Moi

It is Very Good. Admit it

Whether you're man enough to admit it or not, One Direction's "That's What Makes You Beautiful" is the catchiest, most memorable song on the radio right now. I'm telling you,  take five young white guys who can dance and give them mikes, and you are guaranteed to get some great pop music.

At Tentuta's with the LuLu

The Goal

I doubt it can be achieved, and that fact breaks my heart, but one can dream . . . 

Little Einstein - an unpublished column

I wrote this in 2009, and I can't remember if I ever submitted for publication, or if it was just rejected for one reason or another. I also can't remember if I've ever published here. If I did, I apologize for wasting your time. :)

When my nephew was born fifteen years ago I wasted no time in trying to secure his future. No, I didn't run out and buy stocks or bonds  in his name, none of which I could afford as a college student. Instead I drove to the bookstore and scooped up anything with titles like "Your Baby Can Read!" and "Teach Math to your Infant!".

I remember knowing, with a faith bordering on the religious, that these tomes would give my nephew the head start he'd need to succeed in life.

Did it work? Well, no actually.  He didn't read a book or do long division  until elementary school (gasp!). While  he's a bright kid, I'm afraid  the only way he'll qualify as the next  Edison is if the definition of 'genius' expands  to include  World of Warcraft acumen.

I thought of those books when I read that the Disney corporation was offering rebates to customers who purchased their popular Little Einstein videos between 2004 and 2009.  The videos feature simple images of toys, colors and shapes accompanied by music, and Disney shrewdly chose to market the product as educational for infants. That led to a a group called the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood filling a complaint with the FCC in 2006.  As a result, Disney complied with their demand and dropped the claim about its educational value.

According to the CCFC's own website, it wasn't enough. “We thought parents deserved better, “ the website said. And so, under pressure  Disney agreed to a rebate for customers who bought the films “mistakenly believing the videos would make their baby smarter.”

Let's gloss over the fact that the 'rebate' only seems to encourage an investment in the product line, seeing as it primarily comes in the form of coupons or exchanges. What bothers me is the fact that this argument got any traction at all.

By the era of Little Einstein I was a parent myself, and yes, I bought a few of the tapes. I no longer had any illusions about tweaking IQ's, but my daughters found it fascinating and , if nothing else, it exposed them to classical music at an early age. Or so I said at the time. If I'm honest, it also kept them out of my hair for a few minutes, which made the videoes worth every penny. If most parents were as blunt, I'd think they'd concede the same thing.

 As for the 'rebates', argue an objection to “screen time” for infants, and I might concede your point. But to base the objection on a failure to make a baby  “smarter” strikes me as ridiculous. More so than even my thoughts that day at the bookstore. My goal wasn't to raise his intelligence, it was to jumpstart his education. Tomatoes/tomatoes? I disagree.

How do you define “smarter” in an infant? What standards constitute success or failure? And smarter than whom? Mom? Dad? The neighbor's cat? Remember, these are babies we're talking about. If you express  disappointment that they 'only' possess their native intelligence – to the extent you ask a corporation for a refund based on that fact -what kind of message are you establishing for the next eighteen years?

There will always be products that cash in on our desire to help our children. Some will be sincere, some will be nothing more than patent medicine. Shut them down when they encourage harm, but I'd  be careful about being smug when you do. Remember: in the end, they do nothing more than fill the need our own egos demand. 

Lonesome George

RIP Lonesome George. RIP Chelonoidis nigra abingdonii.

Empire of the Eagle

Around six years ago Lisa and I stayed at a bed and breakfast a few hours outside of Milwaukee, and on the morning of our departure we wandered the streets of the town and, being me, we would up inside a bookstore. While I was there I bought "Empire of the Eagle" by Andre Norton and Susan Schwartz. I am happy to report I finally crossed it off my TBR (to be read) list. 

I loved it. 

The novel traces the fate of Quintus, a Roman tribune whose family was evicted from their estate in disgrace, a man who still seeks to regain the family honor and reclaim their land. It is not to be. The Romans are horribly defeated at the battle of Carrhae,  and their Eagle standards taken as trophies for their enemies. Quintus and his men are purchased as slaves to be given to the Chinese emperor thousands of miles to the East. Along the way disaster and misfortune strike the group, and in those dark hours the survivors learn what it means to be Roman - and what it means to follow the Eagle. 

That's the 'straight' part of the novel. There's also a significant supernatural element, involving Roman and Hindu lore. At first that turned me off, and led me to put the book aside a few years ago. This time I felt  the realistic and fantastical plots melded perfectly, with neither overshadowing the other. It works. 

I really enjoyed this book. I grade it an A. 

