Quote of the Day

While we were riding home from school YaYa announced she has a new crush, and said the boy wanted to meet me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I told him all about you. He's just as gross as you are so he thinks you're cool. He even picks his nose like you do!"

LuLu chimed in with skepticism. "Uh, does he pick his nose with his pinky?"

"Yup," said YaYa.

LuLu laughed maniacally. "Then he is like Daddy!"

* * * *

Once again, I had my Escort back for 72 hours before it broke down again.

This time it appears to be - with the operative phrase being "appears to be" - just a cracked sparkplug wire. To answer all the cries of "Why don't any of these repair places give it a once-over?" I say: the exhaust place wasn't going to go poking around the engine, anymore than the regular mechanic could have forseen something cutting the brake lines while I drove. It's a stretch of bad luck, and I'm not going to chastise anyone for not being Edgar Cayce.

* * *

BTW, The Spirit was an awful movie, not even worth a full review. Skip it.

Cloudy X-Rays but Sunny Skies

I had some good news Tuesday. Or rather, a lack of bad news, which in this case amounts to the same thing. After taking those x-rays a few weeks back I scheduled a follow-up with my physician for mid-May. Two days later the office called and said that the doctor wanted to move the appointment up a significant amount of time. Naturally I asked why.

"I don't know sir," the receptionist said. "He just said he wanted to see you as soon as you were able."

There was more back and forth, and in the end the doc objected even to the new date and moved it up some more. These were x-rays of my back, and while I tried to remain logical, 40% of my brain was convinced they'd found either a tumor or a spot on my lungs. Other than Lisa I told no one and kept it to myself.

Tuesday I waited for an hour in the office before being seen. First things first, the doctor said the x-rays showed arthritis in my neck and throughout my back, with the worst of it in my neck. He asked if I had any pain that extended below the waist, and said if I did he would send me for an MRI and further tests.

I don't have back pain, other than the occasional ache everyone gets, and if they hadn't taken the X-rays I'd have gone twenty more years before suspecting a thing. To my mind, this was/is an irrelevant condition. I vetoed the MRI.

Then he wanted to know if I had ever experienced trauma to the region behind my forehead. That threw me. No, I replied.

"Any surgery, accident . . .anything metal? Shrapnel perhaps?"

I laughed. " Unless aliens kidnapped me and implanted something, the answer's still no. What's this about?"

The doctor looked confused. The x-rays had showed cloudy matter in that region but according to the reports it could not be identified because the shots were blocked by metal shards in my forehead.

WTF??

"Let me see that," I said, and he handed me the one page report from the hospital staff. Yup, he had the gist right. That wasn't good. I read on and was surprised to learn I had been admitted to the ER after an assault. I was even more surprised to find out I was a 24 year old female.

The doc turned red.. "I am sorry, the hospital must have left a page of this woman's report in the fax machine when they sent yours. I apologize, this is a horrible breach of privacy."

Pshff. Fine by me. Bad for the lady with the cloudy brain pic, but gravy baby for me. No need to apologize.

"So do I still have arthritis, or is that her's too?"

Sadly, no go on that. That one's all mine.

All kidding aside, it sucks to spend 40% of your time wondering if you're on the way out. Will the kids remember me? If they do, will I be some idealized notion or a real person to them? Ah, man, if Lisa remarries she'll probably get more years in with him than with me; I should at least have gotten the lion's share. Why didn't I push past the writers block and get a book published? Crap, I hope I don't die before the Lost series finale. Etc. Etc.

Knowing me all this was for naught and I'll continue treading water. But at least in theory it's inspired me to set some things right and get my ass in gear. We'll see if it sticks.

* * * * *

I took a bike ride late Tuesday. It was a cold day, but you always see hippies cruising around on such afternoons. I assumed they had discovered that your body heat keeps you comfortable in that situation. I wore a jacket as I headed out, but was convinced I'd have to shed it soon into the ride.

Bulls**t. F'ing hippies.

It was cold. Damn cold. And you know what? It feels twice as cold when you're cutting through the air at a decent speed. I was an icicle by the time I got home.

F that. I'm sticking to warm days. Period.

Great Smiley News!

