever after drags the author into a seedy and violent battle with the black arts.

Drood - note the name later used in Dickens' unfinished final novel - is allegedly the king of London's crime world. He was once, we are told, the half Egyptian son of an English Lord, abandoned and taught the ways of the Pharaoh's gods. When he was inconveniently carved to pieces and murdered many decades ago he returned (sans eyelids, nose, etc) to lay claim for the murder of more than 300 people in London.

And now he seems to have added Dickens as an ally and with each day Collins grows increasingly surer of one thing: to save himself and London, he must murder the great Charles Dickens.

I found the novel engrossing, the characters well developed and believable, and the attention to historical detail impressive (although I'm the first to admit he could have lied about every date - and perhaps he did - and I wouldn't know the difference).

Unfortunately, all those historical details added up to 704 pages of reading, easily two or three hundred more than the story required. The plot, borrowing something from Dickens himself, seems to plod along without any real urgency. I fear on this point Simmons was trapped by his bookending dates; the railway accident on one hand and the author's death on the other. The action had to be made to fit within that time frame, a fact which seems to have required a fair bit of text in which nothing happens.

Simmons also plays hard and fast with the moral fiber of the characters, in particular the narrator Wilkie Collins. I'm afraid my own religious views might cloud this point, but I am not a fan of taking a historical figure and, simply for the sake of a story, turning him into a wife beater, a pedophile, an arsonist, etc. None of the above apply to the real or imagined Collins, but there are substantial breaks from known behavior that eat away at me . . .

Anyway. On length alone I cannot recommend this book 100%. Coupled with the other flaws I've listed, I'd say give it a go only if you are a fan of Dickens, Collins, or a serious aficionado of historical fiction set in the Victorian era.

Lost: '316' and some Oscar notes

I hope to put up an AI post before the Wednesday results show. I'd also like to do a post on a new reality show I've taken a shine to, but that might have to wait. In the meantime the standard Lost post . . well, the following will have to do:

I was pretty disappointed with episode '316', which brought the six back to the island. Cue a long and revoltingly juvenile explanation about the means of how to return: the Losties must play dress up and recreate as best as possible the circumstances and actions of the original flight. They must do this on board another jet which, presumably, will meet a predicted demise and carry the group back to the island.

Ok, what hooey. It reeks of 'Dork', and seems quite illogical. This isn't a one-time means of transport, this is the recommended way and means of travel to the island. You're telling me Ben did this each and every time he left the island? Please. And don't start waving the 'time jump' garbage at me. According to the same speech the island has always been moving around. So why the masqurade?

The only real mystery of the episode was the sudden and unexpected enlistment of many of the Oceanic Six. What spurred their sudden change of heart? Where is Aaron? What's with the guitar?

(my guess is that Aaron is now back with Ghost Claire, Charlie convinced Hurley, and Ben had Sayid arrested . . . but I still don't get why he's on his way to Guam)

What happened to the plane? The episode makes you think/hope that the plane survives and that the Six are merely 'picked' off the flight and tossed into the jungle. I'm not sure. That 'fake' flight 815 wreck had to come from somewhere, and it'd be a juicy if tragic twist to have the pilot (who's name escapes me) wind up as the very corpse that inspired him to seek the truth about the crash of 815.

A few loose ends:

1. Obviously the Jack/Kate/Hurley made the jump, but wound up far earlier in the islands time stream than expected, early enough to encounter the Dharma Initiative (and Jin). How will that play out? Are Ben/Sayid/Sun some other 'time' on the island?

2. I could care less if John blames Jack and killed himself over it (which I don't buy). Blah blah. I wouldn't have believed you either, ya kook.

3. Yeah, I get it. '316' is the name of the episode, the flight involved, and of course the famous biblical verse from the Book of John. Tie that in to the vein of faith/doubt that runs through it - and the outright reference to Thomas by Ben - and voila, you have the theme of the day. Leading us to the next point . .

