My, This Sucks

I lost my job this past Thursday.

It was at the end of the day. The owners' nephew pulled me into the office and with a poorly worded speech, accompanied by (what I hope was) a nervous giggle, said that I was going to be laid off Friday. I could, he assured me, finish the hour left of my day.

Seeing as I was salary, I refused that generous offer.

It's not that I didn't see this coming. Things got goofy fast recently.
Lisa had predicted this, saying they'd have me do their dirty work by laying off much of the staff and then can me in the end.

Well by this week there wasn't much of a staff left to lay off - 3rd shift had been gouged (infuriating me, as I believe it to be a safety concern), the day shifts were barren, our most populated department was down to five workers, and an entire department was 'replaced' with the nephew.

This week staff was instructed to train 'visiting' members of the owner's family -'visitors' who will no doubt take their jobs. I equate this training with being forced to teach someone how to properly F your wife.

In the infamous words of one employee, who once welcomed the regime change, "I never thought it could be worse. I thought it'd be all unicorns and rainbows. But this . . man they actually make me miss [the old owners]."

So I made sure my personal effects were out of my desk, I'd taken home some of my business cards as 'souvenirs' and I'd put my resume out there - all long weeks before I was let go.

Let's not sugarcoat this: this sucks. I put in ten years and was kicked to the curb on the eve of the holidays. What savings I had were severely dented by helping my family during and after their recent move, and severance - what severance?

So the future holds . . bills and no paycheck to pay them. Other than that, who knows? It's damn frightening.

I suppose it'd be nice to stay within the industry, but the track record of the X is certainly not something to highlight on a resume. [Then again, I think most of the industry knows of the goings on within the place].

If I was to stay in the biz I would like the luxury of, say, an actual budget that doesn't change on a whim, some coherent marketing strategies, honest ownership, and either a solid physical structure or the actual means of recreating one.

But I think it's time to move on, to try something else for a change. I spent the day Friday sending out resumes and was rewarded with a quick call-back from one place, with an interview scheduled for Wednesday. Wish me luck.

There are positives to this whole deal. A) I don't have to worry about working this weekend and B) when an employee (who hadn't gotten the message about my layoff) called to complain about his schedule I was able to respond with a 'click'.

Seriously tho, I'm relived to be out of there. I HATED having my name all over a place that was falling short on customer service and product quality. I hated having to constantly use the owners wishes as a crutch when I had to explain why we did things - or failed to do things - a certain way, knowing that it made me sound like a weak and excuse ridden fool. And I'm sure this next part would hold true no matter where I'd worked, but I'm happy to be, at least momentarily, relieved of having to be ultimately responsible for everything.

It had become, on its best days, a toxic and unhappy place and it is refreshing to think/hope/pray I will soon work someplace with a different aura.

Better days, folks, better days.

It's the economy stupid

I'm old enough to recognize that even Chicken Little, if he sticks to the script, will one day turn out to be right. That doesn't make him a genius, that makes him a patient card player with a lot of time on his hands.

But I think Peter Schiff believed his dire predictions about the stock market and the housing boom were accurate, which of course they proved to be.

Of far more interest in these clips is the pie-in-the-sky predictions of the other panelists, some of whom literally laugh at the man and ask if he wants a razor blade (to cut his wrists) as they discount his warnings.

It's a ten minute clip, but three or four minutes of it will give you the gist.



Good bleepin' luck trying to change the tune mid-dance or convince people a downturn is ahead. Human nature is just dead set against that thinking when all seems well. You'd have better luck telling Romeo Juliet's slept around - it just plain can't be done.

For this reason I think recessions and downturns are inevitable. Even if a government had the power to stop these natural ebb and flows of the economy, the government of a Republic can't - or more honestly, won't - risk the wrath of the public by denying them their illusions.



hat tip

A marker, a crib, and Superman underwear

When we checked on the baby after a nap recently we found Smiley asleep in her crib. He'd dumped a number of spare blankets and pillows inside. He also, as you can see, decided to decorate the baby with Magic Marker.

The bedding ticked me off the most, because if Lump had put two and two together she would have been able to use it to climb out on her own.

Quite a pair, those two, and surprisingly quiet when they're up to no good.

Some pics, and some memories

I was sorting through some pictures I took this fall and came across a few from the rummage sale that preceded the sale of my parents home.

This is one of two clocks I made for Christmas sometime between 5th and 8th grade. One in the shape of our beagle Duke went to my sister C; this one went to K. I drew the designs myself, which is a miracle because I can't draw worth a damn. I cut them out on a band saw, painted and varnished them, and installed the clock mechanisms (which never worked very well).



These next two are pictures of my childhood bike, a Schwinn Stingray II in green and gold. I picked it out because it reminded me of the Green Bay Packers.





This next one is current, a shot of a do-it-yourself DVD vending machine in a local store. They've popped up here and there, and they remind me of a clunky Beta (?) video vending machine from the Sun Foods of my youth.



Here's Smiley at the rummage sale:



and here he is swimming another day:



and the prettiest pic for last. The beautiful Lump:

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

In a revolting sign of how contentions the debate is, I feel compelled to state the following or risk people plugging their ears and chanting 'I can't hear you! before I even get a word in.

I am not, by definition, a creationist.

I am and was educated Catholic, and even in the 'once upon a time' of the Reagan era the Catholic schools I attended said, in summary: God created the universe, and how He decided to go about doing it is neither here nor there, but for the record it looks like evolution was His sub-contractor of choice.

It was not, so much as I remember, even a bothersome issue in my circles.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed is a documentary narrated and starring Ben Stein that sets forth to discuss the perceived discrimination against Intelligent Design proponents in academia.