The Little Man got off the school bus and ran into the house brandishing a note from his teacher. It read as follows, with each 'bold' word being underlined twice in the teacher's handwriting:

[Smiley] said his own name today correctly with the "k" sound!! (I was so happy, tears came to my eyes!) Ask him to say it for you - emphasize the "k" for him! It was an awesome day!!

Ms. Heidi

Hot dog! Way to go little guy!

You should have seen how happy and proud Smiley was with the reaction he got. Oh, it would warm your heart. What great news!

Swine Flu Forces Closure of Milwaukee Public Schools

A friend of ours just got an automated call from MPS saying her daughter's school was "closed until further notice". According to the Milwaukee Journal, four schools have been ordered closed because of swine flu, with two confirmed cases in the city and a third in the state. Details are sketchy, but I'm sure it will headline the paper tomorrow.

I don't think that the swine flu is the end of the world, or a guaranteed repeat of the 1918 Influenza horror, but it's going to cause some damage before it's through. Not only is there a case at a school down the block from my house, but at the school our friend's daughter attends. Lovely news. The stomach illness that took me, Lisa, and YaYa out for part of last week was awful enough; I can't imagine getting hit by that strain.

Let's hope for the best, and a quick recovery for those stricken with the illness.

April's Last American Idol

I'm trying to figure out the math here. Ryan said it's three weeks until the finale but there are five contestants left. One goes home this week, one the next, so doesn't that leave three left to duke it out? I must have misheard him, because I can't imagine they're going to change the format at this point in the show's run.

Moving on, it was Rat Pack week and overall the quality of the show was high. With only five "boys and girls" left, this review won't take long.

* * * *

1. Kris - He's definitely moving up into striking range of the finals. I enjoyed the song, but it wasn't mind blowing. I imagine him with one or two moderately successful pop hits in the future, just not with 'Season Eight Winner' on the album cover.

2. Allison - I disagree with the judges. I had trouble understanding any of her lyrics, and I watched it twice AND had the closed captioning on. To me, it reinforced her as a one-trick pony. I think she's in trouble.

3. Matt - Love the guy, enjoyed the song, still think it was on the weaker end of tonight's performances.

4. Danny - surprisingly good version, surprisingly good posture, surprisingly snappy apparel. Well done. A nice return to form.

5. Adam - way too theatrical, indulgent, and dramatic for the needs and intent of the song. I suppose, like Simon said, that it's like complaining that a cow moos. Vegas drama is what Adam is about. The vocals were good but I think Danny trumped him tonight.

* * * *

So who goes home? My bottom two are Allison and Matt. I think America will toss Allison in there, but will debate putting Matt or Kris in that second chair.

At the end of the show, Allison goes home. I hope.

How I spent my weekend

Well, some of it you can deduce by my answers in the 'Game of Eight' in a previous post. But here's the full scoop.

Saturday we had the First Communion retreat for YaYa, who will celebrate her big day next Sunday. It was a very nice time - no really, it was - involving a brief practice, a 20 minute talk from the priest, a fine potluck, and a creative art project: designing a pillar candle for use in the ceremony.







Note all the sequins and whatnot in this photo. When all was said and done Lisa told me to sort out our pile and place them back in the correct slot in the craft box. I agreed, put one away, and then stuck the mess in my pocket. Who's gonna sort out 50 different sequins, ya know? But Lisa caught me and the job was completed as requested.











I think it was a good idea to send her to Sunday School classes at our parish. You may recall there was pressure to join one of the 'cluster' parishes and participate with members of her everyday class. We decided against it, and I think we made the right choice.

A) We like the priest a lot, even if his sermons are 4000X better than his brief and clumbsy attempts at instruction B) she is free of any of the cliques (sic?) that plague her school C) she gets to meet new people and start fresh; heck, start with an edge, as she is well versed in many of the religious topics that are taught.

Plus the Sunday school teacher is very inventive and puts a lot of effort into the job. Case in point, a Powerpoint slideshow of the kids school year that was shown on Saturday. (when YaYa appeared on screen for the first time the kids yelled out "[YaYa]!" - but if you listen to her she's never had a friend here, there, or anywhere in her life).

