Moi

It is Very Good. Admit it

Whether you're man enough to admit it or not, One Direction's "That's What Makes You Beautiful" is the catchiest, most memorable song on the radio right now. I'm telling you,  take five young white guys who can dance and give them mikes, and you are guaranteed to get some great pop music.

At Tentuta's with the LuLu

The Goal

I doubt it can be achieved, and that fact breaks my heart, but one can dream . . . 

Cataract

Well, I'm back, I had Cataract surgery April 25, and repair to the right Rotator cuff on May 4th, and was unable to use my desk top computer, only for short time frame. I was using my Nook and reading the mail, but only short feeds could I do. Today is the first day that I have been able to be on the computer for more than an hour. I also was able to send thank you notes to all who were thinking of me. So I guess my Rehab is doing good. Anyway, going to do some reading, then off to bed. - Jeanne

Little Einstein - an unpublished column

I wrote this in 2009, and I can't remember if I ever submitted for publication, or if it was just rejected for one reason or another. I also can't remember if I've ever published here. If I did, I apologize for wasting your time. :)

When my nephew was born fifteen years ago I wasted no time in trying to secure his future. No, I didn't run out and buy stocks or bonds  in his name, none of which I could afford as a college student. Instead I drove to the bookstore and scooped up anything with titles like "Your Baby Can Read!" and "Teach Math to your Infant!".

I remember knowing, with a faith bordering on the religious, that these tomes would give my nephew the head start he'd need to succeed in life.

Did it work? Well, no actually.  He didn't read a book or do long division  until elementary school (gasp!). While  he's a bright kid, I'm afraid  the only way he'll qualify as the next  Edison is if the definition of 'genius' expands  to include  World of Warcraft acumen.

I thought of those books when I read that the Disney corporation was offering rebates to customers who purchased their popular Little Einstein videos between 2004 and 2009.  The videos feature simple images of toys, colors and shapes accompanied by music, and Disney shrewdly chose to market the product as educational for infants. That led to a a group called the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood filling a complaint with the FCC in 2006.  As a result, Disney complied with their demand and dropped the claim about its educational value.

According to the CCFC's own website, it wasn't enough. “We thought parents deserved better, “ the website said. And so, under pressure  Disney agreed to a rebate for customers who bought the films “mistakenly believing the videos would make their baby smarter.”

Let's gloss over the fact that the 'rebate' only seems to encourage an investment in the product line, seeing as it primarily comes in the form of coupons or exchanges. What bothers me is the fact that this argument got any traction at all.

By the era of Little Einstein I was a parent myself, and yes, I bought a few of the tapes. I no longer had any illusions about tweaking IQ's, but my daughters found it fascinating and , if nothing else, it exposed them to classical music at an early age. Or so I said at the time. If I'm honest, it also kept them out of my hair for a few minutes, which made the videoes worth every penny. If most parents were as blunt, I'd think they'd concede the same thing.

 As for the 'rebates', argue an objection to “screen time” for infants, and I might concede your point. But to base the objection on a failure to make a baby  “smarter” strikes me as ridiculous. More so than even my thoughts that day at the bookstore. My goal wasn't to raise his intelligence, it was to jumpstart his education. Tomatoes/tomatoes? I disagree.

How do you define “smarter” in an infant? What standards constitute success or failure? And smarter than whom? Mom? Dad? The neighbor's cat? Remember, these are babies we're talking about. If you express  disappointment that they 'only' possess their native intelligence – to the extent you ask a corporation for a refund based on that fact -what kind of message are you establishing for the next eighteen years?

There will always be products that cash in on our desire to help our children. Some will be sincere, some will be nothing more than patent medicine. Shut them down when they encourage harm, but I'd  be careful about being smug when you do. Remember: in the end, they do nothing more than fill the need our own egos demand. 

Lonesome George

RIP Lonesome George. RIP Chelonoidis nigra abingdonii.