4. Even if he isn't religious, or formally schooled in the Christian faith, Jack is a literate and educated man. Is it likely he wouldn't know of the story of Doubting Thomas, even if only from the cultural shorthand the incident inspires? There should have been a third, more naive person in the scene to shout out those nods to the obvious, not Jack.

* * * * *

Oscar notes:

1. What a bore. Pretentious and boring from start to finish, it was livened only by Heath Ledger's win (kudos) and Ben Stiller's hit (and miss) J. Phoenix imitation.

2. What an awful idea to have former winners announce the nominees! Could the Oscars work harder to present Hollywood as an obnoxious industry, populated with people with an exaggerated sense of self worth?

3. Not having seen the nominated films, I'm still comfortable making this prediction: twenty years from now - ten years from now - none of the 'big' films will be remembered or widely viewed. Instead, Wall-E and The Dark Knight will fill that bill.

4. All complaining aside, I'd rather win an Oscar than a Pulitzer any day.

14 years and counting

Yesterday was the 14th anniversary of the day Lisa and I met, an event documented in detail last year.

Lisa worked most of the day, but ~ 9 P.M. we went out for a quick bite to eat, leaving my sister to watch the (sleeping) kids. Not the grandest of celebrations, but at least it was something.

One honest and revealing anecdote: While Lisa was at work I watched the kids use the air popper to make a bowl of popcorn. Even Lump was hovering around, trying to join the festivites and fit in with her older siblings.

I loooked at them with fondness and thought "This is why we're together. If I'd never met Lisa none of these little people would be around."

A few hours later, once they'd worn down my nerves, I looked at the group of them again. The same words ran through my head, this time with an entirely different meaning and emphasis:

"Da--- it, If I'd never met Lisa none of these little people would be around."

:)

Here's the full article

I confess I'm a bit proud of my Journal-Sentinel column from a few days ago. Not the writing, since I have yet to read it start to finish in published form (Why? Because a part of me is afraid it sucks and was published out of pity. I'm a nutjob.)

Instead it's the reaction that brings a smile to my face. I've received nine emails that run the gamut of the profession: teachers, parents, a high school principal, and even a PHD from a Virginia based educational think-tank.

All the letters were positive and most were chock full of 'additional reading' suggestions, links to educational theories and articles, and full out discussions of possible solutions. If I had a mind to I could consume the better part of a week just skimming the information they provided, and maybe I better; two of the letters suggested I do a follow-up piece down the road.

I did take the Journal to task for chopping out one line critical of the School Board member in the piece. His comments about the citizens of my neighborhood are inflammatory and deserve a column-long rebuttal of their own. I also included some suggestions for improving the Community Columnist process.

In response I got a 572 word letter from the editor (yes I counted the words, which finish at 72 more than my own article). In it she explained the decision about the edit was not based on politics but on length, and went on to discuss a whole lot more. The highlight of the letter is her belief that the one year term for the job will be expanded to somewhere between a 14 to 16 month commitment and that the frequency of publication will increase.

Which is good news, no?

For posterity, here's the text of the column:

What's the problem at MPS?
By Daniel Slap----

Posted: Feb. 18, 2009

Recently, I heard a radio ad promoting the safety features on Milwaukee County buses. There are, said the commercial, four camera on each bus, a silent alarm, GPS tracking and rewards for information on anyone who assaults a passenger or driver.

It was an impressive, if frightening, list. While it's probably overkill, if it prevents crime, I doubt anyone will complain. What stuck with me, however, was the general idea that drove the message: that the world is harsher, people are more wicked than ever and Milwaukee has changed.

I don't necessarily agree. Like it or not, the world is what it's always been, if not marginally better, and if people were so grand in the good ol' days, our history books wouldn't have to discuss names like Josef Stalin and Jack the Ripper.

