The 4th of July Parade

Look, the last thing I wanted to do at 8 in the morning was wake up three grumpy kids, get em dressed, and head out to watch high school kids march around in band uniforms. I am, as you may have guessed, air quote not a morning person air quote.

But Lisa would have got it done, and so we did it. My sister and niece were supposed to meet us at 8:30 but my sis showed up alone, as her daughter was too tired to attend. Ha!

We landed primo seats in an intersection where the parade turns right, and set up shop.



Some people still weren't happy. OFW.





But they could be coerced into giving the appearance of joy.



While some had it naturally.







My Dad met us there and the parade soon started. Once it was going it was all good.



























Someone in the crowd booed the Mayor, which I thought was low-brow. A time and place for everything, sir, a time and place for everything.

One of the skills Lisa has painstakingly taught them is the art and science of candy collection at these things. Parade participants, especially motorized ones, often toss handfuls of candy at the kids in the crowd. Anything less than a 75% retrieval rate . . . well, it hasn't happened yet. The kids inched their chairs closer and got ready.





Smiley used his Americana top hat as a beggars bowl, extending it to the parade and saying "me can-dee pease".









The kids made out like bandits. There was no pushing, no shoving, no cheating or bullying to get the goods. Just simple unadulterated action, without a hint of hesitation. That's the key right there. There were some kids next to us, kids you'll hear about in a second, who'd stand there and nervously bite their thumb nail and go all "now? or now? now?" when the candy was a'flyin. They got doo diddily doo diddly.





Ah, here's one of the kids now, on the right. Note that she's taller and about a year older than my YaYa. Her brother, in a red shirt, was as tall or larger.






Anyhow, the kids start whining to their Mom about how my kids were getting everything and they had nothing. A gross exaggerration, to be sure, and even their Mom pointed out there was no foul play involved. But while no Vile Socialst, I am a Christian. I called YaYa over.

"Divvy up some of the candy and give it to those kids, ok?" I said. "And sit the next few out."

So she did both things - and the kids next to us STILL failed to grab any decent amount of candy because the children to their other side now grabbed the goods. Plus, my kids were now out candy of their own.

Lesson: you can't help those who won't help themselves.

Here's a clip from the parade, most notable for Smiley's interaction with the parade near the end.





In this last clip, which took place near the end of the parade, after I'd restored full candy collecting rights to YaYa, you can see the Mom scramble to collect candy for her kid.

Mein Gott, you are raising soylent green! Instill some life in them fraulein!







Another 4th of July parade down! Happy Birthday America!

Government Overreach

In an effort to gobble up some more federal money Gov. Doyle's new budget makes seat belt enforcement a 'priority' issue . So now cops can pull you over for nothing more than seeing you without a seat belt on - and for shi*s and giggles under the guise of "I thought he wasn't wearing one judge!". Absolute bunk. I wear my seat belt, but in no way/shape/form is it the busines of anyone else, esp. the gov't.

Happy 4th of July!

In celebration of America's 233rd birthday we repaired our flagpole and put it back up on the front porch. Somehow, that flag did more to beautify the house in one minute than all the tulips and hastas we've planted since we bought the place.



I don't think I can surpass 2008's Jimmy Cagney and Kate Smith post, so here it is again. Patriotic music still stirs my soul, and I've got a CD of it in the van just waiting for Saturday to start.

To anyone and everyone who has had a part in securing the freedom and prosperity of this nation in any way, thank you. For those who did so at the threat of their own safety and lives, words cannot express my thanks.

Happy 4th of July!

* * * *

On a personal note this is the 3rd anniversary of my maternal Grandmother's death. I love you grandma, and I think of you often.

Baking a Cake

Dying to take a shower, but waiting for the cake to come out of the oven. I think it's thermostat must be going , and lately baking times have to be played strictly by ear.

update: I'm beating my chest ala Tarzan. The cake is out of the oven and light and fluffy and golden brown. A thing of beauty, like looking at myself in carbohydrate form.

Day Two

I got a lucky break overnight, when I confirmed LuLu's claim that MPS had the day off for the holiday weekend. That led directly to break #2. The kids slept straight through until 10:45, nearly four hours later than their biological clocks usually allow. Hot damn!

