Grilling Out!

The Woman in Black

I watched "The Woman in Black" last night, the Edwardian horror film starring Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame. I was eager to see it but was disappointed, which is becoming a sad theme with my recent rentals. It's a bunch of scary music, sleight of hand and horror cliche slapped together under the illusory guise of being a 'literary horror flim'. Bah. Episodes of Scooby-Doo are scarier. 

Grade: C

The Fern

Here's the fern on our front porch

 

Donald Driver for the Win!

If you are not watching Dancing with Stars, you are a soulless, heartless wretch of a human being. Go Donald! Bring that Mirrorball home!

DONALD DRIVER!!!!!!!!!

Smiley pulls his own tooth

In happier news . . . I also came home to find out that Smiley had lost his 'other' front tooth, this time by yanking it out himself. He was ungodly proud of his action and asked if this meant another gift from the Tooth Fairy (which he doesn't believe in). Seeing as I'd bought him a 10 episode DVD of both the original He-Man series and BraveStarr this morning, the answer was heck no. 

The moral of the story: if you intend to perform surgery on yourself for profit, make sure someone's willing to foot the bill first.

My Uncle Chester has passed

Sad news - my cousin Mick reports that my Great Uncle Chester has passed away. Oddly, I just drove by his nursing home an hour ago (a good distance from home) and thought of stopping in. I bought this house from him five years ago, and long ago lost track of how many times I asked him to come over and check out the remodel, but even when his health was stable he showed no interest. I'm sure he'll finally pay a visit tonight.

RIP Uncle Chester, and say hello to my Grandma.

The Gray Tooth is Gone!

Smiley's famous gray front tooth is bye-bye, and the doc says the adult tooth coming in behind it looks healthy and strong. In other news, while in the dentists chair he proudly told me that 'X', a girl in his class, had given him her phone number. Oh, and her Mom's number too, just 'in case' she couldn't be reached at 'her own' digits.

It's a cute pic of Smiley, sure, but I really should cut the grass. . .

Alex Rodriguez hits his 500th Double!

If I'm not mistaken (and really, when's the last time that happened?) then A-Rod just hit the 500th double of his illustrious career. I bow to you sir, and acknowledge your greatness.

Plan Your Summer!

7 Below

Quite possibly one of the worst mainstream movies ever released to the public: Seven Below, a 'horror' film starring Val Kilmer and Ving Rhames. There are some spoilers ahead, in the sense that it mentions scenes in the movie, but praise be to God you never rent this dreck, so read on.

I'm not sure there was a plot, but if there was I missed it, and I sure as hell didn't understand - literally DID NOT UNDERSTAND much of the last half hour of film. The acting was bad, the situations and characters ludicrous (a guy dies & his Dr. *isn't sure* if the handmarks around his neck were there when he was examined an hour ago. C'mon, that's a joke right? Right?). Plus, I still have no bleeping clue what the title means. 

Oh, oh, the best bit!: the characters say they are going to the garage for supplies, which is just what I'd stop and do if a murderous ghost wanted me dead with a ferocious urgency. They enter the garage, mill about for a minute without speaking, find some flashlights, and leave. The next group of characters enters, fiddles around quietly, finds some flashlights, and leaves. The camera lingers on the empty garage and . . . next scene. 

Three or four minutes of absa-freaking-lutely nothing happening on camera. Jeez louise, this ain't a new medium bub. Bleepin' watch a film before you try making one. 

Grade: F

Celebrity Apprentice

I'm not happy that Arsenio won Celebrity Apprentice. The honor belonged rightfully to Clay Aiken. Boooo! However, the finale did give me one more opportunity to gave upon the sexy Ms. Debbie Gibson. Yum. Yum. Yummy. Yum. Yum.

Home Improvement

I spent the morning with Lisa disassembling LuLu and Junie's metal bunk bed, carrying it outside, sanding and priming the surface, and then spray painting it black per Lu's wishes. This is the Year of The Comeback, and as part of that each kid will have a chance to makeover their room. LK/OJ's began today, and will last a week or two. 

 Also as part of the effort today: the 4000 posters of Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez were carefully removed and rolled up to prep the walls for paint, and an old desk and a cardboard JB whatchamacallit hit the trash. {btw, of course she hated the result of the paint, saying we missed too many spots, didn't sand well enough and should do it over. As a patient and caring man I handled the criticism very well and certainly engaged in no retaliation against the ungrateful little monster. Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh!}

At Subway

The Geyser

There was a big accident across the street from Pulaski HS. A car slammed into an SUV, injuring the SUV's occupants, then went off the street and knocked over a fire hydrant before coming to a stop. The driver then bolted but was stopped and restrained by local residents. Anywho, Smiley, Junie and I were driving by shortly afterward and stopped to chat with residents and gawk at the geyser. The detour took us past an estate sale where we stopped to look for bakeware. No dice on that, but on the way out I asked if I could buy the hastas along the walk and wound up taking two boxes of them home. Yay me.