Either way, here's what I find odd. We're very quick to blame the city's status quo for problems such as assaults on buses and the crime rate in general, but we're unwilling to even consider it when it comes to our schools. No, for Milwaukee Public Schools, it's either the buildings, the educators, the superintendent, the curriculum, federal testing requirements or the kitchen sink - you name it.

I am not a liberal, but I'm starting to think that decades of tinkering with MPS just may be a smokescreen to ignore the real problems with the system: that in the end, our schools do nothing more than reflect the nature of the city itself.

We've spent generations pretending that isn't the case. I graduated from Pulaski High School just in time to have Howard Fuller present me my diploma. You remember Fuller, right? He was the man who was going to reinvigorate the "troubled" school system and bring hope to Milwaukee.

I walked across that stage in 1992. Exactly what has changed since then? Sure, it's not all bad. Some schools have high attendance, great parental participation and students who perform well.

But that just bolsters my point. If MPS as an entity was the problem, wouldn't all schools fail? Wouldn't all students have to exert an incredible amount of self-determination and willpower just to succeed academically?

Some people, such as School Board member Terry Falk, continue to believe that fiddling is best. Falk's latest theoretical fix? Potentially scrapping K-8 schools - themselves a recent idea - in favor of grades 6-12 facilities.

Enough already. The fault lines seem clear. MPS is operating in a city with dire problems, where some geographic areas continue to prosper while others operate in a climate of poverty and crime. School performance appears often to follow those socioeconomic trends.

For the record, I'm not excusing the poor performance of students who should realize that education is a path to greater prosperity. And I don't have any bright solutions either. Except one: If we're going to keep the questionable practice of throwing money at the problem, quit wasting it on the wrong problem.

Daniel Slap--- is a Milwaukee native and the father of four

Button, Button: Uncanny Stories by Richard Matheson

*Read in 2008*

Richard Matheson might just be the greatest writer you've never heard of. The author of I am Legend, Stir of Echoes, What Dreams May Come, The Incredible Shrinking Man, Hell House (a 2007 read of mine), numerous Twilight Zone episodes, etc, you'd think he'd be a household name. Instead, when he's spoken of at all it's often in relation to Stephen King, a man who names Matheson as one of his greatest inspirations.

Button, Button is a collection of pre-1970 stories by Matheson, headlined by the wonderful title piece. It's the tale of a woman who is offered $50,000 for each time she'd press a button, knowing that each time she pressed it a stranger would die. There's goofiness here too, such as 'The Creeping Terror', Matheson's take on the spreading influence of California, and Twilight Zone worthy pieces like 'No Such Thing as a Vampire', and the dated 'The Jazz Machine'.

There are great stories in the book and a small percentage of clunkers, but overall a fine collection and a solid introduction to the work of a master.

Recommended.

A link to my column

Here's a link to the column I wrote for the Journal-Sentinel.

I'm not being coy when I say that I haven't read the piece today, nor do I remember the contents word for word. The link came via an email from a family member, but I was unable to open JS Online in my browser and review it. I know it's the Milwaukee Public Schools article that was 'under consideration' with the J/S. [the other two accepted pieces are 'evergreens' that can be published throughout the year]

Anyhow, it's off to work to pick up a few Journals they saved for me and take a gander at my picture.

American Idol - Top 36 - Group 1

Ladies and gentelmen, we have our first confirmed Blogger screw-up! Last night I began an elaborate and beautiful American Idol post, complete with pictures every which way, stunning commentary, etc; you know, the typical Slapinions panache.

At 12:53 AM I hit 'publish post' and it did not. Instead it saved the post, but in doing so ignored all the 'autosaves' and reverted back to a version from 12:09.

Now in a way that's cool, because it's the title of a Joe Mac album (NKOTB holla!)** but I lost an hour of work, gave up, and went to bed.

Hmm. I guess Blogger learned a thing or two from AOL.


