Lost: There's No Place Like Home, pt. 1

I feel like a bit of a charlatan writing a summary of Lost this week, because nothing happened. The season was supposed to conclude with a two-hour episode, with this being the first half. Then the writer's strike ruined the year and the finale was expanded to three hours, with this bit lopped off and sent away on its own like the black sheep of the family.

To me it just felt incomplete.  I think it was blatantly obvious that this was Act I of a play that was rudely interrupted.

Ok. With that rant out of the way, on with the show.

On the island Jack and Kate set out after the helicopter and run into Sawyer and Aaron. With the news of the attack on 'New Otherton' Jack sets out on his own and sends Kate and Aaron back to the beach. Sawyer reluctantly joins Jack, admonishing him that 'you don't get to die alone'.

Meanwhile Sayid has returned to the island with the freighter's lifeboat and Daniel, having voiced an urgent need to get off the isle, ferry's the first group of six back to the freighter, Sun and Aaron among them.

Which would be great, save for the fact that Desmond has found an entire room full of armed explosives aboard the ship, just waiting to be detonated.

Meanwhile Sayid and Kate set out after Jack (is it just me, or do these people wander off in the jungle looking for one another a lot?) Kate displays tracking skills worthy of the Deerslayer but it doesn't help much. Richard and the Others capture them and lead them away.

Jack and Sawyer eventually find the helicopter and learn Hurley is with Ben and Locke. Seeing as that group is headed for an ambush at the Orchid station they decide to . . go wander off in the jungle looking for them.

Off the island, in the near future, we see the Oceanic Six re-introduced to the world. Their families, with the exception of Kate's, are waiting for them.

 

In  a press conference their fictitious escape from 815 is detailed. Eight - not six - 815 passengers escaped and spent a day in the water before beaching on an uncharted island. Kate gave birth to Aaron there. Then on Day 103 they found an abandoned sailboat on and escaped to a nearby island, blah blah.

Later we see Jack reunite with his Mom and hold a memorial servicefor his father. Claire's Mom comes up to him and in a very Empire Strikes Back moment, tells him Claire was his half-sister. Oh, the shock!

Sayid is reunited with Nadia and they marry in time to attend Hugo's birthday party. At the party Hurley sees the 'numbers' on the odometer of his car and freaks out.

Meanwhile Sun has gone behind her father's back and purchased a controlling interest in his company. This was as revenge for her father's hatred of Jin, which she blames for his death.

And . . yeah, that's pretty much it. A lot of folks moving around doing nothing, accomplishing nothing. Whoo-hoo.

No big questions to ask or debate, so I'll leave you with this: Lost has two seasons left. Without question the Oceanic Six will probably leave the island in this season's finale. I assume at some point Jack and crew will return, as hinted at in his breakdown last year. But aside from that story arc, where will the future of Lost lie?

Will the show move off island and concentrate on the Sayid/Ben vs. Widmore/Desmond motif, or will it continue as is, with the Oceanic Six occupying one aspect of the show and the remaining survivors (still on the Island) continuing with their own life?

Will there be any remaining survivors? Dialogue hints say Sawyer survives at least long enough to decide to remain, but as for the rest, I can't see them choosing to stay (except Rose and Bernard).

I don't know. But I do know that I'm hoping the two hour finale wipes the floor with this below average episode.

New Kids on the Block on the 'Today' Show

Wouldn't you know it, I go through all that hassle for the Chicago tickets and they go and expand the tour by leaps and bounds, including a MILWAUKEE show a mere two days after Lisa's birthday.

Man, I've been to Joe's house (ok, stood outside his driveway on a public street). Seeing as I have his address I might as well just mail the guy a check, since they seem intent on taking all my money anyhow.

Lisa's talking about selling the Chi-town tickets if we score good ones here, but I'm leaning towards going to both, maybe taking YaYa to the Chicago concert if Lisa's friend opts out of the second show. Oh, yeah, yet another of my wife's childhood friends has come acallin' for tickets, so this is turning into a bit of a group outing.

To reiterate, I am not gay. Attending the concert with Lisa would be enjoyable and memorable. Attending it with her and a friend, still enjoyable, still memorable, with maybe a bit of the luster taken off. Going to a show with a bunch of screaming women who will spend the evening gushing about how they will use and abuse the guys on stage until parts fall off may just breach my self-imposed ( and admittedly low) standards of minimum testosterone.

(Naturally, I'm blowing smoke. I'll go.)

