Phone rage and a guilty confession

Somewhere in this world wide web I'm sure there is another Milwaukee based blog that will relate this very story from a very different point of view. 

Let me preface this by saying (and I know full well that phrase is shorthand for 'I did something bad but I'm gonna try to talk my way out of it') that I am ordinarily quite good with irate, irrational, or even flat out insane customers. It is a knack of mine, one acknowledged by even anti-Dan factions within the politics of the office, and because I see so much of it I try (try) to be extra kind to people on the clock when I'm out and about.

With that out of the way,  I was at the cell phone store with Smiley today after his appointment. Let's call the cell phone company, oh, BlackBird. My phone, for reasons yet unknown, had begun beeping and flashing out of the blue and would not stop until it felt damn good and ready. So I took it in for repair, retired to the bookstore with Smiley for awhile, and then returned to pick it up.

I was dressed in a shirt and tie, I was friendly and social and ever so pleasant to be around.

And then the guy handed back my phone.

"The tech said he opened it and there was a liquid inside the case, and we're not supposed to work on phones with water damage. So it's considered unrepairable and you'll have to buy a new phone."  he said. And yes, he said those words, in that order. Now granted, he said it in a polite and sorrowful tone of voice.

To which I responded  . .

"Fu** that!," I said. "Every damn time I bring a phone in here for repair, whether its mine, a work phone or whatever,  you people say it's water damage. Do you even  open the thing or do you just say it to everyone to try to con them into buying a new phone? Because I heard you use that line with the guy in front of me too."

The guy had the look of a panic on his face. Oh, I'm sure he's used to people getting plenty angry, but the abrupt switch from a happy guy in a tie with his three year old, to angry 300 pound man in under a second undid his confidence.

"Well, um, you know all it takes is one exposure to water . . . " he said.

"What water?! The damn thing is never more than two feet from me. It's in my pocket most of the time."

(re: the pics from the lake. The beeping started prior to the weekend, and even on the trip the phone never touched H20)

"Well, things could get wet in a pocket, you know, sweat or whatever."

"Whatever"? Such as what, I pee myself on a regular basis? I make damn sure to take my phone out of my pocket before watching a Will Ferrell movie.

I should have said a $10 watch can make it 5 meters under the ocean - why can't a $200 phone stnad up to the alleged rigors of sweat? But of course you never think of such things in the moment.

"So how much is a new phone?" I asked.

"Well, you just renewed and got a free phone in March, and you didn't buy the insurance, but it would depend on what you'd want."

"'What I'd want' is something comparable," I said.

"Well we no longer carry that particular model. So the least expensive option would be $250"

To which I replied (drum roll please)

"F**k Blackbird,  I'll live without a phone" I said. "Come on Smiley, let's go."

I should not have sworn at the guy, no matter how angry I was at the moment. Still, I do fully believe the tech is full of it and it's just the company's way to upsell, like telling a guy he'll need new tires because the nail hole is just too big to patch. How can a layman prove or disprove the alleged presence of water? Wouldn't it evaporate even if it was there to be seen?

Sadly, as you know, inevitably I'm going to have to crawl back there and either pretend it didn't happen or kiss some butt, because I have no choice. I'm not  going to live without a cell phone and everyone in the world knows it.

But a small measure of glee. Smiley, during the conversation, kept mimicking the actions of a credit card sale on the kiosk at the desk. (you know, the card swipe/sign in the box on the screen thingamabobs?).

I shushed him away from it many times, but at the tail end of the above conversation noticed he was not only playing with it but mercilessly beating the screen with the light pen. I let it carry on a bit longer than a good Daddy would have allowed.

In reality it did no damage, I'm sure. But I'm going to go to bed tonight and dream about a repair bill for, oh, $250, payable to Blackbird.