Let's discuss this in stages. First, as a movie Expelled is pretty interesting, largely due to Stein himself. If you can separate yourself from the issues involved, by all means go ahead and rent it.

As to the structure of the film, and the development of the argument it presents, it's all over the board. It begins as a film, as I said, about the discrimination against pro-ID academics at the collegiate and professional level. Up to this point, it's on target.

Then it wanders off and morphs (not evolves; I'll spare you that linguistic snarkiness) into an anti-Darwin film, meaning both the theory and the man himself. This culminates in an odd segment openly equating Darwin with Nazi Germany, most of it filmed on site in Germany.

It then takes another turn and engages atheism in science head-on, before returning to the original intent to close the film.

Separating myself completely from the issue and just discussing the structure of the argument, I have to say it's a mish-mosh and could have used a strong hand at the keyboard.

Now, on to the bread and butter, the issue itself.

If you go into it believing in a strict interpretation of Genesis, that's what you'll leave with; if you go in thinking Darwin is the be-all and end-all, that's how you'll finish the day.

I still believe in God, I still think He created the world, I still walk away thinking that every new scientific discovery reinforces God's presence rather than diminishes it, and I still think that by and large evolution is a viable theory.

It's essentially a movie that reinforces the status-quo across the board.

I was alarmed at how openly hostile and aggressive the scientific community was on screen; if nothing else people, you are on camera, smile and play nice. Sadly, it appears everyone's beliefs are sacred, so long as those beliefs are not overtly Conservative Christian and not held by people who are.

[Which reminds me of a counter-argument I read somewhere, specific to the film. Refuting the claim that scientists are largely atheist by quoting a stat that says 40% of scientists think there 'could be some kind' of higher power is not a winner. For Pete's sake, Science, get a good PR person]

On the other hand, the Hitler/Darwin connection was just asinine. You're right, without some misguided idea of genetic superiority it wouldn't have happened. But that's not Darwin's problem. Natural selection didn't start with his ideas, humans have always bred farm stock - and royalty - for 'ideal' characteristics. The notion was hardly dependent upon Charlie.

Now if you're to debate the stated intent of the piece, then I think Stein has a point. I do not see a way a discussion of ID can find itself into the elementary or high school classroom short of a philosophy class. But on the collegiate level I think all bets are off and it could be a subject of discussion..

It's no use trying to convince me it has no place there. True, I attended only a handful of science courses in college, but in every subject area free debate - well, 'free' if you mean one sided and out of the prof's mouth - ran wild.

I sat through classes where prof's tried to tell the class that Homosexual Native Americans had divine-like powers, that every single idea about teaching held by the public was wrong, and where I was told that grand conspiracies intertwined their way through American history. In my academic career you'll find a teacher who preached that she was the reincarnation of Anne Boleyn, and a state-sponsored speaker who spent the hour telling the assembly that Black males had created the Pyramids, had fantastic empires that employed long-lost technology, and possibly had visits from other-worldly intelligences, all facts 'suppressed' by the white man.

If nowhere else in the world, college should be the place to express ideas. Bring it up, debate it, shoot it down, all in the course of one hour. But if it's out there, why try to suppress it?

As a film, 2.9 out of 4. As an organized argument, 1.75 out of 4. As a springboard to debate, 4 out of 4.

A rare quiz and some Jimmy Page too!

I don't 'meme', but feel free to take the nifty little quiz that rides the end of this graphic. It features a series of multiple choice questions on the subjects listed: art, philosophy, history, etc.

Afterwards, sit back and enjoy the sounds of Led Zeppelin performing 'Fool in the Rain'. As a big Zep fan I consider this my personal favorite among their songs; yes, even more than Kashmir, Stairway to Heaven, Heartbreaker, and the more traditional playlist. I heard it on the radio last night and it cheered me up considerably. Good ol' Zep :)

There Are 0 Gaps in Your Knowledge

Where you have gaps in your knowledge: No Gaps! Where you don't have gaps in your knowledge: Philosophy Religion Economics Literature History Science Art

Do You Have Gaps in Your Knowledge?

BTW - any tour without Plant is a tour without Zeppelin, so far as I'm concerned. I'm all for Jason Bonham sitting in for his father, but Plant's absence is a bridge too far.

Phantom Prey by John Sandford

Sometimes an author is like an ex-girlfriend. You don't actually go out of the way to avoid her at the market, but you don't actively seek her out either. And then you bump into one another and you're floored by how great she is and you wonder why you split up in the first place.

That's the case with John Sanford, an author I've always liked but sometimes hesitate to read, for reason or reasons unknown to my conscious self.

In the case of Phantom Prey I must have kept the book on the shelf for two weeks or more, and when I finished it I spent an equal amount of time kicking myself for the delay.

Phantom Prey features Lucas Davenport, who at the request of his wife investigates the disappearance of a young woman. At the same time the woman's friends, all members of the Goth community, are being stalked and killed by a woman known as 'The Fairy'.

It's a fine story, well plotted and not as predictable as many mystery novels. While I think you'll reason out the killer's identity, there will be 25% of your brain that remains unsure, just enough to keep the juices flowing.

The plot is almost secondary, because what sets Sandford apart is his style.
Sandford has a knack for telling a story in little clusters of scenes that move the story forward in rapid fashion, while never skimping on what's important or dwelling on the insignificant. His characters come off as real; nowadays Davenport is far more concerned with coming home to his wife and kids and arguing about furniture than he is kicking the tar out of someone. He'll have bouts of work-related depression, but you won't find him hitting the bottle or spending chapter after chapter moaning about the human condition.

Phantom Prey is an enjoyable, easy read that serves to bolster Sandford's reputation even higher.