Anywho, NKOTB appeared on the Today show this morning and performed for the first time in nearly 15 years. I thought they seemed mighty rusty on the opening medley of old hits, did grand on their new song Summertime, and were fine if not awe-inspiring on Tonight. Donnie was still a gansta attention hog, Joe and Jordan did most of the singing, Danny stayed in the background, and Jon looked scared as hell. Serves him right, what with Lisa wearing a 'I heart Jon' button at our wedding. That's karma biting you in the butt Jon; you better recognize.

I kid I kid.

Here's the clips of the show. By the way, and I'm not saying this to justify my manhood, but which one of their wives gave the go-ahead for those backup dancers? The girl in the black mini at about a minute and a half into  Summertime . . Yowsas.

And for the serious fan, here's the lyrics to Summertime.

Spoken:
Jones Beach 1988. Come on!

Do you remember,
Or should I rewind,
To that summer when you caught my eye,
I played it cool,
The weather was hot,
You had the beauty and the beach on lock.

With your flip flops, half shirt, short shorts, mini skirt,
Walkin' on the beach, so pretty,
You wasn't lookin' for a man,
When you saw me in the sand,
But you fell for the boy from the city.

I was like, "hey, girl, can I get your number"
I remember what you told me too,
"Don't call after ten"
But you know that I did,
'Cause I couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout you.

I think about you in the summertime,
(Oh oh)
And all the good times we had, baby,
Been a few years and I can't deny,
(Oh oh)
The thought of you still makes me crazy,
I think about you in the summertime,
(Oh oh)
I'm sittin' here in the sun with you on my mind.
You're my, my summertime.

Do you remember,
I'll never forget,
Touchin' your body all soakin' wet,
The water was cool,
The feelin' was hot,
Kissin' on you while the ocean rocked.

In your strapless sundress,
Kickin' back, no stress,
As long as we was together,
'Cause we were feelin' young love,
And we couldn't get enough.
Baby, I could reminisce forever.

And now I'm like,
Hey, girl, don't you know I miss it,
And I wonder if you miss it too,
Never thought it would end 'til it did,
Now, I'm here and I can't stopthinkin' 'bout you.

I think about you in the summertime,
(Oh oh)
And all the good times we had, baby,
Been a few years and I can't deny,
(Oh oh)
The thought of you still makes me crazy,
I think about you in the summertime,
I'm sittin' here in the sun with you on my mind.
You're my, my summertime.

Spoken: Break it down.

Summer ended,
Winter started,
It got colder,
When we parted ways,
(Spoken: I like this part.)
As the seasons change.
(Spoken: Bring it forward, bring it back)
Winter melted,
Spring I felt it,
Summertime will never be the same,
(Without you. My summertime.)
My summertime.

I think about you in the summertime,
I think about you
(Oh oh)
And all the good times we had, baby,
We had baby
It's been a few years and I can't deny,
I can't deny
(Oh oh)
The thought of you still makes me crazy,
Makes me crazy
I think about you in the summertime,
I'm sittin' here in the sun with you on my mind.
On my mind,
My summertime.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh yeah

Here's a grand karaoke style version of the song w/ lyrics attached.

Kurt Cobain, and a story of Hole in concert

I think it's downright deplorable that more than a month has passed since the anniversary of his death and I have yet to post in memory of Kurt Cobain.

I know, I know - most of you have no interest in the lead singer of Nirvana. A close friend of mine online has called him a 'loser' and a 'druggie' and even Lisa, while tolerant of my love for Nirvana, secretly dismisses their music as noise and hold them accountable for the death of New Kids.

"School ended and everyone was wearing NKOTB shirts. . . school started in the fall and those same girls were wearing flannel."

Nirvana didn't kill off NKOTB - they had already peaked - but I'm proud to say they did knock Michael Jackson out of the #1 slot, never to return.

I won't go into a long post about Kurt. Instead I'll direct you to a long post I wrote a few years ago. It was over-the-top in parts but it's far from the worst thing I ever wrote.

Ringing endorsement, huh?

* * *

Hand in hand with a love of Kurt seems to be a distaste for . . or outright hatred of his wife Yoko Ono/Maria/Holly/Heather McCartney, a.k.a. Courtney Love. As a cowinkydink, here's the second of three comments an employee (World Traveler) wrote to Slapinons. It tells of seeing Courtney's band Hole in concert.