You'd think that would lead to a great day, but you'd be wrong. Oh, 81% of it was very nice. Another 10% was good, but the remaining 9% was consumed by constant bickering between the girls and by about a half dozen fits by Lu.

Whew.

Once they woke up I gave them breakfast. Only Ms. Lu didn't want what I offered and opted for Rice Krispies. Cue the first fit. The bowl wasn't clean enough (it was) the spoon wasn't clean (it was) the replacement spoon was the same one and I was tricking her (I wasn't). Each time she'd squeal and stomp her feet and grimace and yell "Dadddddy!". To finish it off she said they were generic Rice Krispies and she only wanted the real thing and I should go get her some.

So bleep it. I took her bowl and dumped the cereal into the toilet, and YaYa and I sat down to enjoy our food while LuLu pouted.

Whew.

After breakfast I put on the Ghostbusters II DVD and selected the animated episodes that were included with the disc. I noticed the first one was written by J. Michael Straczynski, later the creator of Babylon 5. The kids loved the episodes and were spellbound.

Then YaYa had a small fit about leaving the house. 100,000 times we've had this debate with the kids: if the family is going somewhere YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. You go with us, because the law takes a dim view on a five year old left alone in a house. This would be debate 100,001.

But I sorta realized at that point that the kids clocks were all off, and that part of the craziness was them readjusting to the odd sleep pattern . So we all scaled it back a notch, and the next few hours were great.

We went to take my Dad to pick up his grill, but it turned out he'd already done so on his own. So we swung by my mother-in-law and briefly saw Ginger. Two things off my to-do list. Then, when both sets of parents failed to produce any vegetable oil to borrow for the cake I was going to make, we hit a nearby Aldi's. The visit was 1-2-3, but it spawned the darnest thing.

YaYa gave Lu a horseback ride. Not for a minute. Not for a few feet. But around and around the store, and through the parking lot, and at the next stop too. Wow.



So since things were better I took them to Sonic, where the three of us were fed handsomely by the dollar menu.



The roller-skating servers excited them both, with Lu proclaiming that she should get a job there herself.

Parenting tip: If you feed a kid, or have a grandparent or babysitter feed them, they will inevitably return home claiming to have been offered nothing. They will ask "What's for dinner?" a mere 1/2 hour after a trip to a restaurant, and keep a straight face while saying it. So now I've learned. When they're eating I make them say - literally make them say the words - "This is my lunch and I'm not getting anything else."

After that we hit up a Dollar General for some household supplies and headed home. Per a request from Lu we took a bike ride around the neighborhood, finishing at the park.



And there an odd thing happened. A mother walked up to me while I was pushing the girls on the swings and told me "I don't know if you know this, but when you take a girl out to the park you should make sure they have shorts on beneath their skirt. You don't know who's watching."

As a point of fact Lu did have shorts on beneath her dress. I'd not only made sure of it before we left, I'd asked her again as she started on the swings. I'm not sure if I should be grateful for someone caring, annoyed at the sexist presumption of my ignorance, or creeped out.

Anyway, on the way back we had more drama. Lu fell all of two feet and made a big scene. She only stopped when I pointed out my thumb, which I'd jammed in my bike as I worked on the trailer attachment. My nail was visibly bruised and there was blood seeping out of it. No big deal, but to them it seemed mind boggling, enough to stop her fit about non-existent injuries.

"You're tough Dad," said YaYa.

"I'm not tough at all," I said.

"Sure you are, that's nasty. I'd be crying a lot."

"Eh, people have a lot of little pain over the years. When you're as old as I am you've kind of gotten used to it, that's all. You guys will be the same way."

And then, totally isolated from the fall, LuLu decided she didn't like that I was riding in front of her, or the direction we took, and eventually decided she didn't want to ride at all. Lovely.

Fit usually means "tired", so when we got home I put her down for a nap. Within a few minutes she was fast asleep on the couch with her mouth open.

