update: I'm beating my chest ala Tarzan. The cake is out of the oven and light and fluffy and golden brown. A thing of beauty, like looking at myself in carbohydrate form.
Published writer, compulsive reader, Old School Whovian, Match Game enthusiast, NKOTB fan, data hoarder, and - surprisingly, given that list - married with four kids. Welcome to my take on life, fatherhood, entertainment, and whatever strikes my fancy. Enjoy!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Baking a Cake
Dying to take a shower, but waiting for the cake to come out of the oven. I think it's thermostat must be going , and lately baking times have to be played strictly by ear.
Day Two
I got a lucky break overnight, when I confirmed LuLu's claim that MPS had the day off for the holiday weekend. That led directly to break #2. The kids slept straight through until 10:45, nearly four hours later than their biological clocks usually allow. Hot damn!
You'd think that would lead to a great day, but you'd be wrong. Oh, 81% of it was very nice. Another 10% was good, but the remaining 9% was consumed by constant bickering between the girls and by about a half dozen fits by Lu.
Whew.
Once they woke up I gave them breakfast. Only Ms. Lu didn't want what I offered and opted for Rice Krispies. Cue the first fit. The bowl wasn't clean enough (it was) the spoon wasn't clean (it was) the replacement spoon was the same one and I was tricking her (I wasn't). Each time she'd squeal and stomp her feet and grimace and yell "Dadddddy!". To finish it off she said they were generic Rice Krispies and she only wanted the real thing and I should go get her some.
So bleep it. I took her bowl and dumped the cereal into the toilet, and YaYa and I sat down to enjoy our food while LuLu pouted.
Whew.
After breakfast I put on the Ghostbusters II DVD and selected the animated episodes that were included with the disc. I noticed the first one was written by J. Michael Straczynski, later the creator of Babylon 5. The kids loved the episodes and were spellbound.
Then YaYa had a small fit about leaving the house. 100,000 times we've had this debate with the kids: if the family is going somewhere YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. You go with us, because the law takes a dim view on a five year old left alone in a house. This would be debate 100,001.
But I sorta realized at that point that the kids clocks were all off, and that part of the craziness was them readjusting to the odd sleep pattern . So we all scaled it back a notch, and the next few hours were great.
We went to take my Dad to pick up his grill, but it turned out he'd already done so on his own. So we swung by my mother-in-law and briefly saw Ginger. Two things off my to-do list. Then, when both sets of parents failed to produce any vegetable oil to borrow for the cake I was going to make, we hit a nearby Aldi's. The visit was 1-2-3, but it spawned the darnest thing.
YaYa gave Lu a horseback ride. Not for a minute. Not for a few feet. But around and around the store, and through the parking lot, and at the next stop too. Wow.
So since things were better I took them to Sonic, where the three of us were fed handsomely by the dollar menu.
The roller-skating servers excited them both, with Lu proclaiming that she should get a job there herself.
Parenting tip: If you feed a kid, or have a grandparent or babysitter feed them, they will inevitably return home claiming to have been offered nothing. They will ask "What's for dinner?" a mere 1/2 hour after a trip to a restaurant, and keep a straight face while saying it. So now I've learned. When they're eating I make them say - literally make them say the words - "This is my lunch and I'm not getting anything else."
After that we hit up a Dollar General for some household supplies and headed home. Per a request from Lu we took a bike ride around the neighborhood, finishing at the park.
And there an odd thing happened. A mother walked up to me while I was pushing the girls on the swings and told me "I don't know if you know this, but when you take a girl out to the park you should make sure they have shorts on beneath their skirt. You don't know who's watching."
As a point of fact Lu did have shorts on beneath her dress. I'd not only made sure of it before we left, I'd asked her again as she started on the swings. I'm not sure if I should be grateful for someone caring, annoyed at the sexist presumption of my ignorance, or creeped out.
Anyway, on the way back we had more drama. Lu fell all of two feet and made a big scene. She only stopped when I pointed out my thumb, which I'd jammed in my bike as I worked on the trailer attachment. My nail was visibly bruised and there was blood seeping out of it. No big deal, but to them it seemed mind boggling, enough to stop her fit about non-existent injuries.
"You're tough Dad," said YaYa.
"I'm not tough at all," I said.
"Sure you are, that's nasty. I'd be crying a lot."
"Eh, people have a lot of little pain over the years. When you're as old as I am you've kind of gotten used to it, that's all. You guys will be the same way."
And then, totally isolated from the fall, LuLu decided she didn't like that I was riding in front of her, or the direction we took, and eventually decided she didn't want to ride at all. Lovely.
Fit usually means "tired", so when we got home I put her down for a nap. Within a few minutes she was fast asleep on the couch with her mouth open.