Highly recommended.

3.25 out of 4, 84 out of 100

In which I go into far too much detail about stuff you don't care about

Getting my picture taken for the paper turned out to be very anti-climactic. I went downtown, found parking directly in front of the Journal-Sentinel's photo lab door, and went inside. There was no wait and I was quickly taken in back and given the option of sprucing up in front of a mirror. I'd been told to wear 'whatever' because the shot would be from the shoulders up, and so I wore a simple tan v-neck pullover and jeans.

I was instructed to have a seat on a stool in a very dark room, and for the duration of the shot the photographer moved around like a 3D silhouette, fully visible only in the brief flashes from his camera.

I joked that this was 'way darker than Sears Portrait Studios' and he smirked and briefly explained the technical reasons why this technique was superior. I didn't really pay attention, I'm afraid, but I was intrigued to discover the reason they took pictures from so many different angles.

It wasn't to find my 'better side' but to make sure that if, say, my column runs on the far right of the page they'll be able to go with a shot of me looking to the left, so that my pic doesn't give the impression that I'm staring off the page into space.

Neat.

Then I had to sign a freelance contract with the paper. This isn't the real deal, but a copy I asked to keep for my (online) scrapbook, which I'm sure made me sound like a real pro.



I was in and out in under five minutes, which was a horrible waste of all the change I'd plugged in the meter.

All in all, I didn't enjoy it, and I certainly wasn't 'on' because I'm just very down lately. Issues with my parents/siblings, a financial crunch on the horizon, some squabbles at home, the bombshell today that my insurance might have been mistakenly cancelled, and my typical reaction to stress - eating - have all contributed to the blues.

On that last part, I think I've put on around ten to fifteen pounds in the last few weeks, enough to make some of my shirts snug. It's depressing. I don't mind being fat, so much as I hate being fat enough to want to jump off a bridge. The winter worries me too. I've been riding my bike regularly - I am in awe of how large I'd have become recently without it - but with winter here I'm scrambling for an activity to take its place.

One good thing: the difference in my fitness level between July and now is noticeable. On one of the last trips I recreated a two-mile ride I took with YaYa when I first bought the bike. At that time I huffed and puffed and had to stop often to complete what I felt was an 'accomplishment'. This time out I did it with two kids in the trailer behind me, added on some extra mileage, and still finished in a considerably shorter amount of time, with only a single stop (to 'rescue' a katydid from the sidewalk ,at YaYa's request, and deliver it to a grassy hill across the street).

So it did some good.

Argh, I have to cheer up soon. It's not right to be this handsome and wear a frown. It just doesn't look right to my fans.


- Dan

Smiley meets Spongebob Squarepants!

Last Saturday, in the midst of our shopping trip, we discovered Spongebob Squarepants was visiting our local WalMart. Once upon a time YaYa was a big fan. She has since toned it down to 'casual fan', but Smiley has gladly taken up the baton. When the show comes on you can hear him trying to sing along to the theme song at the top of his voice, and for the longest time one of his only successful phrases was 'punge-ob', which even now he'll yell out with glee.







[note: wow. I guess, seeing the results above, that I'll now email my pics directly to Photobucket from my phone. They turn out much better.]



** * *

That day was also the end of the summer-like conditions that had lingered into November. The Lump is notorious for hating any and all hats/hoods/hair doodads/etc, and so we had to splurge and get a Lump-proof hat to keep her warm.



By the end of the day she'd discovered a way to pull it off. Serves us right for thinking we could outsmart a baby.

Slapinions 4th anniversary, the Jonas Brothers, Texas Tech, Fantasy Football, and more

Lo and behold, the 4th anniversary of this blog came and went the other day and I didn't even post about it. How 'bout that?

* * * *

While I refuse to officially surrender I think I'm about done in my fantasy league. I took another rough loss this past week thanks to Maurice Jones-Drew, dropping me to 3-6 and 9th place in the league. That just doesn't = playoff contender.

Bay View SlapJacks 3-6-VS. pull my finger 5-4-0

Pos Player Actual
QB Peyton Manning
(Ind - QB) 23.00
WR Braylon Edwards
(Cle - WR) 1.50
WR Hines Ward
(Pit - WR) 11.60
WR Marvin Harrison
(Ind - WR) 3.70
RB Jamal Lewis
(Cle - RB) 16.40
RB Kevin Faulk
(NE - RB) 1.80
TE Zach Miller
(Oak - TE) 4.20
K David Akers
(Phi - K) 7.00
DEF Indianapolis
(Ind - DEF) 16.00
Total 85.20

Pos PlayerActual
QB Chad Pennington
(Mia - QB) 10.07
WR Andre Johnson
(Hou - WR) 6.60
WR Dwayne Bowe
(KC - WR) 7.20
WR Plaxico Burress
(NYG - WR) 9.70
RB Ronnie Brown
(Mia - RB) 14.60
RB Maurice Jones-Drew
(Jac - RB) 33.10
TE Owen Daniels
(Hou - TE) 1.30
K Jason Elam
(Atl - K) 10.00
DEF Tennessee
(Ten - DEF) 13.00
Total 105.57

* * * *

I've watched Texas Tech two weeks in a row and count me impressed. An Alabama-Texas Tech BCS title game would be a fun evening.

* * * *

Work sucks.

* * * *

Sunday was a pretty lousy day. After all that trouble over the baptism certificate we overslept and missed YaYa's religion class ["Why didn't you set an alarm?!" Lisa said. "I didn't think we need one. When's the last time anyone in this house slept past eight?"]