A few minutes Smiley returned with my niece while my sister ran an errand. I mentioned yesterday that I wanted to take the kids to the planetarium. It was closed for the day, but instead I decided to treat them all, even my niece, to a show at the local Budget theater at $2 a head. Well, everyone but Smiley. He was great, and we sat together on our porch chit-chatting, but with as tired as he was I didn't place much faith in him making it through a 7:30 showtime. He stayed home with my sister once she returned, and she told him I was taking the girls for shots. He gladly stayed, and when we got back he was on the couch, covered with a blanket and barely awake.

We went to see "Monsters vs. Aliens", and it was surprisingly good. I mean very good, and the kids were laughing and chatting to me during the whole thing. Heck, I was laughing out loud for much of it.

Then a quick trip to two different Target's to find glow in the dark bracelets for the 4th (where we saw part of the Summerfest fireworks from the parking lot) and on to home. But my sister and niece needed a ride so we packed up the van again, took them through a busy McDonald's drive thru for my sister's dinner, dropped them at their place and headed home for good.

Tomorrow the big test - the 4th of July festivites.

GRRRR

God(bleep) it. I thought the kids were asleep but they just ran downstairs all full of fake terror, giggling over Smiley having an accident in bed. I'm not even 100% it's true. I wouldn't put it past those girls to dump water on him and fib just to ruin his night. 

Yeah, all b.s. to get out of bed. Smiley's asleep and dry as a bone. No liquid within five yards.

My Day

Just got home 10 minutes ago. A long day, and i look forward to reading/writing in a quiet house. I still have to make that cake, but that *shouldn't* be a big deal. Famous last words, eh?

Ok - here's the casualty report for day 1 of temp. solo parenting

Now that you all have had plenty of time to go out and buy a copy, here's a link to my column.

** *** ***

Lisa just texted that she's "having fun at Rock Island". I have no idea where or what that is, but I'd imagine it involves a lot of booze and music. Meanwhile here in Milwaukee my responsiblities have been cut in half. While I was at work my mother-in-law picked up the baby for the night (a planned event, not related to this business) and when I dropped off my babysitter/sister Smiley weaseled his way into a sleepover.

So right now I have Lulu upstairs in my room "watching TV", but more likely passed out in front of it with her mouth open, and YaYa on the couch watching Ghostbusters II.

Today went ok. After I picked up Lu we all hit the playground for half an hour before lunch (which included a veggie).









This last pic is of Smiley, ever the camera hog, telling me to take a picture. He'll make some sound and then flick his thumb and forefinger together like he was taking a shot.



After th e playground I put the baby down for a nap, secured the others in front of the TV for 'rest time', and accidentally fell asleep on the couch. That was a tactical error, as I woke up to a house that was all but ransacked by the demons.

But all in all, a solid day. Hell, I even changed the kitty litter.

Here's the big plans for tomorrow: clean the basement, in the process finding some outfits for these kids to wear. Lisa usually has clothes magically ready and waiting each night before bed, whereas I get so confused with the sizes that the buzzing in my head literally starts to hurt. I'd also like to take my Dad to pick up his grill, retrieve Smiley, and visit with Ginger. I almost forgot - if the planetarium is up and running tommorow, I'd like to take Lulu and YaYa to see a show.

Oh, and bake a cake for the 4th of July.

But that's all :)

* * * *
I'm listening to Ghostbusters II and laughing out loud. update: I gave up and went and watched it with her. Ramis can, or at least could, write a hell of a script, and Bill Murray was just perfect. YaYa WIGGED out when the Titanic showed up, and said that now we have to buy the film for sure. She also said that I look like Dan Akroyd. "You look a lot alike. You have the same kinda face, and the same eyes, and the way your hair kind of poofs up like that. He should wear glasses tho'"

At least she didn't say I looked like Vigo.

BTW, I finally saw Caddyshack for the first time EVER last week. There were funny bits, but overall I thought it was only so-so. Sorry everyone.

Who's Playing Summerfest? July 3rd

Yup, can't find a single act I'd be happy to see today. All I know about Kenny Chesney is he was married for a minute to Renee Zellweger, and she allegedly hinted he was gay after they split up. But hey, Renee? Come closer. No, closer, I don't want people to hear, this is just between you and me. He probably isn't gay, he just ignored you because he was afraid you'd shatter on your wedding night. What happened to the cutie from Jerry Maguire? You look like a dried up twig. Eat something. Even a salad. Go ahead, it won't hurt. I promise.