Empire of the Eagle

Around six years ago Lisa and I stayed at a bed and breakfast a few hours outside of Milwaukee, and on the morning of our departure we wandered the streets of the town and, being me, we would up inside a bookstore. While I was there I bought "Empire of the Eagle" by Andre Norton and Susan Schwartz. I am happy to report I finally crossed it off my TBR (to be read) list. 

I loved it. 

The novel traces the fate of Quintus, a Roman tribune whose family was evicted from their estate in disgrace, a man who still seeks to regain the family honor and reclaim their land. It is not to be. The Romans are horribly defeated at the battle of Carrhae,  and their Eagle standards taken as trophies for their enemies. Quintus and his men are purchased as slaves to be given to the Chinese emperor thousands of miles to the East. Along the way disaster and misfortune strike the group, and in those dark hours the survivors learn what it means to be Roman - and what it means to follow the Eagle. 

That's the 'straight' part of the novel. There's also a significant supernatural element, involving Roman and Hindu lore. At first that turned me off, and led me to put the book aside a few years ago. This time I felt  the realistic and fantastical plots melded perfectly, with neither overshadowing the other. It works. 

I really enjoyed this book. I grade it an A. 

Book #47 of the year

Funhouse Stairs No More

You saw the before pictures of the back porch. Howsabout some 'after'? Our contractor came over on the 18th and began the work on one of the hottest days of the year to date. That sucked - for him. Me? All I had to do was sit back, enjoy the A/C and write out a check.

(note my bike in the background. Sniff.)

Here's the old porch post-demolition. I should have painted the side of the shed before the new porch went up to block it, dang nabbit.



Here's the new porch. Nothing fancy, but we didn't want it to be. If we're going to spend money on a porch, it'll be on the front version, not this one. If the shed didn't hug the lot line to the north we might have expanded it in that direction, but practicality dictated it fit the space allotted.











The porch was functional and basic, as requested, but I was very happy with his work on the bilco/cellar door.





He leveled off the sides with concrete, put on seals, caulking, and whatnot, and made a solid, pretty darn snug entrance.








There's still work to be done. In part because of the bike theft I've decided to bite the bullet and replace the rear entry door with something newer and more substantial, although still bright and fitting in with the rest of the home.

 Not that it *doesn't* need replacing anyway, as it is old as sin and so worn that I actually saw light coming through the wood the other day. Still, the porch replacement took up a good chunk of my - well I was about to say spending money, but frankly, it took a lot of my anything money. I would have preferred to wait a month or two, but away we go.

Remember, this may be the Year of the Comeback, but I've only been 'fully' employed now for 5 months.  I'm still playing catch-up.


So there ya have it. Funhouse stairs no more. 

My Beautiful Kids

Here's a wonderful group photo of my kiddos, taken outside their summer rec program at Trowbridge school. 

Quote

Rome's pace. Rome's race.

Junie to the Rescue!

Junie has announced that she wants to be a Rescue Hero for Halloween. She is also convinced that the wildfires in Colorado would be put out if they would only call the Rescue Heroes for help.

Question for the Room

Question for the room:

I was considering a campaign to replace Dan's recently stolen bike for his birthday or Christmas.

But then, in a recent post, Dan referred to himself as "middle aged."

So now I'm conflicted: bicycle, or big TRIcycle, of the type suitable for a pleasant ride to the shuffleboard court?

I mean, we must consider the problems that such geriatrics have with balance yes?