The Journal's print edition ran with the crappy blurb. I was so annoyed I wanted to throw out the clipping but LuLu, of all people, strongly objected. She seems very proud of me. Meanwhile, not so much as a peep from my family about the (admittedly ick) appearance. But, to be fair, I'm irked at them and therefore probably blowing their silence out of proportion.

My Godmother's husband did see it and wrote to wish me well.

[Today I go to have my picture taken and to sign the freelance agreement.]

Then, in the evening Lisa reported that her purse and keys had been stolen from a locker at work. At the end of the day they were found in another woman's locker, but I'm told it was all innocent and so . . .ok. I'm just happy it was found.

* * *
YaYa's becoming a fan of the Jonas Brothers. Track 2 is ok, but track 5, 'Lovebug' is pretty damn good. Catchy, nostalgic, and unique while still recognizable.

Man, even the happy clouds have gray linings :)

I just caught the first (online) version of the article announcing the new group of Journal-Sentinel guest columnists. My blurb is the same short, stiff, and awful sentence they originally proposed. I quote:

Daniel Slap-, 34, of Milwaukee manages [recacted]. He is married.

Gee-zeus, just write 'Dan Slap is a bore' why don't you?

They said if anyone submitted an alternate version by Friday morning it would be changed. I sent mine Thursay. I presented two options:

Dan Slap-, 34, of Milwaukee, is a [x] manager and the father of four children age seven and under.

And the more snarky, wise-ass Dan you know and tolerate:

Dan Slap-, 34, of Milwaukee, is a [x] manager and the father of four children age seven and under. A blogger for many years, his wife would like to point out that the time he devotes to his writing 'career' is mainly just an excuse to avoid changing diapers.

Obviously, I'm being a primadonna here. Just as obvious, I'm annoyed. Maybe this was an early draft, and the print version will be updated? Maybe? Do ya think?

The rest of my Saturday, or the Quest for the Certificate

YaYa is in need of a certified copy of her baptismal certificate to continue with her First Communion classes, and I've put it somewhere so 'safe' I can't find it.

No problem. Just call the church and get a copy, right? Wrong. The church, where my parents and I were married and where YaYa was baptized, but which I no longer attend, can't locate ANY records related to YaYa.

I think the confusion stems from the fact that I bypassed the then-current pastor (with his approval) and had Fr. Frank Yaniak conduct the ceremony. He was a classmate of my Grandma, had given Last Rites to my Big Grandpa, and conducted our wedding ceremony He was a great guy and we'd become friendly over the years.

Although ill he came out of retirement for the baptism, but at that point he would have had to rely on the parish, not himself, to officially record the event.
Apparently that didn't happen.

So what we did is have YaYa and I, with our scrapbook of baptism photos and some mementos of the day, go to the evening mass. Afterwards we approached a parish official with the evidence, I turned on some charm and threw in my family connection to the church (dating back four generations), and was told to go to the rectory in ten minutes.

There we met with three parish officials and the current priest. I was shown all the records and yup, we aren't in there. They looked at the photos and clearly believed me. I got the makeshift certificate, which solves the immediate problem, but I do want this resolved. You can think it a small or foolish thing, but such a gaffe in the record can follow her through her life.

"I better check to see if my wedding is recorded," I told the room. "I'd hate to know I wasn't really married. Then again, maybe I'd hate to learn I was."

That brought some laughs, I shook some hands, and the priest gave YaYa some chocolates and she expressed her thanks.

But I must say being back there brought up some nostalgia. I liked the church, which is almost Puritan in it's simplicity (esp. for a hardcore Catholic congregation) and my family goes back a long way with the place. Really, it was just the priest who took over from Yaniak that pushed me out the door.

I'll hold my tongue because I do respect the office, but that guy . . was not someone I'd have a beer with. I once praised a Korean priest that gave an eloquent and intelligent sermon the Sunday after 9/11, and the parish priest contemptuously implied I was a racist by referencing him as 'the Korean priest' instead of his name. I, uh, didn't know his name that first day, you [bleep].

In the intervening years the church kicked him to the curb. That 'Korean' priest is now in charge of the Parish and the man I shook hands with tonight. But I'd already jumped ship and never returned.

I don't broker much crap about the Catholic Church for many reasons, but I've been lucky in that I can name two priests as men I respect, admire, and call 'friend'. I'm glad to see my original parish is now in the hands of a man who, in another set of circumstance, could have joined that group.

My weekend to date, pt. 1

It's been a chaotic couple of days around here. Yesterday we had a fire at work. No one was hurt, but as a result we physically lost a department. We were going to consolidate it anyway, given the economic climate, but fire damage and a good soaking from the sprinkler system sped up the process.

I'd have been there to help find the fire sprinkler shutoff valve, as I was the only person still employed who knew where it was, but I had to cover an evening shift of someone I'd laid off. When the call came I was in my skivvies at home.

This morning I took LuLu and YaYa to swim class. Lu refuses to put her face in the water. The teacher says she has 'wonderful skill's but needs to overcome her distaste for going underwater. She better get over it because next week is the test to advance to the next level.

Afterwards, while YaYa was swimming I headed to Home Depot to buy a lock for her door. Her room has been ravaged by Smiley nearly every school day. The latest attack led to ripped up Junie B. Jones books and a cross newly painted in silver nailpolish. That cross was a gift from my deceased grandma, and I was P.O'd. He's a demon at times.

On the way back I was pulled over by a cop and slapped with the first speeding ticket of my life, a 4 pt. $80 ticket for going 15 over. Whatever. I'm sure I was above the speed limit, but if I was 'really' going fifteen over than the cars around me were going twenty.

It reminded me of something my Big Grandpa once said. He'd been pulled over for speeding and complained that he was the slowest of the pack of cars on the highway. "I know," the cop said. "You were the easiest to catch."

