The Post about Internet Quizes Feb 21st

One of the great advantages to being part of the Blogsphere is a growing understanding of myself as a person. For instance, just the other day I learned that I am a "'you're so dumb' happy bunny", defined as "you are brutal in your words and enjoy putting others down."

No guidance counselor was ever so accurate.

This and similar insights come from an abundance of surveys and quizzes scattered throughout our little electronic world of make believe. If I so desired, I could learn what color I am (in the Crayola sense of the word), what Star Trek or Star Wars character I best resemble, what superhero best describes me (Spiderman, tho' the foolish test came up with Supergirl. A guy wears a dress one time . . .), and even if I should best be called Earth, Wind, or Fire (I'd insert a EW&F joke here, but I'm woefully ignorant of their music catalog).

That I've chosen to take any of these goes against my grain. Oh, I love when I'm drafted at the mall into taking a consumer survey, and I'm the only guy in America that enjoys telemarketing calls, but I hate quizzes. They smack of Cosmo, that bastion of anti-masculine culture, and I cannot cross the line.

[Side note: I have a friend who subscribes to Cosmo, claiming that as a single man it provides him incredible insights into the female brain. How an article entitled How to make him Scream in Bed is something he'd like to incorporate into his own repertoire brings up questions we don't ask.]

So what's the difference? One cannot feel like part of a community until you participate in the actions considered important by that group. Thus, the quizzes.

Plus, I was bored.

Never-the-less I gotta say some of them are spot on. One dandy labeled me 26% white trash, a level that "will not keep you from becoming a doctor . . but will keep you from a good haircut and fashion sense." Another determined I was 33% tortured artist, not enough to "drive your life into a dark abysmal hole where you are alone against the world." Good to know.

I was also determined to be 57% Evil Genius, a score I think derived from a question asking if I've ever scared someone away with a look and then laughed at them. (hey, that old lady deserved it). I ranked as a moderate internet addict (no knowledge of some alphabet soup programming stuff) and surpassingly, a low level geek (based, I believe, on the fact that I do engage in actual intercourse. With a female. A non-avitar female. )

Some were far off the mark. I placed at the 24% level for 'raver', despite never attending a rave in my life. And the one that ticked me off - I rank as a mere 40% grunge. Excuse me? Grunge was the one true love of my college years. I once spent $40 to buy an intentionally distressed flannel, which I wore every other day for five years. I know the family tree for every Seattle band of the early '90's, bought anything SubPop put out, and I continue even now to collect evidence that Courtney killed Kurt.

40% my ass.

But let us end on a positive note. On the Hotlanta Kink Test I earned 350 points, placing me as "definitely a kinky player". Shamefully, I'm quite proud of this score, although it's a sham. I didn't answer all the questions honestly.

If I had, I'm sure I would have qualified as "Super Freak! You da Bomb!"