:D

-Fred Bryan 

A Milestone

A milestone reached today with the kids, the 2nd event in less than a week to reduce me to a depressive mess. It is not fair. When the youngest gets too old for something, it is time to make a new kid . . . but no new models for 5 years 🙁

Missing: My copy of Grant's Memoirs

I am highly bleeping annoyed that my copy of US Grant's memoirs has gone missing. I am 340ish pages in, and I can't find it anywhere. In other news, spent the day getting work done in the yard (and earning a sunburn on my back. Twas a time my back hair would have shaded me, but I guess that hair is thinning too. Sigh.) Also paid some bills, made a few necessary calls, agreed on a bday party locale for LK, signed PD up for a reading tutor, dropped off/picked up kids from the 1st day of their summer rec program, went out to diner lunch with my lady, took a nap and grilled out for dinner. Not a bad day, minus the cxl'd class. 'Be better if I could find that book tho'

Today is the 3rd anniversary of MJ's death. the 62nd anniversary of the start of the Korean War and the 136th anniversary of the Battle of Little Bighorn. RIP to all the great American's lost above.

Disappointing News

More sucky news. A writing class I was scheduled to begin tonight (focusing on feature magazine articles) has been cancelled due to insufficient enrollment. :(

RIP Dear Schwinn - You served me well

Last night, strangely sans kids for the first night in just under two years, Lisa and went out to dinner and drinks. We got home late, and I thought about putting my beloved  Schwinn Moon Dog Cruiser bike in the shed, but exhaustion and the idea of some ahem, alone time, ahem, got the better of me. 


The bike was stolen overnight. 


I do not live in a bad neighborhood; quite the contrary. It isn't 90210, but it isn't Times Square circa 1978 either. My thoughts immediately jumped to the scrap metal 'collectors' who prowl the alleys. My thought process and emotions spilled out on Facebook: 


My bike was stolen from my yard overnight, in what appears to be the work of the scrappers who drive through the alley, grab what they can from nearby yards, and take off. This is the first time in 5 years that I've been a victim, but neighbors have had run-ins with them before. Next time I see them, [redatcted]


Just off the phone with[my friend The] Socialist, who scraps part-time. He said he'll keep an eye out for the bike and the suspected crew in question. Nothings gonna come of it, but wth, the one chance in a thousand . . .

 I am beyond angry and at Lisa's urging I have temporarily forced myself to stay in the house. Earlier, seeing a man on a bike, I slammed on my brakes - at a green light - with the intention of kicking his ass and getting my property, but of course it was just some dude wondering what idiot stops at a green light.

Just looking at all the posts on Slapinions labeled 'bike'. So many good times with that bike. Road trips with the kids one-on-one, and they all look so young in the pictures . . .


Talked to my neighbor across the alley. I asked him if he thought it was someone after my bike or the scrappers, and he said there's no question it was the latter. He said he now keeps a padlock on his gate at night to keep them out (they once stole the aluminum awning from above his back door!). Unfortunately, that didn't prevent them from stealing a strut from his garage door when he left it open to go inside for a leak.

So, my beloved black  Schwinn Moon Dog Cruiser I hope you are sold for scap, only so that you are recycled and come back into the care of a rider who deserves you. But, if said thief chooses to ride you - kindly lock your brakes and send him spiraling headfirst into traffic. 

My Bike was Stolen!!

My bike was stolen from my yard overnight, in what appears to be the work of the undocumented scrappers who drive through the alley, grab what they can from nearby yards, and take off. This is the first time in 5 years that I've been a victim, but neighbors have had run-ins with them before. Next time I see them, it's 1519 and I'm f--king Hernan Cortes.

Just off the phone with Socialist, who scraps part-time. He said he'll keep an eye out for the bike and the suspected crew in question. Nothings gonna come of it, but wth, the one chance in a thousand . . .

Talked to my neighbor across the alley. I asked him if he thought it was someone after my bike or the scrappers, and he said there's no question it was the latter. He said he now keeps a padlock on his gate at night to keep them out (they once stole the aluminum awning from above his back door!). Unfortunately, that didn't prevent them from stealing a strut from his garage door when he left it open to go inside for a leak.

Just looking at all the posts on Slapinions labeled 'bike'. So many good times with that bike. Road trips with the kids one-on-one, and they all look so young in the pictures . . .