70 years at the movies

I read and reread this book all the time as a teen.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

When I was a kid I consumed - there's no better word for it - the 'Illustrated Classics'  edition of every classic novel you can think of; ok, maybe not Tropic of Cancer. They weren't the hardcover version you see above, but stout little paperbacks that fit in your hand. On the left hand page, text; on the right side, a full page illustration.

They did a marvelous job of introducing me to literature and the construction of plot and character, but on the down side, given my published aversion to re-reading a book, I found it unnecessary to slog through 600 pages of the (actual)The Count of Monte Cristo to find out  - again - that he gets his revenge.

Cue 2012, when I sat down, NOOK in hand, to finally read the full version of Mark Twain's The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

The verdict? Eh.

Look, I hate writing this because who gets brownie points for saying they don't like a masterpiece? Might as well say the Sistene Chapel's a doodle of monkey dung, no?

But . . .

I thought there was no coherent plot, just a jumble of loosely tied events. The novel seemed more a collection of anecdotes and sketches than a 'book'.  I thought there were abrupt and jarring divides between material aimed at a young audience and that fit for adults. Worst of all, Twain (at that point in his career) seems to have no grasp on how to establish tension, or keep the reader at the edge of their seat. The characters emerge unscathed, then calmly sit down and tell you how they managed to get out of trouble. You never 'see' the action, and the reader is the worse for it. I mean, really now - the villain dies 'off camera'. Really???

After I worked out those points I poked around a little and discovered my complaints weren't unique. Certainly Twain improved over time (dramatically, I hope) but even if he didn't, the story itself and his talent for dissecting an event and coming to the heart of it were strong even at that point.

My honest grade, independent of its importance to literature: C+

Junie Enjoys a Cookie at Landmark!

The girls driving around Home Depot

A Childhood Favorite

Smiley and Junie at the Park

Smiley is not so smiley today . . .

Smiley  has an abscessed tooth. It's his upper front tooth, the one that's been that's been discolored for most of his life due to a fall as a toddler. In a way it's a good thing it's on the way out because lately at school the dinkledorfs who pass for other people's children have begun to tease him about its appearance.

Anyhow, today he woke up in misery. He'd been nursing a headache, chills, nausea and lethargy since Monday, but we'd chalked that up to a flu bug that knocked LuLu out last week.

Given the urgency of the situation,  Lisa tried to get him into the dentist but Dr. X's office refused to see him because we'd 'missed' his last appointment - meaning the day my sitter crashed my van taking the kids to his office, in a vain attempt to keep the appointment we'd been forced to make at the end of 2011 for the 'earliest available date'. Per the doc and his receptionist, my kids were now persona non grata and no longer his patients.

Lisa tried to reason w/ the receptionist and failed, so he wound up in the ER instead. He had  fever of 101 and was given Tylenol and antibiotics. Meanwhile at work I used my break to call the dentist. Ten minutes later I had an appointment lined up for Tuesday morning, by which time the antibiotics will have brought the infection in check.

Lisa was happy with my result but royally P.O'd about who got the result, calling it a clear example of gender bias. I am not sure I agree, at least as she defines the issue. I do not think I automatically earned more respect (in this situation) because I'm a man, but I do think that had push come to shovel they would much rather have dealt with an angry Mom than a similarly irate (very large) man.

But -

I wasn't there in person, and I never raised my voice or did anything other than firmly but kindly plead my case. In this case - and perhaps it is only in this case - I don't think my gender had anything to do with the result. Instead, I think this can be chalked up to the fact that I can be a very persuasive, very disarming guy when I need to be, and with Smiley's health on the line this was a time when I 'needed to be'.

Besides, a bit of a damned if you do/damned if you don't, when you think about it. Lisa's all about admiring masculinity and the archetypal father figure, but when you fit that image you get blasted.

Ech. Life. :)

Just saw the 4 minute preview of "The Amazing Spiderman" during 'America's Got Talent'. It looks wicked good, with a Spidey that doesn't look like a dough-faced little boy (aka Tobey howyouspell Mcquire?) and some of his ol' fashioned banter on display. I LOL'd at the "ooooo, you found my weakness - little knives" line. A family trip to the movies on July 4th, ala last Christmas??

Gasp! The rare moment when I'm not happy with a Yankee milestone. Today Derek Jeter passed Robin Yount on the all-time hit list with #3,143. 🙁

This morning I heard Nirvana's "All Apologies" playing on a classic rock station here in Milwaukee. I am flattered that the music of my youth is now recognized as some of the best music of all time. I am also deeply disturbed that that the music of my youth is now old enough to share radio time with the Stones and T-Rex. Ugh.