What annoyed me the most was the length of time this all took. I sat for awhile, made a phone call, read more than a chapter of a book, and made another call. C'mon -my plates are clean, my record is clean. You can hop online in a second and find out how tall Charlemagne was but you can't deduce in twenty minutes whether or not I'm a Gambino hit man?

I'm not as irked as I sound, as I reckon I was due. But not only did the cop sit there with lights ablazin' the whole time, a second squad arrived to back him up after I'd been there ten minutes, which is just downright embarrassing when you're sitting only a block from home.

I'm pleading not guilty and we'll hammer it out in court.

* * * *

Then it was trips to The Salvation Army, Sam's Club, WalMart, and Aldi's with the family. Man, that list makes us seem trailer poor, doesn't it? Not a horrible way to spend an afternoon, but not exactly dinner and a movie.

Quote of the Day

Yesterday Smiley trapped the Lump in the corner of the dining room, using the high chair and a sheet to make a tent of his own. Lump, although untouched and in no danger, was screaming to escape. I came into the room and lifted her into the clear. I then turned to Smiley and said, in a mock scolding voice: "Nobody puts Baby in the Corner!"

Lisa started laughing, and realizing I had planned my words from the moment she cried she said, simply, "Dork."

Quarantine

I can barely put into words what a waste of money it was seeing this movie, especially since it was only our second movie of the year and our anniversary to boot. [we went to a late show, after trick-or-treat]

It wasn't as dramatic a disappointment as The Happening, as I went into it expecting only a solid horror flick, not a piece of pop art. Still, I found it lacking on a number of levels.

Zombies hold a special place in my heart. They aren't vampires, the pitiful Freudian refuge of the sexually repressed, or werewolves, which in the best of stories still come across as a silly Old World superstition. If you do it right, zombies can be a frightening stand-in for our paranoid fear that society is crumbling. They are a glaring affront to the reality that we hold dear, one that always, always leads to the collapse of social roles and in the end, inevitably, civilization.

Plus they eat people.

None of the deep stuff takes place here. In the movie, shot first-person Blair Witch style, a television crew is trapped inside an apartment building newly quarantined by the government. Inside a sinister new virus is loose, transforming victims into pseudo-zombies and picking off the group one by one.

It's as dumb as it sounds. The sub par acting does nothing to make us forget ridiculous affronts to commonsense. I don't view these as spoilers, but just in case close your eyes:

* a woman is drooling foam and incoherent. Another woman did this and ate someone. So what do the heroes do? They act ignorant of the prior scene and gingerly help her to 'safety'.

* Contagious, fatal disease? Why, let's force everyone out of their apartments and into a common area, just so the illness can spread faster.

* Why would you think a french door could keep out a rabid zombie?

* If you beat someone to death with a camera, would it really keep working?

And so on.

Many of the complaints online about the movie stem from the camerawork, but the herky-jerky style didn't bother me. No, but the technique's limitations irk me. No one person can be at the center of every action, particularly when it all takes place in a large building. But it's necessary to advance the plot, and so the filmmakers force the camera into places it would not realistically be, and it rings false to the viewer.

Like I said, a waste of time.

1.75 out of 4, 45 out of 100.

YaYa's 7th Birthday

YaYa's 7th birthday party was held at Incredi-Roll on 108th and Oklahoma, in what was formerly Wisconsin Skate University. And yes, Lisa and I skated. :)





But this was YaYa's day, and she had a blast.





We'd rented the Princess area for her get together, and she loved it. It even had a throne!











All the usual suspects were there. Family, Chris and her kids, some school friends, and even our neighbor's daughter.

















She even got to spend a few minutes in the cash machine!







It was a very nice party: fun, relaxing, and just what she wanted. Happy Birthday YaYa!

I quit smoking two years ago today

Today marks two years since I last had so much as a drag of a cigarette.

I quit cold turkey the day before we left on our Disney Vacation, giving myself 24hrs to ride through the worst of it before departing. I'd been smoking a pack or more a day for ten years, having taken up the habit in the weeks preceding our wedding.

[To be honest, quiting smoking was obviously easier for me than losing weight: even if you reach your 'goal' weight, you still have to eat everyday, forcing a decision. You don't *have* to smoke once you quit]

Sticking to it was made simpler by the fact that it's damn hard to smoke at Disney. There was a shortcut across the park, right behind Cinderella's castle, that was a smoking area. That was hard to navigate, but it was a clear exception.

I didn't think the decision would stick, but it did. For a long time I counted the hours since my last cigarette, but when I dropped that practice (after a thousand or so hours) I knew I was heading for success.

That's not to say a single drag wouldn't toss me back into the habit. I still swoon over the smell of a cigarette at times. Not often, but when it happens it's . . .well, it's like getting really horny after taking a vow of celibacy. It's awful.

And there are times I miss how damn appropriate and iconic it is to have a cig, anti-smoking propaganda be damned. Plus there's all the built-in breaks. "Sometimes I wish I still smoked," I told an employee, gazing wistfully at her co-workers puffing away outside. "I could have 10 breaks a day, instead of, you know, just an eight-hour one in my office."

But 90% of the time I can be around smokers and not even think about picking one up. Frankly, it was too painful to go through withdrawal again, and the blow to my self-esteem would be life-threatening.

Ah, well. Here's to not having to search the couch cushions for a lighter!

Overall, a crappy day. But good things too.

I'd like to point out, purely in good humor, that when I announced that my dream of writing a newspaper column came true the post garnered only four comments, while a one sentence blurb about a dead author spawned eight :)

Don't fret - it was a much more vocal reaction than that of my family. Only Lisa seemed genuinely happy for me, and much love to her for that.