The Finder

Just watched an episode of "The Finder". It's a good show, with quirky characters and an emphasis on 'fun'. Or should I say "was a good show", since it was cancelled by Fox. :(

Amblin

Just finished watching Steven Spielberg's 1968 short "Amblin'", which earned him a studio contract that would eventually lead him to fame and fortune. On a related note, I read an interview w/ Spielberg today in which he says that, if he had it to do over again, he would never have Roy Neary take off on the UFO at the end of "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". He says that now, as a father of seven, the idea of Neary abandoning his wife and children would never fly with him (no pun intended). Bravo to Spielberg; that ending has bothered me (for that very reason) ever since I saw it as a kid. I also like his stance on*not* altering his films, likening them to 'signposts' of the age in which they were made.

Lisa and I get pulled over

Lisa and I were pulled over driving home tonight. The officer explained she'd pulled me over because the light over my license plate was dim . . . which roughly translated from cop-eze means "I'm pulling people over randomly because it's a Saturday night and I didn't realize you were a middle aged white guy. Move along sir, move along".

A Celebrity Opinion

Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards attended the Yankees game today. Those two should never have split up.

Rent these - or not?

Smile is an English language foreign film set in Morocco. A group of multi-national college students set out on a camping trip in the 'haunted' Atlas mountains. Among them is a journalism student whose camera is stolen; luckily she's able to replace it with an instant camera she buys at a creepy antique shop. 

Why a serious photographer would be content to replace an expensive professional camera with a cheap instant version is never explained. 

Alas, there's something funky about said camera, and one by one the people it photographs meet gruesome deaths. 

Is it a good film? No. Is it awful? No. It's pretty much stuck in 'neutral'. 

I grade it a C-

Rango is a cowboy-lizard cartoon featuring the voice of Johnny Depp. It was predictable but entertaining. The best part? The evil snake. *That* was some wicked animation. 

Grade: B

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia is a documentary that follows a West Virginia family of misfits and criminals for a year. I've heard a lot of great things about it, but I wasn't impressed. Heck, I was a little bored. Heavy drinking recreational drug users with a flair for occasional violence and a criminal record? Big deal.  I've known plenty of 'em myself. 


Grade: C

I was never a fan of Arnie's Conan, so I was expecting less than nothing from the new Conan The Barbarian. 


Well, shiver me timbers, I was wrong. Color me impressed. Oh, it's a popcorn flick of no value to society. But it's a fun waste of 'time better spent helping your fellow man'. 


One thing I still don't understand about this genre. You say there's a magic mask that brings evil into the world? Yikes. Oh, but the bad guy was killed eons ago and the mask was shattered. Whew. Wait, you saved the pieces of the mask? Why? You scattered them around the world? Ooookkkkaaay. I guess that sort of makes sense. Sorta. Kinda. Hold on, there's a prophesy saying someday the pieces will be reunited and evil will reign supreme? Ah, well in that case DESTROY THE BLEEPING PIECES. 


Still, a fun romp. 


Grade: B+

Quote

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize", (1 Corinthians 9:24).

Monkey Bars

Truth

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize", (1 Corinthians 9:24).

An Opinion

Not to get overly political here (that's what paid columns are for) but: the US Attorney General is hit with contempt of Congress proceedings because he refuses to come clean about White House connections to a scandal involving gun-running, Mexican cartels, and the death of a U.S. Border Agent - and it doesn't even crack the top headline of most sites/papers. A) could there be any clearer proof of a media bias towards Obama, even at the cost of their own integrity? B) Obama should have canned Holder months ago and distanced himself from this mess. A clumsy, pointless mistake on the President's part.

Redshirts and Half Moon Investigations

John Scalzi's Redshirts is a science fiction novel that starts out with a fun take on the old Star Trek cliche that 'extras' on the show - often garbed in security red - were doomed to die. What if these low ranking folks began to take notes, calculate the odds, and decide things needed to change?

Unfortunately, at that point Scalzi decides to go all 'meta' and have the cast become part of a fractured universe where they are mere characters in a TV show. With no alternative, they decide to venture to 'our' world to speak with the shows creators.