A few minutes Smiley returned with my niece while my sister ran an errand. I mentioned yesterday that I wanted to take the kids to the planetarium. It was closed for the day, but instead I decided to treat them all, even my niece, to a show at the local Budget theater at $2 a head. Well, everyone but Smiley. He was great, and we sat together on our porch chit-chatting, but with as tired as he was I didn't place much faith in him making it through a 7:30 showtime. He stayed home with my sister once she returned, and she told him I was taking the girls for shots. He gladly stayed, and when we got back he was on the couch, covered with a blanket and barely awake.
You'd think that would lead to a great day, but you'd be wrong. Oh, 81% of it was very nice. Another 10% was good, but the remaining 9% was consumed by constant bickering between the girls and by about a half dozen fits by Lu.
Whew.
Once they woke up I gave them breakfast. Only Ms. Lu didn't want what I offered and opted for Rice Krispies. Cue the first fit. The bowl wasn't clean enough (it was) the spoon wasn't clean (it was) the replacement spoon was the same one and I was tricking her (I wasn't). Each time she'd squeal and stomp her feet and grimace and yell "Dadddddy!". To finish it off she said they were generic Rice Krispies and she only wanted the real thing and I should go get her some.
So bleep it. I took her bowl and dumped the cereal into the toilet, and YaYa and I sat down to enjoy our food while LuLu pouted.
Whew.
After breakfast I put on the Ghostbusters II DVD and selected the animated episodes that were included with the disc. I noticed the first one was written by J. Michael Straczynski, later the creator of Babylon 5. The kids loved the episodes and were spellbound.
Then YaYa had a small fit about leaving the house. 100,000 times we've had this debate with the kids: if the family is going somewhere YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. You go with us, because the law takes a dim view on a five year old left alone in a house. This would be debate 100,001.
But I sorta realized at that point that the kids clocks were all off, and that part of the craziness was them readjusting to the odd sleep pattern . So we all scaled it back a notch, and the next few hours were great.
We went to take my Dad to pick up his grill, but it turned out he'd already done so on his own. So we swung by my mother-in-law and briefly saw Ginger. Two things off my to-do list. Then, when both sets of parents failed to produce any vegetable oil to borrow for the cake I was going to make, we hit a nearby Aldi's. The visit was 1-2-3, but it spawned the darnest thing.
YaYa gave Lu a horseback ride. Not for a minute. Not for a few feet. But around and around the store, and through the parking lot, and at the next stop too. Wow.
So since things were better I took them to Sonic, where the three of us were fed handsomely by the dollar menu.
The roller-skating servers excited them both, with Lu proclaiming that she should get a job there herself.
Parenting tip: If you feed a kid, or have a grandparent or babysitter feed them, they will inevitably return home claiming to have been offered nothing. They will ask "What's for dinner?" a mere 1/2 hour after a trip to a restaurant, and keep a straight face while saying it. So now I've learned. When they're eating I make them say - literally make them say the words - "This is my lunch and I'm not getting anything else."
After that we hit up a Dollar General for some household supplies and headed home. Per a request from Lu we took a bike ride around the neighborhood, finishing at the park.
And there an odd thing happened. A mother walked up to me while I was pushing the girls on the swings and told me "I don't know if you know this, but when you take a girl out to the park you should make sure they have shorts on beneath their skirt. You don't know who's watching."
As a point of fact Lu did have shorts on beneath her dress. I'd not only made sure of it before we left, I'd asked her again as she started on the swings. I'm not sure if I should be grateful for someone caring, annoyed at the sexist presumption of my ignorance, or creeped out.
Anyway, on the way back we had more drama. Lu fell all of two feet and made a big scene. She only stopped when I pointed out my thumb, which I'd jammed in my bike as I worked on the trailer attachment. My nail was visibly bruised and there was blood seeping out of it. No big deal, but to them it seemed mind boggling, enough to stop her fit about non-existent injuries.
"You're tough Dad," said YaYa.
"I'm not tough at all," I said.
"Sure you are, that's nasty. I'd be crying a lot."
"Eh, people have a lot of little pain over the years. When you're as old as I am you've kind of gotten used to it, that's all. You guys will be the same way."
And then, totally isolated from the fall, LuLu decided she didn't like that I was riding in front of her, or the direction we took, and eventually decided she didn't want to ride at all. Lovely.
Fit usually means "tired", so when we got home I put her down for a nap. Within a few minutes she was fast asleep on the couch with her mouth open.
A few minutes Smiley returned with my niece while my sister ran an errand. I mentioned yesterday that I wanted to take the kids to the planetarium. It was closed for the day, but instead I decided to treat them all, even my niece, to a show at the local Budget theater at $2 a head. Well, everyone but Smiley. He was great, and we sat together on our porch chit-chatting, but with as tired as he was I didn't place much faith in him making it through a 7:30 showtime. He stayed home with my sister once she returned, and she told him I was taking the girls for shots. He gladly stayed, and when we got back he was on the couch, covered with a blanket and barely awake.