** actually, the album might be 11:09, the memory is fuzzy now. We'll stick with 12:09 or else lose the line, ya know?

* * * * * *

First up on the show was Jackie Little.

I know Jackie's built up a nice little fan base, but I don't get it. Her voice is fine but hardly earth shattering and what her fans generously describe as 'originality' is in truth mere flakiness. Her performance was captivating. It's a shame her vocals weren't.



Next up was Ricky Braddy, and here I must launch a strong objection to the show's format. Of course it's impossible for AI to showcase each and every one of the 36 contestants. But the lack of media exposure is a clear and substantial barrier to success. No matter how good someone is - and I'm not necessarily putting Braddy in that category - they will have to overcome the well established voting base the singers with 'face time' have already built.



Braddy did great and was one of only four performers I placed a '+' next to in my notes from the show. Sadly, I don't think he'll move on.

Then came Alexis Grace.



I underestimated this woman.

[note: I'm sorry, I can't STAND AI's insistence on calling the contestants 'boys and girls'. Some of them are near thirty years old, and many have children. They are most definitely not 'girls and boys'.]

I think I genuinely mistook her for the dreadlocked orphan that was dropped during Hollywood week, and for that I'm sorry. Her voice ROCKED. Powerful, controlled, mature, and vibrant. Were talent alone the indicator of sucess, she should easily advance.

Fourth up was the good looking and talented Brent Keith.



Most of the time when the judges use the term 'wrong song choice' it's simply a euphemism for 'your voice sucked', as we'll see later in the show. But this time it was spot on. What an awful and limiting song and it cost him dearly. Judging by the tears he was fighting back, I think he agrees.

Then it was time for Stevie Wright.



Stevie is 17 and the nerves got the better of her. I'll spare her any serious critique because of her age, but . . it was not good.

Anoop Desai is a puzzle.



You could easily picture listening to his voice on the radio, but he lacks the sex appeal and demeanor of a star. For Pete's sake, the guys got bigger eyebrows than me. On talent alone he should be a threat to move on, but I don't know if he'll get the votes to pull it off.

Casey Carlson was up next.



Let's be blunt: quite possibly the WORST non-audition performance in AI history. From the winks, the dorky dancing, the revolting vocals, to the song choice, it was BAD. If anyone other than friends and family voted for her I'd be shocked.

Michael Sarver is someone I was wishing well. He's got a great story and seems genuine.



With that said, I don't think he did all that well. I'd say he's cut now, but will be brought back for the wildcard show.

Ann Marie Boskovich is a beautiful and sexy woman with not a lot of confidence.



I think her vocals were good enough to have let her survive a standard 'final twelve' show, but with the restrictions imposed on this portion of AI she won't make the grade. In many ways it's a shame.

Stephen Fowler ticks me off.



So much talent, so many opportunities, and time and again he finds a way to fail. Ugh.

Now, a word about AI: bullsh** the singing order is random. You mean to tell me the two most popular singers just *happened* to close out the show?

Tatiana Del Toro looked sexy if subdued, and going into it I verbally denounced her attempt to tackle an iconic song.



I was wrong. I think the judges were a tad immature in their commentary and overlooked a grand vocal performance for this stage in the game. If I have any say, Tatiana stays.

Milwaukee's own Danny Gokey finished the show last night.



As is par 95% of the time, I second Simon. I thought it was a great performance but not a masterpiece and feel three of the judges oversold the vocals. I'm not buying the whole package . . .yet.

* * * * *

In the end we voted for Danny, Tatiana, Alexis, and Ricky Braddy. I expect Danny and Alexis to take the top two slots and Tatiana to take the third.

* * * * *

I bet heads were rolling after the show. Ricky Braddy's microphone wasn't working during Ryan's interview, the wrong video was cued for Brent, after Stephen's song the TV cut to shots of a floor, and on no less than three occasions Simon outed the band's arrangements and even their (keyboard) playing.

Yikes.

The wonders of live TV, eh?