I'm sure it's that last bit that some people will argue 'makes' the book, but it was the opposite for me, and from that point on I was less than enamoured with the novel.

As for the three codas, the third was moving, the second moderately so, the first a ridiculous waste of time, and the whole a needless exercise.

I grade this is a B-


Book #45 of 2012

I picked up Eoin Colfer's Half Moon Investigations because YaYa left it in the van one day and I thought it looked interesting. I was right.

It's rather like Encyclopedia Brown meets The Three Investigators meets The Bloodhound Gang, and although I'm sick of pint sized protagonist (what, no chunky or tall kid can play a hero?)  I thought it was a hoot. As the highest praise of all, may I just say that I would have tore this s**t up as a kid.

Grade: A+

Book #46 on the year

Quote

Implicit understanding is an explicit failure.

Watching the Planes

Watching airplanes at Mitchell Field

At work today more than 10% of the staff was cut for "seasonal reductions". This was not a pleasant day to work.

LuLu and Ginger's Room Re-Do pt 2

Early on Father's Day Lisa disappeared upstairs, and when I went to track her down I found her applying decals to the newly painted walls in LuLu and Ginger's room. That was bad timing on my part. They weren't sticking on the textured walls, so Lisa sent me back downstairs to find a paint brush, and to mix a water and glue solution to essentially decoupage the decals to the wall.

Guess who got stuck decoupaging? Grrr. :)

The results were pretty darn good. The decals were high quality sets produced by IKEA that my lady had bought for a $1/sealed pack at a local second hand store, but Lisa theorized that their age (six years since manufacture) had diminished the adhesion.

Oh, we also got around to replacing the closet light and buying the bolts to secure the bed rail on the bunk bed, but the bolts were the wrong size so I'm afraid I can't take much credit for that purchase.

What do you think of the work?

Funhouse Stairs No More

Today we had our back porch redone.

Oh, it needed it. Five years ago we were almost denied homeowners insurance when we bought the house because the porch was in such disrepair; a last minute band-aid repair was needed before the insurer would complete the process and clear the way for the purchase. 

By the time we were done renovating the interior, there was no money left to do the porch. Which was fine, as the repair held up. Besides, it was only a matter of time before we replaced it. And . . . then I lost Job Prior, and for a few years it continued to rot away as it was the least of our worries. 

Heck, we almost canceled LuLu's 8th birthday party because one of the stairs collapsed an hour before it began. This past winter I had to brace the stairs with scrap wood to keep them upright until spring, and . . .  then in spring our intended contractor did a vanishing act and somehow, someway, it wound up being the middle of June. 

But as of this morning the "funhouse stairs" are no more. I don't have the new porch pics to show you quite yet, as the work continues, but I'll whet your appetite with the horrific 'before' pictures. 

The 'landing' was warping and rotting.



the railings were held in with jerry-rigged solutions of spare screws and nails



The steps, as I alluded to before, were akin to walking a teeter-totter










In just as bad a shape was the bilco door (the exterior access to the basement). It had literally rotted clean through and been patched up with scrap during the quote process



I tried opening the door for a better look but the entire handle and board came off in my hand



Once it was removed today by the contractor the damage was even more apparent









Lovely ain't it?

Well, it's now in porch heaven, and by this time tomorrow I should have some pictures of the finished new porch for you.

The Year of the Comeback continues . . . 

Continuing the Obama administration's epic commitment to worrying about the inconsequential while the world collapses around us, the U.S. Patent Office ruled that the Washington Redskins nickname is "disparaging of Native Americans" and thus, its federal trademarks must be canceled.The team will probably keep the rights on appeal, so it's doubly pointless, but jiminey cricket. I'm no fan of the name, but the decision by the Patent Office is plainly a political jab and a woeful use of our federal resources.

