A Quote for the Ages

I should note here, in the dead of night, that YaYa is very much his Daddy's son, whether he likes it or not. On Friday Lisa took him to a festival and he HATED the rides. It wasn't *just* fear, he openly questioned the sanity of anyone who chose to pay for the privilege of being frightened, which, if you ask me, is a darn good point. On the tilt a whirl he freaked and ruined the ride for Lisa, but it produced a line for the ages. I assure you, it was spoken in all seriousness: "Stop it [the ride]! You my mutha, stop it! Take me to da emergency room, I havin' a heart attack!"

Contraband

Tonight I watched "Contraband" starring Mark Wahlberg. Yes, it was an action film centered around smuggling, blah blah (not that that's a bad thing, but I know the premise immediately turned Lisa off - and good. I'd hate to spend my life with a woman who has anything but a grudging tolerance for boy movies). But this is a smart, mostly blood free film (excluding one Panamanian shoot-out not involving the main characters) that has a protagonist worth watching. I greatly enjoyed it. Rent it. Grade: A

How I Spent my Day Off

Had a great day off. Forced the kids to clean the living room and watched part of the Indy 500 with them. Later the grown-ups napped before we took Lu window shopping for her bedroom re-do. Then we picked up tacos for the kids and parked at Billy Mitchell airport to watch the planes. While Lis went over to her friend Nancy's for a bit I got to enjoy a post-bedtime quiet house and watch the last 100 laps of the CocaCola 600. (No, I don't like NASCAR or Indy, but it was sports and the only other alternative was watching golf. Blech.) This was followed by an evening drive, a Redbox movie and some "Don't Forget the Lyrics" on Netflix.

Very late last night I also watched "Nazis at the Center of the Earth" starring Dominique Swain and Jake Busey. It is as tasteless and poorly done as you imagine, with UFO's and cyborg soldiers and prisoners being skinned alive - and even worse, at times you're forced to watch Swain try to act. BUT the Hitler scenes rocked. Grade: C

Reality of Love

The movie to break my string of lousy rentals: 'Reality of Love' starring Bradley Cooper and Jason Priestly. Cooper plays the best friend and manager of fading star Jason Priestly, who in a last ditch effort to save his acting career stars in a Bacheloresque reality show to find his 'true love'. But is the girl of his dream in love with him, or has she fallen for Cooper off-camera? It's a cute little movie made for ABC Family, and I thought the ending showed a fair bit of 'awwww'. Grade: B

Grilling Out!

The Woman in Black

I watched "The Woman in Black" last night, the Edwardian horror film starring Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame. I was eager to see it but was disappointed, which is becoming a sad theme with my recent rentals. It's a bunch of scary music, sleight of hand and horror cliche slapped together under the illusory guise of being a 'literary horror flim'. Bah. Episodes of Scooby-Doo are scarier. 

Grade: C

The Fern

Here's the fern on our front porch

 

Donald Driver for the Win!

If you are not watching Dancing with Stars, you are a soulless, heartless wretch of a human being. Go Donald! Bring that Mirrorball home!

DONALD DRIVER!!!!!!!!!

Smiley pulls his own tooth

In happier news . . . I also came home to find out that Smiley had lost his 'other' front tooth, this time by yanking it out himself. He was ungodly proud of his action and asked if this meant another gift from the Tooth Fairy (which he doesn't believe in). Seeing as I'd bought him a 10 episode DVD of both the original He-Man series and BraveStarr this morning, the answer was heck no. 

The moral of the story: if you intend to perform surgery on yourself for profit, make sure someone's willing to foot the bill first.

My Uncle Chester has passed

Sad news - my cousin Mick reports that my Great Uncle Chester has passed away. Oddly, I just drove by his nursing home an hour ago (a good distance from home) and thought of stopping in. I bought this house from him five years ago, and long ago lost track of how many times I asked him to come over and check out the remodel, but even when his health was stable he showed no interest. I'm sure he'll finally pay a visit tonight.

RIP Uncle Chester, and say hello to my Grandma.

The Gray Tooth is Gone!

Smiley's famous gray front tooth is bye-bye, and the doc says the adult tooth coming in behind it looks healthy and strong. In other news, while in the dentists chair he proudly told me that 'X', a girl in his class, had given him her phone number. Oh, and her Mom's number too, just 'in case' she couldn't be reached at 'her own' digits.

It's a cute pic of Smiley, sure, but I really should cut the grass. . .

Alex Rodriguez hits his 500th Double!

If I'm not mistaken (and really, when's the last time that happened?) then A-Rod just hit the 500th double of his illustrious career. I bow to you sir, and acknowledge your greatness.