We went to see "Monsters vs. Aliens", and it was surprisingly good. I mean very good, and the kids were laughing and chatting to me during the whole thing. Heck, I was laughing out loud for much of it.
Then a quick trip to two different Target's to find glow in the dark bracelets for the 4th (where we saw part of the Summerfest fireworks from the parking lot) and on to home. But my sister and niece needed a ride so we packed up the van again, took them through a busy McDonald's drive thru for my sister's dinner, dropped them at their place and headed home for good.
Tomorrow the big test - the 4th of July festivites.
Friday, July 3, 2009
GRRRR
God(bleep) it. I thought the kids were asleep but they just ran downstairs all full of fake terror, giggling over Smiley having an accident in bed. I'm not even 100% it's true. I wouldn't put it past those girls to dump water on him and fib just to ruin his night.
Yeah, all b.s. to get out of bed. Smiley's asleep and dry as a bone. No liquid within five yards.
My Day
Just got home 10 minutes ago. A long day, and i look forward to reading/writing in a quiet house. I still have to make that cake, but that *shouldn't* be a big deal. Famous last words, eh?
Ok - here's the casualty report for day 1 of temp. solo parenting
Now that you all have had plenty of time to go out and buy a copy, here's a link to my column.
** *** ***
Lisa just texted that she's "having fun at Rock Island". I have no idea where or what that is, but I'd imagine it involves a lot of booze and music. Meanwhile here in Milwaukee my responsiblities have been cut in half. While I was at work my mother-in-law picked up the baby for the night (a planned event, not related to this business) and when I dropped off my babysitter/sister Smiley weaseled his way into a sleepover.
So right now I have Lulu upstairs in my room "watching TV", but more likely passed out in front of it with her mouth open, and YaYa on the couch watching Ghostbusters II.
Today went ok. After I picked up Lu we all hit the playground for half an hour before lunch (which included a veggie).
This last pic is of Smiley, ever the camera hog, telling me to take a picture. He'll make some sound and then flick his thumb and forefinger together like he was taking a shot.
After th e playground I put the baby down for a nap, secured the others in front of the TV for 'rest time', and accidentally fell asleep on the couch. That was a tactical error, as I woke up to a house that was all but ransacked by the demons.
But all in all, a solid day. Hell, I even changed the kitty litter.
Here's the big plans for tomorrow: clean the basement, in the process finding some outfits for these kids to wear. Lisa usually has clothes magically ready and waiting each night before bed, whereas I get so confused with the sizes that the buzzing in my head literally starts to hurt. I'd also like to take my Dad to pick up his grill, retrieve Smiley, and visit with Ginger. I almost forgot - if the planetarium is up and running tommorow, I'd like to take Lulu and YaYa to see a show.
Oh, and bake a cake for the 4th of July.
But that's all :)
* * * *
I'm listening to Ghostbusters II and laughing out loud. update: I gave up and went and watched it with her. Ramis can, or at least could, write a hell of a script, and Bill Murray was just perfect. YaYa WIGGED out when the Titanic showed up, and said that now we have to buy the film for sure. She also said that I look like Dan Akroyd. "You look a lot alike. You have the same kinda face, and the same eyes, and the way your hair kind of poofs up like that. He should wear glasses tho'"
At least she didn't say I looked like Vigo.
BTW, I finally saw Caddyshack for the first time EVER last week. There were funny bits, but overall I thought it was only so-so. Sorry everyone.
** *** ***
Lisa just texted that she's "having fun at Rock Island". I have no idea where or what that is, but I'd imagine it involves a lot of booze and music. Meanwhile here in Milwaukee my responsiblities have been cut in half. While I was at work my mother-in-law picked up the baby for the night (a planned event, not related to this business) and when I dropped off my babysitter/sister Smiley weaseled his way into a sleepover.
So right now I have Lulu upstairs in my room "watching TV", but more likely passed out in front of it with her mouth open, and YaYa on the couch watching Ghostbusters II.
Today went ok. After I picked up Lu we all hit the playground for half an hour before lunch (which included a veggie).
This last pic is of Smiley, ever the camera hog, telling me to take a picture. He'll make some sound and then flick his thumb and forefinger together like he was taking a shot.
After th e playground I put the baby down for a nap, secured the others in front of the TV for 'rest time', and accidentally fell asleep on the couch. That was a tactical error, as I woke up to a house that was all but ransacked by the demons.
But all in all, a solid day. Hell, I even changed the kitty litter.