Work - the work that pays the bills - is on a downward spiral in the last six weeks. It's part panic, part increased competition, part seasonal downturn, and partly the result of the current economic climate.

Someday I'll tell the tale of the crazy layoff that took place today. Nothing like being ordered to get rid of the sister of your second-in-command/good friend. It certainly won't kill morale, seeing as she was only one of three sisters employed there and one of the most popular over the course of her decade long service. Nope, won't affect morale at all.

Certainly won't make me even more vilified then ever. Silly to even think so.

On a more positive front I've received three letters now from the Journal . This Sunday a blurb describing each of the new writers will appear in the paper, and mine was so bare bones it looked clipped from a 'Dick and Jane' book. So I had them change that, and on Tuesday I have to have my photograph taken for publication and sign a freelance agreement with the paper.

They said that the two contest submissions can be used as our first pieces, but I slammed out both of them in the two hours before the deadline. I don't have a bleepin clue what the subjects were, much less if they were worthy of publication (although they say they beat out the work of more than 70 unsuccessful applicants). Long and the short of it, only God knows what my first published work will look like :)

A later email came in describing the nuts and bolts of the gig, which will include public "feedback [that]can be caustic". The letter also flat-out states that no one will be allowed to or asked to stay on past the one-year term of the deal, under any circumstances.

Fine by me. I'm just happy for the opportunity.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Several hundred years ago Agnes Nutter, witch and alleged psychic, is burned at the stake in England. No matter to history, really, save for the fact that she accurately foretold the end of the world. Which is soon. Very soon. Next Saturday, actually, just before dinner.

Cue a delivery room in England, where a Satanic but slow-witted nun somehow loses sight of the Antichrist, delivering him into the arms of a common farmer. Oops.

A decade later it's time for Armageddon, but two angels - one on each side of the aisle - decide to circumvent the powers that be to secure their cushy gigs on Earth and keep the boy in the dark.

Will they succeed? Will they fail? Will Agnes write a sequel from beyond the grave?

All this and more are answered in Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.

Gaiman is a writer a greatly admire, while Pratchett has long been recommended by a friend of mine. This novel, written as a collaboration decades ago, is a favorite among their fans and for good reason.

It's a darn funny novel that touches on questions of faith, morality, and the celestial use of Freddie Mercury's voice.

I highly recommend the book, eagerly await Gaiman's next work, and look forward to exploring Pratchett's catalog as well.

[note: YaYa, btw, is currently plugging away at Gaiman's YA novel Coraline, which I'm reasonably sure is too scary for a seven year old and the primary reason, along with Goosebumps, why she is (mildly) scared of the dark lately].

Author Michael Crichton has died

CNN is reporting his cancer related death. I have no more details. The author of bestsellers like Jurassic Park and creator of ER was 66 and shared a birthday with YaYa.

I will update this post later in the day.

{sniff} Obama wins

"Will you put on the movie already?" I asked Lisa.

"No, I want to watch the election results," she said.

"Why? You can go on the internet and get county-by-county votes. Obama's got Ohio he's gonna win, put on the movie."

"Wait," she said.

And so I was forced to watch California slide, inevitably, into the blue and Obama being declared President. I suffered through local coverage of the Obama celebrations, with prim and proper reporters covering the downtown gala while the token black reporter was sent to cover an inner-city party, which to me reeks more of racism than a host of perceived slights.

I hate the result but I applaud the election as a monumental step for African-Americans, one that may help bury the lingering sins of the past. Still, it's sad that after all these years we could put a minority into office before a female even landed a nomination. The world changes, and it changes not at all.

"You're taking this well," Lisa said. "You must not be that upset."

"I've lost elections before," I said. 'Tis true - I was a Dem until '91, switching parties just in time to lose two more times.

Others were less practiced at the art. I took phone calls from friends in different parts of the country. One urged me to be 'careful' of pro-Obama violence on the way to work, which I told him was silly, while another joked of leaving the country and bemoaned the passing of the republic. Socialist was AWOL, no doubt busy passing out cigars 'redistributed' from the Bourgeois tobacco shop ;)

We then watched McCain's concession speech. I was very moved and finished watching it 100% convinced that the better man, if not the better candidate, had gone home vanquished. Has there ever been a more sincere and eloquent concession?

"Why didn't he speak like that during the campaign?," Lisa, who was never a fan of the man, said. "He'd have had a chance. I like him more than I ever did before."

I didn't/couldn't watch Obama take the stage, and so at that point we turned on the ever-present HGTV.

Watching the election results, local, state, and federal, was like watching Little Bighorn while wearing a Calvary uniform. Without question the Democrats have a reactionary mandate from America and can - or should be able to - push their leftist agenda through with ease.

While it's like saying the silver lining of dying from a stroke is that you don't have to worry about drowning, I'm glad the GOP is completely out of the loop, rather than just a visible but powerless minority. Whatever happens, good or bad, it will fall squarely on the Democrats, and should provide an equally reactionary turnabout down the road.

Now I'm going to go on record and say that I'll support the office of the President and hope for the best. I don't want to see him fail outright at the very least on foreign policy, as that would mean this nation has failed. Bush's opponents never understood that concept, as part of their makeup seems to be an inherent belief that America's sins will always outweigh her greatness; therefore seeing us fail was not a concern if it meant a Republican could go down in the process.

I won't stoop to the insulting, childish, and frankly ignorant commentary that the left has used to describe the Presidency in the last eight years. I promise you that.