Anyhow, the 4th is coming up - what are your plans?

On Poop

If you have some issue with reading about poop or pee, stand aside.

A few minutes ago Ginger pushed open the bathroom door, grabbed her shorts, and pointed to the toilet. Then she got very vocal and gestured again , so I took off her diaper. Too late - she'd pooped. Together we dumped the business in the toilet with great fanfare.

She continued to gesture at the toilet and so I figured, "eh, what the hell" and lifted her onto the seat. For a good three or four minutes she sat there (I held her arms) grunting and visibly trying to poop, but it was no go. She climbed off and I had her flush the toilet. On her own she waved to the flushing water and we said "bye bye poopie".

This marks Ginger's first time on the potty (eh, for all I know Lisa's had her shower and shaving already, but this is the first *Daddy* time). It also, to my knowledge, her first genuine interest in going to the toilet. Usually she'll just bring you a diaper, put it in your hands, and lay down on the floor with a look that says "change me slave".

Maybe we're almost out of the diaper era - but I doubt it.

* * * *

I got the kids awake, dressed, and out the door in time to get LuLu to class. I put her hair in a ponytail, but I'm afraid it wasn't very good. I can do the basics of girl hair if it's straight, but this curly business is for the birds. Thank God I married a Nordic/German with stick straight hair, because I'd hate to deal with this on a daily basis.

After that I bought a paper to see myself in print, gave my sister a ride to my Mom's, and took the kids grocery shopping.

So far so good, but we're only four hours into this thing. Fingers crossed people, fingers crossed.

Listening to my daughter watching Ghostbusters II in the living room. Yeah, it's late. So what? I had to drive the babysitter home after work, which meant taking the kids with me. She'll fall asleep on the couch soon enough.

Reminder

Just a reminder - a column of mine will appear in today's Journal-Sentinel. If you're in WI, kindly pick up a copy.

update on the Kansas trip:

Got a text from Lis @ ~12 saying they were 75 miles outside of DuBuque, IA. West of the Mississippi my city to city geography gets a little sketchy, so I have no idea if they're making good time.

Lisa's NKOTB Trip

In a few hours Lisa will be leaving to join her friends Jolenne and Jenny on a road trip to Kansas. The purpose of the 12 hour ride? They have tickets to a New Kids on the Block concert near Witchita.

Not just any tickets. These are what are (officially) called Five Star tickets that include 7th row (or better) seats and most importantly, a personal meet and greet with the group backstage before the show.

[The funds came from my time at Job Prior, back when I *thought* money was tight.]

It is, quite literally, a lifelong dream come true for her. I'm very happy she's going. When she mentioned feeling guilty over the money I told her to knock it off, just as she did when we sucked it up to send me to Bush's second inauguration. Forty years from now we won't remember what bill was due this month, or what the balance is on our auto loan. But just as I'll remember my trip to D.C., she'll carry the memories of this forever.

The hardest part of packing has been deciding what item to have them all sign. We have an extensive collection of NKOTB merchandise, truthfully more than we thought. We have all the CD's, LP's, cassettes, sheets, dolls, clothing, boxes of sorted and filed magazines, exclusive imports, press releases, lunch boxes, slippers, a sleeping bag, towels, folders, buttons, the infamous marbles, trading cards, books - you name it.

She's going to take an assortment with her and decide in Kansas. We also gifted my sister a Donnie photo to have signed.

The only bad part of all this is that she'll miss most or all of July 4th with the family. It's her favorite holiday of the year. The parades and whatnot will fall on my shoulders this year.

I can't tell if she's super excited or super nervous. Probably a lot of both.

"God, I hope they aren't having a bad day," she told me. "It would suck if they were as*holes."

Yeah, I bet it would. But somehow I'm doubting she'll even notice if they were :)

Reminder

Just a quick note to remind everyone that a column of mine will be running in today's (Thursday 7/2) Journal-Sentinel. Look for it on the editorial page.