YaYa admitted it was a good decision and out of the blue thanked us both for sending her there for the classes. And you could tell she relished the one on one time with us. Awwww!

* * * *

Much of the weekend was devoted to preparing for the communinon (although we both went to work Saturday shortly after the retreat ended).

Some time ago we decided to combine the parties for YaYa and my Godchild, as their First Communions are a mere day apart. As such, a month ago we sat down to work on the combined invites. Printed at home on some very nice invitation stationary Lisa got at a great discount, it was a true family affair.









Later in the month Lisa and my sister got together and melted chocolate into coin molds decorated with religious symbols - hands together in prayer, a chalice, and a cross. Sunday night, with Lisa at work, my sister and I sat down to finish the project.

We melted more chocolate, then skewered double-stuff Oreos and dipped them in the bowl, coating them completely. When dry we 'painted' the back of the coins with wet chocolate and 'glued' them to the Oreos. Lisa was pleasantly surprised that we managed to hammer out 70 more or less decent Oreos in the four hours she was gone; she then proceeded to finish the last (perfect) thirty in less than forty-five minutes. *@#$#



Sorry about the poor camera-phone quality of these next few; I'll get good pics at the actual party.







To be fair, the four hours I devoted to the project were interrupted by the kids announcing that the basement was leaking. Right on the heels of the sunny, 70 degree Friday weather we two straight days of torrential downpours. It shouldn't be a big deal - after all, our fine city has paid billiions to redo the sewers - but, uh, oh yeah, they did a crappy job. Every time it storms the streets in the neighborhood flood and if you give it time, that water has to go somewhere - and it's usually in the basements around here.

I got off easy, with a scant 15 gallons or so making its way inside, but I was soooooo ticked at the kids. They were no help at all, and at one point I yelled out: "This ain't your first rodeo, you know what to do! Get over here and give me a hand or you can go to bed right now!"

Ugh.

Where was I? Oh, today we bagged the Oreos, which will serve as a party favor at the Communion.

* * * *

Despite the trouble it brings, I love rain. Not *just* because it ensures that the kids will be inside and in sight, although that does assuage my paranoia. No, I just generally love a rainy day with a hint of cold in the air.

Sunny and warm is fine. But there's nothing so comforting as finding that patch of warmth as you come in from the cold, or the security of a roof over your head when you get out of the rain. And at night, with wind pushing against the window, puddles in the street dancing with rain, and a little jazz on the radio . . . perfect.

The Game of Eight

Estella went ahead and tagged me with the Game of Eights, and I'm happy to play along. The rules seem simple: mention who drafted you, complete the lists of 8, and pass the game on to eight others online.

8 Things I am Looking Forward to:

1. Having the day off tomorrow
2. Buying some new clothes for the communion party
3. Going to sleep tonight - I'm tired :)
4. Watching the 'latest' Match Game as soon as I complete #5 on this list
5. Finding the TV remote
6. Seeing my tulips bloom
7. Not having to rely on others - or the bus - for rides with my car in the shop
8. Lisa's return from work tonight

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Pumped water out of my basement
2. Dipped oreos in melted chocolate
3. Posted a few comments on BadgerBlogger
4. Went to HalfPrice Books with Smiley. He was very patient, holding my hand and only occasionally asking "Now Dada?"
5. Bought Smiley a gold hula hoop from Dollar General
6. Bought parchment paper and a yard of fabric from Joann Fabrics
7. Took Ginger, Lisa, and our friend Chris to The Olive Garden
8. Paid my speeding ticket from October the day before it was due

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Get my printer to work with our desktop PC
2. Find my slippers
3. Find the TV remote
4. Lose some weight
5. Scrape up the guts for a vasectomy
6. Clean the house
7. Find a better job
8. Travel in space

8 Shows I Watch:

1. Match Game
2. Lost
3. American Idol
4. Whatever, Martha
5. Twilight Zone
6. Trading Spaces
7. Naked Science
8. Seconds from Disaster

* * *
Thanks again Estella! As far as tagging eight others: whoever would like to pick up the torch by all means run with it, but I'll leave the decision to you.