Book #47 of the year

Funhouse Stairs No More

You saw the before pictures of the back porch. Howsabout some 'after'? Our contractor came over on the 18th and began the work on one of the hottest days of the year to date. That sucked - for him. Me? All I had to do was sit back, enjoy the A/C and write out a check.

(note my bike in the background. Sniff.)

Here's the old porch post-demolition. I should have painted the side of the shed before the new porch went up to block it, dang nabbit.



Here's the new porch. Nothing fancy, but we didn't want it to be. If we're going to spend money on a porch, it'll be on the front version, not this one. If the shed didn't hug the lot line to the north we might have expanded it in that direction, but practicality dictated it fit the space allotted.











The porch was functional and basic, as requested, but I was very happy with his work on the bilco/cellar door.





He leveled off the sides with concrete, put on seals, caulking, and whatnot, and made a solid, pretty darn snug entrance.








There's still work to be done. In part because of the bike theft I've decided to bite the bullet and replace the rear entry door with something newer and more substantial, although still bright and fitting in with the rest of the home.

 Not that it *doesn't* need replacing anyway, as it is old as sin and so worn that I actually saw light coming through the wood the other day. Still, the porch replacement took up a good chunk of my - well I was about to say spending money, but frankly, it took a lot of my anything money. I would have preferred to wait a month or two, but away we go.

Remember, this may be the Year of the Comeback, but I've only been 'fully' employed now for 5 months.  I'm still playing catch-up.


So there ya have it. Funhouse stairs no more. 

My Beautiful Kids

Here's a wonderful group photo of my kiddos, taken outside their summer rec program at Trowbridge school. 

Quote

Rome's pace. Rome's race.

Junie to the Rescue!

Junie has announced that she wants to be a Rescue Hero for Halloween. She is also convinced that the wildfires in Colorado would be put out if they would only call the Rescue Heroes for help.

Question for the Room

Question for the room:

I was considering a campaign to replace Dan's recently stolen bike for his birthday or Christmas.

But then, in a recent post, Dan referred to himself as "middle aged."

So now I'm conflicted: bicycle, or big TRIcycle, of the type suitable for a pleasant ride to the shuffleboard court?

I mean, we must consider the problems that such geriatrics have with balance yes?

:D

-Fred Bryan 

A Milestone

A milestone reached today with the kids, the 2nd event in less than a week to reduce me to a depressive mess. It is not fair. When the youngest gets too old for something, it is time to make a new kid . . . but no new models for 5 years 🙁

Missing: My copy of Grant's Memoirs

I am highly bleeping annoyed that my copy of US Grant's memoirs has gone missing. I am 340ish pages in, and I can't find it anywhere. In other news, spent the day getting work done in the yard (and earning a sunburn on my back. Twas a time my back hair would have shaded me, but I guess that hair is thinning too. Sigh.) Also paid some bills, made a few necessary calls, agreed on a bday party locale for LK, signed PD up for a reading tutor, dropped off/picked up kids from the 1st day of their summer rec program, went out to diner lunch with my lady, took a nap and grilled out for dinner. Not a bad day, minus the cxl'd class. 'Be better if I could find that book tho'

Today is the 3rd anniversary of MJ's death. the 62nd anniversary of the start of the Korean War and the 136th anniversary of the Battle of Little Bighorn. RIP to all the great American's lost above.

Disappointing News

More sucky news. A writing class I was scheduled to begin tonight (focusing on feature magazine articles) has been cancelled due to insufficient enrollment. :(

RIP Dear Schwinn - You served me well

Last night, strangely sans kids for the first night in just under two years, Lisa and went out to dinner and drinks. We got home late, and I thought about putting my beloved  Schwinn Moon Dog Cruiser bike in the shed, but exhaustion and the idea of some ahem, alone time, ahem, got the better of me. 


The bike was stolen overnight. 


I do not live in a bad neighborhood; quite the contrary. It isn't 90210, but it isn't Times Square circa 1978 either. My thoughts immediately jumped to the scrap metal 'collectors' who prowl the alleys. My thought process and emotions spilled out on Facebook: 


My bike was stolen from my yard overnight, in what appears to be the work of the scrappers who drive through the alley, grab what they can from nearby yards, and take off. This is the first time in 5 years that I've been a victim, but neighbors have had run-ins with them before. Next time I see them, [redatcted]


Just off the phone with[my friend The] Socialist, who scraps part-time. He said he'll keep an eye out for the bike and the suspected crew in question. Nothings gonna come of it, but wth, the one chance in a thousand . . .

 I am beyond angry and at Lisa's urging I have temporarily forced myself to stay in the house. Earlier, seeing a man on a bike, I slammed on my brakes - at a green light - with the intention of kicking his ass and getting my property, but of course it was just some dude wondering what idiot stops at a green light.