I have edited it for content, because the man has a knack for vulgarity that would make me pirate grandpappy proud.

So, I will repeat what I so arduously attempted to put down last night. 
 
A long, long time ago in a barrio far, far away, past Boyle Heights, Past East L.A., Past Pacoima, Downey, I mean way out there hombre, Lived a gangly group of fellows:  Dark Vatos, Chewy tobacco, Han Cholo and Princess laidup.  There it was a coffee shop as coffee shops were wont to be in poor, dangerous and dark, deep darkest areas of Los Angeles, a few suburban white kids crossed the color barrier to see a show at the "Natural Fudge Cafe."  We are talking old school, before Lesbians felt safe playing folk songs in Coffee shops or "Coffee Houses" as then they were called.    Am I taking too long getting to the point, too bad!  This is not your forum, eh?
 
Our purpose in trekking past our demographic restrictions was to see a band I am most sure you would approve of called "The Imperial But Wizards."  More on them later.  So, we paid our three dollars and were entreated to a skanky, dirty, dirty-blonde string bag screaming into the microphone with increasing intensity:  "I am not going to f’king strip anymore."  Now, this is long before girls in various parts of the country incorporated words like "F’ing and MotherF*er" so we were a bit interested for the first few and then began to boo with the rest of the ten or twelve in the audience.
 
The Band of course was "Hole" and it had to be all in all, the worst excuse for a headliner.  Most certainly, they did not rate opening up for the But Wizards.  The Bass player was a drunken [redacted] who just held onto the bass like Jimmy Page permanently bent over his Gibson Les Paul.  She didn't even attempt to play, which at least was honest.  The drummer wasn't all that bad and perhaps was the only one with any talent.  I think she could keep time.  Heavy, large and with a chin stud-- than rather avant garde -- she was pretty as an old washtub.  The guitar player was a dude with long hair, unshaven, no makeup and a pull over summer dress.  He was assiduously watching the fretboard, trying to recall the bar chords to the only song they could play over and over again, Neil Young's, "Cinnamon Girl."  He could not keep time nor could he fret a simple bar chord, but no matter. 
 
Later on, weeks after the show after leaving a .45 Grave concert at Raji's on Hollywood Blvd, I struck up a conversation with the aforementioned drummer.  I found her intimidating and big and she invited mefor coffee but I begged out.  Still, I had to ask her about the Vanilla Fudge Concert a few weeks back and it was all she could do to say that next time, she would be singing and that Courtney was stripping for a reason, track marks not withstanding. 
 
[redacted], I want to get on with the real show, the Imperial But Wizards and I would like to refer you to .45 Grave, a most talented, parody death rock band whose lead singer,"Dinah Cancer" [redacted].  But always keep them wanting more, eh.  So for next time, doglast

Tags: Kurt Cobain

A review of 'Teeth' - Warning: Adult Subject Matter

         

                

Dear Readers: I'm pretty danged sure that the film I'm about to review will appall many of you, so read on only with care. I'll tiptoe around some stuff, but don't let the kids read it.

Yesterday I went to Blockbuster and picked up the movie Teeth. I called home and read Lisa the box cover. "What kind of video store are you at?" she asked, but granted her approval when I told her the manager's opinion, which was that it was an awful film, 'truly terrible but hilariously funny'.

Teeth is the tale of Dawn, a Christian virgin committed to abstinence who has an unusual genetic adaptation. Inside her genitalia is a set of razor sharp teeth; she is the embodiment of the 'vagina dentata' myth, which frankly I've never heard of but seems to have been quite prevalent in the legends of many ancient people.

At a pivotal point in the film Dawn is date-raped and her teeth defend her, severing her attacker's . . well, you know. In the shock of the rape's aftermath she abandons her vows of purity. Eventually, after chopping off a gynecologist's fingers and emasculating another lover, she learns to control her 'gift'. In the background her evil step-brother has always desired her, and . . .

Ok, the reviews on this film are mainly positive. It's called a dark comedy, a witty feminist film, and a 'twisted tale of female empowerment'.

I didn't get it.

No, it's not the castration thing, as most of the victims were up to no good (although the lover who irked her during sex got a raw deal). I just wanted to laugh, or at least be grossed out.

None of it struck me as funny,except the gynecologist scene. "Vagina Dentata! Arggh! Vagina Dentata!" Really though, what male gyno sees ateenager without a female nurse present?