Here's the big plans for tomorrow: clean the basement, in the process finding some outfits for these kids to wear. Lisa usually has clothes magically ready and waiting each night before bed, whereas I get so confused with the sizes that the buzzing in my head literally starts to hurt. I'd also like to take my Dad to pick up his grill, retrieve Smiley, and visit with Ginger. I almost forgot - if the planetarium is up and running tommorow, I'd like to take Lulu and YaYa to see a show.
Oh, and bake a cake for the 4th of July.
But that's all :)
* * * *
I'm listening to Ghostbusters II and laughing out loud. update: I gave up and went and watched it with her. Ramis can, or at least could, write a hell of a script, and Bill Murray was just perfect. YaYa WIGGED out when the Titanic showed up, and said that now we have to buy the film for sure. She also said that I look like Dan Akroyd. "You look a lot alike. You have the same kinda face, and the same eyes, and the way your hair kind of poofs up like that. He should wear glasses tho'"
At least she didn't say I looked like Vigo.
BTW, I finally saw Caddyshack for the first time EVER last week. There were funny bits, but overall I thought it was only so-so. Sorry everyone.
Who's Playing Summerfest? July 3rd
Yup, can't find a single act I'd be happy to see today. All I know about Kenny Chesney is he was married for a minute to Renee Zellweger, and she allegedly hinted he was gay after they split up. But hey, Renee? Come closer. No, closer, I don't want people to hear, this is just between you and me. He probably isn't gay, he just ignored you because he was afraid you'd shatter on your wedding night. What happened to the cutie from Jerry Maguire? You look like a dried up twig. Eat something. Even a salad. Go ahead, it won't hurt. I promise.
Anyhow, the 4th is coming up - what are your plans?
Anyhow, the 4th is coming up - what are your plans?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
On Poop
If you have some issue with reading about poop or pee, stand aside.
A few minutes ago Ginger pushed open the bathroom door, grabbed her shorts, and pointed to the toilet. Then she got very vocal and gestured again , so I took off her diaper. Too late - she'd pooped. Together we dumped the business in the toilet with great fanfare.
She continued to gesture at the toilet and so I figured, "eh, what the hell" and lifted her onto the seat. For a good three or four minutes she sat there (I held her arms) grunting and visibly trying to poop, but it was no go. She climbed off and I had her flush the toilet. On her own she waved to the flushing water and we said "bye bye poopie".
This marks Ginger's first time on the potty (eh, for all I know Lisa's had her shower and shaving already, but this is the first *Daddy* time). It also, to my knowledge, her first genuine interest in going to the toilet. Usually she'll just bring you a diaper, put it in your hands, and lay down on the floor with a look that says "change me slave".
Maybe we're almost out of the diaper era - but I doubt it.
* * * *
I got the kids awake, dressed, and out the door in time to get LuLu to class. I put her hair in a ponytail, but I'm afraid it wasn't very good. I can do the basics of girl hair if it's straight, but this curly business is for the birds. Thank God I married a Nordic/German with stick straight hair, because I'd hate to deal with this on a daily basis.
After that I bought a paper to see myself in print, gave my sister a ride to my Mom's, and took the kids grocery shopping.
So far so good, but we're only four hours into this thing. Fingers crossed people, fingers crossed.
A few minutes ago Ginger pushed open the bathroom door, grabbed her shorts, and pointed to the toilet. Then she got very vocal and gestured again , so I took off her diaper. Too late - she'd pooped. Together we dumped the business in the toilet with great fanfare.
She continued to gesture at the toilet and so I figured, "eh, what the hell" and lifted her onto the seat. For a good three or four minutes she sat there (I held her arms) grunting and visibly trying to poop, but it was no go. She climbed off and I had her flush the toilet. On her own she waved to the flushing water and we said "bye bye poopie".
This marks Ginger's first time on the potty (eh, for all I know Lisa's had her shower and shaving already, but this is the first *Daddy* time). It also, to my knowledge, her first genuine interest in going to the toilet. Usually she'll just bring you a diaper, put it in your hands, and lay down on the floor with a look that says "change me slave".
Maybe we're almost out of the diaper era - but I doubt it.
* * * *
I got the kids awake, dressed, and out the door in time to get LuLu to class. I put her hair in a ponytail, but I'm afraid it wasn't very good. I can do the basics of girl hair if it's straight, but this curly business is for the birds. Thank God I married a Nordic/German with stick straight hair, because I'd hate to deal with this on a daily basis.
After that I bought a paper to see myself in print, gave my sister a ride to my Mom's, and took the kids grocery shopping.
So far so good, but we're only four hours into this thing. Fingers crossed people, fingers crossed.
Reminder
Just a reminder - a column of mine will appear in today's Journal-Sentinel. If you're in WI, kindly pick up a copy.
update on the Kansas trip:
Got a text from Lis @ ~12 saying they were 75 miles outside of DuBuque, IA. West of the Mississippi my city to city geography gets a little sketchy, so I have no idea if they're making good time.
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