Just looking at all the posts on Slapinions labeled 'bike'. So many good times with that bike. Road trips with the kids one-on-one, and they all look so young in the pictures . . .


Talked to my neighbor across the alley. I asked him if he thought it was someone after my bike or the scrappers, and he said there's no question it was the latter. He said he now keeps a padlock on his gate at night to keep them out (they once stole the aluminum awning from above his back door!). Unfortunately, that didn't prevent them from stealing a strut from his garage door when he left it open to go inside for a leak.

So, my beloved black  Schwinn Moon Dog Cruiser I hope you are sold for scap, only so that you are recycled and come back into the care of a rider who deserves you. But, if said thief chooses to ride you - kindly lock your brakes and send him spiraling headfirst into traffic. 

My Bike was Stolen!!

My bike was stolen from my yard overnight, in what appears to be the work of the undocumented scrappers who drive through the alley, grab what they can from nearby yards, and take off. This is the first time in 5 years that I've been a victim, but neighbors have had run-ins with them before. Next time I see them, it's 1519 and I'm f--king Hernan Cortes.

Just off the phone with Socialist, who scraps part-time. He said he'll keep an eye out for the bike and the suspected crew in question. Nothings gonna come of it, but wth, the one chance in a thousand . . .

Talked to my neighbor across the alley. I asked him if he thought it was someone after my bike or the scrappers, and he said there's no question it was the latter. He said he now keeps a padlock on his gate at night to keep them out (they once stole the aluminum awning from above his back door!). Unfortunately, that didn't prevent them from stealing a strut from his garage door when he left it open to go inside for a leak.

Just looking at all the posts on Slapinions labeled 'bike'. So many good times with that bike. Road trips with the kids one-on-one, and they all look so young in the pictures . . .

The Finder

Just watched an episode of "The Finder". It's a good show, with quirky characters and an emphasis on 'fun'. Or should I say "was a good show", since it was cancelled by Fox. :(

Amblin

Just finished watching Steven Spielberg's 1968 short "Amblin'", which earned him a studio contract that would eventually lead him to fame and fortune. On a related note, I read an interview w/ Spielberg today in which he says that, if he had it to do over again, he would never have Roy Neary take off on the UFO at the end of "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". He says that now, as a father of seven, the idea of Neary abandoning his wife and children would never fly with him (no pun intended). Bravo to Spielberg; that ending has bothered me (for that very reason) ever since I saw it as a kid. I also like his stance on*not* altering his films, likening them to 'signposts' of the age in which they were made.

Lisa and I get pulled over

Lisa and I were pulled over driving home tonight. The officer explained she'd pulled me over because the light over my license plate was dim . . . which roughly translated from cop-eze means "I'm pulling people over randomly because it's a Saturday night and I didn't realize you were a middle aged white guy. Move along sir, move along".

A Celebrity Opinion

Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards attended the Yankees game today. Those two should never have split up.

Rent these - or not?

Smile is an English language foreign film set in Morocco. A group of multi-national college students set out on a camping trip in the 'haunted' Atlas mountains. Among them is a journalism student whose camera is stolen; luckily she's able to replace it with an instant camera she buys at a creepy antique shop. 

Why a serious photographer would be content to replace an expensive professional camera with a cheap instant version is never explained. 

Alas, there's something funky about said camera, and one by one the people it photographs meet gruesome deaths. 

Is it a good film? No. Is it awful? No. It's pretty much stuck in 'neutral'. 

I grade it a C-

Rango is a cowboy-lizard cartoon featuring the voice of Johnny Depp. It was predictable but entertaining. The best part? The evil snake. *That* was some wicked animation. 

Grade: B

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia is a documentary that follows a West Virginia family of misfits and criminals for a year. I've heard a lot of great things about it, but I wasn't impressed. Heck, I was a little bored. Heavy drinking recreational drug users with a flair for occasional violence and a criminal record? Big deal.  I've known plenty of 'em myself. 


Grade: C

I was never a fan of Arnie's Conan, so I was expecting less than nothing from the new Conan The Barbarian. 


Well, shiver me timbers, I was wrong. Color me impressed. Oh, it's a popcorn flick of no value to society. But it's a fun waste of 'time better spent helping your fellow man'. 


One thing I still don't understand about this genre. You say there's a magic mask that brings evil into the world? Yikes. Oh, but the bad guy was killed eons ago and the mask was shattered. Whew. Wait, you saved the pieces of the mask? Why? You scattered them around the world? Ooookkkkaaay. I guess that sort of makes sense. Sorta. Kinda. Hold on, there's a prophesy saying someday the pieces will be reunited and evil will reign supreme? Ah, well in that case DESTROY THE BLEEPING PIECES. 


Still, a fun romp. 


Grade: B+

Quote

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize", (1 Corinthians 9:24).

Monkey Bars