I think much of the perceived 'comedy' must spring from the depiction of Dawn as a Christian role model in her community. She not only practices abstinence but openly preaches it to groups of school kids. I don't think that's funny. I don't agree with their stance and certainly never tried to put it into practice (although the females of Milwaukee did their darndest to make sure I tried). It's their sincere belief and seeing as it does no harm, I say 'whatever'. Having this happen to her is an odd twist of fate, and it beefs up the story, but funny? No.

On the other hand, the movie was much more solid than I expected, and if you take away the goofy teeth and some of the schlock it would be a fine indy film. A great performance by Jess Wiexler, and nice to see Lenny von Dohlen as the step-Dad, who I remember primarily from Electric Dreams back in the '80's.

2.0 stars out of 4;  2.25 stars if you include the film's poster tagline of  'Every Rose has it's Thorns'.

Blaze by Richard Bachman/Stephen King

                           

I've described my binge-and-purge method of reading before, but I'll summarize it again. I will gobble up everything by an author in a period of one or two weeks, then get sick of it and not pick it up again for years.

Right now, I'm on a Stephen King kick. I've bought 20 or more King books, in various editions, over the last two and a half weeks.  (God bless thrift stores and their 69 cent novels!)

Blaze is a trunk novel, one King wrote in the '70's under the penname of Richard Bachman and then put aside for decades.  Allegedly it's the last of the Bachman books (honest and true this time) which would be grand, because the 'death by cancer of the pseudonym' stuff got old 15 years ago.

It's a pretty good yarn with an tried and tested plot.  A rich couple's baby is abducted in the night by Blaze, a mentally impaired giant of a man. He wants to ransom it off but winds up falling in love with the boy instead. The police are close to capturing him, and small wonder: at one point Blaze uses his own name when negotiating the ransom.

It's a 'straight' book, with no horror or supernatural influences. Even the voice of Blaze's deceased partner is well and truly in Blaze's damaged mind. For the briefest of moments late in the book King hints at something more, something otherworldly, but that passes and the reader moves on. To my mind it was an awkward moment that jarred the tone of the book, but that's either my imagination or one of the reasons King buried the book for so long.

I liked it. Not a prize winner, and not something I think will be in print in twenty years, but a good read. 2.5/3.0 stars out of 4.

Mother's Day, Quote of the Day, a reading challenge, and problems with a neighbor

Hope you all had a great Mothers Day.

The kids and I bought Lisa a painting entitled 'Winter Trees' for the holiday. I'll probably post a picture of it once it's on the wall. Midmorning we bummed around a strip mall for a bit and then headed over to Olive Garden for lunch, where the kids were so awful at first that I stood up and said I wanted to go home. They quickly turned it around once the first breadstick arrived and were angels from that point forward, but they spent the rest of the afternoon at my Mom's house. That last bit was probably the best gift I gave Lisa the whole day.

Oh, my apologies. The baby was an angel start to finish. I don't want to lump her in with the rest of the troublemakers.

Anyhow, overheard at lunch:

LuLu: I'm a vampire, and I'm gonna suck your blood!

YaYa, w/ full head bob-and-shake: Nuh-uh. I'm a zombie, and I'm already dead so you can't suck my blood.

LuLu: Dad!

Me: It's true, zombies are the living dead. Even if they have blood I doubt you could drink it.  It's not good for you.

YaYa: Ha! Now I'm going to eat you!

 I casually dipped a breadstick. Then:  Well, zombies do eat flesh. But a vampire is pretty close to immortal, so I'm not sure how that would work. Seems like a no-win situation.

LuLu (singsong): Ha Ha! You can't eat me!

* * * *

On Friday the city showed up at my door in response to a neighbor's (and I use the term neighbor loosely) complaint that we are running a day care. It was their second complaint in a year. 

A f'ing day care. Whatever. There are days we can barely handle our four, no one here is looking to add someone else's kids to the mix.

The impetus for the call seems to be what the complaint refers to as 'children of multiple ethnicities' being dropped off at 'all hours of the day and night'. Last things first: my kids are in the house and on the way to bed at 7 pm, and the only time someone here is up past midnight is when the baby's crying.

Back to the first part. Chris' kids are half-black, and apparently that's reason enough for someone to call, and more surprisingly, for the city to respond.

I wrote a long and scathing post about this on my 'test journal' but I've buried it becase, frankly, I need to bury my anger, period. The city inspector blew off the complaint and said he'd pop a note in the records to ignore any future calls on the subject, but I am pissed.

