Smiley impersonates Mr. Monk

Smiley and I went for a good long walk the other night (~ 3 miles) and he chatted non-stop. While he didn't notice anything amiss, an alarming amount of his conversation centers on worry and anxiety.

Some topics he chose to discuss:

What causes a heart attack? 

Would you (meaning me, Dad) survive getting shot? 

We live on a street that is too busy and has too much traffic. It is unsafe. 

[explaining why he would not walk on the park side of the street]The park is spooky at night. 

[as we passed people eating dinner at a sidewalk cafe] They shouldn't do that.  I would never eat outside. They could be shot!

If you couldn't pay your bills but you still had a job, and we had to move, where would we live? 

Why don't we have a panic room in the house? (!!!!)

Sometimes I think maybe someone with a sword will break into the house and kill us. But probably not. The doors are pretty thick. 

[when told that if someone with a sword broke in, they'd still have to get past me before he'd have to worry about it] Yeah, you are strong. But I think you would lose if he had a sword. 

Why don't we have a panic room? (again)

[when passing across the street from a shop with a flat roof] Do you think if someone was on the roof and they shot at us, they could hit us from here?Even if they did, it would probably not kill us. 

[when asked why the heck he's so obsessed with the idea of being shot/shot at, he looked incredulous and said:] 'Cause  we live in a bad neighborhood!

[when told that we, in fact, do not live in a bad neighborhood but in a rather safe one, he shrugged] Bad things happen everywhere

People are always dying. I do not want you to die. I am only seven and I do not want to lose my Dad. If you died I would be very upset, but I would plan your funeral. I would have lots and LOTS of candles around your coffin. But I would blow them all out before we left because candles can cause a fire and that would be bad. 

I think I will be a good driver when I am older. [by this he means safe; God willing he will be]

[this next quote was actually from a week or two before, at a McDonald's playland] I do not like Ginger playing in that tunnel. Look, the screws [nuts] do not look tight all the way. If Ginger was in that tunnel, and some other kid came in the tunnel, and another kid jumped too much, it could fall and she could be trapped!


When I told him he worries too much and should just concentrate on the here and now, he looked confused.

Smiley: I don't worry too much
Me: You worry all the time. 
Smiley: No I don't. 
Me: Smiley, you worry so much you don't know what it's like not to worry. If I could take it out of your head, it would feel like a bowling ball was lifted out of your brain. 

Sigh. Truly he is my son. :(