But I'm going to lay something on the table. I think all these calls for 'unity' and 'let's put it behind us' are hypocritical bunk. It is akin to bringing eggs and rotten tomatoes to a play and bombarding the cast from before the lights go down until after the curtain falls, then taking the stage yourself and calling anyone with food in their hands a racist and an extremist.

Democrats spent eight years sowing seeds of hate and discord, and there will be plenty of people who are looking for payback over the next four years. The harvest may not be pretty, and they have no one to blame but themselves.

* * * *

I'd also like to thank the voters of Milwaukee for shooting themselves in their pocketbook by passing the Sick Leave referendum by a two-thirds majority. Never doubt a voter's ability to put aside reason if it means putting someone else's money in their wallet.

Someone needs to step up and rescue this city from itself. Where's a little 'hope/change/hope/change' when you need it?

The 1000th Post and some Great News!

I'd planned on making the 1000th post a big to-do, but with the election results looming I hurried things up a bit. I didn't want a blog started in the afterglow of an election win to 'celebrate' with a (possible) election loss.

Anyhow, if you're of a mind to review the last 999 entries I've added the entry labels - an index of sorts - to the sidebar. Let me know when you find a post with missing pictures from the AOL era and I'll get it up and running.

And now, drum roll please:

As I walked in the house after voting I took a call from O. Ricardo Pimentel, editorial page editor of The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel.

You might remember the contest to join the editorial page for a year as a guest columnist. At the time I wrote on this blog

I don't think I'll fare well. It just didn't 'flow' tonight, the construction was awkward, midway through one column my research proved faulty and I had to rework it back to the bare bones. . .

Huh. Shows what I know. Pimentel was calling to ask if I was still interested, and if so if I'd be willing to take the job. The answer to both questions was a very happy 'yes'.

He said he'd be sending me a detailed email in the next few days about the job. If the original intent of the contest holds true I'll be joining around 30 other writers who'll share the duties of producing content six days out of the week. By my math that means I'll have at least ten columns published in the 2008 Pulitzer Prize winning Journal-Sentinel, albeit at a mere $25 payment for each.

Well, hot dog!

So after 1000 posts spread out over just (days) shy of four years, I've finally reached one of the original goals of this site: to get my writing noticed and to land a job that pays me to tiki-ticki-ticki on a keyboard!

That's worth celebrating!

Kate Winslet, Voting, and a Simple yet devious Plan

I took LuLu and voted this afternoon. There was no line to speak of and it all went smoothly.

Mind you, I didn't have to show ID or for that matter even spell out my complete eleven letter last name. I got through 'slap' before they found me on the printout. The election workers themselves then volunteered my first name, I concurred that yup, I am Daniel, and they handed me a ballot. I really don't understand how you need two forms of ID to get a library card in this city but, in theory, any of you could have walked in and voted in my place without knowing my first name or most of my last.

Eh, a fight for another day.

Of the six non-Presidential offices up for grabs on the ballot, five were fully uncontested and the sixth faced token opposition from a gay/lesbian party. Whatever problems this city might have - oh, and there's a bunch - Republicans are completely absolved from blame, since they don't even get a whiff of elected office in Milwaukee. Sad.

I'll confess to waffling on the park tax at the last minute, convinced by a wife who argued that the chance for reviving the parks was worth the risk. I think it was all a bit too Capra-esque, but she's right; I guess the parks are worth the risk.

So while I think I'll regret doing so, I voted 'yes' when faced with the ballot.

Fear not, there was no way in hell I was voting anything but 'no' on the silly sick leave referendum, and that decision held.

* * * *

On a COMPLETELY different topic, Vanity Fair has a series of stunning photographs of Kate Winslet, the best actress of this generation and a crush of mine since before Titanic.





Here's the deal. Someday I intend to write a bestselling novel that will be made into a blockbuster movie. At my insistence the New Kids will do the title song, Donnie Wahlberg will have a part, Ben Afleck will star and Kate Winslet will have the female lead. Thus Lisa and I will get to meet our respective crushes personally.

A simple plan, no?

Fantasy Football Weeks 7 and 8 (NFL Week 8 & 9)

Well, fiddle dee dee. I went into Monday's tepid Washington/Pittsurgh game needing under ten points to win, with both Hines Ward and Santana Moss lining up for me. Ward came within feet of a TD, but in the end . ..nada. I lose - again - and fall to 4-5.

[note: great Texas - Texas Tech game over the weekend. I was on my feet cheering when Tech struck with a single second left]

I've got to get a more competitive RB package going, although I admit that will be hard to do this late in the season. I dropped Fred Taylor (damn your low point totals sir!) and picked up Derrick Ward, but that won't exactly light up the night.

So I'm 3-5 and in 8th place. Ouch.

Bay View SlapJacks
3-5-

VS.

Dueshebags
4-4

Points
Pos Player Opp Status Projected Actual
QB Peyton Manning
(Ind - QB) 20.47
WR Santana Moss
(Was - WR) 1.40
WR Braylon Edwards
(Cle - WR) 16.60
WR Hines Ward
(Pit - WR) 3.90
RB Jamal Lewis
(Cle - RB) 6.20
RB Fred Taylor
(Jac - RB) 1.20
TE Zach Miller
(Oak - TE) 0.90
K David Akers
(Phi - K) 15.00
DEF Indianapolis
(Ind - DEF) 10.00
Total 75.67

VS.

