Dear Readers: I'm pretty danged sure that the film I'm about to review will appall many of you, so read on only with care. I'll tiptoe around some stuff, but don't let the kids read it.
Yesterday I went to Blockbuster and picked up the movie Teeth. I called home and read Lisa the box cover. "What kind of video store are you at?" she asked, but granted her approval when I told her the manager's opinion, which was that it was an awful film, 'truly terrible but hilariously funny'.
Teeth is the tale of Dawn, a Christian virgin committed to abstinence who has an unusual genetic adaptation. Inside her genitalia is a set of razor sharp teeth; she is the embodiment of the 'vagina dentata' myth, which frankly I've never heard of but seems to have been quite prevalent in the legends of many ancient people.
At a pivotal point in the film Dawn is date-raped and her teeth defend her, severing her attacker's . . well, you know. In the shock of the rape's aftermath she abandons her vows of purity. Eventually, after chopping off a gynecologist's fingers and emasculating another lover, she learns to control her 'gift'. In the background her evil step-brother has always desired her, and . . .
Ok, the reviews on this film are mainly positive. It's called a dark comedy, a witty feminist film, and a 'twisted tale of female empowerment'.
I didn't get it.
No, it's not the castration thing, as most of the victims were up to no good (although the lover who irked her during sex got a raw deal). I just wanted to laugh, or at least be grossed out.
None of it struck me as funny,except the gynecologist scene. "Vagina Dentata! Arggh! Vagina Dentata!" Really though, what male gyno sees ateenager without a female nurse present?
I think much of the perceived 'comedy' must spring from the depiction of Dawn as a Christian role model in her community. She not only practices abstinence but openly preaches it to groups of school kids. I don't think that's funny. I don't agree with their stance and certainly never tried to put it into practice (although the females of Milwaukee did their darndest to make sure I tried). It's their sincere belief and seeing as it does no harm, I say 'whatever'. Having this happen to her is an odd twist of fate, and it beefs up the story, but funny? No.
On the other hand, the movie was much more solid than I expected, and if you take away the goofy teeth and some of the schlock it would be a fine indy film. A great performance by Jess Wiexler, and nice to see Lenny von Dohlen as the step-Dad, who I remember primarily from Electric Dreams back in the '80's.
2.0 stars out of 4; 2.25 stars if you include the film's poster tagline of 'Every Rose has it's Thorns'.
EWWWWW. Doesn't sound like anything that would remotely be entertaining. I think maybe 2 stars was very generous...lol.
ReplyDeleteJoyce
Sometimes flicks like this are fun to watch because they're so bad they're good. Sounds like that's not the case with this one.
ReplyDeleteI think the whole "female empowerment" movie was done best with the old classic "I Spit on Your Grave." (LONG before "Thelma and Louise"!) The rape scene in ISOYG is truly horrifying and difficult to watch, but...well, I'll say no more in case you haven't seen it. It's a classic, though.
Beth
Yeah, can't say I'm really thrilled with the idea of watching that part of a man get uh, THAT done to it. I can't even watch a guy get hit there without wanting to cry. It's like watching your dog get hit by a car.. :*(
ReplyDeleteLOL, it kind of reminds me of the Hostel movies. Chris loved the first one (wonder why?!) I..not so much. He seriously almost begged to see the second and we watched it one night....boy was he shocked and appalled. Definitely not what he was expecting ;)
Kinda glad you didn't find it funny ;)
Have a good one~
~Bernadette
Sometimes you got to tell it like it is...and I think your review was fair...
ReplyDeleteFrankly it was enough to gross me out completely due to moral and stupidity issues...it seems like the new comedy of today's life is making fun of somebody's beliefs and/or ethnic background...
Please make sure your kids never get their hands on this one! Teach them about love and sex...not about teeth and sex!
Good review, however...
Dan is a lot nicer than I am. He would probably never call his daughter (affectionately) the Antichrist (see my AOL blog, "The Maverick Conservative").
ReplyDeleteHowever, that is not the purpose of this comment. The "star" "system" for rating movies is one of my pet peeves. I regard it as pretty much of a cop out. Although I don't review enough movies to really institute a rating "system" (I occasionally review movies and books, but those entries are overwhelmed by political entries), I would like to subvert this ridiculous "four star" system. I think a eviewer should be willing to rate a movie on a scale of 0 to 100. Sure, it is a little bit ridiculous to say one movie rates a 78 and another a 79, but not as ridiculous as lumping so many movies at 2 or 2 1/2 stars. Internet Movie Database at least uses a scale of 1 to 10. Maybe Dan could be my surrogate to start a revolution against the "four star" system of movie reviews.