While we're on the subject, don't be a cheapskate. Spend the 75 cents instead of just browsing the online version, then write the editor and tell him how great I am.

Or at least stop writing and telling them I suck. I'll settle for that.

Who's Playing Summerfest July 2nd

I don't know if I'd brave Thursday's weather - a high of 68/low of 54, but much cooler by the lake - just to see No Doubt. Then again I like their music, I'm a fan of Gwen Stefani's solo work, and since she had kids certain areas of her anatomy have filled out quite nicely. There would be worse ways to pass an evening.

Judas Priest is at Summerfest too, but yawn. Pass. I could never get into their music. The closest I ever got to liking their sound was what I heard of the Priest knock-off band in the movie Rock Star.

sidenote: The best part of that film remains, of course, Mark Wahlberg peforming "Good Vibrations" during the closing credits. Yes, even better than the much hyped lesbian kiss by Jennifer Aniston, which should tell you just how ho-hum that scene turned out to be.

Again, I'll pass on Priest.

I do however dig Whitesnake just a wee bit, and I like David Coverdale. I will say that the Jimmy Page/David Coverdale collaboration from the '90's (cleverly named Coverdale/Page) really doesn't hold up over time. I remember sending in my little postcard and buying it from my BMG account; it was the Hard Rock/Metal Selection of the Month, if memory serves. For a minute there I thought it was the bomb and the second coming of Zep. What can I say? Oopsie.

BTW - I've learned a new word. Apparently "hype" means "crack addict", and is used as a noun to replace the former in conversation. Whodathunkit.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Given the title you'd expect a few laughs, probably at the expense of good taste and conventional sexual mores. The movie delivers on that, but it also gives you much more: a tender, almost romantic love story. Consider me impressed.

Zack and Miri are long time friends who were on the bottom rung of the high school social ladder and have stayed there ever since. Now roommates in their late twenties, they are broke. Utilities turned off/rent late broke. There seems to be no way out with the crappy jobs they hold down, and the future (and present) looks bleak.

So they decide - and give Kevin Smith credit here as a writer - to make a porno to get out of debt, and damned if you don't see it as a genuine decision and not a Hollywood plot point.

They enlist a cast of misfits to act in the film with them, finance it with a co-workers savings, and roll film. But the emotions that have built up between Zack and Miri over the years come bubbling up to the surface, and the future of the film is in doubt.

This is a very good movie, and I marvel at how Smith managed to pull off a credible and moving love story in the midst of what could have been a crass Porky's ripoff. I I tip my hat to Kevin Smith. Well done sir, well done.

3.4 out of 4

Almost Time

Getting Lisa packed and ready to go to the New Kids concert in Kansas. T minus 12 hours now.

F'ing Blogger keeps warping drafts, one after another. Ugh.

A long, busy (but happy) Tuesday

Tuesday was a busy, busy day.

I dropped Lu off at school, then went on a brisk 30 minute bike ride with YaYa. My stamina is definitely improving to 2008 levels, thank God. Then we practiced baseball for awhile before she wigged out.

Midway through the day I picked up Lu from school and we spent a good half hour on the playground, where a teacher said something that will prompt a post of its own soon.

But that's for later: today Lu attacked the monkey bars, and after her customary hesitation she mastered them with ease.



Afterwards, she went roller skating outside.



Later in the day the whole family packed up and dropped YaYa off at my sister for a sleepover, then went to the bank. Nearby a homeless woman stood by the highway begging for food. Lisa didn't hesitate to drive to Burger King and buy her a Whopper and a drink. Lu, Smiley and I walked it to the woman, who thanked the kids and then went behind a bush to eat her meal. I was thankful - had she simply ignored it and resumed begging, as has sometimes been the case when we've done this, it would have given the kids the impression that all beggars are charlatans.

Kudo's to Lisa for her charity.

Then we went over to a car wash and started to clean the interior of the car. We filled two huge garden sized trash barrels and discovered a wealth of items - the missing tickets to the May dance recital, clothing, our Kanye West and NKOTB discs, LuLu's summer school schedule, a car battery, and a funeral mass card from one Elizabeth West. Ms. West was born March 22, 1874 and passed away April 30th, 1957.

