'The Happening' ain't, at least for me.

                

Let's clear the air before I start. I didn't go to see The Happening to bash it or its creator.

 I like M. Night Shyamalan. I thought Sixth Sense was a fine movie (although not as good as its contemporary Stir of Echoes), and by the time  I saw Unbreakable I left the theater a Shyamalan fan. I felt Signs was moving and at times frightening. I thought The Village was beautifully done but empty of suspense. Lady in the Water . . well, let's not speak of that atrocity.

So I went into the movie with a feeling of promise, a hope that Shyamalan had righted his ship and was back on course. I marked the date on the calendar, arranged for sitters, rearranged work schedules, and made a date with Lisa to see it on the day of its release.

What an awful disappointment. What an awful movie.

The premise is right up my alley, an apparent 'end of civilization' event that forces a small group of survivors to try and outrun the plague and fight for their lives. To say more would require a spoiler warning, but don't worry: you'll figure it all out a few minutes into the movie.

I felt like I was watching a campy John Waters film. While they watch people die horrific death the actors run around saying 'Oh No!' with no more emotion then if  they'd stubbed their toe. Still others face death while reciting mathematical questions, or mumble grade-school science text while the world crumbles around them. The deep marriage crisis is about as mature a situation as you'll see - if your love life is permanently frozen in  freshman year of high school.  The'enemy' causing the plague can either be seen as unique or laughable, depending on your point of view. Given the material, I vote for laughable.

Zooey Deschanel is completely wasted in her role, very visibly handcuffed by her part, while Mark Wahlberg does such an awful job I wondered aloud if he was hamming it up on purpose. If he read the script, he just might have thought it was appropriate.

[argument for intentional camp: Mark, aka Marky Mark, tells someone he's feeling 'good vibes', prompting Lisa to start humming his mega-hit 'Good Vibrations']

Aside from the fact that the conflict just ends, without any action taken to stop it or any resolution, I take umbrage with Shyamalan's preachiness. He displays the flagrant bias of the East Coast, showing West Virginians as hicks and the residents of Nebraska as militia members, while Philadelphians (!) are depicted as polite and civil citizens. And naturally, the plague is caused not by our direct actions or by nature, but because mankind is a natural threat to the earth and must be removed.

 Five minutes into the movie he focuses on a quote written on a blackboard, a quote which gives away the movie, and it's so blatant and idiotic a clue I laughed aloud. At that moment I swear I heard campy music in my head  - an exaggerated bit of musical fanfare - or God forbid, Shyamalan actually included it in the film.

Yikes.

Two stars out of four. I'd have given it 'one' but the man can still direct and frame a shot; he just can't write. Out of a hundred, I'd give it 32.