Pos Player Actual
QB Jay Cutler
(Den - QB) 14.43
WR Roy Williams
(Dal - WR) 2.80
WR DeSean Jackson
(Phi - WR) 2.30
WR Ted Ginn Jr.
(Mia - WR) 3.80
RB Leon Washington
(NYJ - RB) 5.50
RB Tim Hightower
(Ari - RB) 18.80
TE Tony Gonzalez
(KC - TE) 6.20
K Josh Scobee
(Jac - K) 10.00
DEF Philadelphia
(Phi - DEF) 14.00
Total 77.83

Here's last week's pitiful results too:

Bay View SlapJacks
3-5

VS.

fire ted
5-3-0
QB Peyton Manning
(Ind - QB)21.53
WR Santana Moss
(Was - WR) 30.00
WR Braylon Edwards
(Cle - WR) 6.40
WR Hines Ward
(Pit - WR) 3.00
RB Jamal Lewis
(Cle - RB) 16.80
RB Fred Taylor
(Jac - RB) 2.40
TE Zach Miller
(Oak - TE) 5.60
K David Akers
(Phi - K) 8.00
DEF San Diego
(SD - DEF) -6.00
Total 87.73

Fire Ted

QB Donovan McNabb
(Phi - QB) 16.93
WR Calvin Johnson
(Det - WR) 14.40
WR Anquan Boldin
(Ari - WR)25.30
WR Kevin Curtis
(Phi - WR) 4.50
RB Brandon Jacobs
(NYG - RB) 5.30
RB Brian Westbrook
(Phi - RB) 38.90
TE Jason Witten
(Dal - TE)0.80
K Nick Folk
(Dal - K) 8.00
DEF San Francisco
(SF - DEF) -3.50
Total 110.63

The Inevitable Presidential Endorsement Post

Four years ago I started Slapinions as a political blog t in the wake of the 2004 election. The blog was never supposed to feature my children, movie reviews, humor, or rants about AOL.

Well, the last time I checked 'politics' has consumed only around forty posts out of a thousand, proving once again that in politics even the best of intentions often fall to the wayside.

Still, in honor of the site's origin I'm going to give my two cents about this election. Sorry - by this late date I bet you thought you were out of the woods.

It's no surprise to readers that I'm voting for McCain. Lisa would say it was inevitable, that I believe the party is bigger than the individual and automatically mark an 'X' by anyone with an (R) next to their name. Eh, that's a wee bit strong - I'm not a Stalinist for Pete's sake - but she's got a point. But I don't think that's the case here.

Personally, I see no value in listing the reasons why I think Obama is a poor choice for President, at least in any depth. Minds are made up, his backers are frighteningly zealous, and frankly going negative wins no fans.You'll have to take my word that it is more than mere distaste, and trust that I'm intelligent enough to think it over, whether you disagree or not.

Let's leave it at this, in 200 words or less: I think 'Hope/Change/Hope/Change' is not a policy, and that for all his impressive eloquence he is woefully inexperienced and unprepared for the office. I believe that while he is a loyal American he is one of many who believe our faults outweigh our positives. I think his economic policy does not add up - literally - and that his foreign policy will either be a wilting failure or, on the other extreme, a harsh, unduly aggressive approach to negate his critics. I don't look forward to either path.

[One snide observation: when the housing bubble burst and the (idiotic) economic bailout went through he was quick to say that it would hinder his proposed programs. That's true to an extent, but it's also convenient, and to me it reeked of a man who bemoans the fact that his car broke down before a trip to the in-laws, while secretly thanking the Heavens it took him off the hook.]

On the other hand, I am not a huge fan of McCain. I brought up Eight is Enough in a post yesterday. That show was based on the life of Crossfire's Tom Braden, who was often miscast on the panel as a liberal. Timothy Leary famously said that era of Crossfire was like watching 'the left wing of the CIA debating the right wing of the CIA'.

Well, watching this election is like watching the left wing of the DNC debate the right wing of the DNC.

I think, for lack of a better term, McCain is a Democrat at heart, or what the more extreme of the party would call a RINO - a Republican in name only. He's strong on defense, sure, but prior to '68 there was nary a Democrat who wasn't, and I don't see that as exclusive to one party.

That doesn't make him a bad person, but I didn't like him (as a candidate) in 2000, and I'm not in love with him now. It's curious, really, how quickly Dems have turned on him, given that three years ago they'd have sung his praises. I assume most of it is election year b.s., because anyone with common sense can see his move to the right is for show, just as Obama caters to his own base.

Of the two I still bow to McCain's experience, his strength on defense, and the fact that no single party should control both houses of Congress and the White House. It didn't work recently, it didn't work in the past, it won't work in the future.

Additionally, McCain has a true talent for bipartisanship. Oh, Obama preaches unity but he's essentially running the same campaign Bush did in '00; the last eight years were bad, we need a distinct change, I'm really different than the last guy, vote for me. He's earning the love of his fans and the deep animosity of his opponents, and that's just a recipe for more of the same.

Not the strongest of endorsements, I admit, but by far McCain is the lesser of two evils.

It might shock you, but I still think the best candidate isn't on the ballot. Hilary, for all her faults, was an intelligent, forceful, and experienced choice for the office. It was that second bit that killed her, as it's sad that even today a woman can't exhibit strength without meeting the wrath of the masses, many of whom turned on her and called her 'arrogant' or worse. (Dan, you're a Republican? What about her lefty-loosy ideas? 1. She's pragmatic and 2. There's just enough of that sexism to deny her a free reign with Congress)

So, I'll go to the polls and vote for McCain. I hope he can squeak out a victory, but if not . . . well, I'm not going to stock up on rifles and move to the hills. I'll suck it up, honor the office, hope for the best (especially on foreign policy) and get on with my life. I'll be quick to point out his mistakes, which will be numerous, but I'll acknowledge his successes.

Hey, it's more respect than the left ever offered Bush, before, during, and no doubt after his administration.

Get out there and vote, and God Bless America.


graphic hat tip to And Rightly So!