I have no idea who she was or how she is connected to our family, or why her mass card appeared in our 2006 Ford.

From there we split up. Lisa dropped Smiley and I off at Best Buy, while she and the girls perused a local strip mall. Once he and I were done we got word that - surprise! - the ladies weren't done shopping. So we walked to meet them, a pretty decent haul that looked deceptively shorter than it was.

Smiley was really talkative Tuesday, and it was a joy to behold. He said "Poorple (purple)", a few two and three word sentences, and on the walk, when I asked if he'd walk all the way home if it meant stopping at a jungle gym, "walk all way home". He was also very helpful in picking out the new camera battery, even going so far as to compare our old one to the one in the packaging before nodding his approval.

Once we were reunited we decided on a whim to go out to eat, choosing a nearby Ponderosa as the place to drop $30 we can't really spare. I consumed approximately 8,000 calories, and the rest of the family did their fair share of damage to the buffet. One cute thing: Smiley misunderstood the server's role there (all they do is bring you drinks) and kept asking her "me ice cream please".

[btw, bread pudding is always my dessert of choice there. Anyone have a good recipie?]

On the way home Lu fell asleep, but woke up in time to remember my promise to help her practice riding without training wheels. Fine. We went in front and went at it, but I'll cop to being very frustrated with her. She can ride fine, going four or five yars perfectly. But as soon as she realizes you've let go she visibly freaks and falls over with a melodramatic scream. Over. And over.

I passed her off to Lisa, who tried taking her around the block. I practiced with Smiley, who's way too young to do it but loves trying.



After a few minutes Lisa returned with LuLu, having completed her circuit of the block. Cue a fall and scream.

"Did she do that the whole way?" I asked.

"Yup."

"Better you than me," I said. "You have my pity."

She was just too tired to handle the bike riding, so we packed the kids off for bed and spent the rest of the night highlighting Lisa's hair and getting packed for her upcoming trip.

A busy day. But a good one.

Who's Playing Summerfest - July 1st

Today Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson are co-headling at Summerfest, and that's about all you need to know. I'm not a big Dylan fan. I'm not even a casual Dylan fan, but I can't help but acknowledge his status as an icon and seeing him in concert would be something to tell the grandkids. Plus he saw Buddy Holly in person and loved the guy, and for that I heart him.

As far as Willie Nelson, he's always been a favorite of my Mom, to the point where I remember being taken to see Willie in Honeysuckle Rose in 1980, when I was all of six years old. I think she also took me to one of his concerts, although I was too young then and she's too old now (j/k) to remember for sure. But we saw Kenny Rogers back in those early years of mine, so it doesn't seem unlikely. I know my Dad met the guy in person during his years as a hotel night auditor.

As long as we're on the subject, always thought it was odd that my Mom, who is top to bottom a Midwestern, law abiding and conservative woman, would adore a long haired, pot smoking, gravel voiced singer. Hell, the guy claims to have smoked pot on the roof of the White House. I don't see how that jibes with the woman I know, since even I think less of him for that. Oh, I think pot should be legal, but as long as it isn't it was disrespectful to do it at the White House. In my opinion, any and all crimes commited there should originate in the Oval Office.

What can I say, I'm a traditionalist.

Sign o' the Times

I'm sorry for the poor picture quality, but there was no way I was going to brave the traffic and construction to get closer with my camera phone.

This is a picture of Schlossman's Dodge City here in Milwaukee, "where you'll save a fistful of dollars". I had many dealings with them in my time at Job Prior. For nearly thirty years they sold Chrysler products from their location on S 27th Street.No longer. As part of the bailout restructuring they were forced to sever their relationship with the company.


"We've invested hundreds of thousands of dollars sticking with an
underperforming manufacturer," [GM] Wolf said of Chrysler. "Then, to be pretty
much orphaned by them."

As I took this picture Chrysler was removing the signage at the dealership; Schlossman's had refused to so much as cover them with a tarp, putting the responsibility squarely on the company that dumped them.

The auto group intends to keep their business on 27th Street alive. As of this writing, they are now Schlossman . . . Subaru.