Serenity now. Serenity now.

* * * *

One more thing. At the mall I bought YaYa a book for $1 ("He said it was either that or nothing, so I said fine, I'll take it") and she read it aloud to her siblings all the way to my Mom's. This was a book based on a German folk tale, and it featured some pretty hard words and a whole heck of a lot of text per page. 

 I say this to the world: quit bragging about your kid's reading to me. I hear you, I do, saying X is the best reader in his 1st grade class and he's bound for advanced placement. Here's what I say: must be a weak school system. YaYa's already chewing on a Nancy Drew book before bed. She's six and a half.

Bring it. I dog dare ya. One on one readoff, anytime, anyplace, YaYa vs any other 1st grader out there :)

The family radio commercial 2007

I came across these pictures and wanted to put them online. While there was never a reason not to, it just seemed awkward to do so under the company's old ownership, since some of the work was on their behalf.

Lisa has done some voice work here in Milwaukee for me, and a smidgeon down in Illinois. This isn't a job (yet), as it's mainly just as a favor to me and some contacts of mine that were in need of a female voice announcer.

Once upon a time YaYa teamed up with her for a cute radio commercial, and in early 2007 both of my girls did another commercial with their pregnant Mom. I remember the girls were in foul moods that day and were difficult to work with; not exactly a page from Shirley Temple's Book on Resume Building.

Here's the pics.

Someday, if I ever completely sever ties with the company, I'll post the actual commercials. Until then, anonymity takes precedence.

Lars and the Real Girl

                          

 

If I start out this review by telling you that Lars and the Real Girl is a film about a man who falls in love, legitimately in love, with a sex doll, most of you will yell 'pass' and move on.

Well, yes. It is about a man who falls in love with a sex doll. But don't 'x' out just yet.

Lars is a fine film, sweet and intelligent and filled with the notion of putting mankind's best, most noble features on display. It is, and I say this with only a hint of wise-ass, the kind of movie Frank Capra would have made had he been allowed to work with sex toys.

Lars (Ryan Gosling)  is an emotionally stunted 28 year old man leaving in the garage of the house he owns with his brother. He  is the victim of a father who shunned him and an older brother who ran away to escape that fate, leaving Lars alone to face the silence of their dysfunctional household.

Now, as an adult, Lars is a functioning member of society, and a surprisingly popular one. He is viewed as honest and sweet, but he does not reciprocate their affection; he can't. The touch of another human brings him physical pain and his social skill set is akin to that of a hermit.

One day he announces he has a new girlfriend. Her name is Bianca and she is a life-like 'love doll' that he genuinely believes to be real. The delusion is so pervasive that Lars falls well and truly in love.

Under the direction of a psychologist, ably played by Patricia Clarkson, the townsfolk surprisingly embrace her. By doing so, it's believed he will in time overcome his own creation and resume 'normal' life. Along the way Lars begins to have feelings for a co-worker, and an odd love triangle begins.

The townsfolk are the cornerstone of the film. It embraces the idea that, even in this day and age, a community would rally around one of its fallen members and go beyond the limits of ordinary kindness to try and bring him back from the brink. Would it happen? Who knows?

Sure, it's over the top. But each time you think it's going to go too far over that line it pulls back and skips in another direction. The acting is superb and the script deftly orchestrates Lars' building desire to return to the world and rejoin life.

Honesty a grand little movie. Not a comedy, despite its billing, and not a romance or a drama either . . something, well, something a little of all of the above.

4 stars out of 5.

Tags: Lars and the Real Girl, Ryan Gosling, Patricia Clarkson

Lost: Cabin Fever Season Four, episode 11

I can understand people who disagree with my taste in some things, but the people who scorn Lost boggle my mind. It is intricately plotted, imaginitive in its scope, and very well acted,  If I went to my grave having created something remotely as good, I'd die happy.

Thursday's episode, which I was able to view for the first time yesterday on ABC.com, continues a string of solid episodes that make this fourth season seem like an apology for the last. It even did one thing I never thought possilbe: it made John Locke seem interesting to me.

The show opens in the late '50's when a teenage Emily Locke is struck by a car.

In the hospital her injuries for her to give birth to a premature baby she names 'John'. The nurses are proud to point out John overcomes pneumonia, infections, etc in the hospital, revealing an odd if not necessarily unnatural ability to recover his health.

Born out of wedlock, the father is identified only by a passing comment by Emily's mother that he is 'twice her (Emily's) age'.