The Glass House

watching the big brother knockoff 'The Glass House' on ABC. So far so dull, and the cast is largely doggie. I mean, real world dateable but for tv? Woof Woof. 2022 update: Not to sound woke, but this was an incredibly stupid and immature post. I wish I hadn't written it.

An Indoor Picnic

Having a picnic dinner indoors (courtesy of the 90 deg weather), with the family, Lisa's friend Nancy, my cousin Mindy and her son Isaiah. I just took the little guy for a walk. No babee can resist a piggy back ride on the shoulders of greatness. 🙂

Lance Armstrong

I'll have a column on Lance Armstrong running in the Journal-Sentinel later this week.

Replacing the Back Porch

We are having our back porch replaced today, and I have tried my damnedest to encourage polite and civil interaction btwn the kids so we could *appear* not to be dysfunctional to strangers, but it only seems to have revved their engines. Today, life is hard.

Repainting

Repainting the bunk beds!

Diet A&W

Diet A&W root beer is heaven. Seriously.

Rodney King

RIP Rodney King, the unwilling impetus for the LA Riots, was found dead today at the bottom of his pool. He was 47.

My Father's Day 2012

It's been a pretty darn good day.

For starters, late the night before I stopped by my parent's place and dropped off a gift for my Dad. I gave him my copy of Jeff Shaara's A Blaze of Glory and two catcus plants that Lisa put in a wicker gift basket and packaged beautifully, finishing it off with a bow. Naturally, the first thing my Dad did was stumble and overturn the plants, ruining the effect! LOL (no matter; he loved them).

(Lisa bought me a 14" cookie to celebrate the day, and I'm proud to say I only enjoyed two pieces and left the rest for the kids.)

For much of the day the holiday was spent as it should be, sans kids. As I wrote on Facebook:


I have successfully rid myself of all but one kid and I aim to keep it that way as long as I can. The best Father's Day gift you can give a father of four young'ins? Keeping them the bleep outta my hair before I lose what little is left of it. :)

For lunch Lis and I went alone to La Salsa, a restaurant that opened for business only the night before, although another location has been in business for years.




 The food was cheap, great tasting, and plentiful. The fajitas I ordered filled me up halfway into the order, and wound up being my dinner too.  It's within walking distance of our home, which is another plus.

Then it was time for a true rarity, a short but wonderful nap.

I ran to Home Depot for some items for LuLu's room re-do, then spent much of the next three hours enjoying my long-awaited gift, a brand new lawnmower Lisa had had on lawaway since April! Whoo-hoo!



What the hey - a beauty like this deserves two pics!



Or even three!



As I was putting the mower together LuLu returned home, which was a bit annoying (see the FB post above), but turned out to to be a blessing as she was pretty darn adapt at helping me assemble it. We then walked to the gas station while YaYa prepped the yard, but as we were filling the gas can we noticed a big crack on the bottom. Luckily the attendant loaned me a spare can and so the mowing commenced . .




'Twas a thing of beauty, it was. While I was cutting the lawn YaYa commenced to trimming with our brand-new trimmer



but sadly, that didn't go as well. Oh, the trimming got done, but the shield you see attached in the picture broke off a few minutes later, 20 minutes after being unboxed. Back to the store tomorrow!

So the lawn got mowed and trimmed, I took out the edger and did the backyard, and then pruned the so-called "Bonsai" bushes in front of the house. At about that time my neighbor Glen came home and asked if he could see "the new baby".

Basking in my manhood I showed him the new beauty. He marveled at it, and I offered to let him borrow it (he had loaned me his while we were waiting for the lawaway). "No, I couldn't, " he said. "Using this and then going back to mine, man, it would only make me cry."

Darn tootin'

After all that I was exhausted but rounded up the family, got them off to bed, then showered and hunkered down for a night with Lisa only to discover she wasn't feeling well and went to bed by 8:30. So it was on to Blogger, and, shortly, either a good book or a cheesy movie.

Best. Fathers Day. To. Date.

I hope all the Father's out there can say the same! We deserve it!