How I spent my Birthday: A grade-school essay ? answered by a 34 year old

I had a pretty darn good 34th birthday. Nothing spectacular, like the surprise party Lisa threw for my 30th or the sorrowful alcohol induced haze I expect to announce my 40th, just a consistently pleasant day.

The kids presented me two homemade cards when I woke up, and then Lisa took the girls to school, sparing me that daily drama (God forbid they travel from the house to school without at least one soap-opera worthy meltdown). A few hours later I took Smiley to school, since I don't get to do that on a normal day. Then we dropped off the baby by some Grandparent (I forget which one) and started the day.

Of course, by then the day was halfway over.

We snuck into Benihana's downtown for a hibachi lunch. We'd never been there before, having been scared off by the fierce dinner prices, but lunch was a reasonable $8.75/each.

We'd never had the 'cook it at your table' experience either. We were seated at a large table, right next to a guy with a huge gold grill covering his teeth. That ended any thoughts that I was underdressed for the lunch, but he turned out to be a swell guy with a lot of knowledge of the menu.

While Lisa opted for a fork, I gave a go with the chopsticks. I was pretty successful, up until I flung a bunch of rice into the air and across the table. From that point on it was a fork for me too.

Great lunch, by the way - we'll be back.

As this was close to the Central library where I used to work, I asked Lisa if we could run in for a minute. Because it was my birthday, she consented, knowing full well that for me a 'minute' in either a bookstore or library means an hour, minimum.

I found what I was looking for, bought the kids some books from the used book store inside the library, was surprisingly recognized and greeted by an old supervisor of mine from 10 years back, and interrupted a homeless man masturbating at a urinal.

(For the love of God man, use a stall - comfort is important!)

From there we journeyed to . . . another library, where I picked up some more books.

I should mention that I told dang near everyone in Milwaukee it was my birthday. It was rather childish, agreed, but I found a myriad of ways to work it into the conversation with everyone from store clerks, people in line, a mortgage lender, a business contact, you name it.

[Quote of the day, not funny at all except in the context of having heard me pimp my birthday all day long:

Lisa, in a singsong Barney happy-voice after I apologized for doing something stupid. "Oh, it's all right. After all, it is your birthday today."]

Then, as agreed, I went shopping with Lisa for Easter outfits and basket supplies. This entailed a hellish 90 minute escapade thru both Kmart and Target. At Kmart I did however pick out and buy a gorgeous Christmas dress  for the baby to use this year and bought some used books from a display there. I did ask the cashier what the used bookstand was about - rather ghetto, even for Kmart - and I guess it was a March of Dimes promo.

Might think about mentioning that on the stand itself, before folks assume you're now a glorified rummage sale.

We then headed over to the mall to pick up my standard 16" decorated oatmeal birthday cookie, then to my Ma's to pick up the kids, and home. 

Lacking a set of birthday candles we used a large pillar candle as the centerpiece of my "Happy Birthday" song and then shooed the kids off to bed.

We'd stopped at a liquor store - did I forget to mention that? - with the intention of later getting tipsy watching a DVD I got for my birthday, and then wock-a-chicka-wow-wow.

Except Lisa misplaced my gift, a copy of Family Guy's Blue Harvest, and by the time I was finished destroying the office looking for it the night was almost over. We did fire up another Family Guy DVD she'd bought me (The Untold Story of Stewie Griffin) and managed, if not a wock-a-chika-wow-wow, then at least a wock-a-chicka before retiring for the night.

Gifts I received: the two Family Guy DVD's, dominoes from the kids, an issue of The Writer, a CD of the 'Into the Wild' soundtrack, and a gift card for shoes from my Mom.

[Oh, we did find the Blue Harvest DVD the next day. Not the best they've ever done; I think you have to be a hardcoreStar Wars fan to enjoy it to the utmost ]

And yes, my Mom did call me at midnight.