To me this comment is a revelation, as the man known as Anthony Cooper, long considered John's father, doesn't fit the description. Even if Emily is 15 when the events happen and her Mother exaggerates the man's age, that would still put him, converseravtively, at 25 to 30 at the time. Cooper is not a 75 to 80 year old man when he is killed by Sawyer.

And then the funky stuff begins to show up. In the hospital Richard Alpert shows up, looking not a day younger than he does fifty years later when he recruits Juliet for the Others.

Twice more he shows up in John's young life. At a foster family's house he poses as a  recruiter for a school for 'gifted' children, and lays out six items in front of John. He asks him which items belong to him - not which items he would like, but which items belong to him already.

From the items John chooses a vial of granules and a compass, and leans towards choosing a 'Book of Laws', a holy book of the Bahá'í Faith. At the last second he skips the book and chooses a knife, a decision that angers Richard and leads to him storming out of the house.

I am no expert, but my understanding is that the Bahá'í Faith preaches that it is a unifying force that will unite the worlds religions and inaugurate a time of peace and justice. Its founder claimed to be the next step in the scriptural line of messengers that runs from Abraham to Jesus to Mohammed, and so on.

Richard next enters his life via a high school science teacher, who mentions that John is being recruited by a laboratory in Portland (where Juliet was told she'd work, remember?). John, a victim of bullies, erupts when his teacher suggests he embrace science rather than pining for an athletic life that will never be his.

The crippled adult John is then treated to a sermon of sorts from an orderly, who is none other than Matthew Abanddon. Abanddon encourages him to take an Australian walkabout, the very one that will lead to his flight on 815, and then says John will one day 'owe him one'.

On the island John is treated to a dream. In it a Dharma employee named Horace is building a cabin, the cabin. Horace mentions he's been dead 12 years (thereby placing the Purge at ~1992) and that John needs to find him to find Jacob's cabin.

 

John journeys to the pit of the Dharma dead, where he uncovers Horace's body and pulls a map from his pocket.

On their way to the cabin Ben discounts John's attempts to pin the Purge on him, saying it wasn't his decision. He also bemoans the fact that the island has abandoned him and chosen Locke as its guardian, and warns Locke that being 'chosen' has its own price.

They find the cabin and Locke enters alone. Inside he find Christian Sheppard, Jack's deceased Dad, who says he is not Jacob but authorized to speak for him. With him is Claire (told ya she was dead folks). John emerges with a solution as to how to save the island.

"He wants us to move the island."

* * *

On the freighter Michael's duplicity is discovered and he is tortured. Keamy tries to kill him several times but is prevented by a faulty gun - or is it the island?, and then loads the chopper with enough military supplies to 'burn' the island, and dons what appears to be a detonator on his arm.  The ships captain tries to stop him and is killed, and Keamy slices the throat of the Doctor and throws him overboard to convince Frank to pilot the chopper against his wishes.

Meanwhile the captain had allowed Sayid to escape back to the island on a life raft, but Desmond chose to stay behind and wait for Penny.

As the inbound chopper passes the beach camp Frank tosses out his satellite phone, which appears to be tracking the helicopter, which Jack interprets  as a sign to follow the chopper.

* * * *

Ok, here's my take:

1. John is obviously 'chosen' and has been since birth, but in the larger view of things it would appear the island guided 815 to its doom, at least to some degree. Therefore, when you also consider that it also was able to 'protect' Michael back in the States, the force behind the island is very powerful, very far reaching, and not bound by what we would consider purely ethical criteria.  

2. Time is vastly distorted on the island. The doctor's corpse washed ashore a day or more before he was killed, and Richard is perpetually young. Yet Ben appears to have grown to adulthood on the island in the conventional number of years, as had his daughter.

3. The Sheppard family have some special status on the isle, as they all seem to have been drawn there and now two (deceased) members are representing Jacob.

4. Who is Jacob? Who is the 'leader' of the Others Ben spoke of? Is it Jacob?

5. Are Matthew and Richard on the same 'team' or acting in opposition?

6. Who is John's true father? Is it Jacob, or perhaps Charles Widmore, who may have his own secret history of time distortion?

7. How the heck do you 'move' an island?

8. Why is the island still protecting Michael, but allowed him to remain in captivity while the seek and destroy mission took off?