Enjoy!

Pics of Lump's First Haircut. Sorta.

A few readers (and let's face facts, that's all I have, God luv 'em - a few readers) have asked for pictures of Lump/Ginger's first haircut.

It aintagonna happen, because Papa Slap was at work when the event took place and Lisa is fond of saying "Forget the camera. Record it in your memories". Well and good, but memories alone don't make a blog post, so you're all out of luck. Sorry Future Lump/Ginger.

But I did scrounge up some pictures of YaYa's first ever haircut, taken with an antique digital camera way back circa 2003-2004. The exact date is documented in print editions of her baby book.

Close your eyes and pretend it's Ginger. I promise I won't tell people you cheated.

Milwaukee was lucky to have Dolan - text of my column in Good Friday's Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

If you were born in Milwaukee in the '70s and grew up Catholic, as I did, then the Mass had more than the usual amount of consistency during your lifetime. I was nearing 30 before the intercession to help "John Paul our Pope, (and) Rembert our Archbishop" - a routine I learned in kindergarten - no longer applied.

Logically, I should follow that line of thought with a few lines talking about how awkward it was in 2002 to accept Timothy Dolan as Milwaukee's new archbishop and about how the process of acceptance took time and patience.

I could write that, but it would turn this from a column into a work of fiction.

With no disrespect to those who have held, or will hold that position, Dolan was born for the role. Here was a guy of Midwestern stock, who seemed to embody all the positive attributes of the stereotype: He's a hard-working, down-to-earth man with a respect for tradition and a great sense of humor.

In a lot of ways, Dolan seems less like the imposing, powerful man of the cloth he is than a friendly and gregarious neighbor. If there was ever an archbishop you could imagine playing with on a tavern league softball team, Dolan is your man.

That's not to say his tenure didn't have its share of problems, many of which he inherited. He arrived in Milwaukee to a Catholic community besieged by allegations of sexual abuse, lawsuits and a growing distrust of the clergy. Questions about the role and integrity of the church were rampant, and a financial crisis loomed.

Seven years later, have all those problems been solved? No, but Dolan tackled them head-on, meeting with abuse victims, effectively closing a $3 million budget deficit in 2008 and restoring a sense of purpose and respect to the local Catholic landscape.

He has his share of detractors; no one with that much authority can avoid that burden. In his native Missouri, he was criticized as being too lenient on abusive priests, while others accused him of acting too harshly. In Milwaukee, he's correctly seen as theologically conservative. Those who view that as a negative are quick to point out his opposition to efforts to change the church's position on celibacy in the priesthood or his polite but public objection to the University of Notre Dame's decision to give President Barack Obama an honorary degree.

None of his critics have dented his popularity. My wife, a lifelong Lutheran, counts herself as a fan of the archbishop. So do most people I know, both in and out of the Catholic faith. The announcement of his impending installation as archbishop of New York was no surprise for me; I knew Milwaukee was too small to retain a rising star like Dolan for very long.

Our loss is New York's gain, and I wish him well. If the past seven years are any indication, Dolan will win New York's heart in no time.

Scott Walker News!

Milwaukee County Executive Scott Walker announced via Twitter that he has filed papers to challenge Jim Doyle in the next Governor's race.

I met Scott Walker in DC back in '05, and he seemed like a genuine and likeable guy. He's the lone Republican to hold office in the Democratic stranglehold that is Milwaukee. That means in a statewide race he's got a chance to contend in an area that's usually a 'given' for the blue. He's also got a track record of doing what he thinks 'should' be done, regardless of whether its politically wise at the time. Case in point, turning down stimulus money this year. A political ploy? Statewide it might work in his favor, but locally it wasn't the most popular notion. I'm inclined to believe he thought the stimulus plan was a bunch of hooey and acted accordingly.

Hey, if you ran the desiccated remains of Rudolf Valentino against tax-happy Jim Doyle he'd win my vote. But I think Scott Walker has the opportunity to take the office and do some good with it. He has my support.

So if you're in Wisconsin say the word. I'm more than willing to hit the pavement for Walker, and I'd be proud to have you along to keep me company.

hat tip: the great guys at BadgerBlogger