Plan Your Summer!

7 Below

Quite possibly one of the worst mainstream movies ever released to the public: Seven Below, a 'horror' film starring Val Kilmer and Ving Rhames. There are some spoilers ahead, in the sense that it mentions scenes in the movie, but praise be to God you never rent this dreck, so read on.

I'm not sure there was a plot, but if there was I missed it, and I sure as hell didn't understand - literally DID NOT UNDERSTAND much of the last half hour of film. The acting was bad, the situations and characters ludicrous (a guy dies & his Dr. *isn't sure* if the handmarks around his neck were there when he was examined an hour ago. C'mon, that's a joke right? Right?). Plus, I still have no bleeping clue what the title means. 

Oh, oh, the best bit!: the characters say they are going to the garage for supplies, which is just what I'd stop and do if a murderous ghost wanted me dead with a ferocious urgency. They enter the garage, mill about for a minute without speaking, find some flashlights, and leave. The next group of characters enters, fiddles around quietly, finds some flashlights, and leaves. The camera lingers on the empty garage and . . . next scene. 

Three or four minutes of absa-freaking-lutely nothing happening on camera. Jeez louise, this ain't a new medium bub. Bleepin' watch a film before you try making one. 

Grade: F

Celebrity Apprentice

I'm not happy that Arsenio won Celebrity Apprentice. The honor belonged rightfully to Clay Aiken. Boooo! However, the finale did give me one more opportunity to gave upon the sexy Ms. Debbie Gibson. Yum. Yum. Yummy. Yum. Yum.

Home Improvement

I spent the morning with Lisa disassembling LuLu and Junie's metal bunk bed, carrying it outside, sanding and priming the surface, and then spray painting it black per Lu's wishes. This is the Year of The Comeback, and as part of that each kid will have a chance to makeover their room. LK/OJ's began today, and will last a week or two. 

 Also as part of the effort today: the 4000 posters of Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez were carefully removed and rolled up to prep the walls for paint, and an old desk and a cardboard JB whatchamacallit hit the trash. {btw, of course she hated the result of the paint, saying we missed too many spots, didn't sand well enough and should do it over. As a patient and caring man I handled the criticism very well and certainly engaged in no retaliation against the ungrateful little monster. Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh!}

At Subway

The Geyser

There was a big accident across the street from Pulaski HS. A car slammed into an SUV, injuring the SUV's occupants, then went off the street and knocked over a fire hydrant before coming to a stop. The driver then bolted but was stopped and restrained by local residents. Anywho, Smiley, Junie and I were driving by shortly afterward and stopped to chat with residents and gawk at the geyser. The detour took us past an estate sale where we stopped to look for bakeware. No dice on that, but on the way out I asked if I could buy the hastas along the walk and wound up taking two boxes of them home. Yay me.

70 years at the movies

I read and reread this book all the time as a teen.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

When I was a kid I consumed - there's no better word for it - the 'Illustrated Classics'  edition of every classic novel you can think of; ok, maybe not Tropic of Cancer. They weren't the hardcover version you see above, but stout little paperbacks that fit in your hand. On the left hand page, text; on the right side, a full page illustration.

They did a marvelous job of introducing me to literature and the construction of plot and character, but on the down side, given my published aversion to re-reading a book, I found it unnecessary to slog through 600 pages of the (actual)The Count of Monte Cristo to find out  - again - that he gets his revenge.

Cue 2012, when I sat down, NOOK in hand, to finally read the full version of Mark Twain's The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

The verdict? Eh.

Look, I hate writing this because who gets brownie points for saying they don't like a masterpiece? Might as well say the Sistene Chapel's a doodle of monkey dung, no?

But . . .

I thought there was no coherent plot, just a jumble of loosely tied events. The novel seemed more a collection of anecdotes and sketches than a 'book'.  I thought there were abrupt and jarring divides between material aimed at a young audience and that fit for adults. Worst of all, Twain (at that point in his career) seems to have no grasp on how to establish tension, or keep the reader at the edge of their seat. The characters emerge unscathed, then calmly sit down and tell you how they managed to get out of trouble. You never 'see' the action, and the reader is the worse for it. I mean, really now - the villain dies 'off camera'. Really???

After I worked out those points I poked around a little and discovered my complaints weren't unique. Certainly Twain improved over time (dramatically, I hope) but even if he didn't, the story itself and his talent for dissecting an event and coming to the heart of it were strong even at that point.

My honest grade, independent of its importance to literature: C+

Junie Enjoys a Cookie at Landmark!

The girls driving around Home Depot

A Childhood Favorite