9. I take the items Richard displayed to indicate the inner workings of the subjects mind, like a 3 D Rorschach test. Obviously John failed, but it was because he sabotaged himself. I think he wanted to select the Book of Laws, but he yearns for a life of physical power as he does right up until the current day, and thus picked up the knife.

10. Claire's put on some weight this season, especially in the face. Or am I crazy? Is she pregnant in real-life? Could that be a reason to 'write her out' of the show at this point?

11. When Emily ran out of the hospital room, saying she 'couldn't do this' (hold John) your first inclination is to say it's a teenage Mom who can't deal with her mistake. But what if it goes deeper than that, and she cannot accept that she is involved in a larger plot? She could be a non-virgin Mary of sorts, a 'host' for a Chosen one. That could be a lot to handle.

12. To account for the three episodes lost to the writer's strike, ABC is adding one hour to each of the final two seasons and one to this fourth year.

Tags: Lost, blogplugs

27 Dresses

Let it be known (but never spoken of in mixed company) that I like romantic comedies.  I sought out Serendipity in the theater, I have yet to find a Hugh Grant movie I didn't enjoy, I adored 13 going on 30 and I even find the upcoming (and no doubt atrocious) Maid to Order, starring Patrick Dempsey as a male bridesmaid, an item of interest.

I hope that gives me enough metrosexual street cred for people to take notice when I say I really didn't care for 27 Dresses. I didn't hate it, but in the words of the Prophet Isiah, I didn't dig it either.

Katherine Heigl of Grey's Anatomy (aka Clone of Clarize Theron) stars as a 27 time bridesmaid who has a secret crush on her boss. She's the quiet doormat type and as she keeps silent about her feelings her younger sister swoops in, romances, and gets engaged to The Man of Her Dreams. 

Cue the *Real* Man of Her Dreams,  a professional writer assigned to*gasp!*  the wedding page of the local paper. Not just any wedding writer, no; he's also a great writer, a wordsmith that she adores in print. She clips out and keeps copies of his articles, believe it or not. Oh, and yeah, she just can't stand the guy in person.

And away we go. 

Ok, first beef: Not to rehash the 2004 election here, but there is a world that exists outside of New York City and Los Angeles. If our local paper has a wedding section at all it's nominal, and it certainly doesn't print feature length articles about society folk celebrating their fourth marriage. I'm willing to bet Topeka and Springfield and Tulsa probably don't have one either. Granted, that's a minor beef, but it immediately distanced the viewer from the events on screen.

Second: It was mystifyingly predictable. Midway through I turned to my wife and said "You know what will happen? A will lead to B which brings us to either D or F. If it's F then X and Y happen, but if it's D then W will lead to R. Guaranteed."

In fact I was wrong. A did lead to B, followed by F. But then they threw me for a loop - Y and then X took place. It was a complete shock!

Third: Hollywood's penchant for writing in the part of the 'unattractive but promiscuous best friend who is popular with men but hides her insecurities beneath a thin veneer of biting comments'. Congratulations Judy Greer, you have found your niche.

Fourth: their emotionally distant and utterly useless father got on my nerves.

Fifth: The inconsistent characters. This is one of my pet peeves. People can act against their nature, but there better be a reason for it. It doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. I probably won't  just wake up happy one morning, have breakfast and then decide to leave my wife and children, any more than Socialist would wake up, have breakfast, and suddenly decide he wanted to reverse his life course and have children after all. Both actions are against our natures as perceived by the public; if we're in a movie and act against them, the writer better have a damn good reason.

But in 27 Dresses the younger sister is introduced as a worldly, gorgeous, and sexually confident career woman who loves her family but rarely sees them.. Skip ahead a few scenes and she feels compelled to lie about nearly everything about herself because she thinks she can't 'get' a man otherwise. Then a few scenes later she is a complete and selfish bit*h  at the expense of her sister. She also, magically, loses about 100 IQ points from the first act to the second.

I just think that was sloppy work.

Now one big but here: my wife loved the movie. Usually we can agree at least in principle on most films, but at the same time I was writing it off in my head she was vocally addressing the characters on screen. After listening to this for awhile, and hearing her go 'oh no!' at one 'pivotal' scene, I turned to her. "Are you f*'ing with me, or are we watching completely different movies?"

To each his own I guess.

Again, it wasn't awful, just fodder for the discount rack at Blockbuster in a few months time. It could have been better, but I'll grant you the whole preposterous car crash-Bennie and the Jets sing-along-sex scene was a hoot.

I give the movie  2.5 out of 5. What did you think of it?